A/N and disclaimer: Yeah, I'm on a roll. ::cheers self:: This was part of an idea I had for the last chapter but it didn't come together until today. In this one Harley doesn't talk much about abuse but instead ponders a thought that's been bothering her.

I still own nothing. ::sighs:: Never will. No matter how much I want it.


Sometimes I wonder if this is really who I am. I wonder if I'm really just a normal person with normal things who's dreaming about being something different. I know that dreams can seem to go on forever, so what if I'm just that normal person, sleeping at a desk and escaping into this life?

What would I be like?

What's normal?

Maybe I wouldn't be normal at all. Just pretending to be to make it through each day without letting people know otherwise. Maybe in that life I'm still as restless and torn up as I was before I met him. Would I have a job? What kind? It would probably be boring enough to make me want to escape. In that life he wouldn't be there so who would I have? Would I have anyone at all? Have I found happiness?

Probably not if I'm dreaming about me.

I guess I couldn't be that normal if I'm dreaming about this stuff. About me, and him and all the things that we do. Or at least, not if I enjoy dreaming about it.

And if I am dreaming about me, I know that I'm enjoying it.

I wonder what hurts so much in my life that I'm dreaming this dream. Do you think I've been hurt a lot by other? Or did I do it to myself? I have a bad habit of that. I'm always making mistakes. There must be some things that make me happy in that life, different from the things that make this me happy.

I wonder what they are.

Do you think I'm pretty at all? Smart? In love?

Smart, maybe. I know stuff that I know is right. So it's natural I'd dream about knowing it. I'd like to think I'm a little pretty though probably with fewer bruises and scars. But you'd think if I'm in love then I wouldn't be dreaming of him at all.

Sometimes I think that I can catch a glimpse of that dreaming me. It's like looking in the mirror and seeing another face but still it's mine and we recognize each other.

I'm surprised I don't wake up from that shock.

Instead the next time I blink I'm just looking at me and wondering how hard he must have hit me to make me see something like that. But it's funny, I dream at night. I dream about that reflection sometimes when I'm not dreaming of him.

Can I be dreaming in a dream?

I remember from school that it's perfectly possible to do that. It just feels so weird to think that it's actually happening, not just on paper, but happening to me.

Am I a harlequin dreaming of being normal or a normal person dreaming of being a harlequin?

Doc, just a suggestion after reading back over this: I think one of the new meds you have me on is having an adverse effect. Can we talk about that next session?