After Samael left, Marth and the others stood, dumbfounded, in front of the restaurant.
"So, what? You just go in there and fight?" Roy asked.
Marth blinked, realization breaking through. "Um... yeah."
"So... why aren't you moving?"
Marth shook his head vigorously. "Well..."
"Dude. Are you scared?" Ike asked incredulously.
"NO! Of course not!"
Ike put his arm around Marth's shoulders. "Look, Marth, you're my best friend." Ike ignored Roy, who was clearing his throat loudly. "We're like two sides of a sword. I'm the brawn, you're the brains. But right here, right now, this is your fight."
Link blinked. "Wow, Ike, that was probably the most intellectual thing I've ever heard you say."
"Why, thank y-HEY! That's an INSULT!"
Ignoring Ike, Pit stepped up to offer Marth his support. "Look, Marth, those Homophobe clowns are like undecided voters. They're the biggest idiots on the planet. If you just smile, dodge their fists, and act calm-which, I might add, you are very good at doing-it's just gonna tear 'em to pieces."
Marth rubbed his hands together and exhaled. "Okay. So, basically, I get on their nerves?"
"Exactly, my friend. Exactly."
...
When the boys stepped back in, Abby immediately waved them over.
"I'm starting to really like you," Ike said when they got to her. "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Abby sighed, exasperated. "Are you gonna fight those guys or not?"
"You better believe it, sister," Marth said as he made his way over to the gay-hating gang.
The poor gay couple was close to tears of humiliation and anger. The Homophobes were stealing their money, ruining their food, and worse. You probably would have wanted to fight them too. No, yes you would. Shut up.
"Hey," Marth said forcefully. The leader glanced up at him lazily, like he had all the time in the world.
"Oh, look, it's your boyfriend," the leader snickered to the couple. One whimpered. Marth felt sick and furious.
"You leave them alone," Marth said quietly, but with a steel edge to his voice. Ike flashed him a silent thumbs-up from behind the gang, ready to assist Marth at any second.
"Or what, Miss? You gonna... what's she gonna do, boys?"
"I'll tell you what I'm gonna do," Marth growled, but before he could do anything, one of the gay boys stood up and started straightening the collar of Marth's shirt. (During one of the intermissions, he took his sweatshirt off. Sorry for not telling you.)
"Dude! Not... not right now!" Marth said to the well-meaning teen.
"Good luck!" The other whispered as the leader advanced on Marth.
"Awww, now ain't that sweet," the leader crooned.
"Not as sweet as my victory's gonna taste," Marth retorted.
"Hey!" One of the gang members standing in the back called. "Look! He does got a boyfriend! Standin' back here! With the weird hair and-"
Well, he stopped talking then. Or rather lost the ability to speak. I mean, it's kind of hard to speak with a load of Ike-fist in your mouth.
The gang leader charged at Marth, as did two of his lackeys, while the rest went for an evilly grinning Ike.
Marth didn't just dodge, he jumped and flipped over the leader's head. Before anyone even had a chance to marvel at Marth's gymnastic ability, he had tackled the leader.
Even though the leader was bigger than Marth, Marth had a few advantages: he didn't lose his head in a tackle fight, and he was a brawler, after all.
Marth wasn't trying to best the leader in a tackle fight. Marth was smart; he knew that he was too small and skinny to do that. But Marth did happen to know the exact spot of many pressure points of the human body. Man, that huge gang leader didn't have a chance against skinny little Marth Lowell of Altea.
As their leader stopped struggling and started snoring, his two friend roared stupidly at Marth and charged him-from opposite directions. I think many people know how this will end up...
As Marth landed from his jump and the two chargers fell to the floor, moaning and holding their heads, two of the members who had previously been getting the crap kicked out of them by Ike turned on Marth, but didn't charge him.
"You're a smart little girl, ain'tcha?" One said angrily. But before he could trash-talk any more, a slightly high-pitched battle cry interrupted him and a scrawny little red-haired kid landed next to Marth.
"Roy...!"
Roy tossed his hair over his shoulder, which looked really stupid because his hair was pretty short.
"Who else? You thought maybe another dashingly handsome swordsman would come to your aid?"
There was a beat of silence, and the whole restaurant (who had been watching the fight) burst into laughter. Everyone, obviously including the Homophobes, was laughing-except for five certain boys and two certain homosexual boys.
Roy was so mad he was shaking. The color of his face perfectly matched his flaming hair.
"Aw, hey, look, he's all mad. I'm so sca-AHHHHHHH!"
He was cut off as Roy let out an even louder battle roar and tackled the gang member head-on.
Now, Roy was even smaller than Marth. You might think that he couldn't possibly win a tackle fight. Ever.
But Roy was arguably angrier than he'd ever been in his life. And Roy was not as rational as Marth in a fight. Or ever, really. He would only stop when either he or his opponent stopped breathing. Or moving and struggling, in this case, thankfully.
After Roy removed his hands from the member's throat, the few remaining members geared up for a fight. But any fool could see that they weren't quite as enthusiastic and confident as they had been at the beginning.
"Let's see... Ike had his fight, Roy's obviously satisfied, I took out the leader..." Marth murmured, ticking off on his fingers. "Link votes to abstain... guess that leaves you, Pit."
"Finally!" Pit said happily as he joined Marth's side of the fight.
The remaining Homophobes stared, then broke out into nervous laughter. One started to charge Pit.
Pit didn't react.
The Homophobe blinked, then ran faster and faster, his eyes wide with desparation.
Just as the Homophobe member was about to collide with him, Pit held out his hand. Instantly, the Homophobe was blasted into the wall by Pit's awesome angelic powers. (Yeah... he doesn't use them in the game. That doesn't mean he can't.)
The reamining two gang members looked at each other for a split second, passed an understanding, and hightailed it out the door, leaving their friends' bodies crumpled on the floor of the restaurant.
"ALL RIGHT!" Ike exploded, pumping his fist into the air.
"True that!" Marth replied happily.
The gay couple finally recovered from their shock and stood up to thank Marth, Ike, Pit, and Roy. They thanked Link too, because he had helped Marth keep his head.
"But why?" They kept asking. "Why would you choose to help your fellow man like that? No one ever does that."
"Look," Marth explained. "I... I don't even really know. People used to do that to me all the time, and... I know how it feels."
"Ahhh... so you're like us?"
Marth blinked, then started laughing hysterically.
"It never fails! I swear to you, my friends... always! Always people assume I'm queer! I'M NOT!"
"Oh... sorry."
"S'okay," Marth murmured as he left with his friends. "It never fails... always..."
Yay! The brawlers triumph! And, by the way... we're assuming that there were about 10-11 members of the Homophobes here. Just to give you a rough picture. Poor Marth. Even gay guys assume he's gay. Oh well. And hopefully I will continue this!
