"Look into the emptiness and step into the cold: right between your body and your soul. Deep inside of all of us there's something left to hold. Even when we give up all hope. There's Space Enough To Grow." - Of Mice & Men


Clarke arrived at Lexa's house at 4:58pm. After working with Lexa for a week she knew better than to be late. The blonde was about to ring the doorbell when the door swung open to a very irritated looking tall brunette.

"Can we get out of here?" she asked.

"Uh. Sure yeah sure. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care." Lexa said as she slammed the door behind her and walked towards the street. "I just can't be here right now."

"Did you still want to practice our presentation?"

"We probably should since it's tomorrow."

"Alright. I know just the place. I'll drive." Clarke gestured to a fairly large dirty black car. Lexa was a little reluctant based on the outer appearance but was relieved to find the inside clean.

"It isn't much but it's my baby. 1999 Land Rover. Bought it myself." The blonde started as she pulled into traffic. "My parents offered to buy me a nicer car but I wanted something I could take off road. What's the point of getting a shiny new car if it's just going to get muddy and banged up?"

Lexa just nodded. She heard what Clarke said but her mind was elsewhere.

"That was me trying to lighten the mood and take your mind off of whatever is bothering you. Since that isn't working, do you want to talk about it?"

"Mother and I had a fight."

"About what?"

"In a nutshell Elizabeth is so controlling, anything I want to do with my life is out of the question."

"Oh. Well she might come around, you never know."

"I do know. She won't budge. Her little world is shattering."

"Okay, so I don't know the details of your argument. But once you're 18 you can do whatever you want and she can't stop you. Try to hold out until then?" Clarke tried. She honestly had no idea what to say and without specifics there wasn't anything useful she could say. And she wasn't going to push Lexa if she didn't want to talk about it.

"So where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

"You aren't taking me in the mud are you?"

"No." the blonde laughed. "I could tell by the way you looked at the outside of my car that you don't like dirt." Clarke pulled into a driveway and turned the car off. "We're here."

Lexa noticed they were at a house. It was small and cute: picture perfect. There was literally a white picket fence around it.

"Welcome to my humble abode."

The two girls exited the vehicle and made their way to the front door. Once inside Clarke removed her shoes and asked Lexa to do the same.

"Clarke is that you?" A woman's voice called out.

"Yep! Change of plans." she called back.

"Your parents wont mind you bringing me over without notice?"

"Of course not. Come on."

Clarke led the taller girl to the living room where her mom was watching TV. Hearing footsteps, the older woman turned to face the two teens.

"We're going to study here instead."

"Okay." Abby stood up and approached Lexa. "Hi I'm Clarke's mom."

"It's nice to met you Mrs. Griffin." the brunette responded, reaching out for a handshake.

Forgoing the handshake, Abby pulled the brunette into a hug and insisted she address her first name because Mrs. Griffin was her mother in law and such a comparison would be considered an insult.

"Ok, mom. Please don't smother my friends."

"Sorry." Abby said as she finally let the girl go.

"This way." Clarke pointed. She stopped in the kitchen to grab some pretzels and lemonade for them both to snack on before continuing towards the back of the house.

They approached a set of stairs and Lexa was a little confused because the home only appeared to be one story.

"It's a loft." Clarke clarified before going up. At the top there was a large curtain blocking the room, Lexa assumed because it was an open space and no other source of privacy.

"I figured since you've played piano for me a few times I should show you my paintings." Clarke pulled back the curtain and ushered the taller girl in before pulling it shut behind her.

It was so simple. A wooden floor with a few easels scattered around, paintings hung on the wall, some just propped up on the floor: and it was so colorful, alive even. A desk was on one side of the room with pencil (maybe charcoal) drawings, and a mattress on the floor of the other side of the room with just a pillow and a blanket. There were a few windows to allow a lot of natural light in.

"It's beautiful. Is this your room?"

"Basically. I almost always end up sleeping in here, hence the mattress. My actual room is at the bottom of the stairs."

Lexa walked around the room examining each painting and drawing on the walls. Some were flowers, some were natural scenery, the night sky, a park, one of her parents, and one in particular that made the brunette stop in her tracks. It was a drawing of a pair of eyes. They were brown and troubled, sad too. The eyebrows above them were thick and furrowed.

"I found you." Lexa spoke the title of the piece out loud.

"My ex, Finn. Those are the last words he said to me. And the look on his face...I'll never forget those eyes."

"Finn Collins?"

Clarke nodded.

Lexa knew exactly who that was. He was a friendly guy with long hair, always preaching about human beings needing to get along and support each other. She wondered why she hadn't seen him at school all year. "What happened to him?"

"We were happy. He was all about peace, love, and Zen. And then he started acting really weird. Frantic and anxious all the time. I went on a month long vacation with my parents and about half way through I stopped hearing from him. Everyone that knew him knew something was up but wouldn't tell me what it was. I got home and his dad came over to tell me that Finn was paranoid schizophrenic: had beaten up a bunch of people for no reason. Women, kids, old people, and guys that were obviously way bigger than him. So he was taken to a psychiatric hospital for treatment.

Somehow he escaped and went to the track during practice. He stopped in front of me and said 'I found you.' That was it. Didn't say anything else"

"Wow. That's... intense."

"It was. But enough about him. Let's get down to the reason I really brought you here."

"Okay. And what reason would that be?"

"I need to borrow your face."

"My face?"

"With your permission of course." Clarke went to her desk and pulled out a single drawing and handed it to Lexa. "I may or may not be doing a series on you."

Lexa looked down at the drawing and her eyebrows rose in shock. It was her piano. Perfectly drawn with the window in front of it and little details of her room around it.

"Clarke, this is perfect. How did you get every little detail?"

"I may have been doodling when we were supposed to be working on our project."

The brunette glared for all of 2 seconds and broke out into one of those rare smiles. "So what kind of series are you doing?"

"Just you in your natural habitats... at home, school, on the soccer field, at the piano."

"Why me?"

"Because I find you fascinating." Clarke answered. Yes Lexa was very fascinating to her but someone that occupied her thoughts as much as the brunette did just had to be drawn. It was one of Clarke's principles as an artist. Draw (or paint) beauty, things you love, things you don't understand, things that captivate you, and things you desire. Lexa fit into most of that criterion.

"I suppose I can permit you to borrow my face. As long as I get to see them when you've finished."

"That's a given."

"Good. So where do we start?"

"Just a regular portrait. You'll sit in front of me and I'll copy your face on paper."

"Am I allowed to move at all or do I have to be a statue?"

"You can move. Use your phone, snack on pretzels, whatever. Just don't get too crazy with your expressions."

Both girls shared a look then. Both knowing full well Lexa wasn't one to show many emotions.

"What about our presentation?"

"Are you kidding? We could do it in our sleep."

...

It's Thursday evening. Lexa and Nate are on their bi-weekly date at the movies. This week they're seeing 'Minions'. Nate is laughing throughout the entire thing and Lexa...her mind is elsewhere, as usual. Today, like most days, she's thinking about Clarke free-spirited athletic artistic beautiful Griffin. Clarke who parts her lips ever so slightly when she's drawing. Clarke, who absolutely has to put food in her mouth every time she erases something. Clarke, who pulls her bottom lip between her teeth when she's just about finished with said drawing. Clarke who has the nicest, sweetest parents in the world. Parents who Lexa gets to call Jake and Abby. She's thinking about how said parents are ok with anyone coming into their home at any time, open door policy during daylight hours. She's thinking about the first time she met Raven and Octavia. Two people she'd heard plenty about but was terrified to meet because of how highly Clarke spoke of them, it was so intimidating but they were so incredibly welcoming. Fantastic actually. Lexa thought about how much she wanted to be a permanent fixture in their world: Clarke, Jake, Abby, Octavia, Raven, and anyone else that came with it.

Today Lexa was thinking about how much she liked Clarke. Liked her as more than a friend. And she was thinking about how she hasn't felt this way about another girl in a long time. Lexa thought she had pushed all thoughts of the possibility of being with a woman aside, but here it was. The feeling that was sure to drive her absolutely insane.

Clarke perfect Griffin made Lexa's heart pound ferociously in her chest and it was going to cause problems. Because what she was about to do would surely cause an uproar in the Woods household.

The movie was over and Lexa and Nate were sitting down at dinner. Their food had just arrived and Lexa couldn't remember the walk to the sushi place or even making her order. But here they were and it was about to happen.

"Nate. What are we doing?"

He furrowed his brow and spoke around his food. "We're...eating sushi."

"No." Lexa shook her head. "I mean us. What are we doing? As a couple. Why are we together?"

Nate dropped his carefree look and sighed. "We're...I don't know. We're doing what we're supposed to. High school sweethearts. We'll go to college together and get married after that."

"Nathan. We aren't happy."

"Yes we are!" The boy argued.

"No...We don't really talk to each other, sometimes we go days. We hardly kiss, we've never had sex and I know we're supposed to wait until marriage but we haven't even tempted ourselves."

"No we haven't tempted ourselves because we know it's wrong."

"You aren't hearing me. Look." Lexa paused trying to get her thoughts together. "…We've never said 'I love you' and it's been 4 years. We do the same thing all the time. Movie and then dinner every other Thursday, ice cream on Tuesdays, Church on Sunday, Lunch on Saturday."

"Where is all this coming from?!" Nate nearly shouted.

"We're comfortable, Nate. Content. We're teenagers. We're supposed to be stupid head over heels in love, lust, passion. We are supposed to have an issue with waiting for marriage to have sex. We're supposed to miss each other when we're apart. But we don't feel any of that and you know it. So I'm asking you again...what are we doing?"

There was a long awkward silence. Nathan wasn't expecting this to happen tonight, but it wasn't exactly a shock. "I like someone else..." he whispered. And if Lexa wasn't mistaken, tears were beginning to form in his eyes.

"Me too."

"I'm so sorry." the boy said.

"You don't need to apologize."

"Yes I do." And finally a tear broke through and rolled down his cheek. Nate got up and rushed out of the restaurant.

"Nate!" Lexa called out. She pulled some bills out of her purse and threw them on the table before chasing after him. She caught up with him in the parking structure standing by a stairwell."

"I was about to leave but I remembered I drove you here."

"Yeah. Walking home wouldn't have been fun."

Nate avoided eye contact and just nodded his head.

"So…why'd you run out?"

"I uh-I was…ashamed."

"Ashamed that you like someone else? I like someone else too you know?"

"No, it's not that, Lex. It's who I like that I'm ashamed of…" Nate paused and did his best to gather the strength to finally say it out loud.

"I can trust you right? I mean I know that after tonight we're over but…"

"You can trust me with anything. What's the problem with this girl you like?"

"I…I never said I liked a girl."

Lexa frowned and tried to figure out what- "Oh…ohhhhhh. Did not see that coming."

"I know it's nuts but I've never felt quite 'right' you know? I mean I'm dating one of the hottest girls in the whole school and I just couldn't – ugh- it just...took me so long to realize that I'm…that…"

Lexa snorted and quickly covered her mouth with her hand. "I'm sorry." She continued to laugh.

"Come on now this isn't funny. You said I could trust you!"

"No I just think it's so funny. Wait, not like that. I mean I think it's great that you're into guys because one of us has to be and it sure as hell isn't me." The brunette kept laughing.

"Wait…you're?" Nate pointed. And Lexa nodded. Both broke out into laughter. The fact that they were both accidental beards was so ironic and amusing. So amusing, the two just had to sit in Nate's car and talk about when they discovered themselves.

"So when did you know you were a lesbian?"

"Remember when we were 15 and we went to that vacation bible study camp for the entire summer? The one that was only coed on weekends? With the 'how to resist sex' training?"

"How could I forget?! It was so awful."

"Yeah. Awful food, awful counselors, but I met the girl of my dreams there."

"Really? What was her name?"

"Echo."

"Echo. Seriously?"

"Yeah. It was her middle name, I think her first name was Sandra or something like that."

"Oh ok. That's acceptable. So how did miss Sandra Echo steal Alexandra E. Woods' heart?"

"I'll tell you one day. But I want to know who you like."

"That's just rude."

"Is not. Now tell me, who is it?"

"It's Monty Green."

"The little computer nerd? Aww how cute." Lexa grinned

"Yeah yeah. I told you mine now you tell me yours. Who dared to wake the Sapphic beast that lie dormant for all of these decades."

"Clarke Griffin." The brunette rolled her eyes. "I'm not a Sapphic beast."

"Right. And I'm not gay."

"You know. Speaking of. Clarke is pretty good friends with Monty…I'm pretty good friends with Clarke…You're pretty good friends with me…"

"No! Absolutely not!"

"Why? It couldn't hurt."

"Yes it could. I'm sure Monty wouldn't want me."

"You can't know that."

"But I do."

"You don't."

"Yes. I. Do! Lex, I do."

"How?"

"Because I screwed it up with him already! And he won't want anything to do with me after I hurt him the way I did."