I can't help but wonder if that night was my biggest mistake.
What the hell was I thinking?
"What came over you?" Gigi asked, obviously still astonished by my boldness as was I.
"I don't know," I admitted. "It was like an out of body experience almost. Something came over me and I just started walking over there. I honestly don't even remember what I was thinking."
"Well, either way I can't believe you did that," Gigi replied.
"Me either," I confessed as I watched Nathan from afar as he chatted with his friends. I couldn't help but wonder if they were mocking me; I assumed they were.
"You guys are totally going to date now," Gigi joked.
I gave Gigi a half smile and wishfully looked back at Nathan one last time, wondering if maybe this would be the catalyst I needed to get to know Nathan Scott.
For the remainder of the weekend, all I could think about was my dance with Nathan. I replayed it over and over in my mind, even all the horrifically embarrassing moments of the dance. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that I had actually danced with him.
Due to my spontaneous decision to ask Nathan to dance, I hadn't exactly taken what returning to school would be like.
I don't think I've ever been so terrified to go to school in my life. Actually, I think school is the only place I where I feel like I semi-belong. I excel at academics; I always have; probably in order to make up for my lack of talent in the social aspect of life.
Walking into the tutoring center the Monday following the dance definitely ranks on my list of most horrifying moments of my life; even though I was almost positive I would be beating Nathan there. I held my breath as I made my way towards the nearest table, my eyes solely focused on the table ahead of me and nothing else. I was desperate to avoid any awkward confrontation with Nathan; I really didn't need to make more of a fool of myself than I already had.
After pulling out the materials I needed for tutoring that day, I finally mustered up the courage to look around the room. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that Nathan hadn't arrived yet. My plan was to just focus on the freshman I was tutoring and hope to avoid Nathan altogether.
It didn't work.
I could tell the moment he walked into the tutoring center. The sound of squeaking basketball shoes rung in my ears and my heart instinctively started beating excessively. The smart thing to have done in this situation would have been to say hi or at least flash a smile in his direction, something that semi exuded confidence. Instead I stopped mid-explanation of geometry and stared intently at the math problem in front of me, trying to regain my focus.
Even after I had calmed down somewhat, I still couldn't shake my desire to look in Nathan's direction. Throughout my entire tutoring session, I could have sworn I felt Nathan looking at me. I have never been so relieved when the tutoring center closed for the day; I didn't think it was possible for time to pass that slowly. I quickly packed up my things and left, making sure I beat Nathan out of there.
But as I started making my way towards the school parking lot, I heard someone calling my name. I turned around and was greeted by Gigi, who was running to catch up with me.
"Hey, we really need to talk," she said breathlessly.
"Um, do you think it could wait? I really need to get going," I said, only half lying. I had no where to be but if Nathan Scott even so much as walked past me again I was pretty sure I'd pass out.
"I guess," Gigi hesitated. "Can we maybe meet after tutoring tomorrow?"
"Sure, sure," I agreed anxiously. "I really have to go now, see you tomorrow!" I quickly hurried through the hall, picking up the pace even more when I heard the familiar squeaking of basketball shoes.
My thoughts moved at the same pace of my feet as I raced through the hallway. I knew that I should be approaching Nathan, not running away. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. A simple hello would just be one more thing he could mock me about with his friends. I don't want to be a joke to him; and I guess I'm contradicting myself by assuming I would be a joke to him. I truly do believe that he has more of a heart than people assume; I'm just not so sure if he'd ever open up his heart to someone like me.
