Title: Selfish (Part 3)
Author: Salianne
Pairing: Shaun/Zach (from the movie Shelter)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~3100
Summary: Zach and Cody adjust and are almost there when...
Disclaimer: Sadly - I don't own the boys - this is just for fun.
AN: I wasn't planning on this being more than a one-shot...but...
AN2: This one is from Shaun's POV
It was the rare moments like this to which he had grown so attached that he literally craved them if too much time passed in between. Just him and Zach and Cody. He was standing near the sink chopping veggies for a salad while Zach marinated steaks and talked to Cody.
Cody was spreading garlic butter onto a loaf of French bread - sort of.
"You gonna get any of that on the bread, Codes?" Zach teased.
It was almost endearing to watch Cody concentrate on the task. His eyes were scrunched up and his tongue peeked out of one side of his mouth.
Zach looked the same way when he was concentrating on a sketch. The fact that he knew about this shared trait between the man and boy standing with him in his kitchen caused the most pleasant ache in his chest.
Cody handed his uncle a buttery-mess-of-a-bread-loaf.
"Good job, Codes!" Zach wiped the marinade from his fingers and grabbed a sheet of foil. He handed it to Cody. "Now wrap it up so we can throw it on the grill with the steaks."
He couldn't stop the chuckle as he watched Cody crinkle foil around the loaf - crushing it in several places before he was done. "Are you and Shaun my guards?"
That came out of nowhere.
He heard Zach correcting. "Guardians."
"What are you guarding me from?" Cody stood on his knees on the bar stool and leaned on the counter.
"We're not guarding you from anything, Codes. Being your guardians just means that we have permission to take care of you while your mom is away."
He loved the way Zach talked to Cody. He could watch them all day, every day, and never get bored.
"Does that make Shaun my daddy, too." Cody sounded hopeful.
Okay-wow. Is the sound of that supposed to make it this hard to breathe?
"Codes, neither one of us is your Daddy." Zach leaned on the counter too. "But that doesn't mean I don't love you any less."
"That goes for me too, Code-man." He couldn't be a silent observer after that one.
And the look on Zach's face after he had said it made him want to say it all over again. And again and again.
Cody didn't appear to be as affected. It was almost as if he expected nothing less from his uncle's lover. It was as if he felt secure and safe and naive to the fact that his mother could take it all away whenever the mood struck.
That reality of their current situation was the center of his nightmares these days.
It was more than just the fear of losing the child who had quickly and completely captured his heart. But he was sure that Zach would go wherever Cody ended up. He couldn't see Zach being happy without Cody as a daily component of his routine. He couldn't see Zach surviving a day without knowing by observation that Cody was okay. I'll lose them both.
"Can I start the grill?" Cody was already on to the next subject.
Kids are amazing little creatures.
"You remember how?" Zach asked skeptically.
"We practiced. He's a pro." He felt almost proud, which he thought was weird because he was talking about a very simple process of turning a knob and pressing a button until the grill puffed to life.
Zach looked at him for reassurance.
"I can see him from here, he'll be fine." He grazed his fingers along the plane of Zach's broad shoulders. "He knows how, promise."
He could see the surrender in Zach's eyes and knew it was a nervous concession. "Come right back in here when you're done."
Cody squealed in victory before he ran out to the patio. He watched as Cody went through every step in order, he could almost hear him talking himself through the process Shaun had carefully taught him the week before.
He even folded the cover - sort of - before he placed in on the wall behind the grill.
He turned to his nervous man and enjoyed the happy feeling that was filling him up from the comfortable energy in their kitchen. "We can give him what he wants you know."
"Shaun." Zach sighed in a way the made it clear that he was tired of having this conversation.
"I'm just saying we should think about it." He placed his hand on Zach's back. "It would give us all a little peace of mind."
Zach almost slammed the platter of steaks onto the counter - almost - before he turned to face Shaun. "It will give YOU peace of mind, Shaun. YOU. The only thing it will do for me and Cody is stir up a bunch of drama and make everything harder. So drop it. Please."
"I just think it's worth exploring again with..."
Zach pushed Shaun away, "I said drop it." and walked away to join Cody by the grill.
It had been the one thing they fought about since the day Jeanne signed over guardianship of her son. Shaun couldn't stop talking about it and Zach couldn't stop avoiding it like the plague.
They each had their reasons.
He just wanted a family - this family to be exact. The only way to secure it was to make sure Jeanne didn't have power. Her power was her son and she knew it. It was bad for all of them, but mostly it was bad for Cody and Shaun felt more protective of Cody than he probably should. Am I being selfish?
Zach didn't want to rock the boat and piss off his sister, fearing she would pull back the guardianship and take Cody away just to spite them. Zach knew that would be the end of this new life that knew he didn't deserve but never wanted to give up.
Jeanne said she would think about it. That was always his trump card during the argument they had over and over again. All he wanted to do was bring it up again to see if she was open to the idea. Zach wouldn't budge though - there was no way he was going to bring adoption up with his sister.
It was frustrating.
He hoped that by bringing it up now and then, Zach would give in one day. So despite the frustration, he kept bringing it up.
He couldn't give up on either of them and dropping the subject felt like giving up.
He followed Zach to the patio and wrapped his arms around Zach's waist while he loaded the grill with steaks and potatoes. He kissed the back of his pouting lover's neck three times. "I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me."
He could feel the tension leave Zach's body as he leaned back a little. "I'm not mad. Can we talk about this later, though."
With one last kiss to Zach's warm skin, he turned his attention to the small boy who was now affixed to one of his legs. "What's up, Codes?"
"Can we have ice cream?"
"Ice Cream?" He chuckled and ruffled Cody's hair. "We haven't even had dinner yet."
"I know." Cody grinned,
"Tell you what. You and I can go get some ice cream. But we can't eat it until after dinner." He thought that was close to setting a boundary. "Deal?"
Cody nodded.
"Cool. Go put some shoes on and we'll go." He watched Cody scamper into the condo. Giving him a few minutes alone with his wounded lover.
"Babe." He grabbed Zach's hand and pulled him away from the grill. "I just want what's best for Cody. You know? I'm sorry I keep pushing it."
He was relieved when he felt Zach pulling him into a hug. "I know. I'm sorry too. I promise we can talk about it later. Okay?"
"Whenever you're ready." He kissed Zach's forehead. "Any special requests?"
"Rocky Road or Peanut-butter-chocolate."
"You got it."
He got both, actually. Pete's had both, so Zach got both.
He loved giving Zach what he wants.
"I'll get this." He took the soapy dish from Zach's hands. "Cody wants to read to you."
A little over an hour later he felt strong thighs straddle his hips. He lowered the magazine from his face and looked up at his lover - eating what looked like rocky road ice cream. He tried to read Zach's face. He had been concerned since the very, very quiet dinner they shared earlier. "Didn't get enough at dinner?"
He watched Zach suck ice cream from the spoon - swallowing slowly before he spoke. "Jeanne said the same thing to me when she talked me out of being with you."
He knew this was one of those defining moments and he didn't want to miss a thing. "What did she say?"
"She said she only wanted what was best for Cody." Zach looked pensive as he dipped the spoon into the ice cream container.
"Oh." Wait for it.
"What she meant was she wanted what was best for her." Zach placed the full spoon into his mouth again.
Watching the melty cream slide across Zach's tongue was having an effect that Shaun wished he had more control over because this was not the time.
"What I meant was that I want what is best for Cody." He wanted to be very clear. "I want what is best for you, too."
Zach worked the ice cream around his mouth while he thought about it. It was impossible to know what he was thinking, so Shaun just waited patiently for his young lover to pull his thoughts together.
"I know."
That's it? "Good."
"I'm not ready to go to bed yet." Zach leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. "Good night."
That was weird. "Hey." He grabbed Zach's thighs before he could climb off of his disappointed groin. "You okay?"
He watched Zach nod his head, but something in his big, brown eyes told him that Zach wasn't so sure if he was okay or not. "I just need a little time to think."
"Okay." He felt a little panic fluttering through his chest. "You know you can talk to me about anything. Right?"
He felt Zach's fingers skim along the line of his jaw. "I'll be in later."
Shit. Damn it! I pushed it too far.
He didn't remember falling asleep. He peeled the issue of Writer's Digest off of his chest before he turned to Zach's side of the bed and reached for his man.
Who wasn't there.
He rubbed the bleariness from his eyes and focused on the alarm clock. Four? It's four in the morning...where is he?
He found him sitting on the couch reading the last of the loose pages of the rough draft of Shaun's latest novel. "You've been a busy boy."
When Zach looked up his eyes were red and glassy. "This is about Cody."
"Yeah." He took a seat on the opposite end of the couch, being careful to leave Zach with plenty of personal space. "It wasn't quite ready..."
"I...I'm sorry...it was...I saw the folder and got curious." Zach said as he nervously gathered the pages together.
He grabbed Zach's wrist and took the stack of paper from his shaking hands. "It's cool, Babe. I was going to ask you to read it before I sent it off to my editor anyway. I just wanted to do one more pass first. I'm glad you found it."
Zach scooted closer. "It's really good."
"You're not just saying that because you're my boyfriend?" He tried to keep it light because Zach looked so...sad wasn't the right word, but emotional in a way that wasn't exactly happy either.
"No. It's really, really good." Zach was leaning into Shaun's body. "I can't believe how well you know him. You understand him. And you wrote such an amazing ending to his story."
"It's just want I want for him. I want him to be like that when he grows up. Happy and strong and confident. I want him to believe in himself." He was finding it hard to form sentences all of a sudden because his handsome lover was now straddling his lap and looking at him with an intensity that was instantly arousing.
"Your Cody-character was lucky to have Uncle Troy." Zach's face was so close that he could feel the heat of his words drift across his face. "And Uncle Troy was really lucky to have Uncle Brent."
God. "Was he?"
"Oh yeah..." Zach's lips grazed across his cheek. "I was just getting ready to go to bed."
Fuck. "Good. I was getting lonely in there..."
"Let's role play." Zach interrupted with breathy words whispered into Shaun's ear. "I'll be Troy and you'll be Brent. And Troy is very, very grateful to have Brent and goes out of his way to show him..."
"What about Zach and Shaun?" Could I sound more insecure?
"I'll show you all about Zach and Shaun." Zach climbed off of Shaun's lap and stood. He took off his shirt and tossed it to Shaun before he walked toward their bedroom. "You coming?"
Sometimes it was more challenging than others to keep the passion to a low roar for the sake of the child sleeping down the hall. It was almost excruciating to keep it contained during this particular session.
Zach had him pinned to the mattress within seconds of closing the door. They didn't say much. Everything that needed to be spoken was conveyed with fingers and tongues. The air was pungent with the smell of them as their bodies became overheated and slick. He felt it - the gratefulness - from every thrust of Zach's lovemaking. And he couldn't contain his own rush of grateful that screamed in his heart as the fireball grew in his middle. Zach's face hovered above him - beautiful - Zach's eyes were closed as he concentrated on the rhythm and angle and depth that would give his partner the most pleasure. He pulled on Zach's neck until their bodies were flush so he could bury his face into Zach's flesh to muffle the sounds of his begging for more - deeper and harder and just...more. Despite this new position - one which made it awkward to generate the momentum necessary to deliver harder and deeper - Zach managed to get them both off within seconds of each other. So good.
He fell asleep with the comforting weight of his panting, sweaty lover on top of him. He woke an hour later tangled up in sheets and arms and legs. He felt wrapped up and complete. He's going to need strong coffee. He snuggled into Zach's back to give his slumbering love a quick smooch before untangling from their love knot to get his man's coffee brewing.
By the time he made it back to the bedroom, he saw Zach stirring groggily. He's adorable. He sat on the edge of the bed and held a cup of coffee in front of Zach's nose. "Rise and shine Sexy."
Zach wrinkled his brow. "Timezit?"
"Ten after six." He held the coffee closer to Zach's face. "Thought you would need this."
Zach groaned as he rolled onto his side and leaned on one elbow so he could take the coffee. His voice was thick with exhaustion. "Feel like shit."
"I bet." He chuckled sympathetically. "You stayed up all night reading and then you made your boyfriend very, very happy for almost an hour."
Zach grinned into his coffee.
"You missed the best part though." He held up a single sheet of paper.
Zach lowered his mug. "What's that?"
"The dedication page for Storm Shelter."
Zach looked curious and more awake. "Read it to me. I don't think I can focus yet."
"Okay." He cleared his throat dramatically. "To the pieces that complete my puzzle and the shelter I seek in all of my storms. My love, my heart, my family - Zach and Cody."
When he looked up from the paper he held in his hands, Zach looked more alert and completely overwhelmed. "Zach and Cody."
"Of course." He wondered how long it would take for Zach to stop being so surprised every time he realized how much he was loved.
"I forgot to tell you last night." Zach smiled sweetly. "I decided to call Jeanne. Maybe she's thought about your offer."
Zach placed his coffee on the bedside table before he pulled Shaun into bed. Once Zach had him wrestled onto his back he kissed him. "We have 45 minutes before we have to wake up Cody."
"You sure you're up for it?" He teased.
Zach did a little hip grind. "Can't you feel how up I am?"
The phone rang as soon as their tongues collided. "Fuck."
Zach lunged for the phone. "Shit."
"Hurry before it wakes up Codes." He really wanted their 45-minutes.
"Hello." Zach sounded annoyed and a little out of breath. "Jeanne?"
Zach was close enough that he could hear Jeanne's voice on the other end of the phone. He couldn't make out every word, but he heard enough to know she was standing outside of their front door.
Zach hung up the phone and sighed into Shaun's chest. "Something's really wrong."
Zach pushed himself off of the bed and grabbed the first thing he could reach. It happened to be Shaun's boxer-briefs. The sight of it was intoxicating. "How do you know."
"Because she's being polite." He said as he walked out of their room to answer the front door. He gently closed Cody's bedroom door on his way.
He scrambled for something to wear before he followed Zach to the front door. By the time he got there the door was hanging wide open - so was Zach's mouth. Jeanne stood on their doormat. Her arm was in a sling and her face was one giant bruise. One eye was swollen shut and she had a very distinct hand-print wrapped around her neck.
He felt Zach leaning into him, obviously rendered speechless by the sight of his only sister beaten to a pulp, and he knew that he was going to have to take control for a while. He placed a protective arm around Zach's waist and reached for Jeanne's hand and hoped they would all survive whatever drama was to come.
