A/N: Thanks so much for reading and commenting, it means a lot to me! Point out any ooc-ness or grammar/spelling mistakes and I'll get right to fixing it!
"That mission?" Wade asked while scrolling through his phone.
The pay is good, but it's probably going to take you at least a week.
"Ugh, no thanks", Wade muttered and continued scrolling. Suddenly he found a mission along the lines of taking out a minor boss of a gang of thugs. The pay was 45k.
"That's good, I guess", he muttered to himself and went to put on his suit.
An hour later he stalked through the corridors of an underground base, trying to find his target. As he sliced through a group of guards, he idly wondered if the message had stated anything about not killing anyone other than the target. 'Well, it was too late now', he thought as one of the guards head came of and slided to the floor with a squishy thud. He took out his gun and shot the other two, leaving the corridor eerily silent. He kicked down the door to his left and found the guy he was supposed to take out. He tried to hide behind his desk, panic gleaming in his teary eyes. Deadpool put the gun to his head and shot.
Some time later, Wade got back to his apartment, groaning when he realized how bloody his suit was.
"That's the pro AND the con of having a red suit; you can't see the blood on it". He started to take it off while walking into the bathroom. He threw the dirty garments in the bathtub and started to soak them in water. The water slowly turned red as he rubbed at the suit.
That stinks!
It smells like blood and year-old sweat.
"Yeah, I don't have time to wash the suit that often", Wade said and shrugged. He didn't think the baddies minded his smell, and even if they did, they would get killed anyways.
When he had finished washing, he hung the suit over the sink, letting it dry. After slipping into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, he checked his bank account to make sure that everything had gone according to the agreement. He sighed contentedly when he saw the 45k in his account, filling up the otherwise empty space. He made himself a promise that he wouldn't spend ALL the money on "unnecessary" (yeah, right) stuff like guns.
I'll bet you 10 bucks those 45k will be gone tomorrow morning.
Wade rolled his eyes, delivering a well-aimed insult to the snide voice. He flicked the TV on, browsing through channel after channel. Apparently the Avengers had been in some fight again.
Look, there's Spidey!
Wade did indeed see the camera pan over the webhead as he turned a couple of baddies over to the police. He could hear the voices muttering something about 'theft of suit colors", and he nodded in agreement. He changed the channel again. It showed some kind of talk show with a busty, tall woman as one of the guests.
Oh, boobs!
Deadpool leaned back in the sofa and continued watching.
Suddenly he heard a large explosion outside of his window. He got up immediately, going to the bathroom to retrieve his mask. After putting it on, he looked out the window. There were at least a dozen car alarms going off, and it was a miracle his window was still intact, as the whole building opposite from his own had a large hole in the middle of it. Smoke was billowing out, making the evening seem even darker than it actually was. Men with guns and even more explosives were running around on the street below, apparently trying to cause as much destruction as possible. Suddenly, a large shield flew through the air, knocking one of the men off his feet. After the shield came a stars-and-stripes-clad man, knocking two other guys down.
'Captain America!', Wade thought with a sort of nostalgic glee, remembering his childhood hero.
After the Cap came the rest of the team, hurrying to catch all of the bad guys.
If they see you, they'll probably make you help them.
Wade ducked hurriedly, crawling all the way to the sofa. Helping the Avengers didn't earn him any money, so he tried to avoid it as often as he could. There was a rather panicked knock on the window. Deadpool looked up to see Spider-Man. Of course. He sighed heavily and considered not opening the window. Spidey knocked again, looking rather helpless, so Wade decided against his better judgement to let him in.
"I really thought you weren't going to open", Spider-Man panted as he practically fell into the room. He looked to have at least two broken ribs.
"Don't you look pathetic", Wade chuckled, helping the spider to his feet. The webhead gave him a look as caustic as he could through the mask.
"You need to help us", he said abruptly. Wade chuckled even more, shaking his head.
"No, I don't. As you probably know, I'm not on your little wonder team".
"We need all the help we can get, and the fight is right outside your apartment!", Peter sounded rather desperate, looking out the window to see if his teammates were still okay.
"Take the fight somewhere else then, I've already been on a mission today. Besides, my suit is in the wash", he started to push Spider-Man back towards the window, but Spidey wasn't having it.
"Wear those clothes", he waved at Deadpool's ratty hoodie. "You're wearing the mask anyways". He took a hold of Wade's arm and started dragging him towards the window. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Wade actually thought the whole panicked-Spidey-thing was pretty adorable. He freed himself from the spider's grip.
"What do I get as payment?", Deadpool asked, mimicking Spider-Man from the katana-incident. "I know how the Avengers works. If I help you guys out I ain't getting jack shit", he crossed his arms, looking down at the spider.
"Oh come on, you know I don't have any money! I would happily pay you if I could, but I can't", Spider-Man threw his hands up in a helpless manner, looking nervously out the window at the fight that was still going on.
"Too bad, I ain't helping you", Wade said, moving back to the sofa. Peter followed, clearly in deep thought. Then his face brightened up.
"You like tacos, right?", he asked, grabbing the merc's arm again. Wade turned around, looking suspicious.
"...Yes", he said, not understanding what the spider was getting at.
"My shift at work ends early on Friday, I can make you tacos as payment if you help out", Spidey said, proudly.
"Your tacos are most likely not even nearly as good as Samantha's", Deadpool snorted, raising one eyebrow. Spider-Man looked confused, but continued talking anyways.
"I don't know who Samantha is, but I can assure you that if there's something I know how to make, it's tacos", Peter said, sounding rather confident. Wade still had his doubts, but the offer started to sound tempting.
"Do you work on Saturdays and Sundays?", he asked, getting ready by retrieving his katanas and guns from the coffee table.
"No, I don't", Spidey said, confused as to where the conversation was going. Deadpool put his katana sheats into place on his back, and put the guns into their holsters. He then turned back to Spider-Man.
"Perfect! You owe me tacos every Friday, Saturday and Sunday for a month", he said and jumped out the window to aid the Avengers.
"A MONTH?!", he heard Spider-Man shout after him.
"Thank you for helping us, Mr. Wilson. We appreciate it" , Captain America said and shook Wade's hand in a firm grip. "I am aware that you are a mercenary, but I am afraid we can not offer you anything for your help", he continued, looking slightly apologetic. Wade looked past him to grin at Spider-Man and then looked back at the super soldier.
"Don't worry 'bout it, Cap. I knew that already", he said and smiled, then started to walk back towards his apartment. He heard footsteps closing in on him and he didn't need to turn around to know who it was.
"A month?!", Spider-Man all but whispered, angrily. Deadpool continued walking and Spider-Man had to walk with him.
"Yes, a month. I may be in one piece now, but an hour ago I had to drag myself around with the help of my chin, since all my limbs were gone. I worked hard in this fight, I expect to get payed accordingly", he glanced at Spider-Man, slowing down when he noticed that he was limping. "Now get yourself to a hospital".
"I didn't agree to a month! You decided it yourself and ran away without asking me, therefore we don't have a deal", Peter hissed, partly from the pain of moving and partly in anger. Wade stopped, turning to Spidey.
"We. Have. A. Deal", he snarled, resisting the urge to grab the spider by the collar in front of his entire team. "Stop being so fucking difficult", he said and continued walking. Spider-Man caught up to him.
"I'm difficult? But fine, you worked hard, I'll agree to your ridiculous deal", Peter murmured angrily. Wade looked at him as if to say something. He really didn't think Spider-Man would agree.
"...It's not ridiculous", he said after a while, almost sounding petulant. Peter was silent for a while, and then laughed a loud and warm laugh, and then winced at the pain in his ribs.
"Yes, it is. But I guess making tacos every single weekend for a month isn't so bad", he said. Deadpool agreed. He went to climb up the fire escape to his window, but turned to Peter at the foot of the stairs.
"Your place this Friday, then?", he grinned.
"Is 6 PM good?", Spidey asked, getting ready to shoot a web to sling himself home.
"Sure", Wade agreed and climbed up to his window.
