3 – Smash

Captain Tetra sat with her boots up on the table in the ship's Great Cabin. The timbers of the Harkinian creaked as the ship made its way across the sea. Tetra leaned back in her chair, admiring a long, flowing scarlet dress that she'd found on a recent raid.

Gorgeous, she thought. Not that I'll ever get a chance to wear it.

A captain's life had no time for fancy dresses or admiring looks. Especially not her life. She and Link had been charged by King Daphnes to search out a land – a new Hyrule - and though she let the crew indulge from time to time - on deserving targets, of course - they were more explorers now than pirates.

Truth be told, though, the dress reminded Tetra of her mother. With a sigh, she swung her legs down from the table, left the dress on the wooden top, and strode over to where the recently won treasure chest sat on the floor. Tetra crouched and again read the inscription written on the lid:

'Very dangerous. Only an idiot would open.'

Naturally, they'd tried to do exactly that. Tetra ran a finger over the lock. None of them had been able to find a way through.

"Very dangerous," she pondered out loud. "It's not like a hunk of wood is alive, is it?"

Another long creak ran through the boards of the Harkinian. And then the ship spoke.

"I'm alive," he said. "So why not a treasure chest?"

"Shush, you," Tetra retorted. "You're different."

"In what way?"

"You talk too much."

Harkinian chuckled. "Shall we recap?"

"No."

"You wake up one morning in your thin nightclothes -"

Tetra bristled. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"And find a map magically appearing in your cabin. You recklessly follow the map to this chest – "

"We needed money. I thought the chest might have treasure. They usually do in our world."

"You get to the chest," Harkinian continued without missing a beat. "Your arch-rival is there, too. What conclusions can you draw from that, Zelda?"

"Tetra," she said. "And the same old conclusion as always, boat."

"Which is?"

"You talk too much. Haven't I mentioned?" Tetra sighed. "And how do you know what I wear in bed?"

"I merely guessed."

Her eyes narrowed. "I liked you better when you were just dead wood. You were way less creepy." Tetra tapped the tips of her fingers on the chest. "Though what did Sneer know about this? Did he get a map, too? Why would anyone enchant a box?"

"That reminds me," said the ship. "You never told me how you escaped from Sneer." When she said nothing, Harkinian continued in his deep, smooth voice. "He did it again. Didn't he, Zelda?"

"Tetra," she corrected. "What do you think, boat?"

"I think -"

"Why can't pirates ever have normal names?"

"I was actually -"

"Seriously, though. Sneer? Scurvy Joe? Who in their right mind would call himself Scurvy Joe? You wouldn't call yourself Leprosy Larry or Black Death Davey now, would you? Or Beached Bob in your case. Captain Sneer and Scurvy Joe." She shook her head. "What were they thinking?"

"You're getting distracted again," Harkinian said in a calm, gentle voice. "I asked you a question."

"I've forgotten it."

"No, you haven't."

"Yeah, yeah," said Tetra with a dismissive wave. "Link did it again. Talked the other guy into losing."

"He is an odd one, isn't he?"

Tetra snorted. "Says the talking ship."

She still hadn't gotten used to that. It had happened on an adventure last year, where they'd gone up against a mad sorcerer in order to try and retrieve the first of three Stones of Katomb. The Harkinian had been hit by a stray bolt of magic and had become, simply, Harkinian, the Ship Who Speaks.

Without a tongue. Or a mouth.

Sure, she'd met the King of Red Lions, but that was a boat possessed by the King Daphnes Hyrule, who used it to communicate with Link. Her ship was different. It was alive.

And speaking of those Stones; their attempt to win the last one had left Link…different. No longer was he that wide-eyed, young adventurer she'd first met back when they'd teamed up to rescue his sister Aryll from the clutches of Ganondorf. He was...

Weird.

The thought was a bit uncharitable. But it was true.

Link had never revealed to anyone else exactly what had happened in his failed attempt to get the last Stone. Since then, though, he'd been able to disarm and defeat any foe he came across without even having to unsheathe his sword.

All he needed were words. Just whispered words.

It was very unnerving.

"Where to next?" said Harkinian. "Resume our search for the new Hyrule?"

Tetra shook her head. "I need a bath."

"I promise not to peek."

Tetra's face soured. "There's something seriously wrong with you, boat."

Before he could reply, a loud rap came at her door.

"Miss Zelda! Miss Zelda!"

She threw up her arms. "Tetra!"

"Sorry, Miss Tetra." It was Zuko, the ship's lookout. "You need to come up on deck. We just got a message."

She followed Zuko topside as he filled her in on the situation, the wooden planks of the deck, dark now as they soaked up sea spray, shivering lightly as she walked.

"Captain on the bridge!" cried the grey-bearded Senza. Ever the charmer, he gave her a theatrical bow as she passed. "Milady."

He'd taken to calling her that ever since it had been revealed that she was really Princess Zelda, the latest in a long line of the Hylian Royal Family. Next she passed big Nudge, who merely grunted his response to her nod. The muscle of the crew, he preferred to keep his words short and blunt as though they, like his fists, were a well-honed weapon.

"Miss Zel - uh, Tetra," the next two pirates said together in greeting - little Niko in his blue cap, and Mako, the ship's strategist.

Finally, she came to a stop in front of her lieutenant, Gonzo, helmsman of the Harkinian. "Captain," he said as he handed over a scroll. She took it, and the crew all crowded around in anticipation.

Well, not all exactly.

Tetra flicked a glance out of the corner of her eye as she unfurled the paper. Link was there, leaning against the ship's rail, an open book in his hands. He was older, taller and a heck of a lot more laidback to when she'd first met him. His face, always full of spirit, now looked like it was perpetually on the edge of breaking out into laughter, like he was enjoying some little private eternal joke.

Tetra returned her gaze to the scroll. Zuko had already informed her that it had arrived via Rito; in fact, she had spotted the postman departing in the distance when she'd come up, watching as he had swooped through the sky, wings fully swept out.

The message was addressed directly to her. She pulled the parchment taut as it fluttered in the salty sea air. The whisper of the ocean and the rough snap of the ship's single sailcloth in the wind were the only sounds as she tracked the words with her eyes.

"Captain Tetra," she murmured as she finally read out loud. "I hereby invite you and two of your crew to come do battle at the first - and last - Grand Pirate Smash. Representatives of our most noble vocation will pour in from all across the world. The sole survivor will be declared Ruler of the Sea."

"Don't like it," rumbled Nudge instantly. "Trap."

Tetra wasn't listening. She looked up. "Grand Pirate Smash? Seriously? Seriously?" She shook her head. "First Sneer and Scurvy Joe and now a Grand Pirate Smash. What is it with our profession and naming customs?"

"I'm inclined to agree with big Nudge, Milady," said Senza. "This sounds like bad news."

"Gotta be more to it than that, Miss Tetra," said Gonzo. "Ruler of the Sea? They can't enforce that, no matter who wins."

"Obviously it's a trap," said Tetra. "But you can bet your last barnacle that the rest of the idiot pirates we share the Great Sea with are going to swarm over there like ants over spilt honey."

"Nice simile, Captain," said Harkinian.

"Thanks." Tetra flicked another glance Link's way. She could have sworn he'd just smiled at the ship's comment.

"Are you ready for your bath now?"

"Shut up, Harkinian." Tetra returned her focus to her crew. "That's what they want. They want us pirates in one spot to wipe us all out."

"Drunken, crazy slobs all in one place," mumbled Gonzo.

"We'd fit right in," said Senza.

"Speak for yourself," said Tetra. "I, for one, am never drunk."

"Um," said Mako. "Or they, um, maybe they want the treasure chest. The one we, um, just retrieved."

Senza stroked his chin. "Good point, Mako lad," he said. "Anonymous map and now an anonymous message? They're playing us. They wanted us to get the chest. Or they wanted someone to get it. And now they want us there at this merry little tournament to take it off our hands"

"Wasn't that hard to find," Nudge grunted. "The chest."

"The island was," Tetra countered. "Unless you had a map. They must have given us that map. Which means they could've got to the chest anytime they wanted."

"Um," said Mako. "Unless something was, um, stopping them getting to the, um, island."

"So," said Link suddenly. "Who exactly are 'they'?"

Slowly, the whole crew turned toward him. Silence fell on deck.

A tease of a smile played on Link's lips. He snapped his book shut. "Let's go find out, yeah? It's what we're meant to do. I just know it is." The sea breeze tugged at his golden hair and his gaze was unfocused, as though he was staring off at something in the distance. "What do you say?"