Raphael was sitting in the darkness of his room. He had said to his brothers, that he was tired and wanted to sleep. Only, he didn't sleep. He couldn't. He hadn't been able to for the past nights, and it was beginning to show, when he and his brothers were practicing. Splinter had commented on it several times, that he kept losing balance and wasn't as strong and focused as usual. And his father and brothers were obviously wondering, what was going on with him.

None of them knew the truth just yet.

"I thought you were my friend!"

Inside his head the entire situation was stuck on repeat. He could still hear Casey shouting at him, as Leonardo had tried holding his friend back from completely attacking him. When Raphael touched his left chin he could still feel the pain of the bruise, where Casey had hit him. On his right chin two scars were still showing where Shredder had punched him. And April had cried.

He felt so bad for her.

Raphael leaned his head up against the wall. Maybe he could sleep for just a little while, if he just really tried...


"Raph?"

He slowly lifted his eyelids; everything was a haze before his eyes. He could feel that he still was sitting on his own bed.

"Raph?"

He blinked a few times, making his vision more clear. Leonardo was sitting next to him with a worried look upon his face. He had a candle in his hand, which lid up the room.

"Yeah," Raphael replied with a hoarse voice, raising his head a little.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Stop lying to me, Raph. Your eyes are red."

"Damn it, Leo, it's just because I'm tired," Raphael whispered as he rubbed his left eye for a moment. "That's all."

Leonardo sighed. This was going to be difficult. He placed the small candle on the nightstand next to Raphael's bed and took a look at his younger brother, who was still having a hard time being awake.

"I'm going to get you a cup of coffee, and then you're going to talk to me," Leonardo said.

"But I'm fine..."

Leonardo shook his head. Then he walked out the door and gently closed it behind him. He made eye contact with the rest of the family, who were sitting in the living room couch, looking at him.

"How did it go?" Donatello asked, as he took a sip of his coffee.

"He keeps saying that he's fine. Which is clearly a big lie," Leonardo responded as he took the coffeepot and poured the black liquid into a mug.

"Have patience, my son," Splinter said. He took his mug of green tea and took a mouthful before continuing. "Sooner or later Raphael will open up to you. You just need to give him time."

"I just wonder what happened between them, since Casey got so out of control," Donatello said, looking from Leonardo to Splinter. "He actually hit him. I don't think I've ever seen Casey that angry."

"Well, you're good at talking with Raphael," Michelangelo said to Leonardo, as he leaned in over the coffee table to grab a cookie. He took a bite of it. "When you guys are not ripping of each other's heads, that is."

"I'll try not to do that then," Leonardo smiled, as he took the cup with coffee and walked to Raphael's room. He sat the mug of coffee down on nightstand. He took a quick look at his brother, who was slightly shivering.

"Are you cold?"

"It's... It's okay."

"Shut up, Raph," Leonardo commanded, as he took the red blanket at the end of the bed and placed it over Raphael.

"Now, will you stop being so stubborn and start telling me what is going on?" Leonardo asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at his younger brother. Raphael just looked back at him, silent.

"Why did Casey hit you?" Leonardo asked softly.

"I'm not sure I can tell you," Raphael said quietly.

"Raph, bro, I care about you. If something is wrong, I want to help you. No matter what is going on. But we've talked about this issue before, and we always end up with the same conclusion. That you need to let me in," Leonardo told him. Raphael leaned his head up against the wall again, still looking at his older brother.

"I don't want you to tell the others," he answered. "It's... it's kinda embarrassing."

"It'll stay between me and you."

Raphael sighed.

"I slept with April."

"You... you did what?" Leonardo said in confusion.

"Don't look at me like that… And it's not like I really wanted to. Shredder gave me an ultimatum."

"How?"

"He said that either he would rape April or I should sleep with her. And if we didn't do... you know, it within an hour, then he would kill Casey."

Leonardo looked at Raphael with a concerned look. This, the whole sex-talk, wasn't a conversation he had had before. He didn't have any experience in that area, nor did Donatello or Michelangelo.

"You're being very quiet," Raphael commented.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm just... you know, trying to wrap my brain around it," Leonardo apologized.

"That's what I have been doing for the past days."

"So... You were forced into having your first time with April?" Leonardo asked. Raphael frowned at him.

"What?"

"Isn't that what happened?" Leonardo asked gently.

"Yeah, Leo, that, uh… that wasn't my first time."

"Really?"

"I dated Mona Lisa for a long time, remember?"

"Oh..." Leonardo said in surprise. He blinked a few times. "Well, why is Casey so mad at you? It's not like you had a choice."

Raphael sighed again. He closed his eyes for a moment.

"Like April said, I did have a choice. It was all my decision."

"Technically not, Raph," Leonardo said, looking down at his hands. "An ultimatum is about the person behind it choosing for you. I understand why Casey is mad at you for sleeping with April. But he would have been equally as mad if Shredder had raped her, and you weren't able to stop it."

As he looked up again, he realized that Raphael had fallen asleep.

"Goodnight, bro," Leonardo whispered. Then he blew out the candle.