Reasons Why Making Lists To Describe Your Life Is Amazing
written by Sakura Haruno
& Ino Yamanka

1) Its a very organized way to keep track of your life without writing in a diary and whatnot. -cough-NERD-cough- Whatever loser.

2) Its creative, and with me being an artistand me being just plain old amazingit just works with our life styles.

3) NOTEBOOKS ARE AMAZING. Seriously Sakura, you need help. Don't even go there. YOU even know that the smell of a new notebook makes goose-bumps run up your arm.

4) It makes you feel more sane when you write down the reasons to a predicament. Sakura, it's quite clear that you're naturally insane. I don't think writing it down will help you much.

5) YOU CAN DO IT WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND. I love you, darling. Same, but we all know I'm the prettiest.

-&-

(Listless Casualties)

/pose three/
stick out your tongue and shed some tears

-&-

This whole 'list' thing probably seems kind of ridiculous. I mean, really, ever heard of a diary? But normal was never really me and Ino's style. And lists are more fun—as well as the pretty book we keep them in.

DID I MENTION IT HAD A CORSS ON IT?

Why yes, I AM a good Christian girl.

(but the things written in there may contradict it)

It all started when my mom died. I was only nine years old and Ino was my best friend. We were in the church at the funeral, and she really felt kind of awkward. So as we were sitting through the mass, me tearing my eyes out while holding my dad's hand, she passed me the fluffy pink book.

And even though I didn't read it, I knew it was special.

Because you see, this wasn't any old book.

This was the book.

You see, for Ino's eighth birthday, she got this really pretty pink notebook that had puffy fringe and a princess crown on the front. It had a fuzzy material around it, and the pages were so incredibly crisp that just skimming through the pages sent chills throughout our small bodies.

And not only the book, but she had a matching pen with pink ink.

PINK INK!

(seriously, we were eight, and this was our only form of real entertainment or excitement)

She told me—and the rest of the people at her birthday party—that she was saving it as a diary, and she'd only write important events in there, and that no one was to look, because it was that special. (and truly, it was. It even had the nice pink lining on the pages, and in the beginning it had a dedication section that was written in script! We couldn't even read script at a time like that)

So we all obliged and waited for her to write in the book, but she didn't. She said she couldn't write anything in front of us, and we nodded our heads dumbly.

My mom died two days later.

But that day in the same church I inhabit today, she handed me the book, and the pen, and opened the book to a certain page. I looked down to see her scrawny handwriting. It was a large title on the top of the princess-like paper.

Reasons Why Death Just Isn't Cool
written by Sakura Haruno
& Ino Yamanka

1) Everyone wears black at the funeral, and there are no pretty colors.

I smiled at her, and the list, because I know she didn't know what to say at a time like this. So she wrote it. In her special notebook on her special paper with her special pen. It was all special. She said it was only for important things—things with a purpose and it couldn't be used for everyone else.

And she used it for me.

-&-

"So, like, yo, what are you doing today with Sasuke-darling?" Ino asked after throwing her Capri-Sun into the garbage.

I sighed, picking at the mashed potatoes I had on my school tray. "I have no idea. Should I even call him? Do you think he thinks I'm a loser because I ran away, therefore presuming that I didn't enjoy the kiss?"

She laughed. "Darling, I'm sure he's looked in a mirror. Any boy that fine would know that any girl would enjoy a kiss from him."

"Wow, you're just as obnoxious as he may be. Maybe you're setting up the wrong girl."

She chuckled again and hit my shoulder. "Sakura, you loser. You know that I wouldn't go after your love interest—no matter how scrumptious looking he may be. I mean, really, what kind of skank do you take me for anyways?"

She raised her eyebrows while I gave her my usual, "are-you-drunk?" look. And I believe today is the first time she actually isn't drunk when I gave her this look. I knew she's been laying off the alcohol!

I would give her a pat on the back or something if I wasn't so confused. Hm, maybe I can take her out for a celebratory caramel latte after school. (and hopefully run into my lover there)

"Right, anyways. It would be odd if I just invited him over my house, and the last thing I want to do is go over to his house and see Itachi there, who will most likely say something to Konoha. Where should we meet?"

She looked up for a quick second at the blinding lights of our cafeteria before answering with, "You should meet at the Youth Center at the church. It has those nice and colorful couches, and no one is there during the day—only at night at youth group. No one will bother you, and it's just perfect."

I thought about it for a second, and then realized that my friend actually did have a purpose—besides her pink notebooks and wonderful hugs and all-too-inappropriate catchphrases.

-&-

What You Should Do When You're Alone with Sasuke in the Youth Room
written by Sakura Haruno

1) Talking about the project would be a good start.

2) Make sure you smile a lot so he knows that you actually want to be here, and that you in fact DID enjoy the kiss.

3) Talk about how pointless it is to practice these lines, and then subtly mention that he must have only wanted to do it so he could see you, and grin with satisfaction when he nods.

4) Say no when he asks if you're still dating Gaara.

5) DO NOT KISS. Because, truly, this is a church, and it would just be wrong to kiss your enemy that you shouldn't even like—and lied about liking—and make-out in God's house. That's kind of like giving you a one way ticket to Hell.

-&-

But really, when do I ever listen?

Sometimes I think these lists are just so monotonous, because I never really listen to them.

If I did, I wouldn't be on the couch, leaning into Sasuke's soft touches to my face as his other arm is around my waist, pulling me closer as I open my mouth for him. I wouldn't be moaning—but not too loudly because we're in a church, and Kakashi is only a few doors down—and this wouldn't feel so incredibly good.

Because kissing an enemy is bad—especially when you lie about kissing the enemy, or even liking the kissing-enemy.

…at least I'm not cheating?

-&-

"So let me get this straight, you throw the books on the floor—"

"Darling, we can't throw religious text on the floor. I'm not that bad of a Catholic. I mean, really."

She rolled her eyes. "Right, of course—even if you've already lost all hope of going to heaven."

I pouted. "That is so not true. I mean everyone is always talking about how God forgives people for their many mistakes. No one is perfect, and got is very forgiving and apologetic. Once this all blows over—and everyone, just like GOD does, realizes that we're destined for each other and hatred shouldn't stand in the way of true love—he'll understand."

"Sure darling. Whatever helps you sleep at night." I stuck out my tongue, but she ignored it and just continued. "So anyways, you stopped what you were doing, and then he jumped you, and you responded, while a few priests and nuns were just down the hall?"

"Dude, do you have to make it sound so terrible? You make me sound like a whore."

She gave a pointed look. "So I gave an accurate description then, right?"

I hit her with the pillow lying on my bed, kicking her from my spot as well. I ended up missing her (it's so not fair—she's got my swivel desk chair that can go all around the room, so she could easily dodge my lame attack) and ended up falling onto the bed.

She giggled, laughing out, "You're such a loser." I got off the bed this time, ready to fully attack her with my pillow. Before I could launch my attack, my cell started vibrating in my pocket. Ino knew from the shocked look I always got on my face when my butt would start shaking (ya know, when I was sober).

"Hello?" I answered while flipping the phone up and flopping down on my bed. I recognized the voice anywhere. "Oh, hey Tenten. What's up?" I waited a few more seconds before retorting with, "Ah, no, I'm with Ino. We'll just walk there. I'll see you soon, m'kay?"

After her quick reply, I put my cell into my sack, put it around my shoulder, grabbed my Youth Group book—you know, the stuff with all the plans for stuff we do, and organization is just my thing—and yanked Ino out the door.

-&-

What a Coffee House Is
written by Sakura Haruno
& Ino Yamanka

1) NOT the place where Sakura had her first kiss with Sasuke Uchiha. You're such a loser, really. What, you know it's true. That coffee house will always hold a special place in your heart.

2) A fundraiser for the church so we can raise money for veterans while also having a lot of fun. If fun to you is dancing around while acting out bible skits, then that's you.

3) There is in fact coffee at a Coffee House, so I'm all set. Yeah, but that coffee won't be served to you. Others will drink it while you perform. Darling, do you really expect me to do any performing in these heels?

4) We can relate everyday songs to the bible and passages from it. Are you telling me there won't be any 'superman' in it? Could you imagine a priest doing it, with the move and everything? Ino, seriously— Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm so going to hell.

5) SASUKE UCHIHA WILL BE IN IT. Dude, I hate you. …I bet you don't hate Sasuke.

-&-

"Okay, so we'll all come out singing 'Open The Eyes to My Heart, Lord' and perform the dance. We have it all planned, right?"

Everyone shook my head at my question while Kakashi nodded. "Excellent Sakura. Now go off and work on the scenery." We all nodded, getting up from our chairs. I yanked Ino over to the painting section, only because I knew that Gaara found painting gay—courtesy of Kankurou trying to put make-up on him (LIKE HELL THAT EYELINER IS FROM SLEEP DEPRIVATION!)—and Sasuke would try to stalk me no matter where I went.

Ino sighed when she stopped at the moon in front of us. "Geez, someone's anxious." I rolled my eyes and grabbed a paintbrush, hurriedly dipping it into the green paint and layering the grass color at the bottom of the wood in front of me.

"Something happen today, darling?" I rolled my eyes and shoved the book that I kept in my bag at her. She grabbed it, sticking out her tongue. I watched as her eyes scanned the title and a mischievous glint tainted her eyes. They widened at the end, I presume, and her mouth opened as well. She looked up at me, frozen in place. "In…the Youth Group room…?"

"…maybe?"

She hit my arm. "You're SUCH a whore!"

"Shut up, you loser! We're in the church!"

"That doesn't make you any less of a whore."

I could feel a presence right behind me, and it smelled delicious, so I'm sure the person was too. "Who's a whore?"

Definitely delicious.

Ino smiled creepily at him. "Oh, I'm sure you'd know." I smacked her in the arm, then turned to Sasuke and grinned in a charming fashion. He smirked, nodding at Ino.

"Sakura!" A loud and obnoxious voice screamed in my ear. I turned around to come face-to-face with Lee, who was exposing a large grin, a thumb up in the air. I smiled back and waved awkwardly, but was still nice because I'm in church.

"You're looking marvelous today, Sakura. And you organized this so well! You're so smart and pretty." I blushed from his compliment, turning around so the shades of red on my cheeks weren't noticeable.

Sure, Lee has liked me for a while and has no problem with making it known, but just hearing it always brings a smile upon my face. "Thank you, Lee. That's very nice of you to say. You're looking…marvelous too."

He smiled, raising his thumb up to form his signature pose, while I giggled some more.

I was about to say something else when Sasuke spoke, yanking at my arm. "Sakura, I have to talk to you." I nodded dumbly, being pulled away while Ino smiled in a suggestive way. I rolled my eyes.

I was pushed in another room off from the basement of the church in which our meetings were held. "Sasuke-kun…?" I asked quietly, because he was leaning against me, his forehead against mine, and my heart beating at an uncontrollable speed.

"I don't want that idiot talking to you. You are mine." And with that, he pushed me against the wall, his lips engulfing mine in a frantic and possessive kiss. I really couldn't help but shut my eyes and give in, but it was only a few seconds after that I realized my back hurt.

As in, what I was being shoved against wasn't a wall, but in fact—oh crap.

"S-Sasuke-kun…" I muttered, but he didn't stop kissing me.

If I thought I was going to Hell because I was making-out in the church with my so-called enemy that I lied about liking, then I was wrong.

With me making-out with my enemy that I lied about liking while leaning against The Crucifix of Jesus Christ, I would be lucky to go to Hell.

-&-

"You're such a whore." I rolled my eyes while punching Ino in the arm. "I can't even believe you! Like, Jesus Christ was nailed to the cross, and you were making-out against his limp form while moaning, and that's just horrible! And you said that I was going to hell!"

I hit her again, retorting with, "Hey, it's not my fault, you loser! I tried to tell him, but he just ignored me and kept on kissing me, so then I moved us, but um, we ended up against Mary."

"MARY? Gosh Sakura, she's like, The Mom of Jesus."

I rolled my eyes. "Really? The mom?" She hit me lightly, laughing.

"So, you going to Temari's party tonight? I heard it's going to be awesome, and she's got a load of her parents booze down in the basement."

I shrugged. "I want to, but my dad wants me to, uh, meet someone tonight."

She turned to me, her eyes concerned for she noticed the way my shoulders slumped and my tone got low and dreary. "Like, a Special Someone? As in, a Love Interest?"

"I think so." She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, giving me a tight squeeze.

"Don't worry. No one can replace your mom, or you. So no matter how beautiful she may be, or nice, or have cool shoes, you know that she has nothing on your mom—or me." I laughed. "Oh, and the fact that your dad isn't that naïve to marry some bimbo that's only after your money, okay?"

"I know he isn't—I just don't want it to be some scary lady or whatever."

"Cheer up, girly. I know your dad will make the right choice."

I nodded, because I knew she was right.

But just because she's right doesn't mean that I have to like her.

-&-

Ino walked me to my house because she knew that I needed it, but she also knew that I had to go in there alone. Which is what I did. Because I was strong, and I knew that I couldn't ruin my dad's one chance at happiness (since I'm obviously not enough for him).

"Dad?" I walked into the house, not finding him in the living room. I walked farther towards the den—the place where More-Than-Guests go. You know, the place where the grandparents and you have tea, or where your little cousins run around. It's a personal place.

He was sitting on the couch alone, and I thought that maybe She left or something.

"Pumpkin?" He asked as I walked in more, surprising him apparently. But not as much as he surprised me. Pumpkin? PUMPKIN? He hasn't called me that since I was five or something.

Before Mom died.

I sighed, knowing that She just had to be here. Women had the kind of affect on men.

"Oh, hey Dad. Um, where's the person you wanted me to meet?"

And that's when it happened. She walked out of the bathroom, except, well—WHAT?

"Sakura, I'd like you to meet Iruka Umino—my boyfriend."

-&-

Reasons Why Dad Having A Boyfriend Is Bad
written by Sakura Haruno

1) Dude, I have nothing—and I really mean NOTHING—about gay people, but apparently it's not allowed (again I don't think it's true), but what if the church doesn't accept him? Church is such an important thing to me.

2) Like, the obvious reason, HOLYFREAKINGCRAPTHATRAMONESSONGISTRUE! DADDY LIKES MEN! WHAT THE FREAKING HELL?

3) I thought I'd at least lose this fight with some dignity to a pretty girl with huge boobs and pretty shoes that I could steal at random times, but I lose to a guy? A GUY! WHO WAS MY KINDERGARTEN TEACHER! WITHOUT BOOBS OR PRETTY SHOES!

4) He'll get an annulment, which just erases his previous marriage, which is just like ERASING ME! Yeah, that makes me feel loved. WHY DON'T YOU JUST SEND ME TO FREAKING MILITARY SCHOOL THEN?

5) You don't just wake up one day and decide you're gay, SO WHAT THE HELL WAS MOM? DID YOU EVEN LOVE HER? Do you even love me?

-&-

After the whole incident, I decided the only logical thing was to stop this whole Sober thing, and call up My Bitch so I could get a ride to this party—even if it meant the awkwardness between me and Gaara.

So even though my dad was banging on my door because I oh-so-rudely ran away and locked my door, I still got dressed in my slutty black dress that I stole from Ino last year and slid down the drain pipe in my stilettos.

I am synonymous with amazing.

But not really, since I sort of lost it after three beers, and I wasn't really registering anything.

"Sakura, I think you've had enough." I rolled my eyes at Ino while trying to grab the bottle she had in her hand. She agreed to be the guardian of me, since she knew I was going through a rough time—but I didn't even tell her about my dad. I was afraid of crying.

That just makes her even more amazing, because she agreed to stay sober while watching after my sorry ass, and she's not even positive to why I'm sad.

"Ino, you know how teacher in kindergarten?"

She nodded, "Yeah."

"Did you think he was gay?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Why? He is?"

"I was just wondering. Did he send off a gay vibe?"

"Not really, I guess. But then again I was in kindergarten. I don't even think I knew what gay was then." I nodded, looking down at my shoes. "Why? Have you seen him recently?"

I was about to confess to what happened tonight, but stopped myself when I looked up, my eyes feasting on the most horrible thing I'd ever seen. But not really, since tonight took that. But it was still horrendous, and made me want to go and hug my teddy bear while crying.

Because my darling Ex Boyfriend was mackin' with this other chica.

And that shouldn't bother me, right?

Right?

I mean, I don't like him, but we just broke up YESTERDAY!

Am I really so terrible that he went out and rejoiced our break-up by snogging some other girl? RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME?

Does this world have any decency left?

(take that from the good little Catholic girl standing here with her fifth beer in hand who's wearing a dress that a prostitute uses as work clothes)

Ino noticed my glare, so she turned around, her mouth gaping open. She dragged my arm, taking me out of the living room and in the foyer of the vast house.

"Sakura, are you okay?"

But I couldn't answer. The tears were blurring my vision, and the headache I was enduring came a bit too early for Hangover Phase. I leaned my head against the wall for I was sitting on a bench near the door.

And right after I threw up all over someone's shoes that I didn't recognize, since they were really nice Vans, and I know for a fact that Ino hates all Vans/Converses and is only clad in Nike and heels, I passed out.

-&-

Why Today Has Been Incredibly Horrendous
(or well, yesterday, since I wasn't sober enough to write it last night)
written by Sakura Haruno

1) I made-out with Sasuke against a dead Jesus, and his mother, which just sends me to Hell so instantly, and then I can't even go to Confession, because how the hell do you say that to a priest?

2) MY DAD IS GAY! DADDY LIKES MEN! WTH!

3) My dad is gay with my kindergarten teacher, which is like, for serious, the most messed up thing ever. Like, when we learn about dysfunctional families in Health and how the ones with most dysfunction are ones with abuse and alcohol, but I'm almost positive that mine takes the cake.

4) I saw Gaara kissing some chica whose name is Matsuri, and she's some freaking freshie. What if he was cheating on me, and that's why he was so happy about the break-up? What if he never even liked me at all?

5) I threw up on some freaking cool shoes. Not cool.

-&-

On a good day, enjoy yourself;
On a bad day, examine your conscience.
God arranges for both kinds of days
So that we won't take anything for granted.

-Ecclesiastes 7 (The Message)

-&-


As for Meaghan: thanks for signing online, ho. And secondly, remember when C-squared did the Superman thing in front of the whole church? And isn't Lee just like Eric? Like, FOR SERIOUS! And Eric totally digs Jessica, if ya didn't know.

And Chian: WHY IS HE MACKIN WITH THAT OTHER CHICA?
Dude, we need to watch The Notebook sometime soon.

As for Alice-darling (you know who you are): WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? -cries- I miss you.

As for everyone else: Did ya see that coming? As in, the gay dad thing? I was so excited to update this and put it up, but like, I haven't been in the mood to write lately, and this was so hard to get out of me, and I just feel like blah.

I don't know if I'm just having ME issues again, or my body isn't right because I'm actually sick right now (and missing YOUTH GROUP!), but I just haven't. And school sucks, so yeah. And I don't want to study for my social studies test tomorrow, so I wrote this.

But MVOF will be out soon, since I have ideas about the chapter, and JALS is still something I'm not sure about, BUT there is hope, because TDC has AMAZING ideas. XD

As for a sidenote: so there's this song called 'Love Story' by Taylor Swift, and I've decided that this is the themesong to this entire story. GO LISTEN!

As for closure: So I hoped you enjoy this (horribly late, I'm sorrysorrysorry) chapter.