A/N: I greatly apologize for the extremely long wait. I completely forgot about this until like two days ago. Ha, shows you how good I am with updates. I really like this idea so I'm going to try and continue this for reals. lol. I'm not very good with updates and it takes me a long time to write with school everything. So if I'm focused then I'll be able to write a chapter maybe every two weeks?... But I'm not promising anything. The months (i think its almost been a year) its taken me to remember this prove it. And it only took me two days to write this because I had part of it already written. In conclusion: I fail at life. lol

Sorry for the extremely long A/N. Edward's perspective. Happy Reading!

(lessthanthree) Maggie

Songs to listen to while reading: Coldplay: In My Place; Green Day: Waiting; Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Maps; Sugarcult: Memory; Bloc Party: I Still Remember


Chapter 2.

I can hear my family: their thoughts, their laughter. From my room I'm barraged with the sounds of their happiness. I wish I could join them. I truly wish I could, but I can't, not right now.

My life has lost all meaning. But this… is for her. I'd suffer an eternity if she has a chance at a normal life. Not the one of danger she had with me. Everything about our existence was a threat to her.

This is for the best.

Is what I keep telling myself. But I don't believe my words.

This is for the best.

Is what I've been telling my family for as long as they've been watching me deteriorate. I've heard their thoughts. I know they don't believe me. They see what this is doing to me and think me a fool for being so selfless. Selfless?! I revile the word. Having her for as long as I did was the most selfish thing I could ever do. I never should have fallen, I never should have indulged.

They think I'm worse than before I found her, but I refuse to believe them. At least now I'd known what it was to love. Nothing could be worse than not knowing. How stupid I was thinking that I had everything. When in reality I had nothing at all.

I wish I could block it all out.

With time they've learned to be careful around me. Even hearing her name hurt. I tried not to think of the word, the beautiful moniker that fit her so.

I wish I could just leave, I wish I could just… die. Oh, how wonderful death would be. Hell would be my reward. I think this with peace, knowing that my misdeeds could not have gone uncounted, undocumented but whatever higher entity actually existed. Hell would be better than this. At least then I'd be dead. Not this half-life… this fake death: needing to feed on the life of others to survive.

Edward.

"Alice, what do you want?" I murmur. I would usually be downstairs with the rest of them but today I couldn't bear it. She was born twenty one years ago today. And it was this day 3 years ago that I knew, without a doubt that this life wasn't good enough for her. She deserves so much more.

My family knew. They'd been considerate enough to leave me to my own devices all week. I appreciated that they -especially Alice and Esme- didn't attempt to pull me from my depression with the asinine activities I'd once enjoyed.

I have to admit that sometimes they helped. They helped get my mind off of her, even if for a few moments. But as soon as I was alone, the angel of my dreams haunted me once again. I couldn't go back to her if I wanted, she wouldn't remember me. But this is for the best.

I regret not asking Leara to erase my memories along with those of Forks. But this is how it should be. This is how I would repent for my sins, living immortally in my own personal hell.

I've had a vision…of her. Alice's voice was trembled, she sounded like she was about to cry. There was something terrifically wrong.

I sat up from my where I was lying on the window seat. "What do you mean? What's wrong?" As far as I knew, Alice had stopped having visions about her altogether, or has at least been blocking them from me.

I rushed down the stairs only to see the majority of the family trying to console a visibly shaken Alice. She was curled up in Jasper's lap, while he whispered to her, frantically and feverishly, trying with all he could to calm the situation.

"What happened?" I let out before I could even think to decipher the jumble of thoughts going through Alice's head. My voice was hoarse, I feared the worst.

"She-she was in an accident. S-someone found her… one-one of us."

"What?" I stood there frozen. "What happened?"

"Drunk driver. It was dark. Her friend was driving and she died instantly." There was a pause before she gasped. It was a rasping, heart wrenching sound that seemed as if it would break someone as small and fragile as she looked at the moment. "I can't see her anymore!" she yelled near hysterics. "I'm trying-I'm trying so hard. After she found her, I can't see her any more." Her sobs pierced the silence of the room. Everyone wore grave expressions. This was unmistakably a difficult ordeal for us all

"Do you know who found her? It wasn't Victoria was it?" My hands clenched to fists at the thought, if Victoria found her… My beautiful Be--, my angel.

"Thankfully it wasn't Victoria," Jasper whispered.

"Do you know where? I--" I already had a foot out the door when Esme cut me off.

"Edward!" She was suddenly in front of me, hugging me. I looked down at her, it still astonished me how nurturing she could be. But a hug wasn't what I needed at the moment, I had to get out of here.

"I have to find her."

"Edward," she spoke in a small voice. "Please calm down."

"I have to do something!" I stepped back leaving her embrace. "I can't just leave her there with god knows who."

"You don't have to go yet," she let out quickly. "Carlisle is on his way. We'll think of something."

"Esme…"

"Edward…" Her voice reached a deadly calm. I'd only heard it on the few occasions where she'd demanded authority. "Alice cares about Bella as much as you do. We all do." I cringed at her name, hearing it said out loud was like a physical blow. "She was a part of this family once and is still a daughter to me. Any decisions to be made can wait for Carlisle, he's right outside." At the close of her words he walked into the room.

"What happened?" he asked looking around the room. What he saw worried him, he put a hand on my shoulder as if to stop the confrontation that could have been between Esme and me. He then saw Alice's condition and the severe looks on the faces of everyone else. Jasper filled him in on the situation, answering any questions he may have had before he even asked them. Waiting for the seconds to tick by was agonizing.

"Where was she last?" This question particularly caught my interest, even though I already knew the answer. I'd read what I could of Alice's thoughts. I was still focusing on them. She was replaying the images, as if a movie. All the events that lead to what we were dealing with now.

Bella looking despondently out a window.
Bella's friend making her spin around, their laughter following.
Bella changing the radio station.
Bella words to her friend in the car.
Bella yelling her friend's name.
The impact.
The vampire.

It ended and replayed over and over in her thoughts. The images of her lying in her own blood, in pain, were almost too much to bear. I wanted to be away from here, with her, once again. To take her pain away.

There was a small side of me that was saying that it was too late. No! I refused to believe that, I wouldn't let myself think that. There had to be hope.

Edward we're leaving. Carlisle's thoughts called to me.I grabbed the keys he threw in my general direction and was in the garageas fast as my legs carried me. I was in front of the house just as Carlisle was stepping outside followed by Jasper carrying a still crying Alice.

We were all in the car and on our way within a couple of seconds.

"I'm not sure…" Carlisle and I looked back at Alice, whose sobs had finally stopped. "I'm not sure but I don't think it's happened yet. It's going to happen. I know that for sure, it keeps playing over and over again. But we might not be too late." I was torn. There was still a chance. But if we were too late, I'm not sure how I'd be able to live with myself.


Ok some notes

1) I had a friend read this and she was complaining to me that they should be trying to help Bella instead of just standing there talking. I thought it was implied when I was writing this but i guess not, so i thought I'd clarify :). They're vampires therefore super fast. So this whole scene takes place under like 2 minutes. I guess it seemed more than that.

2)Edward does think alot. So sorry if it gets a bit repetitve at times. Give the guy a break he's depressed lol. Who loves sexy emo Edward? I do :D heheh.. I'm a nerd. lol

3)When Edward asked Leara to erase the memories of Forks he didn't ask for his memories of Bella or that of his family to be erased.

4)They still live in Forks.

Umm.. i think that's it. R&R