It was the third full moon since Lupin had moved into the Tonks house. On these nights, he stayed in the cellar. It was a small space, but the family had tried to make it comfortable by placing a little bed in the corner and moving out a lot of the old junk. There was no way moonlight could permeate the room, due to heavy curtains hung on the walls. The August heat had made the cellar fiendishly hot, which bothered Lupin greatly. The last two full moons he had spent hidden under the duvet of the bed. Even though there was very little chance of moonlight entering and causing his transformation, Lupin felt somehow more protected that way. It was almost too hot to bear wearing robes tonight, though he did. He would feel even more wretched sitting alone in the dark naked.

The last two full moons had been comfortable enough. He had been exhausted on both occasions from work with the Order of the Phoenix and fallen into a deep sleep lasting till daybreak. This time was different. He had been in hiding, idle, since the Ministry fell four days ago. The days before that, he had been socialising. It was certainly not enough to make a man crave sleep. The heat made it even worse. Lupin lay on the bed, sweating and wishing he could turn his mind off.

He attempted to switch his mind to pleasant thoughts, in the hope that it may alleviate the stress and aid sleep. However, he could barely think of a pleasant memory in recent times. He had seen Harry again—that was usually a pleasure. The circumstances this time had been far from ideal, with George maimed and Moody killed. That death had really shaken Tonks. Moody had been her mentor and teacher, and Tonks had idolised the man, despite feeling exasperated sometimes at his obsession with security. She was particularly distraught that there had not been a proper funeral as there had been no body. Just like with Sirius. Lupin had held her while she cried, tight to his chest as her delicate body shook. She had told him that she did not know how she would have coped without him.

Bill's wedding was hardly a happier thing to think of. Tonks had insisted upon being blonde, and it highlighted her resemblance to her aunt Narcissa. It had provided a painful reminder of Tonks's lineage: descended from a family of fanatical purebloods, many of whom were Death Eaters. Not far related to Bellatrix Lestrange, murderer of Sirius, with whom she also shared blood. Then there was the wedding reception—people screaming and running, chaos reigning. Forced into hiding out of fear. Death Eaters torturing Andromeda and Ted. The whole world changing.

The worst thing about full moons was that they always reminded Lupin of Sirius. The times when they were young and indestructible, making a game of it with James and Peter. Even more painful were the memories of that glorious year when he and Sirius had been lovers. It had been the only day of the month that Lupin could legitimately spend the night in Sirius's room: they had told everyone that if Lupin transformed Sirius could assume his canine form and control him. Behind closed doors, though, they stayed in the four-poster bed and made love. Grimmauld Place was a house that seemed very unwilling to let light in, and he had never transformed. Remembering how it felt to have Sirius's bare flesh pressed against him made Lupin feel more lonely than ever. He could not allow Tonks to enter the cellar; he was terrified of transforming and sinking his lupine fangs into her soft white flesh. The very thought of that filled Lupin with horror.

It was then that he realised that, despite what Ted had said, what Tonks herself had said, he should never have married her. He should never have kissed her, and certainly never slept with her. It was just all wrong. Sirius could deal with his flaws, and even turn them into a game. Tonks would not be able to be included in this aspect of his life. As for the child inside her—Lupin thought that it would be better with no father that one who could turn into a monster once a month.

The more he thought of leaving, the more he felt it was the best course of action to take. Tonks was young and pretty. She could easily find a man her own age, a man who was whole and could love her as she deserved. The man could raise the child, keep it away from tainted influences like its biological father.

One question remained. Where would Lupin go? It was not a hard choice to make. Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place had been empty since Sirius had died. Lupin knew the security enchantments about the place, he knew that none of the Order dared go there. Most importantly, he would be close to Sirius.