Dating the Devil
the third fixing what's been broken (x) spreading wrong rumors, having a 30 minute meeting, acting out a breakdown
this is a fanfiction from dreamsofdestiny to nymbis who traded me a peinblue. go read her hilarious "TIDY" PeinBlue fanfiction. no ownership of naruto, not-so-great writing, the usual run-of-the-mill boy-meets-blue-haired-girl story. reviews are cherished. and by "review," she means something more than "update soon."
(rumors spread faster than the flames of hell)
"Hey, Kakuzu, what's the answer to problem ten?" Hidan hissed from his seat (an annoying two two feet away).
"Where's the dollar?" Kakuzu monotoned, and a scowl replaced the impatient look on the "holy" student's face. Muttering obscenities as per usual, the boy drew out a twenty-dollar bill, Kakuzu refrained from rolling his eyes. Rich brats. Swiping it expertly off the table, he handed the 20-exercise worksheet to Hidan. He snuck a peek at the worksheet on Hidan's desk. Lo and behold, not a single problem had been completed. Touche.
"Damn filthy money-whore..." The not-so-discreetly spat phrase was ignored as Kakuzu allowed himself the luxury of a smirk. After all, everyday was a good day to make money. And everyday was a good day to anger Hidan. Today, he had made Hidan mad by making money, so in turn, today must be a good day.
Fate was about to give him a slap in the face.
It happened on the way to his favourite class: Economics. It was the main reason he has chosen LAGU in the first place after all, where else had a better curriculum for cheating people out of their money?
So he was doing what he did everyday, making an extra buck (or ten) by selling answers to yesterday's (piss-easy) Economic's homework. In short, he was minding his business, until one of his regular customers approached him.
"I'm best friends with your girlfriend, so do I get a discount?"
Here, the money-grubber did something he never imagined he would have done: he dropped his bills. As in, pieces of paper with monetary value. He couldn't even gasp when they floated seductively to the ground. Hidan's eyes almost popped in their size.
"Whoa; Kakuzu, is every fucking gaylord going straight?"
"He's gay?" Females never knew when to shut up, did they?
That certainly snapped him out of his reverie.
"For your information, asshole, I am neither dating nor gay," this was said in a crisp tone as he picked up his precious money, making sure to take an extra ten from Hidan for that comment.
Hidan, of course, would not accept this answer, and took to whining about it. Loudly.
"But why won't you tell me about it? I mean, we're fucking roommates who share a fucked-up room!" Whine, whine, whine, whine...Kakuzu was quite used to his roommates constant bitching so he simply walked faster, hands almost reaching out to the sacred Economics room. His haven, his heaven.
"Will you tell who the asswipe's girl is?" Hidan intoned, turning on the busybody girl (who happened to have Economics with them), "Such a charming, gorgeous young lady, surely you're more generous in your speech than my fucktard of a partner here." Hidan could lay it on thick, Kakuzu had to give him credit for that.
"Blue! They're such a nice couple, don't you agree?" Flattered female batted her eyelashes happily, another lovestruck fan of the silver-slicked-back-hair badass.
Said badass was currently frozen in place, jaw dropped and eyes bulging. He was repeatedly saying:"No way. No fucking way."
Kakuzu knew that Hidan wasn't exactly the most stable partner, and that they weren't exactly the happiest duo in their money-scamming club, Akatsuki, but Leader-sama would be insanely annoyed to know that he, Kakuzu (of the Finances), had gotten on the slightly-worse side of the Pope's son. It sure as hell wasn't out of friendship when Kakuzu grabbed Hidan by the collar and forcibly dragged him to their class. Nonetheless, the squealing (yaoi)fangirls made it so much more painful.
But all was well in the end when a stupefied Hidan awoke to find he was short of 210 dollars.
(they burn, they burn)
Every Wednesday, the Akatsuki had a meeting in order for every member to understand his current objective, and simply to keep the group together. Normally, this two-hour meeting consisted of the members bickering aimlessly about the little peeves of life. This meeting should have been like every other one: in which nothing was accomplished, and everyone went home questioning why they were part of the Akatsuki in the first place. Sadly, the leader's aura just about killed every topic of conversation.
Even Tobi could feel the--
"Anyone want waffles?" Okay, apparently he couldn't.
And eerie silence was the reply to the swirl-face's question, and here, he decided perhaps today wasn't such a fruity day.
Everyone just sat down at the circular table, staring at each other, their feet, or the table itself. No one dared look at Pein.
"ARGH! I can't take it anymore-un! Someone just start up a conversation-un!" Apparently, Deidara was the one to crack under the silence. Leader-sama raised an eyebrow, not at all surplussed by the seemingly random outburst.
Finally, Hidan couldn't hold it in any longer.
"What the hell is up with Kakuzu and Leader-sama dating the same fucking girl?"
At this statement, a cartwheel of consecutive movements followed. All of a sudden, the eerie silence was broken and noise (screams, shouts, exclamations) rang throughout the meeting room.
"I'm not dating, for the fucking hundredth time!"
"What?"
"You're all dating? Tobi wishes you a happy marriage!"
Once again, there was the eerie silence, this time due to the "good boy's" innocent statement.
"...Did Tobi say something wrong?"
Pein was, right now, deciding what would be the best course of action in this situation. There wasn't much he could do, just wait for everything to simmer down and then ask (demand) for advice on how to handle the situation afterwards...
"Is there anything to discuss?" As usual, Itachi Uchiha was all about business.
"Other than the affairs of other members and outside bodies," Sasori added in a deadpan, staring straight at Hidan.
"Do you wanna make anything out of it, you goddamn puppet-boy?" Hidan would have lunged straight over the table at Sasori if Kakuzu had not held him back. Still glaring with a rage, he sat back down, shooting dirty glances at the puppetmaster and muttering incoherencies under his breathe.
"This meeting is adjourned on account of unforeseen circumstances, Zetsu, please collect their reports in alphabetical order and then you may all leave." With this being said, Pein stood up to leave, striding amiably off in the direction of Blue's dormitory. Advice or no advice, he needed to get to the bottom of how the hell more people knew she was dating Kakuzu than himself.
Kakuzu was determined to get to the bottom of this too, tossing his weekly finances report on the table (ignoring Hidan's screechings) carelessly and stalking off where he knew Blue had to go in order to complete today's Economics' homework.
(looking for what's never been yours)
So she wasn't in her dormitory, that was acceptable, at least that meant she had better things to do than water her flowers all day. Sadly, he didn't have any classes with her, and had the absolute minimal amount of contact with her. Meaning that he had no idea where the most likely place to search for her would be.
He wasn't worried, not in the sense of the word. He was a competent person and of course, chose a competent partner as his girlfriend. But now, the trickle of uncertainty flooded into an ocean. The only reason he had wanted a girlfriend in the first place had been to prove he wasn't homosexual, and of course, to higher his social status. He hadn't expected her to...to what? Have blue hair, be dating his "subordinate," have the much-vyed-for respect of the Pope's son, and still manage to keep a low profile?
Most likely all of that, and he hadn't even gotten to know any actual details about her, simply the surface.
A manipulative part of him, the selfish, ambitious part, wanted him to use her status for his better will. He could recruit her into the Akatsuki, that would surely stop the hoardes of fangirls' jabbering mouths, and then use her as a pawn. Of course, she'd want compensation, and then she wouldn't care if she was used to both (all of them, actually) of their advantages. Already, he could see her as a liar, an enchantress, and a...
There was something. He was certain there was a third description, a third role he could see her starring flawlessly. It was there, dammit!
And yet...a part, another piece of him, didn't want him to know.
Why...?
Choosing to shove everything to the back, he concentrated on locating where his girlfriend was.
One thing was certain, they both had a lot to sort out and Blue needed a lot of explaining to him in order for this beneficial relationship to work out as it was intended.
"What a mess..."
(don't try because you'll fail)
"Explain." The star student in her Economics class cutting through her reading session didn't surprise Blue at all. Calmly (as Kakuzu's voice was, cold, calm) placing a bookmark on her unfinished page, she closed the book and give him her full attention, as she had been taught to do for so long.
"I forgot his name so I used yours." This time, Kakuzu did not at all understand. Too bad he had long forgotten how to quirk his eyebrows in that questioning manner. So he had to settle for regular speech as a form of communication. But this girl, Blue, was smarter than expected, anticipating the question.
"Kakuzu, a member of the Akatsuki, an elitist all-boys clique," the way she said it made it seem like it was out of a prison confirmation, "your leader, whose name is lost on myself, is my boyfriend. You understand, that I am dating him for the benefits of having a boyfriend, as he is with me."
That definitely sounded like something Leader-sama would say. He continued to stare at her, wanting a deeper explanation.
"So the equivalent effect was generated when I said that I was dating you. And so in the end, we will all prosper because of this, irregardless of my memory lapses."
"Except for the statement that you're dating Kakuzu, which means I am cut off from the benefits of this relationship," Pein's smooth voice cut into the conversation. Kakuzu relearned how to raise his eyebrows in surprise as his leader strode in with all the air of one that was not looking aimlessly around the campus due to loss of direction. Blue looked at him completely unfazed, as if a meeting between a 'fake' boyfriend and a 'real' boyfriend was everyday business.
"A course of action would be helpful," Kakuzu said dryly, looking at the (not-at-all-guilty) person who got them all into this web of chaos.
"It's ridiculously simple," Blue intoned, still somewhat surprised that both of them hadn't thought of the obvious idea.
"Do explain," he had already thought of something, but was curious as to the 'escape' plan. After all, he had to know how his girlfriend thought.
"He dumps me right now," she motioned for Kakuzu to do his part. He either didn't 'get' it or ignored it, "And you simply date me right after. That way, not only--"
"Do we get more publicity, but it's also believable." Pein finished for her, and she was not all surprised when he said, "I was thinking along that line as well." Here, he smirked as Blue grinned back, this was definitely the beginnings of a beautiful, beneficial, business partnership.
Kakuzu definitely agreed as well, seeing as how he was desperate to be single again so his annoying bitch of a partner would shut the hell up.
"I should be dumped in the public, that way, some people will see and everything should work itself out."
"Remember to act heartbroken," Kakuzu monotoned, hoping to make a couple bucks off of the 'audience' for the 'show.'
"Believe me, you'll be surprised." And the statement was followed with a slightly scary smile (that reminded Kakuzu and Pein a little too much of Orochimaru) and a sudden swiping of the books crowding the table as the actress prepared to leave.
Pein knew where good places for publicity were, being the leader of the Akatsuki, after all, and led them all to the quad. A large open area where students of all years, genders, and hair colours flocked about, exchanging grooming tips to homework answers to daily gossip. Here would be the best place for a public dumping. A wonderful place for Blue to display to her boyfriend her acting talents. And boy, was Pein about to be amazed.
(lying through your teeth)
Kakuzu roughly twisted his arm away from her death-grip, growling all the while.
"I told you, it's over. You cheated on me, you bitch." Could he have said it with any less emotion?
"No! NO! You can't go! I need you! Please, don't!" Could Blue have sobbed it any louder?
"I never want to see you again." It was quick and relatively painless. But Kakuzu had to admit, the girl had acting talent and she would most certainly blow the ticket boxes off their tops if she ever went into the acting business. Turning heel and leaving with as cold of an air as possible, he made the signal for Pein to be Prince Charming and swoop the girl off her feet. Overall, it was most certainly a good, no great, performance by the two of them.
"No...no...no..." she was still quietly talking to herself in whispers (as if she just had an emotional breakdown and not a foolproof act) as Pein approached.
"You don't deserve him...or me," he began. This wasn't the script, well, there wasn't ever a script, but it felt right to say these words anyways.
"But you can have me anyways." He concluded, grabbing her by the wrist and dragging her into the dormitories in which the Akatsuki resided in. As they passed by, she made sure to have her indigo hair covering her face and continued to nudge to for him to make 'calming' noises. Coos and cheers ran throughout the quad and no one in the audience would have ever guessed that it was simply a well-excecuted improvisation instead of reality.
Back at their dormitory, before Pein left to thank Kakuzu for a fine acting job, his girlfriend stopped him from leaving.
"I apologize for asking, but what was your name?"
And here, Pein realized how the entire fiasco about dating Kakuzu started: she forgot his name. His fucking-it's-so-easy-even-a-toddler-can-remember-it one-syllable name. She forgote his name. And she remembered Kakuzu's. And his name was THREE syllables.
"It's Pein," he said offhandedly, as if he wasn't incredibly offended, "and the next time you forget it, this beneficial relationship will end."
And with that, he stalked out, not as satisfied as he was before, choosing to leave thanking Kakuzu for later day.
