A/N: "Since I forgot to put this up in the last two chapters... I do not own Gundam Wing or Ouran High School Host Club. If I did own either one or both, things might have turned out differently- but I'll keep those thoughts to myself, don't want to scare the kids. XD"

Here's the next chapter!


Chapter 3: Just For Shits and Giggles

Heero was completely and utterly out of his element. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing. Well, he knew what he was doing just not how he got into the situation. No, that wasn't right either; he knew how he got into the situation, it was Suoh who pushed him down on a couch in front of a small coffee table and across from another love seat, it was those infernal twins who had dragged him up to the third music room, it was Duo who said he couldn't blend in with people his age, it was Doctor J who gave him the mission in the first place, and it was OZ and the Earth Alliance's fault for starting the damned war that forced him to infiltrate into the school.

If Heero ever had a reason to complain he damn well figured he shouldn't do anything by half. It was best to put the blame where it belonged in the first place.

The girl who had the momentary misfortune of sitting across from the Perfect Soldier fidgeted under the scowl that was inadvertently directed towards her.

"U-um, Heero?" The girl with her blonde hair pulled back into an elegant bun directly across from him stuttered. He quickly pulled her name up from one of the many memorized files on his classmates and older students; Aya Fukuda. "H-how do you like it at the school so far?" Her voice shrank with each spoken word until it was nothing more than the moving of her lips.

Heero was able to understand what her full question by his ability to read lips. It was an ability that helped him numerous times- though he still had yet to decide whether that time Duo broke him out of the Earth Alliance hospital was a good thing or not. "Hn, it's fine."

"Yuy, Yuy, can you not be so intimidating?" Tamaki walked up behind the seated teen and placed a hand on his shoulder. The 'King' didn't seem to notice the sudden tension that shot through the pilot's shoulders, neither had the girls who looked on with stars in their eyes at the Host Club's founder. "You need to have finesse, charm, and a kind disposition that always puts the customer first." Each trait was said with a flourishing hand gesture and he ended up sitting on the armrest of the couch, one client's hand brought close to his lips.

Heero thought the girl was either going to pass out or fry her brain with how red her face became. He brought his eyes up to Tamaki. "Then I guess this isn't the club for me," he said rather tartly but Tamaki still managed to keep talking.

"You certainly have the looks- though maybe not on par with me. Beauty should be admired, as I frequently do- every time I pass my reflection in fact. You have potential. You certainly cover the rugged category and the whole 'bad-boy' act, if it wasn't for your antisocial temperament the girls would be flocking to you instead of observing from a safe distance-"

"Senpai, you're being annoying," Tamaki's rant was cut short by Haruhi's blunt statement.

"Mom! Mom!" Tamaki shouted across the room.

Heero was once again left flabbergasted by the blonde's actions. Who the hell would call for his mother? Only to find, to his surprise, that the person who responded with a look that was more along the lines of 'I'm-only-doing-this-to-humor-you-for-the-time-being-but-it-will-get-old-and-I-will-have-retribution' was Kyoya. "Yes, Dad?"

"Haruhi is being bad!" The blonde went running over to the vice president with tears streaming down his cheeks.

Haruhi and Heero watched Kyoya continue to humor Tamaki, while the twins came over and further teased him. It soon ended up that the Host Club king was chasing Hikaru and Kaoru around the room with many of the girls squealing over the circumstances.

Haruhi turned to the group that Heero was supposed to be entertaining. "Is it alright if I joined you?"

The girl, Aya, who had inquired of Heero's thought on the school nodded eagerly and scooted over to make room for the scholar student. "Please, join us."

"You're so sweet," Haruhi replied.

Heero watched the boy smile and couldn't help but feel he was hiding something. The movements he took were careful and refined- but at the same time looked so simple. Haruhi would refill the cups with tea all the while paying apt attention to everything that was said by the girls. He finally glanced up to look at the undercover soldier. "Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself, Yuy."

"Please do, Heero," the girl next to him on his left implored. Mirai Yashima- Heero's memorized files supplied.

"We would love to hear your story," said the other girl on his side; Keiko Han. Their former trepidation seemed nonexistent now that Haruhi was there to balance things out with his social charm.

Heero paused for a second, wondering just how much he should say. He wasn't sure if any of the girls would do a background checks on anything he would say- that seemed more like Kyoya's line of work. Even if his background was reviewed, everything would check out; he personally made sure that there would be no discrepancies. But it was the thought of just how much information would be enough to satisfy their curiosity to avoid the trouble of revealing his whole fake past. Finally, he answered, "My father was an engineer who helped with the design of the Aries mobile suit."

Keiko seemed to brighten. "Really? My father helped supplied the Specials with the needed materials. Maybe they met? What is your father's name?"

"Hajime Yatate, he died before the completion, when I was still young."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Aya commented from her spot next to Haruhi. "Then is Yuy your mother's name?"

"Yeah," Heero confirmed. "No relation to the pacifist Heero Yuy," he added just for clarification. He didn't get any reaction from that tidbit of information. Surely they knew about the assassination of Heero Yuy? Didn't they? Just how sheltered are these people?

They all observed him with confused expressions—except maybe for Haruhi who seemed to recognize the name but nothing more substantial.

"What does your mother do?" Mirai inquired.

"She's dead as well."

The girls all gasped while Haruhi took a small sip from his cup. "I understand where you're coming from. I lost my mother when I was little as well." He looked up and gave a genuine smile to the group. "But I know she's proud and will continue watching over me as I'm sure your mother is doing the same."

Heero had a very brief flash of something. He didn't know what it was, maybe it was the idea of actually being able to know one's mother before losing her, but it disappeared as quickly as it came and he thought nothing more of it.

All the girls who were within hearing distance cooed and awed at Haruhi's statement and they started to amass around the two boys, giving their sympathy and encouragement. Even some of the other Host Club members made their way over to the group.

"If you want, you can hold my Bun-Bun, Hee-kun," Hunny remarked, holding out the pink, stuffed bunny to the soldier; only to have Heero recoil away from him and wordlessly decline the offer.

Mori nodded and placed what was to be a comforting hand on Heero's shoulders. However, the action only frayed Heero's nerves even more because if he tensed and followed his soldier's instincts, Mori would no doubt recognize him for what he was.

"Haruhi, you're so kind!" Hikaru exclaimed; throwing his arms around the girl disguised as a boy from behind the couch.

"You're so sweet!" Kaoru followed, embracing her as well. Apparently the two of them managed to escape Tamaki's desperate attempt at catching them and teaching them a lesson.

"You can quit it, you're still not coming to my house," Haruhi remarked. The twins had their cheeks pressed against her own and only moved their eyes to stare at Heero. Their stare was calculating and searching but it was only to be interrupted by Tamaki.

"Leave Haruhi alone!" The blonde started up the chase after the twins again when they relinquished their hold on Haruhi and took off at a run. He suddenly stopped short and his eyes brightened. Whipping around, he turned to Heero- who wanted to get the hell out of the room- and pointed a finger in a pose of exclamation. "I got it! You need a lovely item!" He tapped his cheek with a slender finger in thought. "Or something of the like. You need someone else to balance out your… well, your harshness, to make you seem less menacing."

"Are you saying Haruhi is that candidate?" Kyoya asked mildly.

"Lovely item?" Hunny questioned from Mori's shoulders who nodded in agreement for an explanation.

"Never mind that!" Tamaki shouted. "And I will not allow Haruhi to-"

"Are you my keeper now?" Haruhi sat in a metaphorical dark cloud. Her voice was icy as she looked up at Tamaki, who took a few steps back in fear. Even the girls who were still around watched the spectacle in awe.

Heero watched everyone. The twins were laughing at Tamaki's misfortune as he crumpled up in the corner, hugging each other as they tried to stay on their feet, Kyoya sipped at his tea while the other hand typed at his laptop, Mori and Hunny remained glue together, and Haruhi was being 'comforted' by many of the girls at Tamaki's remark.

They're all fucking crazy!


Wufei decided to occupy the only bedroom for the time being. The second bedroom could no longer be called a 'bedroom' since that was where Heero had set up his computer/security room. The four of them were now waiting for Heero to return from the school so they could discuss the mission and sleeping arrangements. The whole day had consisted of cleaning, supplying, scouting, reviewing, and preparing.

Now that everything was completed- or as much as it could be without Heero—Wufei made it clear to the others he would like a half hour alone and so far, Duo was actually complying with that request. He didn't worry about Trowa or Quatre; they would not dare to disturb him unless it was a matter of life or death. Duo, on the other hand, lived to annoy him.

He shook his head, trying to brush away the thoughts. He had the peace and quiet to mediate in- or at least quietly reflect- he was not going to jinx that by thinking of the braided menace. Duo could probably sense it when someone is thinking about him and will come barging in just to see what it is about.

The pilot of the Shenlong Gundam took a deep breath, settling himself more comfortably on his knees and closed his eyes. It was a little strange that Heero had yet to show up. Wufei hoped that it was just the Wing pilot's paranoia that was making him late; staying behind and checking every inch of the school for whatever that he believe could blow the undercover mission.

And Wufei really wished he could stop his mind from wandering.

"Heero!"

Wufei cringed as the American's voice rang out through the house, and no doubt through the rest of the neighborhood. Letting out a sigh, he unfolded himself from the floor to meet the returning pilot; knowing that he wouldn't get any mediating done now.

"Hey, Heero?"

Duo's voice still carried and it made Wufei pause. The inflection sounded serious, and when Duo was being serious it meant things were bad. As extra insurance, Wufei grabbed his sword. One hand tightly gripped the hilt while the other held the sheath to allow for a quick draw. With his ancestral blade in hand, he felt more comfortable to face whatever news Wing's pilot had. His feet carried him swiftly and silently down the hall to the kitchen where everyone was gathered. Did Heero actually look shaken?

"Heero?" Quatre spoke up, a hand lingering over his heart and a quizzical expression creasing his brow.

Heero placed his school bag on the counter and gave the unspoken, tactical leader his attention. With a curt nod he responded to the implied question in Sandrock pilot's eyes. "It's more like culture shock," he explained gruffly. "I've successfully managed to integrate into the school and found a way to get close to most of the target students in one area."

Wufei sighed; that's Heero for you, everything for the mission. He loosened his grip on the sword and took a seat on one of the barstools that were lined up along the counter. Trowa was sitting in the other one, a stack of papers- that suspiciously looked like profiles on some of the teachers- were pushed off to his side to make room for Heero's bag. Quatre was standing directly across from Wufei's chosen seat; a towel in his hands to dry some of the dishes they had recently disinfected. Duo was on the other side of the counter closest to Heero, leaning forward on his elbows, a strange expression curling his features into a devilish smirk.

God help us all… Wufei absently prayed when he saw Duo take a breath to speak.

"And what would this 'way' be, Heero?" He pressed, already guessing where Heero's discomfort was coming from if the smirk was anything to go by.

Heero's face darkened dangerously as he stood at the end of the counter but he knew Duo would pay no attention to the warning signs so he just responded with an answer; though a vague one, "You'll find out tomorrow; no doubt they'll drag you in as well."

"Aw, Hee-chan!"

Wufei could never figure out how someone could make a two syllable nickname sound so long. And annoying.

"Tell me!" Duo pleaded, even grabbing on to the sleeve of Heero's school uniform.

Wufei watched Deathscythe's pilot give the sleeve a tug, rocking back and forth on his heels as he gazed at Heero with the 'kicked-puppy' expression that would most likely work on bleeding hearts and women. Nataku probably would have fallen for it… He tightened his hand into a fist and slowly released it, along with the short trip down memory lane. His return to reality found him witnessing a scene where Heero ripped his arm out of Duo's grasp to take a swing at the L2 native. Duo just laughed as he avoided the halfhearted gesture, all the while throwing more taunts, shifting around Heero like a cat that twines between someone's legs to get attention.

Quatre shook his head and went back to drying, a small smile due to the circumstances. Trowa grabbed the stack of files and tapped them on the counter to straighten them out. He regarded Wufei with his one visible eye. "Are you done in the bedroom?"

Wufei nodded and watched him head down the hall.

"Did all the girls fall in love with you at first sight, Hee-chan?" Duo was trying to press as many of the Prefect Soldier's buttons as possible- and it seemed he was doing a pretty good job at it. "Like Relena? Do we have to worry about any of them stalking you with some sort of death wish?"

Wufei came to the conclusion Duo probably was- and no doubt still is- the type of kid who would press the buttons for every single floor in elevator full of important officials and business men just for shits and giggles.


Duo was amused. And when he was amused, it was usually at someone else's expense. Sure, he was worried when Heero had first walked through the small apartment's door. The deer-in-the-headlights look didn't really suit the Wing pilot.

Okay, never mind, so maybe it did suit him. It was almost priceless, just as long as whatever caused that look didn't jeopardize any mission. But since there was no immediate threat of exposure, Duo was going to milk it for all it's worth. So, eliciting that look from 'culture shock', as it were, the expression looked damned funny on Heero's normal 'I'm-a-impenetrable-wall-of-ice-nothing-fazes-me' visage.

Now, if it- whatever it was since culture shock was too mundane an explanation- would work on Trowa, it would complete the set of those who have enough emotional depth to fill a thimble.

Why a thimble? Because it was entertaining visualizing either of them trying to sew something, like a quilt or a sweater. Or would that be knitting and not sewing?

Duo mused on that for a while as he listened to Heero's boring and uneventful mission brief. That guy could make the fact that the moon was blown up sound boring… Duo grumbled internally. His contemplating did bring up another thought, which was that the others seem to underestimate him when it comes to multi-tasking. He could put together a bomb, sing Czechoslovakia's national anthem- a country that had been dissolved over a century ago, think about the latest soap opera episode he watched while waiting for his next mission, and process and calculate the estimate time of arrival for reinforcements- all that the same time.

He felt that his talent was underappreciated.

Wufei wouldn't even acknowledge it as talent in the first place.

"It appears that most of the students at the school don't know who the pacifist Heero Yuy was," Heero commented.

That definitely caused Duo's trains of thoughts to derail and crash into one another. "You're kidding, right?"

Heero shook his head as a negative.

"Romefeller has exclusive control over the school," Trowa remarked, coming out of the bedroom to join the others in the living room. "Most of the teachers are paid by Romefeller funds. Many of them seem to be active supporters of OZ. So, it's not surprising that much of the colonies' history is omitted, especially the parts that show the Alliance and Romefeller in a bad light." He dropped the stack of papers he was examining earlier on the coffee table.

"The Doctors didn't have that in their intel," Quatre noted, eyes narrowing thoughtfully. "They're too thorough to miss that tidbit, so why didn't they inform us?"

"A test?" Wufei suggested.

"They're just playing games with us," Duo crossed his arms over his chest. "They knew we would have figured it out, why else would they have all five of us infiltrate a school if not to strike a blow at OZ and Romefeller?"

"Hn,"

"Whatever their reason," Quatre sighed, "we still need to fulfill our mission. There must be something important at this school."

Wufei spoke up again, "The students are children of many influential people and the eventual successors to many important names; they are the ones who will clean up the mess made by their fathers- the mess of this war."

"Wait, wait, wait," Duo waved his hands to get everyone's attention, "are you saying that the Mad Five want us to influence these kids to help build a peaceful world?"

"It's a good theory," Trowa shrugged. "There have been very few missions after the Siberia incident. Maybe this is a chance to recover under the guise of students- with the added benefit of gathering intelligence on Romefeller."

"Hello, did everyone forget that we're Gundam pilots? How the hell are we supposed to teach children peace when we barely know the meaning of the word! There's no way we can hold up these aliases, especially with our types of reflexes, for an extended period of time." The braided teen stalked about the room in frustration.

"Duo, we're fighting for peace," Quatre admonished. "Though our battles are miserable ones, we're still fighting for a world with no more battles. Besides, I thought you would take this as some sort of challenge to your skill." The last sentence was the calculated move; Duo didn't like to think that he was prideful, but the self-proclaimed Shinigami did have a few issues when he was blatantly challenged.

"Right now we should focus on the task at hand instead of trying to figure out subliminal messages in our orders," Heero interrupted the argument that was waiting to grow seeing that Duo had a retort ready. "It's not a mission yet. Once it becomes part of our orders, then we will worry about it."

Lacing his fingers behind his head, Duo breathed out the retort with a sigh, allowing the interrupted argument to die. "Keep focus on the task at hand, right?" A grin split his face.

Wufei groaned, figuring that Duo's current 'task at hand' was to further irritate Heero. It seemed the Quatre and Trowa had the same idea as well.

"Before we get to that," Quatre cut in when he saw that Duo obviously planned to continue his previous teasing, "we should discuss the sleeping arrangements. Heero, you'll probably want to sleep in the security room, correct?" The blonde received an affirmative. "Two people can fit in the bedroom, another cot can be set up in the security room, and the remaining person can get the couch."

"I'll take the extra cot," Trowa spoke up before Duo could volunteer, only to have Deathscythe's pilot stick his tongue out at him.

"I refuse to share a room with Maxwell," Shenlong's pilot insisted.

"You're so mean, Fei!" Duo sighed dramatically. "I guess I'll sleep on the couch, all alone and cold, while the rest of you have someone to be comforted-"

Wufei actually managed to get a swipe at Duo's head and connect rather harshly. "Don't be disgusting."

Duo had a shit-eating grin plastered across his face as he tenderly rubbed the spot where Wufei had hit him. "I'm just messing with you, geez, no sense of humor at all."

"I'm going to finish setting up security," Heero announced, deeming the sleeping arrangements were all set and they no longer needed him.

"I'll come with you!" Duo bolted after the other soldier.

Quatre allowed himself to relax back against the couch, but his brow kept on furrowing in thought. He couldn't stop wondering what exactly the Doctors were planning. Wufei's theory made perfect sense to him, if a little too noble for the creators of the Gundams.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it, Quatre," Trowa remarked, picking up the files he had earlier placed on the coffee table.

"Heero can take care of himself," Wufei said gruffly. He obviously misinterpreted what he thought he saw on Quatre's face, but apparently Trowa knew exactly what he was thinking.

"I know," Quatre replied; a sufficient answer for both of their comments.


Heero immediately took a seat in the computer chair positioned in front of three different computer screens. He punched in a number of sequences to get into the systems and began upgrading the last of the network securities, intruder systems, and other safeguards he thought were needed and necessary.

Duo, of course, followed. He leaned forward on the back of Heero's chair. "So, can you tell me what's got you so uptight about this school?" he asked, watching him over his shoulder. Almost too conveniently, his braid slipped off his own shoulder to whack Heero on the side of the face. "I mean you usually walk around with a stick up your ass, but why can't you just spill the details on what happened!" He voice ended up in a whine.

Heero gritted his teeth. Duo would definitely fit well with the Host Club. Too well.

In a last attempt to deter the braided pilot from continuing his annoyance streak, Heero jerked the rope of hair next to his face, hard enough to cause an indignant yelp from the other pilot. Duo's face ended up alongside of Heero's and the Perfect Soldier turned his head slightly to stare eye-to-eye, noses scant millimeters apart. His glare was scalding, to say the least. "You. Will. Find. Out. Tomorrow," he said in a level and cold tone; words separated by a brief pause to make sure they sunk in.

Duo blinked, caught off-guard for a small moment.

A moment that didn't last long enough for Heero. He watched as the corners of the strangely tinted eyes crinkle in amusement and could guess a smirk was curling up the other's face- but he wasn't about to go cross-eyed just to double check that his accurate assumption was true.

"It doesn't mean I won't stop bugging you for the rest of the night," Duo actually winked at him and then he was gone. Somehow he had managed to slip his braid out of Heero's grip without him noticing. Duo walked lightly to the door like a drifting shadow, before the door shut quietly behind him.

Even though it was a reoccurring thought, Heero really was dreading when Duo finally met the twins.

"God damned adrenaline junkie."


A/N: "So, next time is Duo's turn at school! Haha! I have a feeling that's the part most of you are waiting for; the inevitable meeting of Duo and the Twins, all at the rest of the school's expense. Hopefully I won't let anyone down when it comes down to it.

"Speaking of Duo, I had a friend read this and she suggested I made Duo too much of an ass. What do you guys think? Personally, I kinda see his character/personality like that; devil-may-care, highstrung, toeing-the-line, one extreme to the other, and of course once the colonies' betray them all- vindictive and vengeful. Though, he's always been kinda vengeful in the first place... I don't know. His character is hard to write because he has a myriad of emotions and he changes them at a tip of a hat, but trying to keep that lie of a smile on his face. That's why he's so much like the twins- I mean, come on, don't tell me I'm the only one who thought the twins were/are assholes themselves through OHSHC- but I still love them all the same.

"Note: Trowa is a pain to write. End note.

"Note: Wufei needs more love, he usually gets shoved in the background. End note.

"Did anyone notice anything familiar about the names I used for Heero's 'father' and the girls he was entertaining? If you did, congratulations you might win something! If you didn't, I'll spill the details next chapter.

"I know I mentioned something about pairings in the very first author's note; since I hold executive decision, I decided that there probably won't be any blatant pairings. There'll be those hints of HaruhixTamaki and HaruhixHikaru and others within the Host Club, only because they're present in the manga and play key parts in the manga plot. It depends on how far into the manga series I want to take this.

"This is the last chapter for suggestions for Duo's hosting type! I've gotten a lot of help from you guys and I haven't completely decided yet, so if you still have ideas for Duo, by all means send them in! As for the others, I would still love and appreciate suggestions, I just don't really have to worry about them quite yet.

"Thank you for all the reviews! They all have been very encouraging and whatnot. I'm glad you're all enjoying this. See you next chapter!

"Reviews are encouraging, critiques are valuable, and suggestions are appreciated!"

Death