Conqueror and Amazon: Echoes of Darkness
By romansilence
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Chapter Three: Daughters
Cyrene sank to her bedroll and wearily closed her eyes. The small tidbits of information she had been able to overhear about the attack on the orphanage disturbed her greatly, with more than forty innocent children killed at the break of dawn and killed by men whose duty it should have been to protect them.
The bright spot of her day had been the fact that the injuries of the survivors were less severe than the scout's report had lead her to believe in the first place. Obviously they had been properly tended to some time ago. On the other hand, they all were completely exhausted and on the point of starving; some of them driven forward by will power alone.
So, Palemon reluctantly agreed to a full day's rest the following day to give the children a chance to regroup. They also had to take into account that now there were 73 more hungry stomachs to fill . Therefore a larger group of the men would dedicate this day to hunting for edible plants, fruits and game.
The next day, Cyrene found herself working in the make-shift kitchen area side by side with a tall woman about her age whose attention every now and then turned towards a young woman with blond, curly hair. She was almost as tall as her own daughter but her shoulders and hips were considerably less broad and her eyes were of a dark shining brown. She wore a black leather dress with a lot of silvery adornments, strategically placed to double as armour pieces. The gleaming hilt of a sword strapped to her back completed the warrior-like image. She also had the easy catlike motions of a good fighter. To Cyrene's utter astonishment, for the better part of the morning, she stayed in the middle of the smaller children, obviously telling stories, helping them to wash up and even patiently combing their hair.
"What is it you find so intriguing about my daughter?"
Cyrene looked the other woman in the eyes and slowly answered. "I don't know for sure. – She looks every inch the warrior, except for her eyes and the way she holds herself with the children."
"Oh, she knows how to use that weapon of hers and a whole lot of others. Without her a lot more of us would have been killed. She stopped those soldiers. She had the best teachers the General could find. – Since Cirra was destroyed almost eight years ago, she thinks that she has the obligation to keep me and the few other survivors safe. Xena tried to convince her that there are better ways to do this than fighting but even as a child she was rather headstrong."
"Eight years ago. She couldn't have been more than ten summers old."
"Eleven. Palemon told me that you're the mother of the General. You should know. Xena had her first staff lessons when she had barely more than eight summers, didn't she?"
"Yes." There was an awkward silence between the two of them. "I never was comfortable with the idea but it meant so much to her."
"Neither was I. But over the years, like you, I learned that her fighting exercises serve more than one purpose. My daughter learned how to contain her temper and she learned how to let go of her anger. After our village burned to the ground, Xena was a great help to keep her from becoming angry and bitter. She dissipated the darkness in my daughter's heart. I'll always be in her debt."
"I'll never understand you, either of you." Cyrene muttered to herself while seemingly concentrating her attention on the big pot of stew they were preparing.
"What are you talking about, Cyrene?"
"You're from Cirra, Xena destroyed your village, most of your fellow citizens were killed, Arleia she told me so herself – and still you're speaking about her with kindness and gratitude. I really don't understand you."
"Let's take a walk, Cyrene, the stew will be fine on its own. There are some things you should know about your daughter and her history with Cirra. I suppose she told you that she is responsible for the destruction of my village and that's probably what she still believes – but it's not the truth."
The two women walked towards the edge of the encampment and found a shady place with a view towards the crossroads where the two treks had met. Xena's mother patiently waited for the other woman to gather her thoughts.
"When the General was on her way to conquer Corinth, about nine summers ago, her army also passed through Cirra. It was a small village, shepherds and farmers. She promised to protect us in exchange for provisions. Our council agreed – though at the time we thought that she was just another of these marauding warlords who never even intend to keep their promises.
"The harvest promised to be good, exceptionally good even and so she got enough to keep her and her army going for a long time.
"One year later, she once again passed through. This time she didn't ask to be provisioned. She said her army had all it needed at the moment. And she also said that she was on her way west and that there had been some rumours of other warlords nearby. She said that they all should know by now to stay clear of Cirra and she told us to send a messenger if one of them was stupid enough to threaten what was hers.
"She left and rumours about a big battle against the combined armies of some of the smaller city states reached us, together with news about a new warlord rampaging our area. We tried to appease him with provisions, as we had done numerous times in the past but he wanted more, much more. We didn't know what to do, so, the council sent a message to the General. The warlord caught one of our messengers, but the other one somehow got through.
"He was furious and decided to set an example by destroying us. He also saw it as a way to challenge Xena. He surrounded the village, so no one could get out. He told us to surrender and perhaps he would show some compassion and kill us quickly. We didn't answer fast enough, I suppose."
The tall woman fell silent for a long moment, obviously trying to hold her emotions in check. She took a deep breath, steeling herself for the horrors she now was about to give voice to.
"They sent flaming arrows into our grain storage. The tips were coated with Greek fire and water did nothing to douse the flames. While all of us where out trying to save what we could, he lead his men to the village square. They killed every man they could find and then proceeded to herd the women and children into the communal barn. His men began to place shackles on our wrists but he stopped them." Arleia's voice now was almost toneless, only the slight quivering of her lower lip betraying the depths of her emotions.
"He told them to leave us alone and for the fraction of a candledrop, I, we hoped that he would let us go for good. Instead he set flame to the hay in the barn and closed the doors. As we later learned, they also set fire to the outer walls and suddenly there was no way to escape. The last thing I remember was his voice telling his men to also burn all the other buildings and kill every living thing from cat and dog to sheep and oxen. He said: 'This will show the Thracian Bitch what it takes to rule Greece.' And he laughed."
"Mother, are you all right? I could feel your distress."
"Yes, darling. I'm good. I want you to meet Cyrene. She's Xena's mother. I was just telling her how we met her daughter."
"You were telling her about the barn?"
"Yes, Cassy. Perhaps you should tell her what happened after Krykos torched the barn."
The young woman looked at her mother with an expression that seemed to say. 'Are you really sure that you want me to go there?'
"Cyrene believes Xena to be responsible for the deaths at Cirra, Cassandra."
"But without her, none of us would still be alive." The young woman sank to her knees next to her mother and sought Cyrene's eyes. "I know Xena blames herself for what happened; but that's simply not true." The young woman took a deep breath. "The gates were closed, the barn was burning, the women were crying and shouting but none of us had the courage to try and open the doors. The roar of the flames around us slowly began to drown out the noises from outside. I heard shouts of fear and pain and I was sure that Krykos had found another group of my fellow villagers. The shouting was getting louder, I heard the clashing of swords. Before I could tell the others, I realised that my younger sister was missing. She had been hiding in the hayloft when the warlord came. Callisto always was in some kind of trouble or other and the hayloft was where she usually went to wait out our parent's anger.
"I spotted the ladder, still about three feet away from the flames. Up there under the barn's roof it seemed to be even hotter than next to the fire. I later learned that the thatch roof was already burning. I didn't find my sister but from the opening we used to get the hay bales to the loft I was able to see most of the village. I just stood there, looking at the street below and not believing my eyes. There were a lot more fighters than before; one group fighting the other and Krykus' men were losing.
"I saw him at the end of the street. By now, most of the buildings were ablaze but my attention solely was focused on him. He was fighting someone with broad shoulders and long black hair flowing over a light, equally black cloak. Even to my inexperienced eyes it was evident that he was way out-classed. To me, the motion of their swords was almost a blur and then one of the swords came flying straight through the air and embedded itself in the wall of one of the houses. Krykus was lying on the ground; the other fighter sheathed their sword, bent down and put her hands to his throat. They were talking. The cloaked figure turned around. It was Xena, her eyes found the barn and she broke into a run. Within heartbeats she was next to me in the hayloft. She didn't say anything. She unclasped the cloak from her shoulder guards, swept it around the both of us. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see red-hot embers dropping from the roof like raindrops. She took me into her arms, made a few steps and jumped right in the middle of the barn. The shock of her arrival effectively silenced even the most hysterical of the women.
"I still don't know how she did it, but she somehow managed to calm us all down. She told us that as soon as the barn doors were opened the flames and the heat would increase. She told us to get down on the ground and to protect the children as best as we could. By then, the doors already were burning but I knew she could do it and the others also knew it. She ordered me to hide under her cloak but I couldn't help watching. She went as far as possible to the rear end of the barn, began to run and somersaulted right into the flames. The barn doors burst open, an immense heat wave thundered over our heads and suddenly there were a lot of men with cloaks and blankets carrying us away."
"When the flames died down early the next day, there were only five buildings left." Arleia continued their tale. "Over one hundred and twenty people were dead and another three scores badly injured. Cassandra and I had been lucky, we got away with a few scratches and bruises but my husband was among the fatalities and there was no trace of my younger daughter. We were staying in tents Xena's soldiers had prepared and as soon as Cassy was asleep I went to offer my help in the healer's tent.
"There were a lot of burns as well as sword and mace wounds. Some of my fellow citizens still were too terrified to accept the help that was offered to them and I tried to calm them down, as much as my own grief would allow. The injured were lying down in neatly arranged rows of ten, some on cots and some on blankets. When I came to the end of the third row, Xena was kneeling next to one of the makeshift beds. It was one of the children, a small boy of about six or seven summers with curly brown hair and dark brown eyes. A spear had pierced his chest, penetrating his lungs. He didn't have a chance and he knew it. Xena's left hand suddenly shot forward, two of her fingers stabbing a point to the left of his throat. He smiled, his mother kissed him a last time and he died."
"So, she killed him with one of these damned pressure points." Cyrene whispered.
"She ended his suffering, Cyrene." Cassandra continued. "She didn't kill him, she just blocked out the pain. She allowed him to die in peace. – I followed mother when she left our tent and while she was calming down the others I had my eyes on Xena. She still wore her armour but the feral glint I saw in her eyes when she first landed at my side in the hayloft was gone. There now was only sadness. As soon as Grigori had closed his eyes, she stood and left the healer's tent. I followed closely behind. She ordered a score of her men to mount up and come with her. I heard her saying: 'We'll hunt them down. None of them will ever have the chance to brag about the destruction of Cirra. They won't live long enough to tell anyone.' My eyes were irresistibly drawn to hers. They now were burning with cold hatred. She left and didn't return but two days later. I once again sought her eyes but now they were void of any emotions.
"Then, I didn't understand what her face and her eyes really told me but I was highly intrigued, so I followed her whenever I got the chance. She asked me why. I didn't answer. She knelt in front of me and suddenly I was eye to eye with these amazing blue orbs of hers. Later, I learned that the expression they held was one of slight amusement. She didn't say anything and finally I found the courage to ask if she had killed them all. The amused glint vanished and I began to regret asking. She answered: 'Yes, never again will they harm innocents.' I asked: 'Did they have a quick death?' She nodded. I said: 'They should have suffered for what they did. I would have liked to see them suffer.' My eyes must have told her that I meant what I said. I wanted to hear them cry and beg for their lives and to see them die and I wouldn't have felt any regret for them.
"The blue eyes facing me turned darker. She said: 'Killing them in cold blood won't give you back the people you love and lost. It won't undo the damage the fire has done and it won't take away the pain you now feel, it won't take away the mourning.' I didn't understand what she was trying to say and she must have sensed that I didn't, so she added: 'They will pay for what they did with an eternity in Tartarus. Hades doesn't take kindly to people who kill just for the sake of killing.' I asked: 'How do you know?' She smiled and answered: 'I know, young one, I know.'
"I wanted to know how she could be so certain but there was so much sadness and hurt in her eyes, I didn't have the courage to ask. I didn't want to end our conversation, so I told her that my name was Cassandra. She replied that hers was Xena and that we should go and find my mother."
A pensive expression was in the young blondes face while she studied Cyrene's features. "Xena's army stayed about half a moon. They built wagons to transport the injured and what was left of our belongings. We then were escorted to Corinth to start a new life. 'Til then we spoke every day and the hatred that had filled my heart slowly subsided. Through the following years, whenever she was in Corinth, we spent some time together. She taught me the basics of staff fighting and when I insisted on also learning how to handle a sword, she gave me the best teachers available. I not only learned how to defend myself, I also learned how to control my temper. Without her I would long ago have given in to hatred and violence. Your daughter saved my soul, Cyrene and over the years she was as close as a sister to me as someone not of your blood can be."
There were long candledrops of silence. Finally Cyrene, almost despite herself, asked. "How did she know about their souls suffering in Tartarus? Did she ever tell you?"
"Yes, she did, one year later. But I didn't believe her at the time because I wasn't able to read her face like I can now. It sounded like an outlandish story only children and fools would find some truth in. She told me that some time ago she had been badly injured, at the brink of paying Charon's fare. For a moment, she said, she had been able to see the Elysian Fields from afar but then she found herself in Tartarus, hanging from a Roman cross with her legs broken. There was pain radiating through her whole body, consuming her soul. At the foot of the cross Hades and Celesta appeared, they were arguing. Hades said that Xena wasn't supposed to be there yet and his sister admitted that she had taken her prematurely to spare her a painful death. She said that Xena shouldn't be here at the deepest level of Tartarus, but Hades retorted that she had earned her stay there the day she gave in to the darkness in her soul after her brother's death, the day she first killed not to defend herself and others but out of hatred and a sense of revenge. Xena told me then that there was no way to save her own soul, but that she didn't want me to make the same mistakes."
Cassandra's words left the grey haired woman totally stunned. Only some candledrops later, she finally found her voice. "Listening to you, one could get the impression that she's some kind of selfless hero or something."
Arleia and her daughter just laughed but the older of the two soon sobered up. "No, Cyrene. I don't think one could call her a hero but she also isn't the monster you see in her. She is capable of great violence and even cruelty. Otherwise she wouldn't have killed the remainder of Krykus' army. She's ready to do whatever it takes to get what she wants. She asks a lot of the people next to her but from herself she demands even more. If Greece is a safe place to live now and to raise children, it's only because of her. But she tends to forget this and more often than not sees only the heartless killer, not the loyal friend.
"I won't ask you to change your mind about your daughter. She certainly gave you reason to think the worst of her – but regardless of what you or even she herself believes, regardless of how dark her path seems to be, I know that her soul holds a spark of light that one day will win out against the darkness."
"You have no idea how much I wish you were right, Arleia." Cyrene whispered.
x x x x x x
For a few heartbeats Queen Melosa and the other Amazons stared after the galloping young Centaur and Xena. "Would you care to explain what just happened, Tyldus?"
The big Centaur was almost squirming under her inquisitive glare but before he could come up with an answer Solan's young voice piped in. "Aunt T is expecting. She told me that the Conqueror taught her what to do the first time, when she had Xenon. I think she is gone to help her again."
"But I read that normal women die when forced to birth a Centaur?" Gabrielle asked.
"They did, but four years ago my son, Phantes and my daughter-in-law disappeared at the end of her pregnancy. It didn't strike us as unusual then, because when there is real love between a woman and a Centaur they sometimes are reluctant to share the last moments of the woman's life with others. About two weeks later they were both back and with a son. I wasn't thrilled when I learned that they named him Xenon – now I know why. When the next woman found herself pregnant my daughter-in-law taught her and the midwife some relaxation techniques and breathing exercises. We never again had to mourn the loss of a woman."
"Aunt T was with the Conqueror's army. She even went away for a while to help defeat the Romans." Solan proudly declared. "She is great, she knows a lot of neat stories and is the best scout ever and…" He fell silent for a moment, thinking very hard. "If aunt T really needs her help, then I'm glad I didn't kill the Conqueror."
Most of the adults looked at him with confusion but Gabrielle said. "I'm also glad, Solan. – Why don't we start for the village? We won't find out anything about this army if we just keep on standing here."
"Gabrielle is right. Let's go."
x x x
When Xena entered the medium sized hut at the edge of the village, she found the midwife crying in front of the fire place. She didn't turn around when she heard the footsteps but said between sobs. "She will die. The baby won't come out. It will tear her up from inside. Did you bring the herbs to ease her passing over?"
"I'm not ready to let her go with Celesta and the Goddess of Death isn't here yet."
The old woman turned around surprisingly fast at the deep unfamiliar voice coming from the door. "How would you…. You're the Conqueror. You're not welcome in this village."
"I'm well aware of this, old woman, believe me. But Terreis needs help you obviously cannot give."
The woman facing Xena seemed to size her up. She noticed the bands protecting her upper arms and the heavy knee and shin protectors, the leather dress emphasising her womanly built as well as her muscular legs, shoulders and arms. When she observed Xena's face she found impatience warring with concern. She made her decision.
"You saved her life once, when delivering Xenon. – Terreis trusts you. I don't, but she should have a chance to live and see her sons grow. She is in the next room but I'll keep an eye on you."
The ghost of a smile crossed Xena's face. She opened the door to one of the adjourning rooms and was confronted with darkness. She couldn't see beyond the point of light coming from the living room reached. A string of curse words burst forward and she was about to turn around and snarl at the woman behind her when a voice came out of the darkness. "Xena? Is it you? It must be, no one else I know uses as colourful a language. – Or am I dreaming?"
"If this is a dream, it's a Gods' cursed nightmare. It's as dark as in a pitch in here. Where's the damned window?"
"Two paces forward and then five to your right. Marianna believes that the Goddess of Death won't find me in the darkness." The melodious voice answered though Xena also could distinguish the strain it tried to mask.
The tall woman opened the window and the heavy shutters keeping the light of day out. She turned around and had to force a smile on her face when she saw her friend. Her usually curly hair was damp with sweat and plastered to her skull, her vibrant eyes were glazed over with fever and deeply sunken in. "It's good to see you, Ter. I'll do everything to keep Celesta from getting too close to you, I promise."
"I also would have preferred to meet with you somewhere in an inn, with roasted pork and a mug of good ale. It's been too long." Meanwhile Xena had reached the bed and knelt down at the side. Terreis' right hand slightly touched the collar fastened around her neck. "So, the rumours we heard were true. You'll have a lot of explaining to do, Xena, my friend. But I'm really glad to see you."
The pregnant woman rapidly closed her eyes to ward off another contraction and the pain concentrated in her lower torso. "No, Ter, don't try to resist the pain, breathe with it and it soon will subside. Yeah, that's it. You're doing fine. Here, take a sip of water." Xena offered the water skin she always kept with her medical kit to the woman's parched lips. "I'll have to take a look at you, feel your baby."
"Go ahead, do what you have to do, Xena."
The midwife, Marianna, took a better observation position at the end of the bed. Xena pushed Terreis' shift upwards and began to follow the outline of her protruding belly with her hands and then the tips of her fingers. She then put her ear repeatedly to either side of it. About twenty candledrops and another contraction later she locked eyes with her patient and smiled.
"Congratulations, Terreis, you'll have twins. There are two strong heartbeats but I don't think that they are Centaur. I could feel at least one human foot."
"But that's impossible, Xena. Centaurs always father other Centaurs, that's how it has been since their creation."
"It may seem impossible but nevertheless it's true. And that's not the problem. The problem is that one of them is a breech, it's upside down. I'll have to try and turn it around."
"You'll have to reach inside to do this, like with a mare having a filly?" Xena nodded. "Marianna, you will have to hold me down."
"I'll first give you something to relax your muscles, so it will be easier on you." The midwife answered.
"No! I'm afraid that's not possible. – Ter, if I succeed, you will need control over your muscles to get them out as soon as it is turned around. We also have to take care that they don't get entangled in the umbilical cord. It could choke one of your babies to death."
"Do what you have to do, Xena. Marianna, come here, give me something to bite on. I don't want to alarm the whole village by screaming out loud. Put your hands on my shoulders and hold me down while Xena is working."
The older woman did as she was told reluctantly; her pride was bristling at the thought of this stranger, this murderer simply taking over. But her compassionate heart told her that if the Conqueror was right, a closer examination on her part could have spared Terreis a lot of suffering.
"I can't take away the pain, Ter, but I'll put the pinch on your thighs. You won't be able to move them any longer because you won't feel them. It's important that you don't move around too much. Everything will be all right soon."
Xena stood and went to the central room to wash her hands with the hot water simmering over the fireplace, wincing slightly when the steaming liquid met her bandaged right hand. She took an earthen jar out of her healing kit and coated her left hand and lower arm liberally with some sort of grease or jelly, after having removed her bracers. She closed her eyes for a moment as if in prayer and began her arduous task. For the next candledrops all one could hear were three sets of breathing, Xena's low and steady, Marianna's faster but still normal, Terreis' matching her frantic heartbeat and the grinding of her teeth against the wooden bit.
The tall warrior withdrew her arm, loosened the pressure points and with another pinch to Terreis' neck put her to sleep. Then she motioned for the midwife to follow her. She once again washed her hands and stood in front of the fireplace staring into the flames. For two long heartbeats her face was open, reflecting anguish and fear. Expressions not lost on the midwife who couldn't help but rejoice in the obvious helplessness of whom she saw as her adversary.
"So the great Conqueror doesn't know what to do. You're as helpless as I am. How does it feel? Having to tell her that she will die, having to tell her that her son will grow to be a man without her guidance and without his brother?"
Xena whirled around, her left hand automatically reached for a weapon no longer on her back. At the same time her still bandaged and slightly damp right hand curled itself around the woman's throat. She easily lifted her from the ground and saw the uneasy triumph in the woman's face change to utter fear. She held her, for one heartbeat, two heartbeats, three heartbeats, and then she slowly put her back on her feet; once again facing the flames. Marianna's first impulse was to run and alert the militia, but she just stood there as if mesmerised by the silent figure in front of her.
Heartbeats became candledrops, finally Xena turned around and asked her if some rare herbs were available in the village or the surrounding area. For two of them the midwife knew there were none and two others she didn't even know by name. The tall woman looked at her for a long time and made her squirm under her cold blue eyes.
"If Terreis accepts, I'll need your help, midwife." She once again turned, re-entered the bedroom and began to gently wake the pregnant woman.
"What happened?"
"I put you to sleep because I didn't know how to tell you, Ter."
"Tell me, what? You didn't manage to turn my baby around, I know. I could feel your hand inside. You checked them out but you didn't turn them. Why?"
"They can't go out one after the other, Terry. They are connected, somehow, maybe intertwined. I don't know for sure but we will have to take both of them at the same time and there…."
Terreis put two fingers on Xena's lips. "I understand. You only call me Terry when it is really bad news. Regardless how much I relax, there's no way I can open up enough to let both of them pass at the same time. Right?" Xena nodded and the other woman took a deep breath. "Then there is only one way left. Open my belly and take the babies out. This way at least they will survive. My life isn't important."
"I disagree, Terry. There is a possibility to slow down your heartbeat. The internal bleeding wouldn't be as bad and you would also have a chance to survive. The easiest way to reach this state would be with the help of herbs but I don't have them in my kit and Marianna tells me that they can't be found around here. There's another way. It's dangerous, but it can be done, Terry."
"I'm certain, I won't like what you're going to say but I'm willing to listen."
"I didn't come here alone, Terreis. I'm part of Queen Melosa's entourage. – No, please wait, let me speak my mind. After Persia, on more than one occasion, I showed you that the mind could control the matter, the body. Your mind can tell your heart to slow down but you will need a guide to do so and also to come back. I'm not good enough to guide you myself, especially with my attention focused on more physical matters like cutting and sewing. But there's one person in the Queen's party who is."
"You know how I feel about Melosa knowing that I'm still alive. I usually leave the village while she is here."
"I know but the Queen doesn't have to know, Melosa doesn't have to know. What I intend to do will give you a chance to survive. There's no guarantee. Phantes told me that he would be lost without you and Xenon also needs his mother. – Akyra can keep her mouth shut if you and I ask her to. Please, Terry. Please think about it, the sooner we begin the better." The raven-haired woman turned around and regained her former place in front of the mantle.
Marianna didn't know what to say. What they were talking about was pure craziness. It was foolish and dangerous and arrogant and… She simply was speechless because at the same time it was the only possibility left.
About three candledrops later, Terreis called Xena's name. She returned to the bedroom. "Do it. Ask her. I don't understand what makes you think that she could be my guide but ask her."
"Thank you, Terry."
x x x x x x
"Would any of you care to tell me what by Hades' helmet is going on here! Why is Lyceus hanging upside down and why are you all standing there, laughing like a bunch of damned hyenas?" Eponin barked.
The five girls immediately fell silent and suddenly found great interest in something on the ground. One of the girls named Coryma, part of her staff class, finally answered. "We were practising tree climbing when Thania asked if she and the boy could join us, but he was clumsy and fell."
"Get him down, now!" Thania cut the rope and three others helped him on his feet. "And now, I want the truth. I saw him playing catch with some girls of his age and he is all but clumsy. Coryma, you have one last chance to tell me the truth."
"We didn't practice. When Thania told us that she didn't have time to play with us because Xena wanted her to play with the boy; we thought this would be a great chance to have some fun. We played some hide and seek and he wasn't as bad as we expected. So we made it more interesting and took to the trees. We then wanted to make it even more of a challenge and went to the practice area for the scouts and hunters. That's how he ended upside down." The girl answered with a quivering voice.
"I suppose you all knew that there were traps and you all knew what to look out for, right?" She got hesitant and embarrassed nods as an answer. "And none of you thought of at least warning him." Even smaller nods. "Do you think that you acted like an honourable Amazon warrior should? Lyceus may be a boy but he also is a friend. Would you do this to your friends?" Their heads now were hanging even lower. "It's one candlemark to sunset. I'll accompany Lyceus to his father's tent and I want you all to return to the village. I want you all to go to your mistresses or mothers and I want you to tell them that you acted without honour and that you have to be punished accordingly. Tomorrow morning, you all will go to Lyceus and the other men and you will tell him that you are sorry and that they shouldn't judge all Amazons by what you have done."
"But then everyone will know." One of the girls said.
"Well, that's what you will have to live with for acting as you did, isn't it? Go now, all of you."
When the weapons master entered the Queen's hut, some two candlemarks later, she found Thania kneeling in the far corner of the central room, naked, her back turned towards the door and a cane lying on a table next to her.
"Come here and put your clothes back on." The girl slowly got to her feet, picked the cane up and presented it to the dark haired warrior with trembling hands.
"I won't beat you, Thania. Corporeal punishments are for adults only. It's a sign that they accept their guilt and are willing to pay for the damage done to the nation or individual Amazons. With first time apprentices, punishments serve to teach them, to help them not to make the same mistake again and again. Beatings don't serve this purpose, they don't teach anything."
"But by acting as I did, I dishonoured my mistress, I dishonoured the Queen. Only pain can help wash away something like this." Thania answered with tears in her eyes. Meanwhile the girl was once again on her knees in front of Eponin who sat in one of the chairs next to the desk.
Discarding the cane still offered to her, Eponin knelt next to the slim child, she took her chin in one hand and forced her to look into her eyes. "Thania, look at me and listen well. Honour is something one has here," she touched the girl's heart with the other hand, "and here." She touched the girl's head. "It's deep inside of you and nothing you do can taint the Queen's honour. It's her alone who can do damage to it or preserve it. What you all did to Lyceus wounded your own honour, not hers. Come on, stand up and then we'll sit down and you'll tell me what you really had to do with this stupid game."
Thania's whole body was trembling and having no great experience with kids Eponin at first was at a loss what to do. Finally she encircled the girl's shoulders and drew her nearer to her until she had her head against the warrior's chest. With the other hand she grabbed a soft blanket from the other chair and reluctant to let go of her charge, wrapped it around both of them. Small arms encircled her waist and the girl began to cry, silently at first but then sobbing loudly.
"It's all right, baby girl, everything will be all right. There was no harm done and Lyceus isn't angry with you. He told me that the children in Britannia also tried to make fun of him at first, but that they became very good friends. He also said that he doesn't need an apology but lessons in finding and avoiding traps."
"But I want to apologise, Eponin. I knew from the beginning when we changed the playing ground to the hunter's exercise area what they were up to but I didn't have the courage to say anything. I was a coward." The girl looked up to her with tears still running down her face.
"It's difficult to act against a group of one's peers, my girl, but I know that next time, you will think before you go along with any of them, even with your elders. Won't you?"
"Yes, Eponin, I'll try my best. What will be my punishment? – I still think caning or whipping would be best."
"That's out of question Thania. No. – I spoke with the head cook, for the next five days you will spend three candlemarks daily helping in the kitchen. You will help to wash the plates and clean the frying pans and pots, scrub the floor in the dining hall, whatever the cook tells you to do, whether you like it or not. – And now go and put some clothes on, I brought something to eat from the dining hall."
"I'm not really hungry. May I go to my room? I have a lot to think about."
"Of course you can, but don't be too hard on yourself. You're trying to find your way, you're still learning and making mistakes is part of learning; it's part of growing up. Everyone makes mistakes once in awhile, I know I do and even the Queen does." The Amazon warrior bent down and kissed the girl first on the forehead and then on both eyes. "Sleep well, baby girl."
Not wanting to eat alone, Eponin put the bread and cheese away to serve as their breakfast and sat down to do some paperwork. Some candlemarks later she woke with a start from soft paws insistently scratching her knee. The torches anchored in between the windows at the wall were fuming slightly having evidently just burned out and she still was sitting at the desk. While she was about to gather her wits, she heard a sound between keening and wailing coming from Thania's room.
Eponin patted the young lynx on the head and whispered. "Well done, little friend." She cautiously went over and peeked around the door. The young Amazon was crying and thrashing around on the mattress, obviously deep in the grip of a nightmare. Eponin lit the candle next to the bed and sat down. She didn't have the faintest idea what to do.
When Thania felt the mattress move under the weight of the weapons master, her body got absolutely still and rigid. She whispered. "Please, Mistress, don't do it, I promise, I'll never do it again. Please don't use the harness. Please, I'll never again eat without your permission. Please…."
Another wave of anger rushed through Eponin's veins. Her heart was breaking with every word the girl uttered, so she took her in her arms and began to awkwardly hum an old lullaby she remembered from her own childhood. She gently rocked her to and 'fro, stroking her hair. It seemed to work.
Thania slowly settled in a more normal breathing rhythm. The woman carefully turned around and made herself comfortable against the headrest, still cradling the smaller body in her arms.
For the first time in years, Eponin felt completely at peace, at least for a few precious moments, before her thoughts began to run rampant. Since the truth about Najara and the others had become public knowledge she never was far from wanting to kill the traitorous woman. But she also held herself responsible for the suffering of the innocent girl sleeping in her arms and now, in the middle of the night, she gave voice to her thoughts.
Eponin continued to stroke her hair, the girl's head resting comfortably between her breasts. "It's all my fault, baby girl. I failed you. I always tried to make sure that you were happy and that you were loved, but I failed you. I watched you grow from a helpless baby to an active toddler and a beautiful and smart kid but I didn't do what I should have done, I didn't keep you safe. I just hope that one day you will be able to forgive what your mother did to you."
"Why didn't you tell me, Eponin?" The warrior's body was paralysed with surprise but when the girl continued it once again drove a dagger in her heart. "I must have done something wrong to make you reject me. Tell me what it is and I promise I'll try to get better. I just found you; I don't want to lose you again."
"Oh, baby girl, you didn't do anything wrong. It's me, I'm not worth having someone as perfect as you as a daughter." The girl turned her head to look the older woman questioningly in the eyes. "I have to tell you the truth, you deserve to know the truth. The woman you knew as your second mother was my older sister." She fell silent but Thania didn't make any move to hurry her.
"She and our mother were weavers. I grew up in an Amazon village far south from Corinth. My mother and her mother and grandmother before her were famous for the quality of their fabrics but I never had patience enough to walk in their footsteps. I wanted to see the world; I wanted to go to Athens and Delphi and Ephesus and Rome and Britannia. So, I decided to become a warrior. I trained very hard during my first apprenticeship and got my mistress and the weapons' master of our village to recommend me for further training to the local regent. My folks weren't happy with my decision but finally I was able to convince them. The day I received the beads of a warrior was one of the happiest days in my life."
The Amazon once again fell silent and Thania said. "You don't have to tell me if it hurts too much. You can tell me later or not at all."
"No, Thanny, you have to know the truth, all of it. – I did guard duty and tagged along with the hunters and the scouts. But a few moons after my initiation, I got the first mission leading me outside the confines of the village and its hunting grounds. A party of weavers and leather makers and other craftswomen went to a harvest market in a village about three days voyage west. Three other warriors and I were to escort them. It had been very peaceful and the contact with our neighbours was pretty good, so the Regent decided that more than four guards would equal a provocation.
"We made good time the first two days and decided to have an early night. We were looking forward to the market and the fair, especially the warriors because we were sure to win the archery and running competitions. I took the first watch and was also scheduled for the last one. In the middle of the night I got up because I couldn't sleep. I told my superior that I would take a walk and that I would be back for the last watch. She just nodded and turned around to continue to sleep. I got lost in the unfamiliar forest and when I finally found my way back, dawn already was breaking.
"I found my sister and my fellow Amazons surrounded by a group of men, outnumbered and bound. They were slavers and prepared to transport them the Gods only know where. I had to do something but instead of hurrying back to the village and getting help, I decided that I had to save them all on my own. I just walked into their midst and taunted them. It was a stupid plan but somehow it worked. They were able to escape but I was captured."
Eponin stopped talking and soon she felt a small hand caressing her cheek. Thania who some time ago had recognised the intonation Xena used to speak about something she was ashamed of or about something that still was hurting her said. "Please, don't hurt yourself. I can imagine what happened next."
The weapons master's left hand captured her right by the wrist, she gently turned it around and kissed its palm. "What is causing me pain is not what these men did to me while I was their prisoner, it's what I did after my sisters had freed me, Thania.
"The four or five days I was in their hands I didn't receive any physical injuries. I was bound, unable to defend myself, unable to hurt myself, unable to end my life. My Amazon sisters killed thirteen of them but another seven escaped. I didn't return to the village. All I wanted to do was to end their lives. And that's what I did. But I didn't stop when I had found them. I kept on killing, every man who had the courage to look into my eyes, every man coming near enough to touch me. I didn't care if they were slavers or soldiers or simple village folks. When one of them ended his life at the end of my sword I felt alive and only then the images of the men grabbing my breasts and thrusting their cocks inside of me disappeared. I was about to lose my soul and I didn't even care.
"About three moons later, I stumbled exhausted into a temple. I just wanted a place to sleep and I didn't know whose temple it was. To me it was just a building, a means to take shelter in a storm. I collapsed in front of the offerings to the left of the altar and when I regained my spirits I was laying on a comfortable cot, surrounded by warmth and the scent and sounds of a fireplace. I tried to get up but I couldn't feel my legs, from the waist downwards everything was numb. I heard footsteps and instinctively reached for my sword but it had disappeared along with my daggers, bow and arrows.
"There was a curtain facing the bed, it opened and a tall woman with big blue eyes glided through. Thinking of it, she bore a great resemblance to Xena. She told me that her name was Lea and that she was the high priestess of Hestia. I began to laugh but she didn't see anything humorous in finding an Amazon in front of the statue of the Goddess of Virginity and to make it worse, a pregnant Amazon . That's when I stopped laughing.
"I spent the winter with the Hestian virgins. They mostly left me to my own devices; Lea was the only one who insisted on talking to me. Bit by bit, I told her what had happened and she talked to me of love and forgiveness and about the dangers and temptations of darkness. She also saw to it that I had lots of things to read. I'm not really fond of reading, but with my legs being immobilised there was nothing else to do. Most of the scrolls she gave to me were about Amazon law and Amazon history, about victories and sacrifices. She never told me where she got them. Slowly I began to feel the new life growing inside of me.
"The first days after she told me all I wanted to do was to get rid of this thing," Eponin internally flinched at her own words, "but the stories I read changed my mind. I learned that every life is a gift regardless how it came to be and I began to talk to you about the things we would do when we were back in the Amazon village. The day I first felt you kicking me, feeling returned to my legs. It took another half moon before I was strong enough to begin my journey back to my sisters. For a while I even thought to become a weaver to give you the peaceful life I felt you deserved.
"But there was no village left, only the long burned out ruins of our huts and remnants of hastily erected funeral pyres. There were faint traces of footsteps in the ground of early spring. I followed them to a cave we had intended to use for emergencies. Only four of my fellow Amazons were left, my sister was one of them, the others had been killed or taken to slavery about one and a half moon earlier by a warlord and his army. When my sister told me how my mother had died, trying to defend herself with one of her weaving spindles, I was blinded by anger and hatred and darkness, a darkness I thought I had left behind in the temple of Hestia. All I wanted to do is kill them. Then you began to kick out, as if you were able to feel my emotions.
"We decided to join one of the other Amazon villages but we waited for about four moons after your birth to set out on our journey. We were on foot and though we tried to stay clear from the main roads, I still had a lot of fighting to do and every time I had to kill one of our opponents I was tempted by the darkness lingering just behind the surface of my soul. I felt that I couldn't risk that you might suffer from my violent heart or fall prey to the darkness, so, when we came here I asked my sister to take care of you and not to let anyone know who your birth mother was. – It's sad to know that by trying to protect you from the darkness, I made you the victim of a dark soul."
Silence settled over them like a blanket, finally Eponin closed her eyes and continued. "I can understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me any longer, Thania, now that you know the truth."
"Eponin, is it okay to call you 'mom'?"
"You really want to?" The older woman asked with wonder in her voice.
"Yes. I always dreamed of having a mother as powerful and honourable and sincere as you are. Before Xena came here, I wouldn't have understood why you believed you had to keep your distance from me, but she taught me a lot about the temptations of darkness when telling stories about her past. I know that it hurts her to recall her actions; I can hear it in her voice as I just heard it in yours. She told me that the memories were helping her not to go back to those dark times. I loved my second mother and now I once again have someone to give this love to, now I have you, mum."
Eponin closed her arms even tighter around the girl's body, kissed her hair and whispered. "Thank you, my daughter."
x x x x x x
To be continued in Chapter Four: A Call To Arms
