"Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you"
July, 1977
"Sirius, dear would you like more chicken?" Mrs Potter stood over the kitchen table, spatula in hand.
"No thanks," Sirius replied, smiling at her. "Its delicious though, I don't know what you do with it."
"Oi, stop buttering up the cook, mate," James said, poking Sirius with his fork. "Hurry up."
Gulping down the last bites on his plate, Sirius pushed away from the table and grabbed his broom.
"We'll be back for dinner," James informed Mrs Potter.
"I'll leave something out for you boys, I have the night shift."
James's brow furrowed. "How come? You already had it twice this week. You don't have it more than that normally."
"Normally people don't go missing without a trace." Mrs Potter eyed them over her tea cup. "And don't stay out too late."
"Mother, I'm an adult!"
"But not a very responsible one. Either of you."
Sirius pretended to look offended, and she laughed a warm laugh similar to James's, leaning over and patting both heads.
"C'mon, mate," James called, throwing his broom over his shoulder as Sirius followed him out the back door.
"Your lovah called in the night," James said conversationally.
Sirius choked back a laugh. "Pardon, my what?"
"Your lover. She was asking how you were doing, wondering if you'd like to get a drink sometime."
"Mate, what the hell?"
"Mary MacDonald. The one with blonde hair, always smiling, finds you endearing for some reason."
"I know who she is, just, I'm just not into her."
"No?" James said. "What about Vance? Emmeline Vance? I'm pretty sure you're already well acquainted with her."
"That was once, at a party. And I seem to remember you collapsing into her arms when Evans turned you down yet again," Sirius replied, wiping the smirk off of James's face.
"Alright, what about Amelia Bones?" James seemed to be reading off a mental list. "Or that Greengrass girl?"
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Stop trying to set me up, Prongs."
James held up his hands in defeat. "Just a suggestion."
They walked in silence to the meadow where a group of teenagers had already accumulated.
"James!" Lily cried out, disengaging from the crowd and running over to throw her arms around him, red hair flying behind her.
"Hey!" James laughed, catching her. "When did you get here?"
"I came to visit Marls," she said, leaning to kiss him.
Sirius glanced over to Marlene, standing at the side, miming vomiting at the display of affection. Marlene and Lily were nothing less than polar opposites but after Marlene had punched Snape in the face for following Lily around to all her classes in their fifth year, they had become inseparable, unlikely best friends. In fact, it was after that that Lily had started spending more time with James, since Marlene and him were extremely close childhood friends.
After greetings, they chose James and Marlene, easily the best Quidditch players, as team captains, and the rest lined up to be chosen.
Marlene went first. After a quick scrutiny of the crowd, she decided with a blunt, "I want Black."
Sirius winked at her. "Of course you do sweetheart, can't keep your eyes off me."
Marlene gave him the finger as James went on to pick Alfie McKinnon. When everyone was sorted, they had Sirius, Fabian Prewett and Alice Bones on Marlene's team, and Lily, Gideon Prewett, and Alfie McKinnon on James's.
After deciding on strategies, they flew up, Sirius guarding the single hoop on the stick as Marlene and Alice chased the Quaffle, Fabian trying to knock James off his broom.
"No fair!" James called out as they surrounded him, forcing him to toss the Quaffle to Lily, who promptly dropped it.
Marlene scored repeatedly, and by the end of the game everyone but her and James had collapsed onto the grass in laughter.
Fabian and Gideon were telling all who would listen about their sister Molly's newborn son, while Alice performed absurd stunts on her broom.
"Hey Al," Lily said suddenly. "Where'd you get the ring?"
With a flourish, standing on her broom in mid-air, Alice waved around her hand, showcasing a sparkling ruby on her fourth finger. "Frank asked me!" she squealed, looking very much like a pixie with her cropped hair and petite figure bouncing in excitement.
"Oh my God!" Lily cried, jumping up to tackle the brunette in a hug. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"To be honest, I was so caught up in playing I'd forgotten," she admitted sheepishly.
Sirius snorted back laughter, getting up to hug her. "Frank is so not getting out of this without a round of drinks on him."
"When're you getting married?" Marlene asked, her and James finally having broken away from the game.
"I don't know, though Frank's mother wants us to in the spring, I suppose."
"Well, would the future Mrs Longbottom like to go for a round of drinks?" Lily teased, making Alice blush scarlet, though look extremely pleased.
'The darkness closed in, choking him, and he was forced to his knees, the weight pressing down on his chest, pressing until he felt like his heart was about to burst -'
Gasping, Sirius woke up. He looked around at the darkened room, heart beating absurdly fast, trying to catch his breath.
He lay back, staring at the ceiling. He could lie to the Potters about how well he was coping, about how wonderful everything was, but the truth was he could barely sleep a night without those old nightmares, and his claustrophobia was coming in worse than ever.
He'd never told James, because he never told anyone anything, but one night in their dormitory James'd found Sirius jerk awake at night, taking deep breaths, trying to escape from the hangings around his bed like they were vines. Without comment, he'd tossed him the Invisibility Cloak and Sirius had ran to the Astronomy tower, desperate to be out in the open. From that night on, James always slept with the Cloak at the foot of his bed.
This was foundation of his and James's friendship, Sirius supposed, James's ability to trust, without having to know everything.
Sirius threw aside his blankets and leaped out of bed, darting to the window and pulling it open, leaning out into the cool night air.
He heard a tapping just underneath his window, and he looked to the ground, startled to see a figure there. Reaching out for his wand, he peered closer at the somewhat familiar hunching of shoulders and -
"Blimey!"
Without another thought, he grabbed his wand and rushed out the bedroom door, flew down the stairs and out the back door.
"Reg!?" he called, standing barefoot on the porch.
"Sirius," said a quiet voice from his left, and the cloaked figure came into the glow of the lightbulb.
Sirius stared at his brother. "What're you doing here?"
Face shadowed by the cloak, Regulus looked away. "You didn't come home."
"I said I wouldn't."
"I didn't think you meant it." There was a hint of regret in Regulus's voice.
Sirius cast a long look over his brother, the way he stood slightly hunched, stiffening one shoulder, clenching his sleeves, trying to hide his face. "They hurt you again," he said quietly.
Regulus didn't answer.
"Show me."
"Its noth - ,"
"I said, show me."
Regulus glared at Sirius, then pulled back the hood, revealing a blackened eye and a bruised jaw.
Sirius took in the injuries, jaw clenched. "And your shoulder?"
"The bookshelf fell on me, just a sprain, nothing bad."
"Dammit Reg, I told you to get the fuck away from that house!"
"They're our parents!"
"That never stopped them from using the cruciatus curse on me, or locking us up in the attic when we didnt use the right damned fork!" Sirius was positively fuming, memories of his parents filling up his head. "Look, the time I spent with them was the worst in my life, and, and, Reg -," Looking at his brother, voice somewhat breaking, he tried to reason, "we didnt have a childhood, not like children have, it was rules, rules, and all that fucking pureblood mania, but you can get away, come live with me…"
Regulus looked away from Sirius, biting his lip. "I can't."
Sirius stared at him, bewildered. "Why not?"
He still refused to meet his eyes. "I just can't."
Sirius's gaze travelled down to his brother's left hand, clenching the sleeve of his robes, knuckles white. "Regulus," he said, voice dangerously low. "Show me your arm."
Regulus's said nothing.
Sirius's head was spinning suddenly, fear enveloping him. He closed his eyes for a moment. "Show me your arm," he croaked.
Silently, furtively, face white, Regulus shook his head.
"Show me your arm, dammit!"
Slowly, Regulus, drew up the cloth to his elbow, revealing pale skin marked with bruises and cuts, and -
It was like bricks thrown at his lungs. Sirius stared at the twisting black snake, the skull, for a long moment. Then at his brother's scared and strangely defiant face. Somewhere, dully, in the back of his mind realised he had completely failed as a brother.
He couldn't find words. He couldn't look at him anymore. "Go," he choked out, and turned around to stumble back into the house.
