Hey guys, this IS a Bamon fic. I know its kind've slow moving but I promise it'll pick up. Sorry, this chapter is mostly pointed toward Bonnie's past and what's been going on with her. I probably should add that I've wanted a great amount of dialogue between all characters with Bonnie and not just Damon. In fact, this is very Bonnie heavy because she amazing and deserves it. But as we get deeper, so will Bamon's interactions :) Please forgive mistakes.
Please review your thoughts and wonders as we finally get to find out what happened/is going on with Bonnie!


There comes a time when you're forced to face reality, even if its twisted. This morning was one of those times.

"I'm sorry I missed your appointment, baby girl. Some students are just too needy." Sheila apologized as she set a plate down. Bonnie was so enthralled in the newspaper about another fatal animal attack in the woods she forgot to filter her words.

"I missed it, too." Sheila's eyes widened to saucers.

"What?" Her voice was stern, and Bonnie realized what she said. Oops. Sheila was a notorious warden when it came to Bonnie and her appointments.

"Well, I lost track of time-"

"You know how important it is for you to make every check up. Missing one could be critical." She sighed and managed to sound completely exasperated as she did. "Bonnie, you know I wanted you to live with me so I could keep an eye on you. You were lucky the first time."

Bonnie felt terror and horror course through her. She remembered how lucky she had been to escape her tumors the first time. Yes, she had been sidetracked by Matt's unexpected visit this morning, but she would be lying if she said she weren't relieved in putting it off another day. Bonnie was feeling cowardly. She'd been having migraines again. Last time she was abroad, dark spots would appear around her vision but luckily she had medicine to fight off the symptoms. Something told her that the migraines, and bouts of nausea, weren't random.

2010

Bonnie gripped her head in agony. Her head was shooting pain. Her body twitched and sometimes she felt numb in her arms. Things like these happened more and more frequently, accompanied by huge jumps of headaches and vomiting. It wasn't until she had another seizure, her second in a month, that Sheila quite literally dragged a kicking and screaming Bonnie to the emergency room.

There were faint sounds of the heart monitor beating from the next room separated by a curtain. Bonnie twiddled her thumbs for what felt like millionth time when the light sound of scraping metal forced her to look at the entrance of her "room."

A tall, lanky doctor entered, he was examining the chart in his hands. "Ah, hello Ms. Bennett." Came his deep voice despite his thin stature. "I'm Dr. Gill. I'm the neurologist specialist of the hospital, meant to look after you. How're you doing?" Dr. Gill finally looked at her as he offered a smile and an extended hand for her to take. Bonnie tried not to frown at his question. Wasn't it obvious that if she were doing well that she wouldn't be here?

"I'm fine." She took his hand and tried to smile. "This is my grandmother, Sheila. We were just waiting to see what you've got for us, doc." Bonnie explained. She wanted to assure her grams that it was nothing too serious. It was just as the EMS said the first time she had a seizure, it was probably just dehydration. Dr. Gill now extended his hand to grams and she took it. Much more stern than Bonnie had. Grams usually held her anxiety together, seemed today was different.

"Neurologist specialist? Did you guys find something wrong with Bonnie's head or something?"

Upon answering, Dr. Gill looked at the chart again, brining his lips down at the corners and tilted his head backward to read through the bifocals. After gently placing the chart to his side, he gripped the bridge of his nose, prompting the glasses to lift from its perch. The silence stretched and Bonnie's heart sank to her chest as she watched him struggle for words. Suddenly, the glasses were sitting straight again and she found his brown eyes on hers. "It appears the CT scans show four spots in parts of your frontal lobe. They're no bigger than a sixlet candy. Fortunately, they came back negative to be cancerous."

"So what then? What do we do?" Sheila asked.

"Well, you have options. Seeing as we found them early on, and they're negative for cancer we can surgically remove it, offer steroids, or give her AED's. Its.." His voice drifted off until Bonnie could only replay the word 'Tumor' over and over in her head.

Her immediate reaction had been to scoff. Nothing like a sad spin off of A Walk To Remember. This was ridiculous! She'd be graduating high school in a couple months! She couldn't worry about tumors. She had finals, and a boyfriend, and best friends. College plans! They were all counting on her and she was counting on her goals of getting the hell out of Mystic Falls. Did this mean she'd be stuck here? Her heart sank again.

"..Theres also chemotherapy but I'd put that off till later if we need to. For now we should try the immediate actions first. I suggest surgery as Bonnie's best option…"

She didn't know if denial was running its course, or vanity, but wouldn't surgery involve cutting into her skull? Shaving her head?! Nah, she couldn't look like a chump on one of the biggest nights of her life!

"I want to try the medication. You said thats a plausible treatment." Dr. Gill looked nervous as he confirmed her statement. "Then I want to do that."

"But Bonnie I think surgically removing them would be better. Surgery works."

"I don't want surgery."

"I know its scary, but its your best bet. I-"

"Thank you, Dr. Gill, but I'll take the meds. I promise to take them and to check with you and run all the tests you need to, just please no surgery. If it gets worse, or bigger, then yeah, we'll try that method! I just don't want it to be my first form of treatment." Bonnie felt herself begging. She'd never been so scared in her life.

She walked back to her house dejectedly, ignoring the nth call Matt made that day. She didn't want to talk to anyone, she couldn't. He'd known about the first seizure and she had explained it was because she had been dehydrated that day. If he found out about the second episode and the illness, he'd lose his marbles worrying about her.

As a couple months passed, Bonnie continued on as if nothing happened. The AED's her doctor prescribed seemed to help, along with constant consultation that gave the doctor enough assurance that she was handling just fine.

"Its a good thing you're young and in shape." He'd say.

Then about a month after graduation, she found out her tumor wasn't shrinking, that they'd in fact, grown a fraction of a centimeter. This was bad news and Bonnie had a hard time pretending that everything was okay. Especially when Matt would ask. He had his own issues to deal with, she wouldn't burden him with this. She blamed the lost of her father earlier in the year on her mood and he instantly stopped his questions and held her. It was comforting and necessary, but Bonnie hated that she lied to his face time and time again.

Then, came the fateful night of Tyler's party. The doctor warned Bonnie not to drink any alcohol because of the counter effects it could have on the meds she'd been taking. Bonnie blew a raspberry as she left the office. Tonight was to be one of the biggest grad parties of 2010. She wasn't going to let brain tumors or meds or the scary turns of her condition stop her from having a good time.

Bonnie bounded down the stairs in her skinny jeans and frilly top. She was going to wear a dress the same way Caroline and Elena decided to, but thought better of it. She wanted to actually be comfortable. Tonight was, after all, gonna be a limitless night for her. She'd be damned if her wardrobe stopped her from having a good time. Throwing on her favorite pair of skater shoes she ran out the front door and down the lawn to Matt's waiting truck. She jumped in, offered him a huge smile and leaned in to kiss him deeply. He met her just as eagerly as he scooted closer. She quickly swung one leg over him so she was straddling him as she felt his warm mouth against hers, his soft hair between her fingers. These were the things Bonnie would remember and think of tonight. Internal health problems be gone.

It was just that she had a hard time controlling the pain. Some days it hurt like hell, some days it was a dullness in the back of her mind, today was no different than her bad days. But when she kissed Matt, her sweet, loving, compassionate boyfriend, there seemed little she could concentrate on. So, she did it often, much to his pleasure. He always met her as equally excitedly as his hands roamed her back, shoulders and thighs, then back to cup her round ass. He was the first to pull away and Bonnie thought he looked beautiful with his flushed face, disheveled hair, and heart eyes.

"I don't know what I did, but my I hope I keep it up." He'd often say with a smirk. Bonnie giggled then reluctantly removed herself from his lap and held on tightly to his hand as he made way to the huge Lockwood property.

"You got your stuff packed yet?" Matt asked suddenly and it stunned Bonnie for a second. She hadn't told him, or anyone about her illness. She didn't want to and consequently hadn't told anyone that she wasn't attending college either. Now seemed a good time as any.

"Oh, um I'm not sure I'm gonna register."

"What?" Asked an incredulous Matt. Bonnie bowed her head when he looked in her direction. "Whats all the study sessions been about?"

Bonnie snickered. "Matt, they were hardly study sessions." A slick smirk crossed his lips.

"Studying the human anatomy is very important. People quiz you on that stuff."

"Then I think we'd both pass." They both chuckled and Bonnie was pleased at the distraction she caused until Matt spoke again.

"We planned on attending Whitmore together." His voice held a bit of betrayal there.

"Yeah, but I think my Grams would benefit if I stayed. She's getting old and loneliness is not a joke, Matt."

"Yeah, but Grams works at the university…" Matt's voice was suspicious and Bonnie cursed herself for being a terrible liar. Even if she'd been keeping a secret for about three months now.

Luckily for her, they reached the block that led to Tyler's estate. There were cars lined along the street and Matt's attention was drawn to the bout of drunken teenagers pointing at a stall for him to take. Bonnie tried not to roll her eyes at the obnoxious jocks getting rowdy with Matt.

"What's up man!?" They greeted as he pulled out of the truck. He slapped hands with them and Bonnie quietly thanked everything that was good for the distraction.

The party was in full swing as Bonnie danced with Caroline in the middle of the dance floor. She had already done the stunt with the keg and it earned her a slap on the ass as Matt looked at her with greedy eyes. She was now sandwiched between him and Caroline until he pulled her back flush against his front. Caroline seemed to not mind for some nameless boy came to grab her for a dance. Bonnie barely noted the amused smirk on Caroline's face at the boy's charm as he pulled her away toward the crowd. Bonnie winked at her best friend when she looked back. When they were out of sight, Bonnie ground her ass deeper into Matt's crotch. She was beginning to feel his not-so-little friend downstairs grow.

She tilted her head back to place on his shoulder and he snaked an arm around her front.

"Feel that?" It was just loud enough for her to hear over the music as he drew a pattern up her thigh. For the first time all night Bonnie regretted wearing denim. The music shifted to something slow and Bonnie moved against his body at a sexy, leisurely pace.

She felt a wave of warmth course through her when she heard him moan. This was another distraction from her pain and it never failed to make her feel normal. Happy to be able to tease her boyfriend, then later make love to him.

Bonnie knew he loved when she took the reigns to be discreetly frisky with him in public and she used it to her advantage. Tonight was no different and it showed in the way his pants tented when she turned to face him. Her finger drawing a slow trail down his abs and eventually to his belt buckle. Bonnie looked up at him as she fingered the offending object. His eyes too drew up from her hands to her eyes and he rewarded her with that lopsided grin she loved so much.

"I think we should find a quiet place, Ms. Bennett." She didn't know why but that stopped her short for a second. Ms. Bennett rang in her head as she fought off the reminder of Dr. Gill telling her the bad news. Something in her must've shifted because Matt's smile froze in place.

"You okay, babe?" He asked and she nodded. Shaking off the thought, she yanked him toward the outskirts of the woods against a tall tree with a wide bark. Matt became a man possessed when their lips met. He pushed her against a tree to quickly lift her so she could wrap her legs around his hips to pull him even closer. He kissed her, hungrily and she did the same. That was one thing she loved about their relationship, that even after two years, there was reciprocity of want between them.

The pain that was temporarily gone had rushed back in all forms and Bonnie broke the kiss in a yelp of pain.

"Babe? Whats wrong?" Bonnie couldn't answer. She slightly forgot how to, it was another stupid side affect of her condition! She had a hard time thinking and a sharp pain ran along her temple. The familiar feeling of bile rising from her throat. She fought the urge to let it up and simultaneously wiggled out of Matt's firm grip. With enough force, she jumped out of his arms just in time for chunks to meet the trunk of the tree. Matt stood there slightly frozen for a second before gathering her hair and assuring her that everything would be fine. All she would need was water and some rest. That she just drank too much.

If only it was that easy.

When she was done, he lifted his shirt over his arms and handed it to her so that she could wipe her mouth. She gratefully took it and when she was ready, they walked hand-in-hand back to his truck.

Maybe it was a good thing she drank, because if not how would she be able to cover the random bout of pain? Her head throbbed and just about everything hurt.

This was bad. Very bad. And it wasn't until the next day she learned that surgery was absolutely necessary.

"I'm not happy with the regression that seemed to take place the last few weeks. Bonnie, you already know your tumors holds potential to grow cancer cells. There are worse things than surgery, and if you don't do it, things could very well get worse than just cancer." Bonnie looked at him dejectedly. How could it get any worse? "It could grow larger and press on a part of your brain that helps you to function. To feel, to think, to remember, to move… things that make you, you." Dr. Gill had said and Bonnie looked away as the nurse booked her for the next available appointment.

The days stretched leading to her surgery and Bonnie began reverting into herself. Barely hanging out and avoiding everyone like the plague. Even Matt. It was irrational, her anger toward him. He was supposed to be her distraction and it hadn't worked. Love was supposed to save her and it hadn't. Isn't that how it was supposed to go in the movies?

But like she said, it was irrational and she knew it.

Matt called her more than once the days following her appointment and he finally decided to just drop by.

"That bad of a hang over, huh?" His voice was dark.

"I'm sorry. I've just been tired." She explained lamely, and he nodded his head.

"I get it, but you could've answered. That night at the party, I was really worried about you. You looked more than hang over sick. You looked... sick-sick." Matt hesitated. "You look better now. If you want we're all headed to The Grill for a bite."

"I don't think thats a good idea."

"Oh, still ill? Its okay. I'd rather stay here with you. I've missed you." His voice was so hopeful and Bonnie closed her eyes as she fought back tears.

"Matt, I don't think we should be together anymore." He stopped short. The smile on his face fell as Bonnie's heart did the same. She hadn't expected to break up with him, but it wasn't fair to him. She was lying, pretending.. this kind've burden was too heavy for anyone else to bare. Matt and all their friends already went through too many things.

Suddenly, his smile was back and it accompanied a chortle that thought she was joking. "What? No, we're not breaking up, Bon."

"I'm sorry Matt, but we are."

"What?" His smile faded a bit but it wasn't deterred in the thought that she couldn't be serious. "C'mon Bonnie. Quit playing."

"I'm not." She looked down at her thumbs.

"Why? I mean, we've been together for a while now. D-did I do something wrong? At the party everything seemed-"

"No, you didn't do anything." Bonnie explained.

"Then, what?" His eyes were wide and red-rimmed as he sought her face for some kind of clarification.

"Everything going on with my family.. I need time to.. sort it out. I'm sorry, Matt." It was a lie, mostly. Last thing she needed was pity, or to put his life on hold. He'd finally gotten into a university with the rest of the gang, got a sufficient scholarship and even a grant. She wouldn't mess this up for him, not while he was finally getting his feet back on the ground.

"It doesn't make any sense."

"I'm sorry." Was all she could say.


2016

A few days later, Bonnie had convinced Matt to return. It was a struggle, seeing that he didn't want to be near her right now. The sting from their previous conversation was still fresh but she didn't feel right with the way it ended. Hopefully today would be much better. She watched him set down the coffee mug and took it as a signal to continue her story about all the things that happened to her that year. The witch thing, her father's death, the sheer knowledge that the main reason he invested so much into his job was because he couldn't look at Sheila knowing what she was. How it would hurt if Bonnie ever accepted that part of her heritage only for him to reject her. She told him about her fears of never getting out. She explained everything except the tumors.

It was hard to admit, because the action seemed so ludicrous and pointless to her, but she journaled about having the bravery to talk to someone besides her grandmother about her illness, to have someone else know about her long hidden secret. But, Bonnie wasn't sure if she was ready to tell Matt what happened, she never thought she would ever really be ready but she had to make things right between them.

"...I guess my pain was a lot deeper than I cared to admit." If only he knew just how true the weight of her words were.

Matt said nothing and Bonnie fought to meet his probing gaze. She didn't want to see his anger, or worse, his hurt.

"Did I cause you pain?" He tried to sound resolute and bold, but she heard the undercurrent tone of rejection and insecurity. It wasn't until then, that Bonnie realized just how much she... damaged him. Just how deep his insecurity ran when she left. That hurt her more than anything.

"No…" She spoke, guiltily remembering how she internally blamed him for her suffering that night at Tyler's. She knew in her heart that it wasn't the truth. "I was just going through some stuff."

"I was your boyfriend for two years. You could've opened up to me. Everything was normal between us, good even! Then suddenly…" His eyes narrowed as he looked away before shrugging helplessly. "You ended things with me, and you were gone."

"Between you and I. Yes, they were normal. But I wasn't-" Bonnie quickly snapped her mouth shut.

"What?" Bonnie's eyes closed and crossed her arms over her chest. She wanted to tell him then, or really, she wanted him to know. She wanted him to figure it out. She willed him to remember her dizzy spells and seizures. She willed him to remember the migraines and how fatigued she felt following graduation. Her face fell as she remembered how much she hid from him.

Looking back into his eyes, she could see he came up empty as he studied her. She opened her mouth but nothing came out. Then suddenly, like a lock sliding into place, his face lit up with recognition. Like he knew he was looking at her, but he wasn't really seeing her. His eyes ran over her face and for the first time to her frame beneath the baggy clothes. He leaned back as he slightly shook his head.

"You were sick, weren't you?"


They were sitting in the living room watching each other carefully. Bonnie's heart was in her throat as he miraculously figured it out. She finally told someone outside of her family and realized she should've done it a long time ago. It was like a weight has been lifted off her chest. That is, after she got Matt to quit blaming himself for 'missing the signs'. He hadn't said much now, he could barely look at her, Bonnie hoped she didn't make a mistake as anxiety grew within the core of her.

"I haven't told the others, I will… eventually. Just, please don't tell anyone." Matt looked unsure as he shook his head.

"I can't keep a secret like that."

"Unfortunately, Matt, this isn't your secret to share." Bonnie didn't mean to be frank, but she needed him to keep quiet. Understanding her words, his jaw set as he agreed to keep her secret.

"So, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I didn't want you to worry." Bonnie explained. When Matt's eyes met her own, she tried hard not to flinch at the coldness of his gaze. She'd never seen them so hard before.

"Right." His jaw tensed again as he shook his head and stood up to leave.

"Don't," Begged Bonnie as she rushed to stop him. She placed herself between him and the door. "Please, don't go. Don't be upset."

The silence stretched as Matt's glare went from hate, to despair, to anger, to betrayal, to something akin to hope, then right back to being cold. When he spoke, his voice was so dark, Bonnie definitely couldn't hold back the shudder that worked its way up her spine. "Get out of my way."

Feebly, brokenly, she moved aside and listened as he walked out. If anything, she thought, he just needed time.


Matt stormed into the Mystic Grill and threw himself on a stool with enough force to catch the attention of several patrons. He didn't say anything, just glared at each of them.

"Whiskey. Neat."

The bartender, Harlee, caught on to his mood and skipped the pleasantries. Usually, she'd try to flirt with him and though he usually welcomed it, was glad she didn't try anything tonight.

"You're extra moody. Thats usually my move." Came a voice and he didn't respond. "Oh, Donovan, whats got your panties all twisted now?"

"Shut up, Damon."

"I'm serious, man. I just don't understand." Matt felt more than heard, a humorless laugh escape his lips.

"Yeah, well, glad to know I'm not the only one." Damon's eyebrows rose as he assessed the boy next to him.

"Not that I care, but as a drinking buddy, I feel I should at least try to." Matt narrowed his eyes. Damon could be a real dick sometimes.

"I am really not in the mood for snark." Matt mumbled and Damon shrugged.

"Eh, you never usually are, so I'm not deterred." The vampire was prodding and he didn't like it one bit. Matt wanted him to piss off and told him as much. This only intrigued Damon more.

"I'm just trying to get to the bottom of your sour mood." Pause. "Is it Bonnie?" Matt's eyes flashed to him.

"Its none of your business." Matt's tone was a lot more final than it felt. He wanted to share with someone, anyone, about what Bonnie had just shared with him, but she was right. It wasn't his secret to share. The teacher's eyes slid over to Damon slowly as he took a long pull at his drink. What if he just told Damon? He seemed an indifferent third party who had absolutely no interest in the subject on hand. It made him to be a perfect candidate to confide in. Wait, he was indifferent toward her, wasn't he?

The vampire stared down at his phone and the wheels in Matt's head began turning. There was a part of him that felt like Damon was uninterested in Bonnie's life, but there was something in his face that just... lit up?... whenever someone brought her up around him. He often made jokes about her, quoting something snarky she'd said earlier that day. Or worse, earlier that week. The fact that he could remember something she said well enough to quote it didn't sit well with Matt. He wasn't stupid, plenty of boys looked at her when they were together, had that mild interest Damon seemed to possess. But he was so far up Elena's ass it was hard to believe he had eyes for anyone but her. Maybe Matt was overreacting. Bonnie was a hard person to forget. She was one of the funniest, wittiest people he knew. Yet, Damon definitely seemed a bit baffled that Bonnie used to be Matt's girlfriend. Even when he tried to seem nonchalant in that knowledge, there had been subtle attempts at his inquiry about their time together. Like, "What, were you both desperate for someone to love?" or "Was she a ... good lover?" that was followed by a wink.

"That Bonnie sure is exhausting, isn't she?" Said Damon so suddenly it startled Matt at first.

"Something tells me you already have your opinions." Damon looked at him salaciously and it was in that moment Matt knew he couldn't share Bonnie's secret with him.

"Its hard to miss that little characteristic about her. Which is why I brought it up." He lifted his drink in Matt's direction and rose an eyebrow. "To being exhausted."

Glasses clinked as Matt met it with his. "To Bonnie."


2010

Surgery had gone well, Dr. Gill insisted. She should be happy, relieved even, that the entirety of all her tumors were gone. Bonnie just couldn't help feeling… empty. While she was staring at the blank walls of her hospital room, she found her eyes wandering to the screen. A couple was smiling brightly at the camera, hair flying around the woman's face as she held tightly to her surfboard. They threw the shaka around like madmen and Bonnie couldn't help not note their lives looked full. Happy. She suddenly wondered if it were too early in life for her to have a midlife crisis.

"…Okay, so we like to hike, surf, any outdoor activities, really!" The brunette smiled, her accent strong as the camera's panned out to show the background. It looked like it could be Hawaii, or Fiji but Bonnie wasn't sure. It was some show for newlywed couples looking for homes that fit their personality. She watched it dully as the woman's husband went on and on about adventure, and life, blah blah. She really tuned in when she saw them hiking to a waterfall. It landed in a clear pond where even she could see it clear depths. It was striking, beautiful.

Would it be possible for her to go somewhere like that? She'd never been outside of Mystic Falls before.

Then, the text on the screen revealed that it was actually St. Thomas they'd been showing. Her eyes lit up as she watched the T.V. switch sceneries to the beach, then the view from a short hike that overlooked a town surrounded by vibrant green trees and hills.

How cool would it be to go somewhere like that? There was a sudden hunger in Bonnie that she'd never felt before. A hunger that couldn't be satiated by food.

It was, for the first time since she found out about her tumors, a genuine hunger for life outside this town.

Quickly, she fetched a notepad and began scribbling ideas. As soon as she was well enough, she'd be heading out to St. Thomas.


I know some of you are probably disappointed in the non existent Bamon interaction, and there was so much Monnie, but it had to be written, because they were together for a couple years then she straight up left him! It hurt him more than she thought. Clearing this would make for more dialogue between Damon and Bonnie, knowing that Matt is being addressed and not just carelessly pushed to the side (plus, I'm not sure Matt would really want to see Bonnie anytime soon, so yeah!). Please review! (& I promise Damon will have his time to shine next chapter!)

Oh, P.P.S: I won't have Bonnie getting involved with the supernatural craziness that is canon TVD. There may be times she steps in but she'll never be fully involved. You'll see little bits of the supernatural drama from the other character's POV, even a bit from her own-like the animal attacks in the newspaper. I feel like a sickly Bonnie Bennett is just too much of a stretch to be using power for things that are essentially, nonsense. Like Bonnie's said before, life is too short!