Two and a Half Men Plus Two Girls
Charlie/OC
Charlie speaks with his lawyer and he goes to the nearby lab for the paternity test. Rose joins him for moral support.
A/N: This is my very first 'Two and a Half Men' fan fiction story. Please bear with me!
A/N2: From now until the end of the story, I am incorporating the chapter title at some point into the story. It could be at the beginning, middle or the end of the chapter. Just like the writers of the show do with the title of each episode.
A/N3: I apologize for the delay in writing and publishing this chapter. I suffered a nasty case of writer's block. Also, my muse was hibernating at times (she really needs to wake up and smell the mocha hazelnut latte whether she likes it or not!). For those who ask if I am going to continue with this story or not, don't worry, I have no intentions of discontinuing it. Give me time and you will be rewarded!
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Two and Half Men', CBS and Warner Brothers does. I only own my original characters.
Lawyers and Lab Work Can Be Hazardous to Your Sanity
Rose drove Charlie to his lawyer with his car. She had the urge to flip the bird several time, but her concern was with her love interest as they sat through traffic. She started to lightly hyperventilate.
"Hey, I should be the one hyperventilating," Charlie hissed. "You are not talking with a lawyer and getting some sort of DNA test that will determine the paternity of two girls."
"Don't forget I have a Masters degree in psychology."
"This is not helping!"
"Charlie, I am trying to get you to your appointments with both of us each in one piece!"
"I am sorry! I am anxious to find out whether or not I am a father."
"If it turns out that you fathered these girls, would you introduce them to your mom, brother and nephew?"
"I don't know about how my mom will react to having new granddaughters. I know that Alan would be happy about having nieces, but he will be jealous since he always wanted a daughter. He would have to settle for being their uncle and not their father. Jake, probably he would flirt with them if they are beauties. I have to tell him that the two girls are his first cousins."
"If they are your daughters, your mom has the right to know them."
"No, she will likely scar them for life emotionally. I don't even know what they look like. I just hope that they don't look like female versions of Jake."
"Charlie, don't say that about your nephew."
"I don't want my possible daughters to be knuckleheads like Jake. What were you thinking I would say?"
"Charlie, I thought you would say something about his weight."
"I wouldn't say that. I think Jake inherited that from Judith's side of the family."
"Okay, I think traffic is moving somewhat quickly. You'll get to your lawyer with plenty of time to spare."
The remainder of the ride was in silence. When they were nearby the building where the law firm was located, Rose drove to the valet parking. After she gave the valet her key, she joined a still nervous Charlie who was pacing back and forth.
"Charlie, stop pacing like a crazy idiot and talk to your lawyer," Rose snapped.
"Yes, ma'am! I shall stop my stupid pacing and see him now."
"Do you want me there when you talk to him?"
"No, you could wait in the reception area. He'll think you are the mother of those girls, not Julianne."
They entered the office suite where they were greeted by a middle aged receptionist. She asked Charlie to sign in and asked him what the purpose of his visit was. He told her that it was regarding possible paternity issues. He sat down and Rose gave him a magazine so he could temporarily get his mind off his troubles. A few moments later, a somewhat portly middle aged man appeared and saw the younger man nervously twiddling his thumbs.
"Charles Harper, I have been expecting you," the man said as he extended his hand to meet Charlie's in a firm handshake.
"Aaron, is Julianne in your office with her lawyer?" Charlie asked.
"Relax, Mr. Harper," Aaron replied. "It's just you and me today. However, Julianne and her attorney will want to meet with us in the near future. Who is this woman? Is she your wife?"
"No, this is my neighbor and friend Rose. She is here for moral support and to take me home when I have blood drawn for the paternity test."
"Enchantée," Rose shook the lawyer's hand.
"Rose, would you like to join us?" the older man asked.
"No thank you," she smiled. "I would rather wait here and read these journals while you discuss legal matters."
The two men entered an office. It was like a stereotypically old fashioned office, but a computer and a cell phone. Aaron invited Charlie to take a seat and after the younger man sat down, he sat on his office chair.
"So, Mr. Harper, I am not going to ask what I can do for you," Aaron stated. "We both know what this is about."
"I know that I could be the father of twin girls," Charlie sighed. "Did Julianne, the mother, and her lawyer meet with you?"
"Yes, they did and he gave me this order for your DNA. Julianne suggested that you get it done right away."
"Does this test hurt?"
"They will swab your cheek and take some blood."
"I hope I don't pass out due to a massive blood loss, let alone the needle inserted in my arm."
"Charlie, it's just a about a teaspoon or two of your blood."
"I know that, but I want to still have vast majority of my blood still in my body."
The two men spent the remainder of the hour taking about legal matters and Charlie's music career. Both men got up and shook hands one more time before Aaron walked with him the reception area.
"Did he behave himself?" Rose asked.
"He was a good boy," Aaron chuckled as he handed Charlie the order for the DNA test.
"I getting a blood test," Charlie whined.
"Rose, it is pleasure to meet you."
"Once again, enchantée!"
As soon as they exited the office, Charlie and Rose went to the car. It would be a full five minutes before Rose started the car. Charlie sat in the front passenger seat and stared into space. Rose waved at his face a few times.
"Charles Harper, stop staring at blank space for the sake of gawking at outer space!" Rose snapped.
"Rose, do you want to scare me to death!" Charlie shouted.
"I'm sorry, but it appeared that you were mentally in another planet."
"Look, I didn't mean to freak you out. I am just thinking about this test."
"Are you also thinking about the ramifications whether or not you are their father?"
"I'll deal with it when the results are revealed. Rose, you went to college. Could you give me a quick overview on how many alleles do each of the twin have in common with me?"
"I took a only two or three courses in biology as an undergraduate, but I can tell you that they each would have 13 alleles in common with each biological parent."
"Okay, it's good to know."
Rose continued to engage Charlie in further conversation in a few subjects while keeping her focus on the road. By the time they arrived at the parking lot of the lab, Charlie was grateful that he didn't have to think about the worst part of the pending tests. After Rose parked her car, Charlie walked toward the building. He was followed by Rose almost immediately and they searched for the suite the testing lab was located. He entered the suite's reception area where he signed in and gave the receptionist the order. When he took a glimpse of the woman, he thought he saw Berta's doppelganger. He immediately sat down after she gave him the death glare. He was called by a technician right away. The younger man escorted him into a room where he prepped his patient for the blood test. Then Charlie had to open his mouth so the tech could swab the inside for cells.
Three hours later, Charlie was back home lying on his couch. He had just woken up and didn't know where he was. The last thing he remembered was being in the reception area of the testing lab.
"Charlie, it's good to see you awake after Jake and I had to help Rose carry you from her car to the couch," Alan smirked.
"I am going to fucking kill her if she had given me a drink with a Mickey in it," Charlie hissed.
"She told me that you passed out after you finished with your tests. She had to get the lab guys to bring you from the lab to her car."
"Uncle Charlie, you are such a dork!" Jake smirked.
"Jake, go to your room and do your homework before I get chewed out by your mother!"
"Okay, don't pop a hemorrhoid!"
"Alan, don't be so hard on him."
"Charlie, if you are the father of these girls, you will have to learn to deal with them if and whenJulianne gives you visitation rights."
After telling his brother the possible truth, Alan walked towards Jake's room. Charlie slowly got up from the couch and went to the kitchen. He took a bottle of beer from the refrigerator and opened it. He took one sip and a sat at the kitchen table.
"Ah, lawyers and lab work can be hazardous to your sanity!" Charlie groaned and continued to drink his beer.
TBC (AKA: MEEEEEEEEEN!)
