"So let me get this straight…" The hazel eyed man stared at the blonde sitting across from him. He touched his index finger to his temple as he paused, "…she made her friend's daughter hide in a closet and pretend to be a ghost to pretty much fuck up your sale….." He held back a laugh and pinched the bridge of his nose, "…Am I….am I getting this right?" Sam nodded slowly as he sipped his coffee and pet the cat that sat on his lap.
He made a face at the bitter brew and put it down on the coffee table, "Why am I drinking this? I hate coffee." He frowned at his long term friend. "See what she's doing to me? I'm drinking coffee Puck! I wanted to make a hot chocolate…..and I made coffee." He shook his head and scratched the side of his face.
Noah Puckeman stared at his friend and gave him a sly grin, "Do she got a booty?"
Sam sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, "She do."
Puck sucked in a breath, "That sucks man…" He watched as Sam absent mindedly stroked the gray cat in his lap. "…dude, when did you get a cat?" Sam paused for a moment, looked down at the feline, and then jumped up. The cat roared to life, dashed through the house, and out the front window.
"Holy hell!" Sam exclaimed as he looked at his hands in slight disgust, "I don't even know whose cat that was." He shook his head, "What's happening to me man?" He began pacing back and forth, "I honestly just want to ask her out for some drinks or something, you know?" He shrugged, "Get to know her, figure her likes and dislikes…"
"So you can crush her." Puck offered.
Sam shook his head, "No, so I can date her." His friend stared back at him in confusion. "Yea, I know. It's confusing, but I told her that I was going to destroy her career and I'm a man of my word Puck."
Puck leaned forward and stared at the obviously troubled man. "Alright, so what do you want me to do?" He bit his lip, "Does she have a dog? I can steal it, keep it for a year, make it love me unconditionally, and then give it back to her." He grinned mischievously. "That dog will whimper all the time because it misses me and then real estate chick is going to be crushed!" After a moment a slight frown transformed his face, "I'm going to miss that dog man….." His lip quivered, "I don't think I can do it Sam…I can't do it to that little dog. Especially if it's a chick dog, she'll never want to leave me. It's a curse and blessing." He stared down at his hands as he thought about the imaginary dog.
Sam raised a brow at his friend's back and forth, "Are you okay?"
Puck sniffed, "Yea man, just give me a second." Sam had to really rethink his friendships through.
"Alright, snap out of it." He snapped his fingers, "This is what I need you to do…."
Mercedes stepped into the house and looked around nervously. After Sam had threatened her career she always seemed to be on edge that he would pop out of the shadows, inciting a heart attack or something. Maybe this was the curse; she would make herself go crazy living in fear of when the attack would eventually come. She slung her black purse, her only purse, around her shoulder and peeked into the kitchen. Her ears perked up at the sound of footsteps behind her. She grabbed her mace and pointed it in the direction of the intruder. The tall handsome tanned man put his hands up, "Woah there mama, let's not get crazy here." He smiled and then stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I just came to check this place out….what a warm welcome." She immediately put the item away and frowned.
"I'm so sorry sir."
The man shrugged and licked his bottom lip, "Not sir. Puck." He winked, "Rhymes with something I'm really good at…." She raised a brow awaiting the interesting response, "…luck. Because I'm lucky."
Mercedes stared at him for a moment, looking him over as if he were not too bright. "Mhm, well Puck…what are you looking for exactly?" He stared blankly at her, blinking slowly as he processed the question. "You are here to purchase a house right?" His eyes lit up and he began laughing.
"Oh yea, yea I am…looking for a house. Houses just like this one to be exact." He grinned and walked around a bit, her eyes followed his muscular form as he knocked on the walls and pressed his ear to it. "Good and sturdy foundation we got going on here." He chuckled to himself before placing his hands on his hips and letting out a long whistle. "So….do you have any dogs?" He turned to eye her, clicking his tongue awaiting her answer.
She looked out the door as more people began milling in, "Well hello there, welcome!" She said cheerfully, "I'll be right with you." Her expression became curious when she looked back at him. "Yea, I have a small dog. He's very friendly and would love this space to play in." She smiled warmly at him and he sniffed.
"Wow, yea. I just adopted a Golden Retriever yesterday." He smiled proudly, "I recently learned that I really love dogs, so I went out to the shelter and snatched Lil Bow Wow up." He fumbled in his wallet for a picture and showed Mercedes.
She held the picture and cooed, "What a cutie!" Puck beamed at her and stuffed the picture in his pocket. "He even looks a little like Bow Wow." She laughed and Puck looked her over.
"I know right?" He squinted at her and gave her a sad smile, "You seem like a cool chick." He shook his head and muttered "shame" under his breath.
"Sorry? What was that?" She inquired.
He cleared his throat, "I said….." He paused for a long time as he thought up an answer. "….is it hot in here?" She shook her head no. "I'm going to just ….." He pointed towards the stairs as more people trickled into the house. "I'm just going to look around."
"Okay let me know if you need me." Mercedes offered him a weak smile. He was a very peculiar person and it made her feel like he was up to something or at least just a bit crazy. The day flew by quickly with random clients popping in and out of the home. She hadn't seen the man named 'Puck' leave but she assumed he must have slipped out when she was dealing with the other people around. At the end of it all, she made sure she locked everything up, and turned off all the lights. The day had been amazing and she even had interested buyers who were going to place an offer on it the next day. She stepped out of the house, made sure the door was locked, and headed home for the night.
Bright and early the next morning she received a phone call from the current homeowners blasting her for leaving the sinks on as well the tub. It had resulted in the flooding of the bathroom floor. Her eyes flew open in disbelief when they mentioned that the upstairs window was open and a picture of a Golden Retriever remained on the floor.
Sam whistled happily as he entered his new house. After having to clear his name by showing historical records of no deaths at his last listing, people felt more assured that a repeat offense wouldn't happen. The homeowners he typically worked with generally left fruit platters or vegetable platters in the fridge for him to set out. When he peeked in, his mouth began to salivate at the delicious chocolate brownies on the top shelf. Chocolate was definitely a weakness of his, he had to admit that. He grabbed one and hungrily ate one…..okay he ate two, but he was only human. They were absolutely delicious. He plopped them down on to the counter and grabbed a package of napkins from one of the cupboards. Whistling still, he laid them out for the people who would be by to look at the house in twenty minutes or so. He did his normal survey of the home to make sure it was in proper condition when his stomach began to make some weird sounds. The blonde made a face as he moved about the home, his stomach continuing to gurgle and fill with gases. He clutched at his stomach and stared longingly at the bathroom. He moved to enter it when he heard people enter the home downstairs. "Oh god." He groaned as his belly churned angrily.
"Hello!" A woman and a rather tall man entered looking thoughtfully around the property. "We're the Hudson's. I'm Tina and this is my husband Finn." Sam forced a smile and shook their hands. His belly made a loud 'Errrrrrrrrrrrr' sound that caught everyone's attention. They looked him over, "Sir are you okay?...you're turning red and sweating quite a bit there." The woman flipped her dark hair over her shoulder and looked at the tall brunette beside her. "Doesn't he baby?"
The taller man nodded and stared at Sam who was now turning pale. Sam groaned and clutched at his stomach. "Yea man, you should maybe see a doctor or something." He let out a small sneeze. The pressure buildup in his stomach popped at the quick sneeze releasing all the gas that he had in his toned body. "Sweet baby jesus." Finn whispered under his breath. Embarrassed, Sam ran up the stairs to the bathroom and stayed in there for a good hour. He held his head in his hands as he sat on his porcelain throne, ignoring the intrusive knocks of the people who had come to look at the home. Once he was finally able to stand again, he made his way down to the kitchen and found that everyone had left. The brownies and the platter were gone completely much to his shock. In its place was a single white envelope. He opened it carefully, read the contents before crumpling the paper in his hand and tossed it across the room in anger and annoyance.
"That's it!" He yelled to no one in particular. His eyes closed tightly as his stomach began to churn once again. He ran up the stairs to reclaim his throne. This was the last strike. He was ready to end her career now, he would make a call to a good friend as soon as he could stand for longer than five minutes.
The letter remained on the floor:
Dear Mr. Evans,
I really hope that you enjoyed the special brownies I prepared just for you! Based on what Tina and Finn told me, you seemed to enjoy them too much. I hope you didn't eat more than one….but if you did, then….oh well. I just figured that you needed to take a seat, so enjoy your throne Evans…enjoy it for the next two to three hours.
Mercedes wrapped her robe around her curvy frame and propped her leg on her bed so that she could moisturize the last limb on her body. She had just hopped out of a much needed bath and decided that she needed time to wind down after the stressful few days she had dealt with. Her wallet was lighter after she had to pay out of her own pocket for the damaged floor in the last house Sam had sabotaged. She laughed to herself as she wished that she could have seen the look on his face when he read the letter dropped off for him by her best friends.
The sounds of loud knocking at her door broke her out of her thoughts. She stared at her apartment door which was conveniently across from her bedroom. Unsure of what to do, she grabbed a pair of scissors from under her pillow, and headed to the door. She peeped through the eyehole and rolled her eyes. "What do you want Mr. Evans?!" She yelled out.
"I need to talk to you Ms. Jones. It's time we settle this!" He folded his arms across his chest.
She squinted one eye, "I've seen enough murder mystery shows not to fall for this." She sighed and pulled her robe tighter around her. "Now go home."
"I'm not leaving." He sat down on the cold floor and waited. Mercedes sighed and opened the door. The blonde looked up at her before he slowly stood up and towered over her. His eyes roamed over her curvy frame and landed on the swell of her breasts. The glance made her shiver. He looked into her eyes and pursed his lips in anger. "You could have killed me Mercedes. What if I had been feeling glutton that day!?" His face was slightly red.
Mercedes shrugged, "That was a risk I guess I was willing to take!" She narrowed her eyes back at him, "Do you know how much money you cost me because of your stupid friend leaving the water on in my clients house!? You….you ass!"
"Yea. But did you die?!" He roared from the door.
"No and neither did you jackass!" Her chest was heaving up and down as the anger coursed through her. They stared at each other for a moment before she took a step back, "Come in here." He looked at her in confusion before stepping into the cozy apartment. "Alright we have two choices here."
Sam's green eyes darkened as he looked her over, "Uh huh and they are?"
"Well I'm pissed as hell and I haven't had sex in over six months. So we can continue to yell at each other until one of us pretty much kills the other….and I assure you I have good aim…." She waved the scissors menacingly at him. "…or we can deal with this the fun way." He stared at her for a moment, his face still red. She glanced at her hand awkwardly as she waited, "Actually never mi-" Before she could even finish her sentence, his lips were on hers. He kicked backwards, slamming the door behind him shut. She moaned into the fervor of his kiss as his hands found the sash of her robe, tugging it open. His cool hands slid across her skin as the robe dropped to the floor, pooling around her feet. She groaned, "Mmm…good thing you didn't die." Sam laughed against her lips.
"Shhh." He pulled her against him and kissed her again.
A/N: Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors. Leave feedback if you can, it's always nice to see.
