Hellfire
Author's note: I figure if Illyana is attracted to anyone in the current Extraordinary X-Men lineup that it would likely be Kurt. Now we all know that Illyana is closeted Kitty obsessed, but we also know that Illyana will never initiate anything along those lines with Kitty (that being left to Kitty) as she values Kitty way to much to mess up that friendship. Now I think that Marvel will actually be having Illyana get involved with somebody (i.e. Lea of Hel) but I'm slightly hedging my bets with this story. Why Kurt? Why not?
Soooo... Our two boys are in a Hell (Limbo, not that they know that yet) and apparently we now partially know what caused it; in that Illyana was a recipient of Ghost Rider's Hellfire which can force the recipient to experiences all the pain they had ever inflicted on anyone else. Likely not a good thing for Illyana as she has hurt so many people.
When I first started trying to think up an Illyana story involving Ghost Rider I found out about Robbie Reyes and his Dodge Charger. First I thought that that they would be captured and tortured, but that was boring and I've done that before (See my story Mistakes were made). I then imagined a car chase with Robbie and Johnny being pursued across Limbo in the Dodge Charger and this story crystallized.
Minor apologies for any crudeness.
Part 3: Another fine mess that you've gotten me into (part 2)
The burning black Dodge Charger, now an involuntary convertible, was speeding away from the terrifying encounter that the two of them had been screaming about. Oh... FYI the car had a (Feel the Bern) political bumper sticker (Robbie was a big Bernie fan).
Robbie was looking up at the now missing car roof and was busy screaming about how the roof had gone missing. "It sucked the roof right off the car and swallowed! FUCK! Estamos tan jodido"!
Johnny was equally worked up. He'd fired a few blasts of Hellfire only to find that the creature, which looked like a red T-Rex dinosaur with the circular mouth of a lamprey, had paid the fire no mind.
"Drive faster Robbie"! Was Johnny's only comment. Yea, faster was a good idea. Now they were being followed by the weird T-Rex and the Velociraptor mounted demons. Sucks to be popular. Johnny refrained from saying that it couldn't get any worse. He knew that it could always get worse.
Johnny was franticly trying to come up with something, anything, but he was drawing a blank. Almost vanishing down that tooth filled chainsaw of a gullet was not helping to get the creative juices flowing. Nor was his massive desire to pee, they had consumed mucho beers back in Mexico City and now some other juices really wanted to flow. Robbie had a bladder the size of two liter jug, or so he liked to boast; boy could pee for two minutes straight Johnny's was more pint sized and it was very very full.
Robbie yelled over the wind noise, road noise, vibration, and the stereo which was now playing Good Good Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys. "You really mean to tell me that you have no idea just who the que rabia perra del infierno is"?!
...
I'm pickin' up good vibrations
She's giving me excitations (Oom bop bop)
I'm pickin' up good vibrations (Good vibrations, oom bop bop)
She's giving me excitations (Excitations, oom bop bop)
Good, good, good, good vibrations (Oom bop bop)
She's giving me excitations (Excitations, oom bop bop)
Good, good, good, good vibrations (Oom bop bop)
She's giving me excitations (Excitations)
...
"Shut that fucking stereo up"! Johnny suddenly screamed, then, using his shotgun, fired a hellfire burst into the dashboard, thereby blowing the stereo to bits.
The stereo died as a lost "gooddddd vvvibbbrrrratiiionsssssss..." warbled in slow motion.
Robbie was pissed, bad enough that they were in hell (again!) but now Johnny was shooting at the car. "Chill Bro'! That's so uncool! Cálmate tonto"!
Then... ominously... another song began to play on the car speakers, even though the stereo was shattered mass of sparking electrical parts and plastic.
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul to waste
It was Sympathy For The Devil by The Rolling Stones
And I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around St. Petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Held a general's rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
(Woo woo, woo woo)
...
...
A creature began to take form in the back seat. It was a man red of flesh. He had wild and crazy longish blackish red hair. He wore a tattered red cloak with a high collar, both the cloak and his hair were flapping madly the car's slipstream, and a tattered red loin cloth. His feet were concealed by elegant red leather boots and he was wearing a red cowboy hat; which somehow remained in place despite the slip stream. In short he looked like a devil minus a tail on his way to a western. He was grinning and singing along with the song.
...
I shouted out,
Who killed the Kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me
(Who who, who who)
Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached Bombay
(Woo woo, who who)
...
Johnny turned in his seat to confront...
"Mephisto! I should have known this was all your doing"! Screamed Johnny who then fired the shotgun at Mephisto.
Mephisto held up his right palm and deflected the hellfire shot, similar to Darth Vader deflecting shots from Han Solo in Empire strikes back.
Mephisto continued to smile as he spoke. He wasn't shouting, yet he could be clearly heard over the appalling noise. He had a voice like broken glass and razor blades stuffed into a burning garbage disposal, yet it also sounded a bit like the country singer Johnny Cash.
"Johnny boy! How's it hanging my man? Sorry to disappoint, but none of this is my doing".
"So she's one of yours!" snarled Johnny as he continued to fire at Mephisto who continued to knock the shots away, rather like he was playing ping pong with just his hands as paddles.
"Wrong again Johnny boy. That toothsome filly is not yet part of my herd, though I'd love to have her on team Mephisto. She's a thinker and a doer! No no Johnny boy, this little sitcom is all on you and your Bro'".
Johnny finally relented on firing the shotgun as it wasn't making a difference. "Why are you here"?!
"Just couldn't resist. Who doesn't love a road trip and your little predicament just had me rolling on the floor. Rolling I tell you! Since you're mine, in so many ways, I was able to manifest here and join in this little escapade".
"Get out"! Screamed Johnny.
Mephisto wiped away an imaginary tear "Ahhh, always quick with the rejection Johnny boy. Makes a fellow feel... unwelcome. Oh well, guess I'll just mossy on back to Hell as it were. Just me and my knowledge of who and what you're fighting. Toodles! I'll just be going now...". Mephisto started to fade away.
Johnny hated saying it (well... in reality screaming it over the noise) but... he needed answers and he needed them now, and... damn it he so wanted to pee (but stopping for some relief was a real bad idea). "Shit... Wait! I can't believe I'm asking you but... Just who... what is she"?!
Mephisto faded back in. "Oh... So now you want me around. You never call, never say hello, ignore my emails, you even pretend you don't see me in the checkout line when I wave at you. Rejecting an old old friend like me, after all the... " Mephisto smiled a smile that was not nice at all. "good times we've had".
Mephisto leaned back in the set, crossed his legs, smiled, and continued. "It's good to see you Johnny, I've missed you. Soooo... I take it that this is your little brother. Introduce me if you please".
"Bastard"!Snarled Johnny as he unleashed his chain to bind Mephisto. Well... he tried to unleash his chain, what resulted was that a truncated chain erupted about a foot from Johnny's waist and then convulsed, the end glowing white hot as if somebody had chopped the end of it off.
Johnny screamed in pain and the chain went limp.
"That's gotta hurt" Mephisto leaned forward and spoke with a sympathetic tone and expression. "Need to take it easy on the chain for a while Johnny boy; give the enchantment and magic time to heal from what she did to you. Tsk, tsk, so sad. I remember when your chain was so long and... firm. Now its become small and... flaccid. I do hope that this doesn't translate into other physical inadequacies".
"How... how was that even possible" Johnny gasped in pain. "Nobody's ever been able to cut the chain before! I thought it was unbreakable"!
Mephisto had a kindly look, like a wise old uncle explaining the facts of life. "You boys picked the wrong coño to mess with. She's three and O so far when it comes to dealing with the baddest of the bad asses. Girl is very... impressive; thought so from the moment I saw her but I had to hide that little factoid away from the little gathering I was at".
Robbie shouted a question as they went around yet another bend in the road. "Damn it! Who is she"?!
Mephisto leaned back. "I'll answer when you both agree that I get to stay and run the race with you by your side as a passenger. This is just too delicious to miss. Deal"?
Shit. And the day had started so well, beers, taco's, and a chance at quality coño with big hooters. No sense in asking why Mephisto wanted to hang around, he would likely lie; although Johnny did have to admit that things were looking very... grim. Crap! They needed information and they needed it now.
Johnny threw in additional conditions. "Deal, but we want lots of details, not just some lame snippet of an answer"!
Mephisto looked Robbie in the eyes, via the rear view mirror, with a questioning look.
"Deal"! Shouted Robbie.
Mephisto smiled and began to speak (Robbie noticed that Mephisto's teeth were rather sharp).
"You boys have picked a fight with a gal by the name of Magik, A.K.A Darkchilde, A.K.A Illyana Rasputin. A.K.A Queen of Limbo. She's an X-Man. Hero. Rescuer of wayward children. Lover of Cats. Defender of the weak. Teacher to the young. And... part time Hell Lord; I guess we all have hobbies. This is Limbo, her realm, which is an entirely magical dimension which she rules. A place between places that ended up becoming a place over the eons. A... Hell to some... well... ok everybody. I find it a bit dry myself, prefer a moist heat. Oh, and she's a Mutant as well".
Mephisto broke the bad news with a look of uncle'ish concern, like they had just broken Mom's favorite vase. He leaned close and put his arms around both of their shoulders.
"Boys... you've managed to pick a fight with one of the few entities that can actually end a Ghost Rider if they're sufficiently motivated and you're in the heart of their power; which, by the way, you are. And you've kind of motivated her; by... you know... driving her mad".
Mephisto leaned back and laughed. "Think Godzilla on the rag and you might be close to understanding just how badly you've shoved your dicks in the blender".
The last of the song played while Johnny and Robbie contemplated Mephisto words.
...
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
(Woo woo)
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste, mm yeah
(Woo woo, woo woo)
...
