The Light of My Life

Chapter 3—What Forever Glows


The next day I oversleep, just as I do the day after that. I'm not sure what it is exactly that keeps me from leaving my house for two days in a row. All I know is that I don't. I stay. I don't even bother to visit my dad in the hospital, just like I've always done. There are a billion of missed texts and calls—even a few emails—from Austin because I was too lousy to go see him at work on Sunday. My stomach growls with hunger and my throat aches with thirst, but I don't bother to open the fridge. I'm in my bed nearly the entire time. I must have cried so much that there are no longer any tears to shed.

I'm not sure what it is anymore. Pain? Fear? Anxiety? Those all just feel like words now, words that don't nearly compare to what I feel at all. I feel like I've lost the point of everything in the world.

Sometimes I just feel numb all over. Other times I'm hurting everywhere. Occasionally I feel both. My heart hurts, but my brain is numb or vice versa—if that makes sense even. I don't know what to think anymore.

I still remember when Austin suddenly stepped back in my life when I was still in New York. Back then, I didn't know what to expect out of him. One minute I'm practicing a newly written piece and the next I see him.

"A-Ally," was the first thing Austin said when he saw me. He seemed so...surprised at my appearance, despite the fact that he obviously got Trish and Dez in on this.

I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. The Austin Moon? Here? What was he doing here out of all places?

He still looked the same as when I left him. Same hair, same eyes, same face. Just more stressed and exhausted. At first, I didn't know what to make of it. A flood of memories came back to me. Half of them were fun, cheerful memories. The other half of them were miserable, painful memories.

Slowly, I had walked up to him still in disbelief, still in awe, still in shock. "It's you. It's really you?"

"It's...really me," he said. "Look, Ally, I just want to say that-"

And at the sound of his voice, every last drop and bit of anger that I held against him came spilling out. Just like that. Whenever I looked back at that moment, at what I said, I always somehow felt a twinge of guilt. "You have some nerve coming here, you know."

Confusion, and what I thought was vulnerability maybe, appeared on his face. "W-what? What do you mean?"

"I heard what happened."

"Heard what happened?"

"Hello? Getting released from your record label?! Does that ring a bell?" I had heard about what had happened that very day. The media was quick in getting their news.

"Oh, yeah, right. That happened..."

"Yes, it did happen, Austin." The words just continued to come out. "What the hell did you do this time?"

There was so much hate that I spat out at him, now that I reflected back on it. So much hate. Everything that was bottled up for the last three years finally burst open and I couldn't stop it from seeping all over.

"Oh, that's right. I heard why it happened too. Late night clubbing? Don't even get me started on your ex-girlfriend."

He was speechless. Not a single word out of him then.

"And don't tell me you're here to..."

"To...what?" He asked softly.

"If you think that you can come to New York all the way to Juilliard and say, I'm sorry, just so I can be your songwriter and best friend again, then you're wrong."

I always look back on that conversation thinking how cruel and vile I must have sounded to him, especially now that I have forgiven him and we're hanging out again. All he wanted then was the chance to apologize because he had finally realized what was wrong after all this time. I had refused to give him that chance. I refused to forgive him for all the hurtful things he had said and done to me.

The moment I decided to open up to him, I realized that I was then wrong for not giving him that one last chance. I didn't see that he had finally changed who he was into an even better Austin Moon, better than the one I knew before the fight.

However, sometimes I can't help but make the connection that the time Austin came back was also around the time that I found out about my dad's cancer... Technically there possibly couldn't be any correlation, but just the thought of it—

It had to be just a coincidence, right? My life isn't a book. Things like this must happen for a reason.

"And that is where you're correct about all of this."

That's not my voice...

In panic mode, I suddenly spring up from my position in bed, accidentally banging my back against the headboard. In front of my bed is... Well that's the thing. Who is standing in front of my bed?!

Heavily breathing now, I stutter, "W-w-who are you? How did y-you—? What are you—? What?!" I shake my head, thinking that I'm suddenly hallucinating. That's it. I'm officially going crazy. My dad set up an alarm system for the house. How could it be possible that anyone could get in without setting it off? Especially at—I look at the time on my alarm clock—12:03 AM?

"There is no need to worry, Ally," the person says.

Again, I ask, "Who are you?"

"Hmm, the beginning always seems like the hardest for people."

"Who are you?!" I question more urgently, mentally thinking of something to grab hold of in case of an attack.

"The Angel of Hope, of course, Ally."

For a moment, there's a pause. And for some reason in that pause, I feel more...calm? My mind is immediately taken off panic mode, and my breathing begins to slow, returning to normal.

"H-how did you do that?" I don't know what the correlation is, but somehow what she—whoever this is—has just said, has somehow put me more at peace.

She says, "I am your Angel of Hope. It's what I bring to you in times of need. I bring you hope and peace."

Some part of me wants to actually believe this person. The other part of me wants to believe that this is just some sick joke and that just in a minute, I'll be laughed at for it.

The figure walks closer to me, gently putting a hand on my arm. Instantly, all the possible fear I previously felt goes away. I feel not as numb, not as painful, not hungry, not thirsty.

I feel normal.

One more time, I say, "Who are you exactly?"

Not exactly answering my question, the person says, "I'm here to help you, Ally. I'm not just the Angel of Hope; I'm your Angel of Hope."

"My Angel of Hope?" I can't process what I'm seeing.

"And if you don't believe me...," the supposed Angel says. Then, she somehow magically sprouts—no, not sprout; that's not the right word—wings. Wings just appear on her back. White, soft-looking wings, as if they're the fluffiest things to ever be in existence. They begin to flap slowly and the supposed Angel levitates from the floor, slowly, but she remains hovering a few inches from the carpeted floor.

I can tell that she senses my shock. It's like she can read my mind. "Do you believe me now?"

Hesitant at first, I nod. For the first time since I've seen her in the room, I'm actually able to look at her. In all honesty, she is beautiful. She has dark, soft skin; brown eyes; silky-like black hair; a soft spoken voice despite my own tone; and is cloaked in a purely white robe.

And somehow, every part of me believes her, believes that this Angel of Hope is real. I don't know how, but she just is. It's not just because of the wings; I just have this feeling that it's real. Her presence practically lights up the dark atmosphere that was just here.

"So, you're my Angel of Hope?"

"I am."

"And you're here to help me?"

"I am," she repeats.

Then, I ask one more question to confirm that this is actually happening. "To help me with what exactly?"

"I'm here to help comfort you about the situation concerning your father."

I nod again, just about fully convinced this time. "Okay. You're an angel."

"Yes. And, if there is one thing that I need to tell you about everything that is happening in your life, Ally, it's to have hope. Always have hope."

I don't say anything for a second.

"Things may seem bad with your father right now, but eventually everything will be at peace."

"How do you know?" I can't help but ask.

"Just trust me, dear. You have to hope that things will get better. And..."

"And what?"

"I don't have much time to spend with you tonight, Ally, but don't forget about Austin, okay?"

"Right, Austin," I say, instantly feeling another twinge of guilt. "I-I left him all alone at the store the other day."

"He's very worried about you. He's come very far and has grown into a very kind man, you know."

"I know," I agreed.

"Do not blame Austin as the cause of your father's illness. He had no idea."

I repeat, "I know."

"Because just like me, he's here to help you, too. In fact, he's waiting for you to answer the door."

"Wait, what?" Austin is here?

"I'm afraid my time for tonight is up. Wake up, Ally. He's waiting for you."

I don't have time to ask questions. My Angel of Hope just vanishes out of thin air. All I'm left with now is the sound of a doorbell as I open up my eyes, lifting up my head from my bed. Instantaneously, I hop out of bed, not caring about the heap of covers I fling onto the floor, and rush to the door, somehow already knowing who is waiting on the other side of it.