I watched him as he slept, his breath tickling me at every exhale. All lines of worry had washed away from his face since the beginning of his midnight slumber. I watched his eyes look at images unknown to me, as well as watching his eyes flutter open and shut from time to time. His eyelashes were a darker shade of blonde than the rest of his hair. Little crystals that had been earlier frozen to his lashes were beginning to melt, making it seem like he was crying into the heavy, blissful, silence.

His hair was as well beginning to defrost. Streaks of water ran down the sides of his face and I did my best not to wipe away their disturbance. I was too afraid to wake him.

Lukas was... Beautiful. Not necessarily a feminine beauty, for he was quite masculine. But the word handsome somehow did not do his presence justice. From the curvature of his jaw, to the way his chest moved up and down while he slept, everything about him was.. Beautiful.

Even the way he refused to smile, even when he was genuinely happy, was still beautiful to me.

I guess I started to realize my feelings for Lukas when we were teenagers, though at those times, I was much too fearful to admit them even to myself. The first time that I told him that I loved him.. He was unable to respond. He just stood there, staring at me with unfocused eyes that could freeze a thousand suns. The second time I had told him, he frowned and refused to be in the same room with me for about a month.

There were several times after that, all of which ended in the same way.

It wasn't until he started seeing other people that I realized he wouldn't ever feel the same. I would always remain as the annoying fly crashing against the window of his consciousness.

Things only had gotten worse when Berwald and Tino got together. In the beginning I was happy for them. In the beginning I was truely glad that they had found someone to share their lives together... But as time went on. There was a jealousy that ached against my chest. The very look that Berwald would bestow upon Tino, sickened me. Soon they began seeing so much of each other that I wasn't able to hold no more than a five minute conversation with either of them on the phone without either of them having some sort of distraction.

When they adopted Peter, I got the message. They had just wanted to be their own little family.

And where did that leave me? On my own of course. When time came that I was forced to be in their presence, I would put on a pitiful mask. A mask that would shield me, protect me even.

As time went on, I felt myself digging a desolate hole into my own mind.

I was doing my best as to keep my eyes open. Every time I did have to close them, a new image haunted my being. An image of the beautiful woman. An image of a rambunctious man. A... Very beautiful child, who almost looked like an angel. All of it seemed so real, but it couldn't be. The insanity that I thought I knew was becoming the inevitable, and what I thought I knew, was just the beginning.

I let out a quivering breath and bit my lip. I felt my teeth beginning to make indents against my ghostly lips. Images began flashing before my opened jaded eyes. They began to blur together. The figures turning to colors, turning to whispers. I bit down harder. The metallic taste of rustic blood stained my teeth and the inside of my mouth. Screams echoed throughout the house. i felt myself being pulled from one way or another. I felt sickness externally, piercing every strip of my corpse. My veins burned, my bones ached. Fire filled my throat, scorching every fiber. My voice trapped beneath the fire, not even whispers making it out alive.

"Mathias," a voice whispered throughout my mind.

No, it was just another trick. Just another voice in my head.

"Mathias wake up-" I felt steady hands grip my cheeks.

My eyelids fluttered open. Lukas was leaning over me, cupping my face, with the slightest bit of concern echoing across his face.

I blinked several times. Was I... Dreaming? No, it was too real. But this wasn't what Lukas would do. He would never voluntarily show such care to me. He didn't even like me.

I pushed his hands off of my cheeks, and turned my steele gaze to the ground.

"Mathias," he uttered softly.

He took my refusal to look at him as some sort of sick invite. Slowly he slipped his hands behind my neck, his fingers curling at the tips of my hair. Shock spread across my body.

"Lukas-" I started, my jaw going slack.

Wait, what was I going to say?

I turned to look at him. This is not what I had expected from him.

He lowered his body and pressed against mine. I could almost taste his breath. I could feel his heart beat, beating against mine. His elegant hands reached up and cupped my cheeks once more. Slowly he pressed his lips against mine, sliding his tongue against my lips, demanding a way in.

My eyes grew wide. This was everything that is wanted and more... So why didn't it feel right?


Alright welp that chapter sucked, I hope I didn't disappoint you guys too much. I honestly don't know how long this will be. Probably about five chapters. Yeah. Also sorry for spelling mistakes, my iPad is literally possessed. Thank thank thank for all the reviews ahhhh you guys are so sweet! /smooches you all yes.