A/N: Hey, I was writing and I realized that it was all really Bella missing Jacob, and I just thought I'd reassure that it gets better. I promise. Okay, well, read on!
Chapter 2
My closet door creaked as I opened it. I felt my lips twitch in a smile at my disorganized closet. It was always a quirk of mine to have a messy closet. The only twist was I knew where everything was when it was like this. Whenever my friend Alice tried to clean it up - calling it a "crime against good clothes" - I was totally lost. In time it became disorganized again, but the more she cleaned it, the less messy I was able to get it, so I guess she was making an improvement.
I pulled out some old grey sweats and a blue tank top. I then sauntered into the bathroom. That door creaked too. The only reason I didn't get dressed with the twins before breakfast is that I liked the bathroom to myself. I turned the shower on and gave it a minute to heat up. After testing the water, I got in. I felt all my muscles relax as the warm water hit them. It was great not to be so tense, even if it was just for a few minutes.
After my shower, I got dressed and pulled my hair up. Just as I was about to leave my room, I heard something tap against my window. I turned toward the sound curiously, and I heard it again. What? I was on the second floor. I sat listening intently, waiting for it to come again. It was irritatingly silent, so I ignored it and left my room. I thunked down the steps and came upon my mom, Renee, sitting on the couch, writing on a piece of paper. It was entitled "GROCERY".
"Hey Mom." I said, walking over and sitting next to her.
"Hey honey." she looked up at me and then back at her paper. "Anything you need from the store?" she asked. She knew I'd want to stay home, as I usually did when the family went grocery shopping.
"Uh... I need shampoo, and I used the rest of the eggs this morning." I said.
"Okay, hun." I turned to get up, but she stopped me, a soft grip on my shoulder. I turned back to her.
"Uh.. Mom?" I shrugged her hand off. She had a concerned look on her face.
"Bella, it's just... Your father told me you dropped another glass today. These accidents have been happening alot lately, and I'm just worried. Are you okay?" she inquired.
"I'm... Perfectly fine." I stumbled over the words because I wasn't. I was freaking out. I was hurt. Messed up. Lost. Insane.
"Well.. I made you an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow after school. I want you to go." she said quickly.
"Mom!" I said, hurt. I stood up fast and looked at her in bewilderment. "I don't need a psychiatrist! I'm fine." I said the last two words a bit too firmly, which just spurred my mom on.
"You need to go." she said tenderly. "It won't take long, and I promise I'll be there the whole time. I need to know you're okay." she stood up and tucked my hair behind my ear. It was clear this was one of those arguments I couldn't win with my mom.
"Yeah, okay." With that, I left the room and stalked into the kitchen. That's where I stumbled upon the turncoat of the day, my dad. "So you told Mom." I said flatly, not looking at him as I opened the fridge.
"Sorry. I didn't know she'd go crazy with it." he apologized. I took a water from the fridge and closed the door.
"Yeah, well, she did. And now I have to go to the loony bin to have someone tell me how imperfect I am." Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw him roll his.
"She always knows how to worry." he admitted gruffly. Now it was my turn to roll my eyes.
"That's an understatement." I told him. I wasn't worried about the appointment. The psychiatrists can only tell you you're crazy based on what you tell them. No one said I had to say anything about how insane I am. I'd only tell the one person I knew I'd never be able to. The person who causes the insanity. Jacob. Instantly I felt choked up. Feeling hurt, and confused, and sad, and crazy were the only reminders that my love for him is scaringly real. Just his name evoked my emotions, and, realizing this was a dangerous situation, I fled from the kitchen to my room. I slammed the door and turned to sit frustrated on my bed. I let my head fall into my hands' support. Support. I needed it. Encouragement that I'd see him again. That I'd be able to tell him about my problems.
It was about twenty minutes later when Mom knocked on my door and peeked her head in.
"We're leaving for the store." she said. "We'll be back in about an hour and a half or so."
"Okay. Bye." My voice was very bored sounding, but I was okay with that. At least it didn't sound choked. My mom went through the usual warnings of don't answer the door to a stranger, don't tell anyone you're home alone, and that she's just a phone call away. Like I needed to be reminded of all those things, but it was just what she'd always told me when she left me alone. Finally they left, and as I heard the car pull away, I reached for my iPod on my nightstand. Popping the earbuds in, I turned it to a favorite song.
I couldn't tell you when I fell asleep even if I wanted to. Somehow I made the transition from hearing every lyric of a song to dreamy, faded images. All of him. This dream was not a particular favorite. My mind registered the thin woods outside his old house. I could feel the soft moss under my shoes as I walked ahead, looking for something. Thing is, I didn't know what that 'something' was until I saw it. Jacob, far away from where I was standing. I started running toward him, sprinting at first, then running at top speed. I felt sweat starting to bead on my forehead when I realized I wasn't getting any closer.
"Jake! Jacob!" I yelled, but he never acknowledged me. "Hey, wait up!" I called loudly. He then began to run away. My heart was breaking at the thought of him running from me, yet I still tried to catch him. I pumped my legs harder, forced myself to go faster, but I never caught up. I tripped, as expected, and fell to the wet forest floor. I then woke up, and with a start, I realized I was on the wood floor of my bedroom, which was cold as heck.
I grumbled and got up. I turned around to get back in bed, when I heard another one of those taps on my window. Irritated instead if scared, I went straight to the window and yanked it open. I saw only the lawn and the grey skies. "Crap." I breathed. I was seriously starting to lose my mind. Maybe seeing the psychiatrist wasn't a bad idea after all. Oh, listen to yourself, Bella. I thought harshly at myself. You're really considering a loony bin!
God, I am so messed up.
