A/N: I don't own B2ST or CUBE and don't claim any part of their cool thing they got going. I'm just a chick with too much time and imagination. I hope I can at least entertain you, the reader, the most important part of this story. :3
Chapter Three
"Every day I shock, SHOCK," MiYoung sang in my face on the way to the CUBE building, "Every night I shock, SHOCK!"
"Will you quiet down?" I nudged her, "You're too pretty to draw attention to yourself."
"Come to me, OH, OH, OH, TONIGHT SO, SO CRAZY," tried to do the dance moves to the song but it was a fail, "Come BACK, BACK, BACK TO ME."
"I'm not joking," I laughed, "you're going to make a fool of yourself."
She smiled and shrugged, slightly out of breath, "I need to start working out. I lose my breath too fast."
"You know what a really good way to work out is?" she gave me this eye roll that almost made me stop, but I said it anyway; "Dancing."
"Yes, we get it," HyunSeung was suddenly behind us toward the elevator, "Dancing is better than singing. But you're going to have to get over it; you have to do both."
"How are you today oppa?" MiYoung flirted.
HyunSeung looked at her once, smiled, then back at me, "I'm doing really good now." And with that, he passed the elevator and headed for the main office. MiYoung had an impressed look on her face as she elbowed me. I shrugged it off. HyunSeung and I had been working on a routine for almost a week now, and MiYoung was finding more and more ways for us to hang out with B2ST. Of course they rarely worked out.
This morning we were heading to see a few auditions. Our manager, SungYoon Kim, also known as Yoonie, was confident that a few girls had become much better. Even so, we had a voice lesson after that and then I had to go dance with HyunSeung. My mind wasn't even in the dimly lit trainee room.
There was a girl who stood in front of one of the new managers that I didn't know. She was about to begin her song, and I took a deep breath.
"My name is Mika Kim," she said in a soft voice. I already lost hope. She wasn't confident.
"Go ahead when you're ready—"
"I was hoping I could use the piano," she looked around nervously as someone brought her the keyboard.
"Go ahead when you're ready, Mika," the manager oppa said.
Yoonie nudged us, "This girl is good."
I waited as she played a few opening chords to a song I'd heard before but couldn't place. When she began to sing, I knew it was a Lady Gaga song from the fact it was in English. She had introduced it, but she was speaking too quietly. I listened to her belt the words as best she could, but she was trying too hard and in the end, it was coming off overdone and messy. I did hear potential in her, though. As she finished, the manager dismissed her and called the next girl up. Yoonie waved Mika toward us, who looked frightened and excited at the same time.
"MiYoung, SooYun," Yoonie said, "This is Mika Kim. Critique her performance."
MiYoung looked uncertain, too scared to say anything to the girl of maybe 17, but maybe my age.
"Well," I hesitated, "You have talent but you're trying to hit notes that are either out of your range or too much for whatever you're trying to accomplish," I paused, "It was good, but you need to use your own voice to your own advantage." She was eating it up. She nodded enthusiastically, and a picture of her with a note bad and a pen popped into my head.
"Good," Yoonie said, "Now, SooYun, you're doing a performance today."
"I am?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. It had been months since they'd put me in front of the audition camera. When Yoonie nodded, I asked, "When?"
"In the next few minutes. You're not mad at me?" he asked, "You're so unprepared!"
I shrugged, "I don't mind. What song am I singing?"
"That's up to you," he winked. I sighed. I tried to think of songs I knew on the piano, but none were girl songs. When it was my turn, I introduced myself and picked out a track from a Wonder Girls disc and sang it the best I could. The new manager nodded and called the next person up. Yoonie and MiYoung were still talking to Mika.
"Now, Mika," Yoonie said as I rejoined the group, "Critique SooYun."
She looked horribly nervous, but I smiled at her, assuring her it'd be fine, "Well," she began, "You're not aiming to 'wow' anyone. You settle with the bare minimum. You should try exploring your pipes more, because they sound like they have a lot more talent than they're given credit for."
Yoonie blinked, and I followed. One performance told her all that?
"I see where she gets that," MiYoung said, her mouth coming slightly open, "I never thought about it. I just thought you had small range."
I frowned, but MiYoung just shrugged.
"You three," Yoonie covered his mouth momentarily, "I think we want to go as a group to vocal coaching today. Let's see how you three can sound together."
"Just the three of us?" MiYoung asked. She knew something.
"Yes," Yoonie said, still in deep thought, "Just the three of you."
So after we sat in on a few more auditions, we had to leave for vocal coaching. I knew this Mika girl was freaking out. She didn't know whether to get her hopes up or not.
"So, Mika… That's a Japanese name, isn't it?" I asked nicely.
She nodded, "My mother is Japanese, my father is Korean. I'm named after my grandmother."
"That's nice," I smiled. She seemed shy and young, "How old are you Mika?"
"I'm 20, how about you?" she asked cutely. I was astonished. She was two years older than me.
"I'm uh. I'm 18," I paused, "You're 20? Really?"
"You're not the only one I've shocked," she giggled a bit, "but yes, I'm really 20. Why?"
"You seem so innocent and young. I thought for sure I was older than you."
Mika just smiled. I was trying to make her feel less nervous but I doubt it would work. The four of us rode up the elevator in complete silence. There was this calming yet tense air about us. The reflection of the three girls on the elevator walls was charismatic looking. Mika, who was a little taller than me, stood on one side of MiYoung, who was the tallest, and I stood on the other side and slightly in front of her. Our faces were a good mix of everything a girls group needed. Mika was the shy and cute one, but she had a serious side. MiYoung was the outgoing, sporty, beautiful one with the powerhouse voice and naturally playful nature. And I was… I was the other stuff I guess. I knew I fit in with these two but I didn't know how. Who was I in this group? Was I just the quiet one? I obviously had something if I got into this group. I didn't think I was ugly or anything, but was I pretty? And I knew I was talented, but did I have a gift?
Once we introduced Mika to the voice coach, we got to singing a few warm-ups before Yoonie and the coach were both smiling widely. They started making us try harmonies, holding one solid note for a long time. I was the higher part of the harmony because MiYoung's voice needed to be the melody since she had the most powerful voice. It wasn't that she couldn't hit the high notes, because she could. Mika had a very sultry voice that made you feel warm from the inside. She didn't reflect that side of her in her audition this morning.
"I think you three might be ready for a debut," the vocal coach smiled, "Can any of you rap, even just a little?"
"Rap?" MiYoung laughed, "What for?"
Yoonie smiled, "Not like boys rapping, like…"
"Like keeping a beat with your voice?" I asked. I didn't really know how else to describe it.
"Yes!" Yoonie pointed at me, "Can you?"
"I believe so," I shrugged, "I've been listening to enough hip-hop lately."
"Let's hear it," the vocal coach said, "Do you know JunHyung's part in.."
"Shock, obviously," MiYoung laughed.
"Have you heard their song Easy? That's what we're looking for," Yoonie shrugged. I remembered the part in my head before attempting it out loud. MiYoung gave me a weird look, and Mika nodded her head, impressed.
"Here's the thing," Yoonie smiled, "We need a trio girls group. All these groups have 5 or more members. I think with you three, three might be the magic number."
"So you think we're ready for debut?" MiYoung smiled hopefully.
"Oh god no," he laughed, "You need to collaborate on songs, you need to learn to work together, build yourselves a nice platform, become a family," he waved, "the debut will come later.
Mika looked like she was in an alternate reality, but nodded along with Yoonie. MiYoung looked slightly annoyed that we had to spend more time waiting. But at least we were practicing for a purpose. I didn't know how I felt. This was all too good to be true, but at the same, it didn't feel as intense or exciting as I thought.
Yoonie went on and on about writing songs and coming up with our image. I knew we'd get this information again later, but Yoonie had too much to do, so he just kinda left us. After working more with the vocal coach, we had to leave so the next group could come in. MiYoung told Mika that she could come see our apartment, but HyunSeung texted me and said he had some free time to work on the dance for Prepix. I parted with MiYoung and Mika and joined HyunSeung. He was in B2ST's main practice room talking to Yoseob, who looked like he was on his way out. He had on a cap and his bag was slung over his shoulder.
"Hey, trainee," Yoseob greeted me with his heart-stopping smile.
"Not anymore," I smiled, "The group is complete."
"You found 3 other members in one day?" HyunSeung laughed.
I shook my head, "They want us to be a trio. I hope they change the name."
Yoseob laughed, "God me, too."
HyunSeung laughed awkwardly and stared at Yoseob, "So you were leaving now?"
"Yes, yes," he stumbled over his words, "I was leaving, well, I am leaving, I'm going to Oh My School.. You've seen that show, haven't you? You have. I'm sure you have. I'm leaving. Sorry. Later."
HyunSeung hid his smile and Yoseob waved awkwardly before he was gone completely, "Ready?" he bent over by the speakers, ready to play the song we were to dance to. I simply nodded. I was in dance mode. I looked at myself in the mirror, putting myself in deep concentration. The music didn't start. I looked at HyunSeung, and he was just staring at me. I looked around awkwardly.
"Yes?" I asked.
"Nothing," HyunSeung still didn't take his eyes away. I took this opportunity to roll the legs of my sweat pants up tightly around my knees. It was a little warm in here, but even warmer with HyunSeung staring at me.
"What is it?" I finally asked, a nervous laugh escaping with my words.
"It's nothing," he laughed, "You're just really pretty today."
My heart was in my throat; I could feel it beating there. I just let out a low chuckle and said, "Just today, huh?"
HyunSeung smirked, and then pressed the play button. There was a 5 second gap so he could get in position, and suddenly I wasn't pretty and he wasn't charming. We weren't SooYun and HyunSeung, we were nothing. We broke down. We danced because it's what the music made us do. We did the routine until it was perfect because neither of us would be able to leave otherwise. Once it was perfect, HyunSeung sat in the middle of the floor. He was sweaty, having taken off his top shirt to leave only a white tank top. He was muscular, as I'm sure idols have to be. I took a seat, too, adjusting my side ponytail to a bun on the top of my head if not simply to cool off my neck.
"Hair," HyunSeung laughed, "You girls and hair."
I just shrugged and smiled. It drove him crazy. When he leaned forward, his face was only inches from mine. He leaned closer, but went down. I had no idea what he was doing. I felt his nose and breath on my neck and collar, and then he came back.
"Just as I thought," he said quietly, "You smell nice."
The next silent moments were awkward. HyunSeung fell onto his back and spread his arms on the wood floor. I pulled my knees to my chin and held my feet by the toes, rocking on my butt. I rested my face on my knees and watched HyunSeung. He had his eyes closed and his chest was moving steadily up and down. My heart was still racing from our closeness. Not just when he leaned into me, but even now.
"Wanna try something?" he asked. The way he shot up from laying down to standing up made it obvious of how powerful a dancer he could be.
"Sure," I stood up and dusted my backside off. Before I knew it, HyunSeung's hands were holding my face and he was kissing me.
For a first kiss, it was strange. I didn't know how to react, my eyes were frozen open in shock, and HyunSeung just held our lips together for a few moments. When he let me go, he looked just as confused as me.
"What the hell was that?" he asked.
"What do you mean?"
"You didn't even try," he frowned, "I'm not dumb, SooYun, I know you wanted me to do that."
I was confused, "I did?"
"Of course," HyunSeung took my hand, "I see the way you look at me. Your eyes tell me everything. Haven't you been kissed before?"
I paused, "No."
HyunSeung half-smiled, sending my heart to loop. He gently put his hand on my cheek and tried to kiss me again. I closed my eyes. I sorta melted into it. The more I melted, the more HyunSeung pushed into me. He curled his hand around to the back of my neck and moved the other around my waist. I felt oddly uncomfortable. Was this what I was expecting? The way he was touching me made me feel strange. He wasn't interested in how I felt at all. He was interested in how my body felt under his touch. His hand on my waist started to slink around me slowly. His lips were becoming more and more urgent, impatient even. I pulled away, tucking my chin to my chest and taking a step back.
"What?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said simply.
He nodded, "Well I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
I nodded, too. And just like that, HyunSeung put his shirt and jacket on, grabbed his gym bag, and was gone. I felt strange. I didn't feel like I just got kissed, and I especially didn't feel like I just got kissed by my idol. I gathered my stuff; my phone was on the floor next to my water bottle, and my bag was hanging on a hook in the back. My phone had two new messages. The first was from MiYoung.
( There's talk about us getting a dorm. )
The second was from DongWoon.
( My back is killing me, but I'm at a radio interview right now. Can you ride home with HyunSeung and meet me at the dorm? )
I guess it was too late for that, so I went ahead and started walking there. I called HyunSeung on the way, but he didn't answer, so I texted him.
( Is DongWoon home yet? He's having back issues. )
His reply was simply ( No. )
I decided to wait inside the back door, knowing that's where DongWoon would come in once he returned. While I waited, I thought about HyunSeung. What the hell was that all about? He ambushed me with lust. I reacted normally. It was from the shock of it all. Right? I did what anyone would've done.
After an hour of waiting, I had fallen asleep against a stack of plastic boxes with all kinds of maintenance crap in them. My face stuck to the plastic from the heat, and my legs were tucked under me. It wasn't comfortable, but I was tired from dancing with HyunSeung and the events of the day.
"Is she alive?" I finally woke up to someone nudging me with their foot.
"She's moving!" I recognized DongWoon's voice and tried to sit up. Sitting up required me to peel my face from the plastic, which made a nasty ripping noise and left half of my face red. When I looked up at the three pairs of legs in front of me, I saw DongWoon, JunHyung, and their manager, Park.
"I was waiting for you and I fell asleep," I explained, standing up quickly, "I'm sorry."
"You were waiting here?" DongWoon asked, concerned.
"Haha, you fell asleep?" JunHyung laughed, "You haven't even debuted yet."
"HyunSeung left before I read your text," I explained, "And I didn't want to bother anyone upstairs."
Park was frowning at the red mark on my face, "Does that hurt?"
"Yes," I held it, "You okay DongWoon?"
He shook his head, "Standing is hard, walking is harder."
"He's being a real baby," JunHyung rolled his eyes.
Park pushed him and said, "He's not. If you were in pain, you'd be worse." JunHyung just rolled his eyes and pressed the button for the elevator. I took that time to talk to Park about maybe getting DongWoon to a chiropractor.
"Well," Park huffed, "I tried, but DongWoon said he wanted you –"
"Because," DongWoon interrupted, "it would be silly to see a chiropractor when you already know what's wrong and how to fix it."
"That's a lie," JunHyung mumbled, but DongWoon pushed him to one side. He just laughed.
"But DongWoon," I said, "A chiropractor knows more than I do."
DongWoon shrugged, "Your hands are warm. Doctors have cold hands."
"What if we just hired a massage therapist to come once a week?" Park suggested.
"That'd be a waste of money, plus you never know, fans could get involved in that to try to get to us, that's creepy," DongWoon said, "and besides, then everyone would want massages, and it would cost even more money."
"But plenty of groups do it," Park said, "No one would care."
The elevator doors opened and we stepped on. JunHyung was wearing thick framed glasses and a flat rim hat. DongWoon was just wearing a black beanie. His shag was sticking out and flipping upwards. It was adorable. Park must have seen me looking because he smiled.
"They're getting hair and stuff done tomorrow," Park laughed, "Aren't you excited, maknae?"
"No," DongWoon put both hands on his hat, "I don't like getting my hair cut."
What a typical 19 year old boy thing to say. I couldn't help but giggle a bit.
"What do you think, SooYun?" JunHyung winked at me.
"It's pretty long," I said thoughtfully, "That's not bad or anything, but it's been long for a while, hasn't it?"
DongWoon shrugged, locking eyes with me. I almost fell into them before I looked away. I heard a quiet chuckle from where DongWoon stood. Hopefully it wasn't at me.
HyunSeung wasn't home when we got inside. Neither was KiKwang or Yoseob. Just DooJoon. He was asleep on the couch, and JunHyung took the remote from him and flipped through channels. DongWoon was walking fine, but he groaned when moving the mattress from his bed to the floor like last time. He took off his jacket and pulled his grey t-shirt over his head. I froze, but I tried to look normal. DongWoon noticed my stun, and he soaked in it, taking his time to pull his arms out of the shirt and fold the shirt, making sure I was watching his body. And God, I was.
"You don't need to take your clothes off," I said as steadily as possible.
DongWoon hid a smile, but I saw it playing at the corners of his mouth, "Well it's too late now."
I was so scared that he'd feel my palms getting clammy, so as soon as he laid down, I wiped them on my pants. I took a deep breath as quietly as possible and got started.
"Your hands are soft," DongWoon said after a few minutes. When I didn't say anything, I guess he took it that I was concentrating on his back. But I wasn't. I was doing everything in my power to, but it wasn't working. I even tried to think about HyunSeung kissing me. Maybe the best way to do that would be to mention it.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked. DongWoon grunted, so I took that as a yes and continued. "What would you do if someone you respect… tried something with you?"
"What do you mean by 'tried something'?" his tone changed from the innocent maknae tone to a protective tone that I didn't usually hear.
"Well," I tried to dance around it, "I was doing some stuff today with someone, and this person.. just sorta.. "
"Who was it?" he asked, sitting up slightly, "And what did they sorta do?"
"Lay back down," I paused and could feel his muscles tensing. "HyunSeung. He kissed me."
DongWoon sat up quickly, "What? Why?"
"Lay back do—"
"No, SooYun," he sounded angry, "why'd he kiss you? Did you want him to?"
"No," I said quietly, "I don't know why he did it. It was really weird."
"So you didn't kiss him back?"
I shrugged, and DongWoon took a deep breath, "Did you?"
"I don't know," I shrugged bigger, "I really don't know. I've never kissed anyone before."
DongWoon paused, a smile creeping on his lips, "You haven't?"
I shook my head, "And when HyunSeung did that, at first I was like.. Wow, my idol! And then it felt uncomfortable."
"You've really never kissed anyone?" DongWoon sorta chuckled.
"No," I huffed, "laugh if you want, but I haven't."
"I didn't mean to laugh," DongWoon said with a shy smile on his face, "I just think it's cute."
Silence. It wasn't uncomfortable.
"So about HyunSeung," DongWoon sighed, "I want to kick his ass for doing that to you… but I guess my only advice is for you to," he shrugged, "Stay away from him."
"But I can't," I said quietly.
DongWoon nodded in understanding. Another silence.
"Did you like it?" he asked.
"Like what?"
"The kiss," he chuckled.
"Oh," I paused, "I don't think so."
DongWoon looked at me like I was stupid, "You don't think so?"
"Well, it just felt weird," I said, "Not that kissing felt weird, but.. The way he did it didn't feel right…" There was a long pause, "I don't know why I'm even talking about this."
DongWoon looked at his hands shyly, "Maybe because you trust me enough to talk about it."
I looked away, too. Of course I trusted him. I knew I was blushing, though.
"What would you do if I kissed you like HyunSeung did?" the way DongWoon asked made me believe it was a joke and that he was just teasing me. But it didn't save me from embarrassment. Instead of answering, I just cracked my knuckles and pointed to the mattress again. DongWoon laughed and laid back down on his stomach.
"You know, if this whole idol thing doesn't work," DongWoon said sleepily after a while, "you should be a massage therapist. You're already good at it."
"That's all you want me for anyway," I teased, which was unlike me. DongWoon laughed, though. It wasn't a laugh of agreement. It was a laugh that made me bite my tongue.
After I finished, I helped DongWoon get the mattress on whoever's bed he took it from. JunHyung was asleep on the floor watching the same program on TV as before, and DooJoon was snoring a little. As I found my way to the door, DongWoon called after me in a whisper.
"Hey, SooYun-nee," he whisper-shouted, "Wait there a second." He disappeared back into the bedroom and came back out with something in his hand. "Take this," he whispered and forced a wad of cash into my hands.
"No, I can't take this," I said quietly, "It was just a favor."
"It's my repayment," he spoke softly, "You've done a lot for me."
"I don't want money, oppa," I whispered, "You'll have to be more creative than that."
"How about a kiss?" he teased.
"Even more creative than that," I shook my head, "You know someone's already beaten you to that one." DongWoon smiled at me and tried to force my hand around the money, but I just thrust it back at him, "I don't want it."
"Fine," he whispered, "I'll use it toward my creativity."
I rolled my eyes, "See you around, oppa."
DongWoon smirked and backed away, "Get outta here."
The walk home made me clear my head. No more B2ST. No more B2ST.
My phone rang. I swore to myself that if it was anyone in B2ST I wouldn't answer. Thankfully, it was Yoonie.
"Yooooniiieeeee," I answered delighted.
"You're in a good mood," Yoonie said, "Should I be concerned? Are you doing something you're not supposed to be doing?"
"No," I laughed, "What'dya want?"
"Are you at home? I want to pick you and MiYoung up and take you to dinner with Mika. Do you want anything in particular?" he asked.
"I'm not at home, I don't want anything in particular, but as long as we keep it spicy, that's good."
"Where are you?" Yoonie asked, half shocked that I wasn't at home.
"I was at dance practice for the Prepix thing," it wasn't a lie. I was practicing for a while.
"Wow, you guys are working hard then, huh," Yoonie said rhetorically, "When will you be home? Do you need to shower?"
"In five minutes, and yes I need to shower."
"Good, I'll call MiYoung and you get ready. Wear something nice," and with that, Yoonie hung up.
When I got home, MiYoung greeted me despite being on the phone with Yoonie, and I headed for the shower. Getting ready never took me long, so I was ready to go in 15 minutes. It was perfect, because Yoonie got there 5 minutes later.
We went out to eat at a family restaurant that MiYoung and Yoonie loved a lot. Mika was quiet, which was good because I was quiet, too. I really didn't want to be here. I wanted to be at home to tell MiYoung what had happened with HyunSeung.
"Are you really going to eat all that, SooYun?" Yoonie asked, raising an eyebrow when they brought us our food.
"I-I don't know," I stammered, "I haven't eaten today, but.."
Yoonie shrugged, "You don't really need to gain any weight. In fact, it might do you some good to lose a few pounds."
MiYoung looked at Yoonie, then me, then at the table. This was just part of the business, and I knew it would happen to me. I just wasn't expecting it to make me feel so self-conscious.
"It's too spicy," Mika said quietly and took a big sip of her drink.
"There you go, SooYun! Spicy!" Yoonie smiled as if nothing had happened, taking a big bite of his food. I forced a smile, but my food didn't look at all appetizing. I ate a few bites, but it wasn't sitting well in my stomach. I knew it was psychological, but I didn't stop it. Not if I needed to lose a few pounds.
Yoonie took MiYoung and I home, and I went straight for my bed.
"Soo-nee," MiYoung sat at the edge of my bed, "You know he just wants us to be perfect."
"I know," I said, "I'm just exhausted." I rolled over on my back and faced her. She looked like such a mother.
"You sure?"
I forced a smile, "You won't believe what happened with HyunSeung today." I told her everything that happened (and about DongWoon, too, but she wasn't interested in him).
"Maybe oppa likes you," MiYoung smiled, "That'd be cute. Your role model falling in love with you."
"It didn't feel like he was kissing me," I said, unsure how to explain it, "It just felt like he was kissing someone because someone was there. Do you know what I mean?"
MiYoung stared blankly at me, "Not really."
I shrugged and took a deep breath, "We'll just see. I doubt things would get awkward with HyunSeung, but I'll be cautious anyway."
MiYoung smiled and patted my leg before getting up, "Wanna watch TV for a little bit?"
"Nah," I said simply. MiYoung nodded and shut the door. She'd be back for her bunk later. I slept on the bottom because the top freaked me out. I sat up and looked in the mirror. I wasn't a stick, but I honestly didn't see what made me need to lose a few pounds. I stood up and turned to the side, I lifted up my shirt, even, and still couldn't find anything wrong. My stomach was flat, even a little muscular. The only thing that could possibly be wrong was my legs, but when I touched them, they were mostly muscle, too. I wasn't about to stop dancing. But not eating as much would trim all the fat away. I sighed. I should be confident looking in the mirror, but I couldn't be confident in my appearance if I wanted to be a star. I had to be constantly keeping myself thin and cute and girly. It was the price I pay for wanting this so bad. I thought about all of my unnies at CUBE, and all of the girls I looked up to, that I wanted to be like. They were all so small and so covered in makeup and so fake. The thought made me sick as I got back in bed.
I had nightmares about being fat that night.
