Hey guys...
So I don't know how long it will take for next chapter, although since I'm on vacation don't think it will take as long as this.
Also, thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, followed and add to favorites. It really means a lot.
Beta-ed by: Ryl
Xxxxx...
Dark Wings...
Chapter 3 – The Sky Is Bleeding
"If only I had been more careful" was the only thing in her mind right before reaching for the sharp object.
The small rectangular blade cut through pale white skin easily, ruining a once soft and pure piece of epithelium. As the blood began slowly make its appearance upon the marred wrist the blade was finally put aside and the previously silent bathroom was filled with the sounds of the young girl's cries.
The girl felt completely lost. She did not know where to go or what to do. Her life was a mess and there was nothing she could think of to make it better, make it right. Of course she knew she wouldn't find the answers she wanted within the blade, but it was helpful – in its own twisted kind of way.
She knew it wouldn't heal the pain and it would only feel good for so long, eventually scarring her for life, but she also knew this was the punishment she deserved for not being able to take care of her child. Her little baby boy. The one she'd never get to meet because of one small miniscule careless moment of joy.
-XXX-
Once she was finally home Emma ran to her room and locked the door behind her. Sitting on the bed she took the folders of her purse and stared at them. She just couldn't believe that those ultrasound pictures were of her baby. A little but healthy five month old fetus.
"Daniel", Emma breathed the name as it set on her mind. Daniel Swan would be his name.
That was it.
She still remembered how shocked and scared she had been when she found out she was pregnant. And she had all the reasons for such, after all she was a fourteen year old with no job, no degree and an orphan whom got pregnant after being raped by her current foster father.
It took her a good month and a half to find a job that would pay her a decent salary, it wouldn't cover the whole pre-natal treatments but if she saved a part of it she could at least pay for an ultrasound in the future, and the rest of it she would use to buy the essentials for a baby - diapers and such.
As scared and afraid as she was, she still promised herself she would do her very best to take care of her baby. Her best and nothing less. He may have not been conceived in a time or way she would have preferred but she wouldn't put him under the risk of going through the same hell she went through for all those years.
Still trapped in that excuse of a home was not what she had been planning for her nor for her baby, but she had to, at least just until she could find another roof to put above their heads. Meanwhile she had to do her best to try to hide her pregnancy and job from her foster parents.
And for as far as she had gone it had worked up pretty well, actually, but life – call it fate, destiny, universe or whatever you want to – had never really been on Emma's side, and on that day in which she went home internally celebrating the fact it was everything okay with her little guy, the young girl had been proven how hard on her the world intended to be.
While still sitting on the bed, solely focused on the ultra-sonograms' photos, she forgot all about the rest of the world, and when she realized she shouldn't be so careless it was already too late and her once locked door had already been forced open and 'Daddy Dearest' had already stumbled his way inside.
"Why the fuck didn't you answer me when I called you?"
He yelled at her, his face near enough she could smell the heavy scent of alcohol in his breath.
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear you" she answered looking him in the eyes, in the vain attempt to not let him see the images on the bed.
"What is this? Don't you tell me you're pregnant, you little whore."
His words were slurred but as angry as he had ever sounded.
"Who have you been fucking, huh? Tell me!"
He had moved closer and was only a few inches away from her, the fire in his eyes scared the poor girl, whom answered crying "No one but you has ever touched me! This baby is yours!"
"Liar"
It was the only thing said before a fist came in contact with her face. Within seconds she could feel the stinging pain on her cheek but she tried to ignore it as she made an attempt at running. If anything it only infuriated him more and pulling her by the hair he threw her against the nearest wall. As she collided with the solid surface she could feel the blood behind her head and it took all of her strength to not fall into unconsciousness.
"Now tell me who the fuck is this kid's father?"
"I already said it is you" Emma managed to let out.
"You're sticking with this lie? Oh, well, I don't want another bastard living under the same roof I do"
Once he finished speaking it didn't take more than three seconds for Emma to feel his feet kicking her in the abdomen. She begged him to stop, but it was no use, he continued kicking her and when she was almost passing out from the pain he grabbed her by her arms and threw her on the bed. The action was enough to have her trying to fight him back.
"No, please, no"
She begged as she tried to free herself from his vicious grip, but it didn't work.
"Shut up"
He yelled at her as he climbed on top of her. Ripping of her dress and panties and taking of his own pieces of clothing, he entered her without previous announcement.
The last thing Emma saw before blacking out was his face as he continually raped her.
…
When she eventually woke up many hours later that same day, she couldn't even move. Her entire body was beaten and bruised. But not only that, she felt different, as if something had been taken away from her and it was then she realized she had lost her baby, her Daniel.
As it downed on her, tears began to make their way down her face and she easily let them take over her, eventually falling into a sound sleep.
-XXX-
Once she was able to chase away the memories of the day she lost her son, her wrist had already stopped bleeding and all that was left of the pain she inflicted upon herself was a small tingling on her skin. Feeling even guiltier than before remembering the horrible happening, she reached for the blade one more time that night.
As she forced the blade deeper in her skin she was well aware of what could happen if she got it inside her skin enough to hit a vein, but if she were to be honest at the moment she didn't care and if anything she felt more than ready to welcome Death.
Four years later
The eighteen year old blonde sat alone inside her cell trying to process the news she had just gotten. She couldn't be pregnant. She couldn't take care of a child four years prior, let alone nurturing a child while in jail. She just couldn't.
"I should have died that night years ago. That way I wouldn't be in the trouble I'm right now", it was the only thing in Emma's mind as the magnitude of her situation dawned on her.
"Or maybe I should have known better when that son of a bitch appeared in my life. Damn you Neal! You and my stupid heart. I should have never let you near me. NEVER" as the raven haired man crossed her mind she couldn't control the rage inside her.
She couldn't believe in how blind and stupid she had been. He was a thief, for fuck's sake! Thieves never stayed in one place for too long and neither got attached to some seven-to-eight-teen year old they had just met. The worst of all though, was she knew such thing – she was a thief herself, not with as much experience as him for sure, but still one none the less - but decided to ignore it and allow herself to trust in her heart for once and believe he would actually change his life around for her. Well, the only thing she could tell was that things didn't actually go her way, for sure.
As she tried to set her mind straight and think about what she would do, she couldn't help the flow of memories that overcame her of the same kind of situation she had been four years prior. As she unwillingly remembered everything she went through she promised that whatever her decision would be – even though she knew she was not capable of raising the child – the little one would have not have the same destination their brother did.
And so it took abortion out of her possibilities - she would never take this road, it didn't matter how much it would affect her life she would never willingly kill a child of hers.
Which only let her with one option left: Giving up her baby for adoption.
Just the possibility of her unborn child having the same kind of fate she did, though, was downright scary, but she knew she could not keep this baby. What kind of life would she be able to give this child, if at the moment she didn't even had the slightest idea of where she would go once she got out of jail? She didn't have a clue of what she would do to keep herself alive. To feed and take care of a child was out of the question.
"Maybe, adoption is not such a bad idea after all." the thought crossed her mind as she slowly began settling on her decision, "I mean, I can make sure that he or she goes to a good home, right? Yeah. That's it."
…
The pregnancy went on normally. No complications on her or the baby. And if Emma had to be honest with herself she would have to admit that it didn't feel that bad carrying that baby – putting aside the sickness and sore back and feet, of course.
In all truth there were times when the blonde would catch herself dreaming about a life with her unborn child. A good life. A new life. More often than not she would find her thoughts drifting off to dreamland that she allowed for a few minutes of bliss, and as she closed her eyes she pictured everything so perfectly she was sure she could almost reach out and touch it.
A small town away from all the problems in the big cities she could easily find a part time job – waitress, bartender, cleaning or dare she even say Sheriff, any of those jobs would probably not pay much but it would be something. Better than stealing, that's for sure. She would rent a little house with a yard so the kid could play on the grass and have a swing set on a tree. A peaceful place where she could begin again and offer some kind of future to her baby.
'It was only a silly dream' is what she kept telling herself in order to try not thinking about it anymore, because as surreal as it sounded it was so inviting that it was able to make her think about trying to achieve such goal. But she didn't want to try. Not really. She didn't want to have more disappointments and heartache than what she already had.
And so for as much as it hurt her, months later when she finally gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, she turned down the offer of the doctor for her to hold him – for she knew if she ever allowed herself such action she would not be able to let him go.
"It is what is best for him"
She told herself the same sentence over and over every day of her life like a mantra, knowing it was indeed the best decision for her son, but not exactly sure it was the best for her.
