I couldn't resist a third chapter before moving back to some of my other stories. This one is like the other two. I am progressively making this more and more M rated so it moves steadily along with her goal of making him come to his senses. I hope you all enjoy it. Gregg.

Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Bones could see that Booth was a nervous wreck. For the past month she had been giving him a very hard time with sexual conversations, acting as if she was oblivious to his discomfort. One night she had called him about midnight to as him what style and color bra and panty set she should wear the next day with her new outfit. That conversation, once he recovered from nearly swallowing his tongue, lasted all of five minutes with a constant litany of the names of the Saints coming from his lips as she described various sets that she had to choose from. Another time, while in the SUV coming back from a crime scene, she pulled out a hard copy of a very graphic sex scene she had written between Andy and Kathy for her new novel. She read the whole scene to him and then asked him if she had gotten the male perspective correct. Of course she intended on toning down the scene for final publication, but for now she had wanted the shock value of it for her needling of Booth. Today, though, would be a really interesting discussion.

"Booth?" she asked.

Booth flinched. He recognized that tone of voice, and had gotten to the point in the last month that he hated it more than almost anything in the world, all the while still loving Bones beyond all measure.

"Yeah?" he asked hesitantly, and with a healthy dose of dread.

"Could you describe your penis?" she asked.

It took every ounce of self control he had not to crash the SUV into the concrete divider on the side of the road. He cursed himself again for ever letting her know what Pops had said about "crocheting".

"What?!"

"Your penis," she told him. "I want you to describe it."

Good lord! The names of the Saints came flooding back into his brain, but he ignored them. Fat lot of good those guys had done him thus far! Bones could kill off all the divine power of the Saints without breaking a sweat!

"Why the HELL should I do that???" he practically shouted.

"I need to purchase a new dildo and wanted to get as close an approximation to your penis as possible," she explained as if it was obvious. "I need to know length, girth, how large your glans is, and how veiny the shaft is. It would also help if you could describe the size and feel of your testicles."

"You want me to describe my balls, too???" he squeaked, his voice moving up a few octaves now. He hated that, too. Every conversation like this lately, his voice had moved closer and closer to a soprano.

"Of course," she replied. "I was hoping to get a dildo that has testicles on the base. I normally buy a dildo with a suction cup on the end so that I can place it on a chair, or a wall so I can use it in different positions. The testicles are wonderful as they come into contact with my clit on each down stroke."

"I am not going to describe my penis, Bones," he told her as he ground his teeth together. His dentist was going to have a field day with him when he had his next cleaning.

She got a wicked gleam right then and said the one thing that he would never expect.

"There is another option," she offered.

"And what's that, Bones," he asked sarcastically. He really didn't want to know, but as usual she took him literally, completely missing the sarcasm.

"I could make a mold of your penis and testicles and have a dildo made from it," she explained.

"Shut up, Bones," he said with a deep sigh of frustration.

Bones smiled widely. This would never get old. Now she just needed to add the nudge.

"Well it's your fault, Booth," she told him. At his bewildered look she explained. "I told you I'm not doing any crocheting since I'm waiting for you. That means I need something to keep me occupied, and satisfied."

Booth slumped down in the drivers seat as they pulled up to the Jeffersonian. It was definitely time to pay Sweets another visit. Someone needed to pay for all this torture, so it may as well be Sweets! He didn't even notice Bones getting out of the SUV and going into the Jeffersonian. His cell phone beeped, letting him know he had a text message coming in. He flipped open the phone and saw it was from Bones. He pressed the button that would allow him to see the message.

Booth~ I'll take your silence as agreement to making a mold of your penis. Call me when you have some free time so we can make it. Of course, your other options are to give me a description, or retract your atta girl sorta way nonsense. Let me know. Bones.

A squeal of tire rubber could be heard as Booth pulled out of the Jeffersonian parking area at high speed. Yes. Sweets had to pay!

A/N: Fun, and maybe a bit off, but like I said I couldn't resist. I hope you all enjoyed this one. Gregg.