Authors note: I do not own the series or characters. I am not GRRM. I haven't read the books, so I am going based off the show, please keep this in mind. I don't know specific details or locations, I make up what I can so please don't leave comments saying how is such and such possible they are in such, or that isn't right cause such and such… or even comments correcting grammar. It's a waste of my time and a waste of yours, and just makes you look like one of those jerks who have to rub in their smarty pantsness that no one ends up liking cause of it. That being said, I appreciate comments of how I am doing things right, what you would like to see, and if need be how I can make the next chapter better. Thanks!
Chapter 3: Letters…
Jon sat in his study, the sound of fire crackling in the background. His mind kept wondering to Sansa and if she was going to be angry with him for much longer. Another part of him was nagging at him, a large wooden box sat not far from him. He glanced back and forth between the paper in his hand and the box that called to him. With a deep sigh and a desire for something more interesting then one of his councilmen's idea on how to control fly populations to keep his mind off Sansa.
Jon opened the box, though the inside was dark, the shudders closed on his window to block the sun and allow him to concentrate, he was still able to feel for the objects. He looked at the ring once more, turning it in his hand, the white dragon and the red wolf… it made him think of Sansa. He couldn't help but wonder what his parents looked like, if they truly were his parents. Apart of him felt like that box was meant to be his, like all his missing answers were lost in there. He placed the ring back in the box and looked through more stuff. A baby blanket he imagined his mother sewed for him, a Targaryen pendant he imagined belonged to his father, a dried up blue rose, and a lot more letters he hadn't even begun to read yet. He unfolded one that smelled beautiful, which the scent made since when a beautiful dried flower only found in Winterfell fell from the folded letter.
Rhaegar,
Your letters are beautiful, and full of sweet words. I fear my father's wrath should he find such letters, I've hidden them to my best abilities under the floor boards of my room. I wish to see you again soon as well, though I fear its been long since I've seen your face. Do you truly mean it, that you would marry me? A part of me feels sorry for those whom love us, we leave pain behind… but my love for you haunts me so. I wish I could stop this burning desire to be near you, to feel you, to touch you. I suppose I must be wicked, but how does one stop loving their souls mate? I will keep an eye out for your letters and hope for your return, many speculate after the tourney about us, I've done my best to keep it a secret, but I think Ned suspects. He is smart my brother, I will miss him the most when we leave. Do you still come for me?
With Love,
Always your Lyanna.
Jon placed the letter down as he rested his chin on his hand. I wish I could stop this burning desire to be near you… Jon could understand Lyanna's feelings all too well. She knew her love was wrong and would destroy people, but she didn't realize that the power of those they hurt were stronger than they were. Jon couldn't help but wonder if he wrote her back, but he couldn't find return letters from Rhaegar so he decided to go the one room in the whole castle their father had locked to preserve the way she left it the day she was stowed away.
Jon walked briskly down the hall, a part of him wanting to go to Sansa's room, but the other leading him to the room his father never let anyone visit. The one he would catch Ned sometimes leaning against and talking too, almost as if she were on the other side listening to him. He always wondered what father would be saying to aunt Lyanna through the door, but now he realized that it was uncle Ned talking to his mother from behind the door. Jon hesitated as he stood in front of the same door Ned spent many nights talking to, he felt a strange presence almost like someone was in the room.
With a hard nudge the old dusty door flew open. Dust covered the floor and the bed, cobwebs had over run the walls. He had a mind to have someone come and clean it out so he could see what it truly looked like when his mother had been there. It was cold and draft gave him the chills as he stepped in, the floorboards creeping with his presence, his head turning side to side as he observed the room. A vase sat on the window sill, dusty and old with dead brown flowers. He felt something sad and lonely in the room, and then he felt it, a weakness in the floor. Jon dropped to his knees and pride the old rotting wood from the floor to reveal a large hole his mother had dug from the dirt and rocks that laid beneath it. Jon didn't know why but his heart raced, he reached down to feel a small box tucked down.
Jon blew on top of the box to watch the dirt fly off it, using his hand to remove the rest of the debris. He wished Sansa was with him, and he felt a dull ache in his heart once more. She would have loved the mystery, and she would have soothed his nerves. Shaking the thought away, Jon left the room and headed back to his own suite. He rushed as quickly as possible until he could close his own door behind him. He took a seat close to the fire so that he could see better what he was looking at. After opening the box, he found quite a few letters, and some trinkets. Rhaegar constantly sent her presents, including a small white gold crown of blue gold roses with diamonds along the vines, and a wolf and dragon entwined in the front of it. Small, but beautiful. More simple rings of diamonds, rubies, and sapphires, little carvings of jade and alabaster animals, a horse, a wolf, a bird, and a dragon. Jon looked through the letters until he found the one he was looking for.
My Dearest Wolf,
Your words give me strength and joy, to be away from you is painful. I want to come for you, and I will; I promise. I know you ache to leave as soon as possible, but I am sorry. We must wait a little while longer while I try to set my orders straight. I yearn to touch your beautiful dark locks, to taste those winter lips, and hold you in my arms. Soon we will be together, and we will make a life for each other. I will not let anyone, not even the Gods, stop me from making you mine. You mean the world to me, and I will make you my wife, and my queen. To show you that I am still forever yours I send you a token of my love, a pendant passed down many generations, and one I hope to pass down to our child. I leave a lot behind, but I need you, and I hope you will await me. I come. I swear it.
Forever yours,
Your Dragon Rhaegar
Jon put the note back into the box as he sat back to think some. He pulled the pendant from the other box and observed it. It was a large golden circle with a white dragon and roses in the center, the detail work was fine and exemplary. It was a true master piece, and looked to be almost like a badge of honor. Jon turned it over and over again slowly in the light of the fire, observing it, and remembering it. He then placed it back in the box before grabbing a letter from the box. He grabbed another letter but this time from the box he found buried behind his mother's statue in the crypt. He now realized why Ned didn't like taking Robert into visit her grave and statue, in fear he might stumble across what Lyanna wanted hidden from him.
Rhaegar my dearest,
I must withdraw my former request for you to come to me, I have had a change of heart. I cannot hurt those I love, and who love me. You have a family, you have a wife, and you have children who need you. What we are doing is selfish. Robert will never let me go, and though I know he could not make a good husband nor a faithful one, he would never do what I am about to. So, who is worst? My love, I hope you can forgive me, but I must stay where I belong. Please send me no more letters, contact me no further, for I fear I would break. It is hard now to say goodbye to someone who makes me whole. I must be honorable like Ned, he is so brave and strong, and he will look after me when I cannot look after myself. I cannot shame my family by eloping with a man I am not betrothed to. I am sorry. Please find forgiveness in your heart to not hate me, and I hope you and yours to be happy.
Lyanna.
Jon was stunned by what he had read, Lyanna had actually had second thoughts about running away with Rhaegar. What would have happened had she just stayed put and married Robert. He would not have been born, but Sansa would never have met Joffrey or Cersei, she would have been safe and spoiled. She would have known no pain in the world, or at least he imagined not. Lyanna had turned on Rhaegar as Sansa had on him… so perhaps there was hope yet, or again, so he thought. Jon grabbed he next letter, the one from his father.
Lyanna,
I will not let you shut me out. You are mine. I am yours. I will never let Robert have you. He can have his whores and you can have me. Elia is a kind woman, a great woman, but she is not my soul mate. She and I both know this, she is my friend and I am hers. You, my beautiful Lya, are fierce and willful, and you are kind in heart as well… so I can see how this seems the right response. I do not mean to speak so abrupt or rash, but my heart dies a little each day I do not see you. From the first moment, I laid eyes on you, you were riding through the woods when I was traveling, I had never seen anything for free or beautiful. I wished to be free. I wished to be wild and unchained, but I am a Prince. My envy turned to love and I knew I must write you the first letter, to get to know you. If I hadn't done that, I wonder if I would have been so carelessly in love to still leave those blue winter roses in your lap. For you are the Queen of Love and Beauty, and you've stolen my heart, whether you meant to or not. Do not let our love be tainted by those who don't understand, I come for you, we can sneak away quietly and marry as planned. I am coming. Wait for me.
-Your Prince and Love,
R.L
Jon sat quietly in thought, his mind racing from the things he had read. Lyanna wanted to do the right thing, but Rhaegar was not going to let her get away so easily. Apparently, it worked for not long after they stowed away for a year. His stomach turned at the idea, of what a young 16-year-old Lyanna must have felt when she lay their dying, not knowing what happened to her lover… if he was dead, knowing she could never say goodbye to him. He felt sorry for her, and it made him hope Sansa never became with child whether she married or not, the idea of losing her to birthing a child was unbearable… and for some reason the idea of her carrying someone else's child was just as unbearable.
Jon was caught off guard by a loud knock at the door. Again, another quickly timed knock. Jon called to the to enter, still stuck in his head. A young servant, heavy in breath from clear excessive quickly movement, probably running, told him Lady Sansa had requested his urgent presence as The Young Lord Stark of Winterfell had returned home. Jon was quick to his feet when it finally clicked, Bran had returned home. Another Stark was finally back in Winterfell, did this mean he wasn't needed anymore? Would Sansa turn him away now that Bran was back, now that Bran could help her keep Winterfell? When he walked into the room he found himself breathless, staring at Sansa who was kneeled beside her brother who now was nearly as tall as he was.
"Jon," Bran said with a smile, his sister holding his hand.
"Bran, you're home," Jon smiled back at his once little brother, and he couldn't help but still feel like he was his little brother. Jon walked beside Jon, his eyes glancing down at Sansa, she quickly averted her gaze.
"I have so much to tell you, first I'd like you to meet Howland Reed," Bran made a hand gesture to an older man standing beside a young curly haired gal, "that is also his daughter Meera Reed…. She saved my life. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. Jon I have something very important to talk to you about, in private, if you wouldn't mind…"
"Aye, Of course not," Jon said standing up from his crouch position, he glanced over at Sansa again, her eyes were sad even though this time she did not look away. They were locked for a moment, his dark eyes on his mothers.
"Howland, Meera, Jon… shall we?" Jon said as Meera went behind his chair to push him.
"What about Sansa?" he asked looking between them.
"Of course, Sansa you must come," Bran smiled at her. He looked at her in a way that made her feel bad, like he knew something about her she didn't know yet, like she should hate herself/
"I'd like Ser Davos, and Tormund to be with me, as they are privy to anything I know," he said looking at his two must trusted people. Bran nodded, and then they followed Jon to the meeting chambers where they all sat and listened to Bran's tale. Sansa kept looking over to Jon who was to wrapped up in Bran's words to be anywhere else mentally. She sculpted the shape of his face in her memory, but she also felt the loss of power with both Bran the male heir to Winterfell and Jon who should be King of Westeros. Where did that leave her? Now that she had a taste of power how could she let it go?
"You look like her," Howland finally spoke up, staring at the son of the woman he adored and respected like so many others. The girl who defended him when bullied by three squires, it was she that connected him with her brothers, which began a lifelong friendship with Eddard Stark, "Eddard would dislike that I'd jest that she was the pretty version of him… she would be proud of you, Jon."
"I wish I could have known her," Jon said stoically, trying to remain calm and king like.
"She loved you, and she would love you still were her spirit and not just her bones were here," the sadness in Howland's voice was heavy and desperate, "she was too good for even Rhaegar, I think even he knew it, and that's why he swept her away."
"Jon," Bran said softly leaning forward, "there is a chance I could show you what I have seen… so you can see them."
"That would be amazing, Bran," Jon said stunned, not sure what to do. Bran held out his hand waiting for Jon to take it, he wasn't sure why he hesitated but for some reason fear was taking over.
"It's okay, Jon," Bran encouraged, trying to reach out further. Jon knew that if Bran could show him, then there would be no doubt, he couldn't deny it anymore… he'd no longer be Ned Stark's bastard. Jon sighed and took Bran's hand, for a second nothing happened, and then like a picture was thrown at him he was rushed into images that moved quickly. His mother young and riding her horse. Lyanna grown into a young beauty, desired by many especially Robert and Rhaegar, his father handsome and strong. Some would say he fought like Jon, but Jon had Ned to help him become better. When Bran's hand left Jon's, it made Jon fall backwards into his chair like someone shoved him. Sansa stood to go to him, but then slowly lowered herself remembering they were mad at each other. Jon looked to her, he could see the worry in her eyes, and she could see the fear and amazement in his.
That night they held a great feast, but Sansa did not attend. Jon felt the ache of her absence, wishing he could talk to her. He didn't know how to fix what was happening between them. He began to ask himself, what would his parents have done… she he push her away as his mother tried to do to his father, or should he be like his father and rush to her forcing her to acknowledge him. Jon for a moment had a sad thought, the kind of thought he always had about the mother he was never told about, if only I could have known them, but what would it have done. How had things changed if Lyanna lived, if Rhaegar killed Robert instead? What kind of world would they be living in, would he be making Sansa is bride, betrothed by Ned and Rhaegar? Or would he be forced to marry a young princess, like Maergery Tyrell? He tried to lay in his bed and think of anything else. But for some reason… he couldn't.
