Sasori's Requiem


Sasori: Come to my room and we can do some fun things there.

Gaara: . . .

Sasori: Here have some candy.

Gaara: . . . (Takes to candy and unwraps it slowly and stares at it for a while.)

Sasori: It's not poisonous. Come on, I hate waiting.

Gaara: (Nods and takes a bite.) . . . this is . . . disgusting.

Sasori: What the-?! I liked it better when you were mute. This is the best chocolate in the world!

Gaara: "Todoki" tastes a lot better.

Sasori: To-todoki?! You get to eat Todoki?! That's stuff's expensive even for me!

Gaara: I eat it everyday.

Sasori: And they call me spoiled. Listen, shit. Next time you visit, you better get me some.

Gaara: Um, I have some now . . . would you like it?

Sasori: Duh, give it to me!

Gaara: Will . . . will you be my friend if I do?

Sasori: Why not? Now give, you piece of shit.

00000

Hidan: Fucking awesome! Your room's sparkling clean and organized!

Sasori: I didn't know that a cleaning servant is suppose to be in awe. It's your job to make everything perfect like the way it is now. You won't disappoint me, right?

Hidan: Ha! Fuck that! Your grandma just pays me to babysit you, srsly.

Sasori: I don't need to be babysat.

Hidan: Bullshit, that's what they all say, srsly.

Sasori: Whatever. Go downstairs and get me a snack.

Hidan: F-ck! Get your own shit!

Sasori: It's your job to get stuff for me.

Hidan: Oh . . . right.

(After some time . . . )

Hidan: Here you go, f-cker!

Sasori: How stupid . . . when I say snacks, I don't mean fattening shit. I want candy.

Hidan: I know that, srsly. The chips are for moi, this teeth rotting stuff for you.

Sasori: Moi?

Hidan: It's French.

Sasori: There's no such thing as this thing called French.

Hidan: Fuck you!

Sasori: Oh you would like that wouldn't you?

Hidan: ARE YOU FUCKING FLIRTING WITH ME?! HOMO!!

Sasori: Ah-no! Get the hell out of my room!

00000

Deidara: So this is Sasori no Danna's new servant. Hello, I'm Deidara the Bombing Devil, un.

Hidan: Fuck. I knew this messed up kid would have messed up friends . . .

Deidara: Where's Danna?

Hidan: Shower. So . . . uh . . . are you a girl or a boy? Or both?

Deidara: I'M A BOY, UN! If you tease me or insult me on having a girly appearance then I WILL FUCKING BLOW YOU UP!!

Hidan: Fuck, calm down! Judging by the way you said that, another fucker has called you a girl, amiright?

Deidara: U-un.

Sasori steps out of the shower, wearing only a towel loosely tied around his waist. Water is dripping from his hair and sliding down his slightly scrawny body.

Deidara: Sa-sasori no Danna!! Go put some clothes on!

Sasori: What, brat? Am I making you hard already?

Deidara: Just put some clothes on, un!

Sasori: Don't peak, hmm?

Hidan: Fucking homo's totally flirting with you Dei-chan! Come on Sasori, get outta the fucking closet!!

Sasori: I AM NOT FLIRTING!

Deidara: (sighs) No, it's normal for Danna to talk this way. He even does this to his grandma.

Sasori: I DO NOT FLIRT! AKASUNA SASORI DOES NOT FLIRT!

Hidan: Then stop doing it, fucker!

Sasori: Call me fucker again and I'll really fuck you.

Hidan: . . .

00000

Deidara: Hidan, you don't seem to be very fit as a servant, un. Why are you one?

Hidan: Well I was kinda forced into it. My dad sold me to his grandma, srsly.

Deidara: Too poor to afford you, un?

Hidan: Nah, my old man was fucking rich, though you could never tell since our house looked like shit. Money-saving bastard. He just couldn't stand me.

Sasori: No one can stand you. Unless they're an idiot. His father just abandoned him like that? He didn't care at all for his own child?

Deidara: I can stand Hidan . . . probably. As long as he stops saying that I look like a girl and calling me Dei-chan!

Sasori: Proves my point.

00000

Doesn't it seem like when Sasori first appeared in the manga/anime, he was like flirting with Sakura and Chiyo?