I'm not completely happy about this chapter. My intentions are good and the content is accurate to how I feel it should be. I'm just not satisfied with the language. If anyone wants to improve it send me a note. You already know that my English is a little wobbly so... I would say be gentle, but really... be brutal. I need to learn.
It will be one more chapter before this story is done. Seriously.
The only plan Dean had when he left was to get groceries and other necessities so they could stay in the Batcave for an extended period of time. It took a bit longer. Dean knew perfectly well that he was procrastinating the return on purpose. He didn't want to ponder over it but he felt the need to be alone for a while. He knew that his love for Cas was deeply rooted in his soul but that he got turned on by the guy was very disturbing.
He fueled up Baby and went for a drive around town, the music cranked up to the highest level. He sang along with Robert Plant and Brian Johnson earning curious looks from some bystanders when he had to stop for red lights or something else. Dean didn't bother to turn the volume down. He needed the distraction from the music and didn't care if it annoyed anybody.
When he spotted an Outlet store he pulled over and parked. Castiel needed clothes. For a moment Dean wished he'd brought the guy because he didn't really know what Cas would like to wear.
As he walked around in there he figured that Castiel wouldn't really know either. The guy had been wearing the crappy trench-coat and the cheap suit for forever. Dean remembered the future Cas in his casual clothes and the sick Cas in his hospital wear but that was brief moments in time. Dean was pretty sure that Cas wouldn't care about the outfit at the moment.
Shopping for clothes was not one of Dean's favorite pastime but he spent an hour in there before he had a cart filled with clothes and other necessities for a fresh-out-of-heaven person. He'd added a couple of items for Kevin too figuring the boy needed something extra in his closet. Tucking the purchase into the trunk of the car Dean checked the time and decided to start planning his return.
At a Wall-Mart a couple of blocks away he got almost everything else on his list. He added some ammo and a two quarts of motor oil to the pile and headed for the register. Now he only needed to find a liquor-store. There was no way in hell he was going to stay sober this evening. Dean knew he needed to numb himself somewhat. He'd tried to be on top of things since the trials but now it should be his time to relax.
They would all be okay at the bunker. Sam was slowly getting better. Castiel was safe and Kevin was getting back to normal. That the boy acted like a cranky teen at the moment didn't bother Dean so much. He was pretty sure that Kevin would come around eventually.
Back home it was quiet. When Dean came down the stairs Kevin got up and helped him with his load and together they brought the groceries to the kitchen. "Sam is awake. I brought him the computer." Kevin threw out casually. "He wanted to take a shower but I urged him to wait till you were back."
Dean nodded. "Good. What about Cas?" Kevin rolled his eyes. "I have barely seen him since you left. He locked himself into the bathroom for... forever but..."Kevin sighed. "I think he took another shower." They stocked up the fridge and Dean left the rest of the food on the counter for Kevin to put away. "I'll check on them. Is Cas still in the bathroom?" Kevin scoffed. "No. I had to force him out when Sam needed to go. He has been cooped up in your room till now."
Dean chose to check on Sam first and was happy to find him propped up in bed with the laptop open. "You feel better I guess?" Dean walked over to him and sat down on the edge of the bed. Sam gave him a tired smile. "I'm still a little weak but I feel much better now, yes." He closed the laptop and leaned back. "We have to get out there and find out what's going on."
Dean patted his shoulder. "We're not doing anything before you're back to normal. I can't handle the others alone." Pointing to the computer he got up from the bed. "See what you can find out from that. I'll be back."
As he was about to exit the room Sam tried to get out of bed. "I could really need to clean up. I think I'll feel even better after a shower." Dean turned to him and urged him to get back in bed. "I'll help you, give me a minute to find out how Cas is doing."
Out in the hall Dean had to take a moment to think through everything that was going on. So this was his life now. Training a former angel, nursing his brother back to health and dealing with a teenager with an attitude. It was slightly overwhelming. Fighting monsters and demons was a piece of cake compared to this.
With a sigh he knocked the door to his own room. Not waiting for an answer he went inside and found Castiel sitting on the bed with a book in his hand. "How's it going? Why did you shut yourself in here?" Dean walked over and sat down next to Cas. "We all have to try to get along. We're gonna have to stay together here for a while."
Castiel's lifted his hand and put it on Dean's thigh. "I know, but it feels weird. I feel weird." With a heavy sigh he lifted his head and looked at Dean. "I don't even know my own body. It's not easy to be human." Dean looked at the hand on his thigh and had fight the urge to grab it. "I understand." He really didn't. How was it possible to understand what Cas was going through. Castiel's hand moved a little and Dean almost whimpered when he felt his blood rush towards his crotch. He got up quickly and turned to the door. "I have to help Sam take a shower and then I'll make some food. Sam is better and can possibly get up and eat with us."
He'd already exited the room leaving the door open when Cas' voice reached him. "Uh, I can help Sam. He knows how right? He just need someone there to make sure he can stand on his feet?" The feeling that raged through Dean as he heard the words should not be present. He wanted to be happy that Castiel offered to help. Instead he got seriously jealous thinking about Cas and Sam in the bathroom together.
"I, I... don't know. He's my brother. I should help him." He still had his back turned to the room and he startled when Castiel's hand touched his back. "Trust me Dean. I can handle it. He's like a brother to me too."
Dean swallowed hard. He needed to get rid of these ridiculous feelings he had for Castiel. He took a couple of steps forward making Cas' hand slip away before he turned around. "Okay, it's okay. Come on."
After helping Sam pick out some clothes Dean left the two of them alone and walked over to the kitchen. Passing through the living area he looked at Kevin. The boy seemed to be asleep but got up when Dean approached. "So Cas is gonna help Sam? Wouldn't that be a case of the blind leading the blind?" He laughed a little but obviously noticed that Dean was not amused. "You don't trust him, do you?"
Dean shrugged his shoulders and entered the kitchen with Kevin following right behind. "I do, but, but there are so many things he doesn't know. I worry he'll injure himself seriously one day. As an angel he couldn't be hurt by things that could kill him now when he's a human."
As Dean picked out some bread and started to make sandwiches he noticed that his hands were trembling. He had to teach Cas to be careful. To not jump in front of cars or try to shield the others from bullets. Dean wondered if Castiel himself was aware of how fragile the human body really was. Kevin grabbed his forearm. "Careful. You're shaking. Let me handle the knife."
Dean gave Kevin the knife and pushed away from the counter. "You do it. I'm too tired. I didn't sleep last night at all." Kevin shook his head and then he peeked at Dean. "So get some sleep. I'll do this. I'll make sure everybody get's fed."
Dean went to his room and lied down but couldn't sleep. He could hear water running and went to the bathroom door to eavesdrop. The sound of laughing and giggling from in there made his stomach churn. Dean knew he should be happy about it but he couldn't help feeling left out. He wanted to be the one who could joke around and have fun with Cas. Instead he was bothered by his own carnal urges.
Not only that – although it was startling enough in itself – Dean had to admit to himself that he was in love with his angel. "His Angel!" It was true what Sam had said. Castiel was always mostly Dean's angel.
"I'll be fine now. If you can find my slippers..." Sam's voice came through the door and Dean rushed to get out of the way. He managed to slip into his room before Castiel opened the door. "Under the bed? I'll find them." Dean heard Cas enter Sam's room and only a minute later he was back in the hall. Cas gave the bathroom door a quick knock. "I'll leave them here outside." Dean couldn't hear Sam's answer but when he was sure that Cas left the hall he walked out the door finding himself face to face with the former angel.
"You know I think I have some of that old mojo anyway. I knew you were here." Castiel gave Dean a crocked smile and leaned on the door frame. "How can I make you trust me?" They were standing so close that Dean could feel Cas' breath on his skin. He took a quick note to remind himself to teach Cas to brush his teeth. Not that his breath was too bad but it would be a good thing to learn anyway. Dean closed his eyes. "I, I... it's not that I don't." He couldn't continue. He knew he had to get out of this situation before he did anything foolish.
Dean tried to step back but Cas grabbed his arm. "So there are a few things I don't know but there are also a lot of things I do know." He stared into Dean's eyes as he spoke. "I've studied humans. I know how you act in different situations. How this body reacts to all of this is new to me, but I'll learn." His hand came up to Dean's cheek. "I'd still take a bullet for you though."
Dean startled. "Seriously? Are you really able to still read my mind?" Dean couldn't stop the rush of blood to his face. If that was the case he was so screwed. Castiel let his hand fall down. "No, don't worry. But I'm not stupid. You're afraid I'll be a liability, but I won't be. My human brain knows what can hurt me or even kill me." Cas looked down for a second and Dean scoffed. "Like boiling soup?" Castiel chuckled. "Oh, that, that was just me not thinking. I saw you do it and figured... and remember, I was extremely hungry."
The proximity of Castiel's lips made Dean want to lean in and kiss them but he was saved from his own thoughts by Sam exiting the bathroom. "Hi, guys. What's up?" Dean seized the opportunity to get away from Castiel. "Sam. How are you feeling man?" Sam was obviously still a little under the weather. He was holding on to the wall as he put his slippers on. "Still tired, but I'm definitely better." He sighed. "Could use some help though, I'm a little dizzy."
Dean rushed over and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Hold on little brother. Kevin is making sandwiches." He turned to Cas briefly. "Come on. Let's play happy family."
After they were all fed and comfortable Dean decided to show Castiel what he'd bought for him. Cas acted like a child on Christmas morning and Kevin frowned from his seat. "Did someone have a birthday?" Dean got up from the floor where they were sitting at the moment and threw a bag on to the couch. "I got something for you too." The guy looked into the bag and gave Dean a smile. "Nice. This is really nice. Thank you." He said as he pulled out a pair of jeans and a couple of t-shirts.
Dean turned back to Cas and continued to hand him things from the the other bag. Castiel seemed to be pleased about every item Dean showed him. When Dean presented the leather jacket Cas stared at it for a moment before he let his finger run over the seams. Then he put it on and ran to the mirror to look at himself. "It looks like yours." Cas' voice cracked a as he watched his own reflection. Dean got a little embarrassed. "I hope you like it?" He smiled watching Cas try to look at himself from different angles.
Cas never answered the question but eventually he came back and picked the remaining items out of the bag. It was mostly underwear and toiletries and when Cas found a razor and a toothbrush he wanted to use them immediately. Dean had to chuckle a little as they walked to the bathroom. He offered to help but Cas was adamant about doing it himself. "I've watched you and Sam do this many times, I can handle it."
Dean wasn't sure when that had happened but he figured that Castiel had watched over them unnoticed when he was an angel. It didn't bother him He knew that Cas had been in his head. Ever since perdition he had no secrets from the guy. Not until now anyway.
A couple of small nicks on the chin and a set of bleeding gums later Castiel was done. He looked into the bloodstained sink. "Is this supposed to happen?" He turned to Dean with his eyes wide open. Dean shook his head. "Not normally, but honestly; you did good for your first try." He tried to give Cas an encouraging look. "It will be easier, and less bloody over time."
Two hours later Sam was back in his room. Dean had tried to make him stay with them but Sam was too tired and wanted to go to bed. He'd reassured Dean that he felt much better but that his body was craving rest. Kevin was lounging on the couch trying to find something interesting to watch on TV and Castiel was in the library reading.
Dean stared into the amber liquid in the tumbler. He wondered if Castiel was aware of how boring life as a human could be sometimes. Dean almost panicked thinking about how long they would have to be cooped up in the bunker. He felt restless and antsy already. It didn't help that Cas' presence gave him warm and fuzzy feelings.
He tried to concentrate on the articles he'd found online as he took a sip from the whiskey. The web was riddled with news about the unexpected meteor-shower last night. All over the world scientists were discussing this supernatural event and nobody seemed to have a satisfying answer.
Dean had searched for articles that could have something to do with the fallen angels, but except for one story from a local newspaper somewhere in Arizona there was nothing. A park ranger had discovered a man walking around aimlessly in the woods. He was brought to a local hospital but before a doctor got to see him he'd vanished. Dean knew it could have just been a random weirdo or an Alzheimer patient but he bookmarked the page to show it to Sam later.
He had another shot of whiskey and welcomed the buzz from the alcohol. He knew he needed sleep but couldn't make himself go to bed. The others depended on him. Dean was perfectly aware that he couldn't stay awake forever but he wanted to wait until Kevin and Cas decided to turn in too.
A tap on his shoulder startled him and he turned abruptly. Castiel was standing there with a book in his hand. "I found this. It's about how to detect angels. We can use it to find them." The pleading look on his face made Dean a little emotional. Castiel wanted to find his peers. "Are you sure you want to find them? They may blame you."
Castiel nodded slowly. "I know, but I have to explain myself. They have a right to know what happened." Dean could understand what Castiel meant but he was still hesitant to agree with him. "They, they may want to kill you." Dean hitched his breath from the mere thought of losing Cas to a bunch of vengeful angels.
Again Cas just nodded. "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. They are my kind, I have to try to help them regardless." Dean was not able to control himself as he jumped up from his seat and wrapped his arms around Cas. "No, Cas. They are not your kind anymore. You're human. You're our kind." He let his hand travel up Castiel's back and leaned his head on the guy's shoulder. "You belong here with us, with me."
