"You're so full of shit!"

Kurt storms into the apartment, and Sebastian closes the door behind them before he follows after him.

"Sweetie..."

"Oh no," Kurt warns him, spinning around. "You don't get to 'sweetie' me; not when you're the one overreacting here."

"I'm overreacting?" Sebastian asks, voice suddenly dangerously low. "I, am overreacting? All right then - in that case: my deepest apologies for wanting to protect you!"

"But I don't need protecting!" Kurt exasperates. "I've made it this far unscathed, haven't I?"

"And I haven't - trust, I'm aware," Sebastian bites back. "Thanks for that reminder, by the way."

"Sebble..." Kurt reaches out but Sebastian immediately pulls away. "Seb, please - that's not what I meant and you know it."

"Actually - I don't," Sebastian snaps. "You were the one who came after me, you were the one who said we'd figure it out. You knew what you were getting yourself into with me, so I really don't understand what you're whining about now that you actually have to face the consequences of that decision."

"Seb..."

"No, Kurt! Just- no. We're not discussing this any further. It's either my way-" He stops and glances around, taking a deep breath before he returns his gaze to Kurt. "It's my way, or not at all."

The bedroom door slams shut behind him, and Kurt stands frozen for a few seconds before he lets himself sink down in the couch with a deep sigh, his head in his hands. He knows better than to run after his boyfriend right now, but the only other option -sit and wait until Sebastian gives up and comes out again- isn't very appealing either.

"So, which one of you is being stubborn this time?"

Kurt looks up at the familiar voice, and he forces a smile when he spots Jolene leaning against the kitchen door, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. It had taken him a while to figure out how to be around her, and not because she is transgender. It was just slightly awkward to meet someone who not only knew Sebastian so intimately -they'd dated for almost two years in high school until they'd moved to New York together and she'd finally dared to come out- but who was also still his flatmate ánd his manager. It was hardly surprising she and Sebastian were extremely close, and Kurt had often wondered if they'd still be together if Jolene hadn't decided to transition; Jolene always said 'no', Sebastian usually 'yes', but Kurt suspected he mostly said it just to spite Jolene. And Kurt.

"He's being plain impossible," he finally says in reply to Jolene's question, scooting over so she can sit down next to him. "His lab results came back as undetectable and his CD4 count was stable and so I figured we could renegotiate some things and the doctor agreed but he just freaked out on me and-"

He stops his own word vomit by burying his face in his hands again, and he only just catches Jolene's smile.

"What?" he asks tiredly, not quite sure what it was he said she could consider funny, but she just shakes her head.

"Nothing," she says. "It's just... a few months ago you barely knew what HIV was, and now you're talking about it as easily as if I'd asked you about the weather tomorrow."

Kurt gives her a wry smile.

"Isn't that what happens when your boyfriend is HIV positive and you tag along to his doctor's appointments?" He shrugs. "Now if only he would ease up about it a little we might actually be getting somewhere."

Jolene doesn't reply, and Kurt sighs.

"I just... I figure I just thought I'd be the one who was most scared, you know? I never thought I'd be the one pushing for more, and with Sebastian Smythe, of all people. Of all the things that could work against us -the safe sex, our characters clashing, our working schedules, ...- I never thought he would be the biggest hurdle to take."

"He's just... worried," Jolene says softly, putting her hand on his knee. "He doesn't want anything to happen to you."

"I know!" Kurt says impatiently. "I know, I do, I really do - and I don't want anything to happen to me either but... He just gets so... paranoid... over the whole sex thing, you know? I'm honestly not sure he even enjoys it with the way he obsesses over every little detail."

"Well, not to make it seem like I'm taking sides, but... don't you think he has a good reason to obsess the way he does?"

The way Jolene looks at him makes Kurt bury his head even deeper in his hands, and he sighs.

"You really think I'm taking this too lightly too, don't you?" he asks her, but she just shrugs.

"What I think is hardly important," she says, "although in my personal opinion I do feel the stakes are too high to take any risk. But they don't call it 'negotiated safety' for nothing, you know? There's two of you in this relationship, and there's two of you who have to agree on what you consider safe and what not, what risk you're willing to take."

"But he doesn't want to take any risk!" Kurt exclaims heatedly. "That's just the whole point! He... god, Jo, he barely even lets me touch him. I mean, I get he wants to be careful, but he acts like the world's gonna end when I... touch his dick or something."

He sighs again and then runs his hands through his hair. He just doesn't understand how Sebastian can go from the smooth, innuendo-loving flirt he is when there are other people around to the reserved, overly cautious lover he turns into whenever they're alone. Not that he's complaining about Sebastian's qualities as a lover - certainly not. Sebastian has never made a secret of his extensive experience -or how he'd gotten it- and while the idea in itself is still slightly unsettling to Kurt, it does have one distinct advantage: even with the little he is comfortable with, Sebastian knows exactly how to make Kurt squirm. Or scream. Or beg. Or all three at the same time.

No, quality wasn't the problem. But sometimes -just sometimes- Kurt wanted to be allowed to return the favor.

"Look, Kurt... I know this is probably not the way you imagined your relationship would be when you got him to go out on that non-date," Jolene tells him. "But please don't give up on him. I promise you: it'll be worth the wait."

She winks, and even though Kurt knows he can't hide the blush creeping up on his cheeks he ducks his head. He's long gotten over his shyness when it comes to talking about sex -or having it, for that matter-, but the reminder that Jolene probably knows every detail about his and Sebastian's relationship makes him suddenly self conscious. Jolene seems to notice though, because she starts rubbing her hand over his back.

"You're a good guy, Kurt," she says. "You're a good guy for Sebastian, and I hope one day you'll realize just how much you mean to him."

"I do," Kurt starts, but Jolene just shakes her head.

"The last three or four years have been really hard on Sebastian," she says, "and to be honest I never thought I'd live to see the day he'd dare trust someone enough to let them in. Just-" She raises her hand when Kurt wants to protest. "Just listen to me for a moment, ok? I don't know how much Sebastian has told you about me, or his other boyfriends, but what he's doing for you, what he's giving up... please don't take it for granted. And I know he's not the easiest person to be with - on top of everything else he's stubborn and selfish and quite frankly a serious pain in the ass. Although now that I think about it that might not be a bad thing necessarily... Anyway... the point is that he's trying. For you. He's trying so hard to be who you need him to be, and I really hope you'll let him prove that he's worth the hassle. He gave you a chance when you asked him to, Kurt. Now I'm asking you to give him one, too."

"O-of course."

Kurt's never really been subjected to an if-you-hurt-my-best-friend/brother/son/...-I'll-kill-you talk before -and to be quite honest he's not even sure this is one- but he's never seen Jolene so serious, and he has absolutely no idea how she expects him to respond, not in the least because for some reason it feels like she's talking about something more than just the HIV.

"Yeah- yeah, of course I'll give him a chance."

"Good," Jolene says, patting Kurt's knee again and smiling widely. "Really good. Now... think you're ready to kiss and make up?"

She nods her chin in the direction of the bedroom Sebastian had disappeared in half an hour earlier, and Kurt purses his lips when he follows her line of sight. Unlike Blaine, who tended to bottle things up and explode when it got too much, Sebastian usually exploded first and then proceeded to mull it over endlessly. Trying to talk to him before he had finished his mulling usually only led to more shouting, but letting him mull for too long could get him in a funk he was hard to snap out of. Finding the right balance was something Kurt was still working on.

"I don't know... ," he says hesitantly. "I think I should probably wait till he comes out himself."

But Jolene shakes her head.

"He won't," she says. "Not this time. He'll be either embarrassed or still mad, but whichever the case you'll need to take the first step. Try to be patient. Back up your arguments with statistics, leave out anything subjective - he's more likely to respond to facts than to feelings. Then let him talk. Respect his veto."

"Anything else?" Kurt asks amusedly, but Jolene doesn't return his smile.

"Love him," she says. "Love him, and make sure he believes it."

.

Sebastian's curled up on the bed when Kurt enters the darkened room, and Kurt only hesitates for a split second before he climbs on the bed too, wriggling himself into the small space between Sebastian's body and the book he's reading. He takes it as a good sign Sebastian doesn't push him away, even curls his arm around Kurt protectively, and for a while they just lay there, the only sound in the room that of their breathing and the occasional page turning.

"Did you mean what you said?" Kurt finally breaks the silence. "Would you really break up with me over this?"

Sebastian doesn't immediately reply, only adding to Kurt's nervousness, and when he pulls Kurt closer and presses a kiss against his hair, Kurt turns around to face him.

"Sebastian..."

"Kurt..."

"You would." Kurt doesn't even know why he's surprised -even in the heat of an argument Sebastian rarely says anything he doesn't mean- but he is. "You actually would break up with me if I'd insist on taking things faster."

"I would if that's what it took to keep you safe," Sebastian simply says.

"Stop talking about yourself as if you're a hazard to my health," Kurt says angrily, swatting at Sebastian's shoulder. "You're HIV positive, it's not like you carry the plague. Besides, you're undetectable now, so-"

"-that just means the test can't detect any virus particles in my blood," Sebastian cuts in. "It doesn't mean they're not there. I can still transfer the virus, we still have to be careful."

"And I'm not saying we shouldn't," Kurt tries to explain, "I'm just saying we could... loosen up a bit. I'm not gonna rip off your ear by nibbling on your ear lobe, Seb, it's not because my teeth are touch your skin they're gonna break through it. And there's absolutely no reason for me to have to wear a condom when you blow me - absolutely none. There wasn't one before and there isn't one now, even the doctor said so."

"But if I-"

"No documented cases," Kurt insists. "None. At all."

"There's a lot of cases where the way of transmission is unknown."

"There's also a lot of people dying in traffic but that doesn't stop us from crossing the road, does it?" Kurt says and then sighs, reaching out to let his thumb trace along Sebastian's jaw. "I know what I got myself into, Sebble. I really do. I'm aware you have this... thing... living inside you and that it would only take one moment of inattention for me to get it too. I know that it means that there's certain things we'll never be able to do. And I'm ok with that. But I don't want to spend my life being scared of you, I don't want to give this thing any more attention than it's already getting. I know the risk, Seb, and I'm prepared to take it."

"I know." Sebastian smiles -he actually smiles- and then tucks a stray strand of hair behind Kurt's ear. "But this isn't just about you."

"Sebble..."

"I'm not ready to taking that kind of responsibility, Kurt. No matter what you say, if anything would happen it would be my fault. And I won't... I can't let that happen. Not... I just can't. Okay?"

"Okay." There's something in Sebastian's eyes, a sadness that makes Kurt just wants to kiss him and hold him through the night, and he scoots a little closer. "I hadn't... okay. So... does that mean we'll just stick to hand jobs with condoms for the rest of our lives?"

It earns him an eye roll and a sigh, but there's no real irritation behind it.

"Give me time," Sebastian finally says. "I... just give me time."

"Of course." Kurt leans forward to press a kiss against Sebastian's lips. "Take all the time you need. You know I still love you no matter what, right?"

"I love you too," Sebastian smiles. "And I'll-uh... I'll think about that blow job thing. Okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah, of course that's okay. More than okay, even." The mere though of Sebastian's mouth on his dick, no layers in between, leaves Kurt more than a little breathless, and he swallows painfully. "And-uhm... not that I'm trying to push you here, we'll just go however slow you want us to go but... do you think maybe a change of scenery could help? A dash of romance, perhaps?"

"Romance?" Sebastian asks, his tone skeptical though his eyes are twinkling. "Kurt, you know I suck at that stuff."

"You're not all that bad," Kurt reassures him earnestly, kissing him. "And besides, sucking is kind of what we're trying to achieve here, so..."

He winks and Sebastian laughs, now thoroughly amused.

"All right," he says. "Romance. And how exactly were you planning to achieve that?"

"A little trip, maybe?" Kurt continues innocently, and Sebastian tilts his head impatiently.

"Kurt, if you're not gonna tell me what you have in mind, I swear-"

"Paris."

Sebastian's jaw drops, and Kurt grins. This was exactly the reaction he'd been hoping for.

"The company sends a small delegation to Fashion Week each year," he quickly explains before Sebastian can say anything, "and I finally worked up my way high enough to be eligible. So... I applied this morning, and my boss said I have a really good chance of getting in. Isn't it exciting? Isn't it?"

He claps his hands enthusiastically, lunging forward to give a still speechless Sebastian a peck on the lips.

"It'll be my first holiday in five years, Seb, and I could spend it in Paris, imagine! If I get it, of course, but... I mean, Paris! I've never been in Paris before - have you?"

"I-uh..." Sebastian stutters, clearly still overwhelmed. "Yeah. I-uh... senior year, a long time ago. I-... uh... I don't remember much."

"Perfect!" Kurt squeals. "We can discover it together! Or rediscover, in your case..."

"We?"

"Well, of course 'we', silly! You really think I would leave you behind when I'm off on my big adventure?"

"I'm not... Kurt, I've got to work, I can't just-" Sebastian stutters, and Kurt pouts.

"Ah come on... it's still months away!"

"But I don't w-"

But Kurt's not even listening anymore.

"And we'll talk to Jo, I'm sure she'll be able to plan it in. Just imagine it, Sebble - you, me, the most romantic city in the world..." He sighs, already picturing the two of them strolling along the Seine, climbing the Eiffel Tower, ... "It'll be awesome."

"Awesome..." Sebastian repeats, with little enthusiasm, but Kurt knows it's just because he's a little overwhelmed and he chuckles as he nestles himself against Sebastian's chest. After all, who wouldn't be excited at the prospect of a romantic getaway with their partner? He couldn't imagin a better first trip to Europe, a first trip to Paris, even, and he got to do it with the man he was head over heels in love with.

And he wouldn't even have to pay for it.