CH3 (Still May)

"She was flying a plane and we were landing at a small airstrip that we could barely land safely at. I just knew she was going to land on water each time we landed there." Kate was picturing it in her mind.

"We were going somewhere and we were going to be alone there, just the three of us." Rick twisted his head as if that would help shake lose a memory. "There was a house, boats and chickens I think."

"And tents somewhere else that we walked across a bridge to get between the two and there were these big towers outside." Kate squeezed her eyes closed. "And there was this whole wall of radio equipment." Kate opened her eyes to look at Rick.

"I went hunting out in the heat dressed in nothing more than a swimsuit and flip flops, just not with a gun, though we had several." Rick twisted his head again.

"A bikini." Kate added.

"Yeah, I remember those bikini's, you were so sexy walking around in a bikini all day." Rick started grinning.

"Keep dreaming writer-boy." Kate teased.

"This house has a pool out back Kate." Rick grinned wide and arched his eyebrows a couple of times.

"Maybe." Kate offered even if she was silently looking forward to summer suddenly. Teasing Castle walking around in a bikini was something she was looking forward to.

Then suddenly something hit her like a ton of brinks. "Rick?"

"It was an island. … No two islands. …. And we fell in love out there." Rick could almost picture it.

Kate was nodding her head. "You and Alexis made it into my heart that I had hidden away. We spent a lot of time out there. Months if not years actually. … Which is where I get lost." Kate points out.

"How can we have spent years together and fall in love when we both see Alexis as being older than eleven. We flew out there with food and weapons. … Just why all the weapons?" Rick could see lots of them with lots and lots of ammunition.

"You taught us how to use them. We went out shooting so we could get better." Rick could see it, even if he didn't remember what he did. When suddenly he sucked in his breath.

Kate opened her eyes at that. "We shot someone." Kate couldn't see them, however knew that with her police training it would have been in self-defense.

Rick nodded his head. "Lots and lots of bullets, I just can't see it." Rick shook his head. "I just don't understand. It feels like we were there for years. It's just that it was only us. Why am I having so much trouble remembering?" Rick looked at Kate with a pained face.

"We were, … we were together and yet I don't, ..." Kate had an equally pained look on her face.

They're talk was interrupted when Alexis came flying into the dining room with Mellow hot on her tail.

"Take your puppy outside and make sure he goes and than let's get you into bed, it's your bed time." Rick tells Alexis.

"Okay." Alexis takes Mellow out the back door and walks around the green grass area next to the pool.

Kate was standing next to Rick watching them. "All we had was sand, and I remember a pool, however it was a lot smaller." Kate comments while looking on, not seeing anything she remembered, until it hit her.

"It was raining." Kate offered.

It got Rick smiling. "We had super soakers." Rick's smile got bigger.

"Do we still have those?" Kate asks looking at Rick.

"We will by the end of the week. Maybe rifles instead of little hand guns this time." Rick was still smiling.

"Sounds like fun." Kate was smiling wide now. Kate suddenly found herself feeling better about herself and her life. It's just that what she was remembering wasn't real, was it?

"What?" Rick asks looking at her. He saw something flicker across her face.

"Uhmm, … nothing." Kate shakes her head.

"Don't force me to tickle you Kate to get you to talk." Rick did his best to glare at her.

"You wouldn't dare." Kate challenged him, only to watch Rick reach for her with his fingers already moving. It got Kate to squeal and run for it, with Rick hot on her heels.

Kate raced for the stairs to make it to one of the bathrooms upstairs so she could hide behind a locked door. Except she only made it as far as the top of the stairs before Rick caught up to her.

"Talk Kate." And Rick gave her a little tickle, getting her to squeal like a girl yet again before starting to laugh. Kate however was enjoying the playful nature of it.

"Fine, fine, just stop." Kate would tell him. Rick placed his hands on her hips and held her close and Kate found her hands on Rick's chest with her arms trapped between them.

"I can remember being in love with you, like it was some dream, but I just don't see why I love you and it's confusing. I can still feel all of my walls around my heart while part of me remembers all of my walls being down and I was in love with you, like crazy in love. … I know it doesn't make any sense." Kate couldn't look at him, she had just told him that she didn't love him.

"Would it surprise you if I felt the same. I can see you, talk to you and hold you and all of this feels familiar and I know that I love you. That I love all of you. Your walls, your faults, real or imagined. I can feel it and it's like a carrot dangling out in front of me. Just close enough that I can smell it, but just not reach it to taste it." Rick sighed and brought Kate's head into his chest and wrapped his arms around her.

Kate could feel her body try and melt into his arms, like they had done this countless times, even if part of her said this was the first time.

"We both somehow know a lot about the other, or I least I think we do. … Your father is Jim and he's a lawyer. Your mother died when you were young and it hurt you a lot. You are a homicide detective who guards her heart from everyone.

I can remember it took me some time to break through all of your walls, and if I have to I'll do it again." Rick tells her.

That got Kate to rub her cheek into his chest to find the best spot to hold her head against. "I can remember Meredith and Gina. I remember what those two did to Alexis and it broke my heart to hear the pain in Alexis's voice when she talks about those two. Just why is she actually younger than I remember her being?"

Alexis was a child, not an amazing young woman who knew how to fly a plane.

Then Kate felt Rick lift her head up to look at him and saw his lips getting closer and closer, and she wanted nothing more than to kiss them, so she met him half way.

Kate moved her arms up to wrap them around his neck and used one hand to stroke the small hairs on the back of his neck. Even after they broke for air they went back to kissing. Things were heating up fast and Kate found herself wanting him, knowing in the back of her mind just how amazing making love to him was going to be.

It wasn't going to be sex. Kate just knew it would be so much more than that.

Suddenly they were interrupted when Kate felt paws scratching at her legs. Kate broke from the kiss and looked down seeing Mellow trying to gain her attention. "Thanks a lot Mellow." Kate was annoyed with him for interrupting her kiss.

"Sorry." Alexis offers an apology getting Kate and Rick to jump apart and look at Alexis standing there looking guilty but happy. "I'm going to go to bed now. Night mom, night dad." Alexis offers and heads for her room with Mellow hot on her heals.

"Why is Alexis having less trouble with all of this?" Kate questions.

"To her things are simple and uncomplicated. Black and white. I'm betting she has questions, but is waiting to ask them." Rick offers.

"She isn't secure enough in herself anymore to ask them yet. You think she remembers things like we are?" Kate asks, since what she is remembering feels more like a dream than real life.

"Maybe, … I'm going to go clean up the kitchen from dinner." Rick starts down the stairs.

"Want some help?" Kate didn't know what to do if she didn't help.

"No, I'm fine. Go have fun. … Try out the exercise room maybe or go for that drive." Rick offered.

"MY MASERATI!" Kate all but yelled out and raced past Rick on her way to the garage.

"I'll be back in half an hour." Kate stopped at her bag to find her keys.

"I believe that's code for I'll be back before midnight, which we both know is a lie since you won't be back till 1:00 am." Rick teased while smiling.

"I have work tomorrow and the commute from here is likely to be an hour, plus we may get a body tonight, and I need the sleep." Kate counters.

Rick could soon hear the garage door opening and the sound of a Maserati with 477 HP being fired up. "Half an hour my ass!" Rick was smiling as he started cleaning up from dinner.

Rick was done and had the dishwasher running and was in the family room which had the largest TV in the house and had a DVD in the DVD player when suddenly Kate sat down next to him.

"Have fun?" Rick turned to look at Kate. "I'll take that smile that threatens to break your face as a yes." Rick smiled and it earned Rick a light punch in his arm.

That however got Rick to put his arm around the back of Kate and pull her in close. Something that felt right to do. And the way Kate didn't protest and actually scooted over closer and even lifted a leg to put it between his, told him that Kate thought it felt right too.

"What are we watching?" Kate had leaned her head against him.

"Something called Ironman. Which is strange. I know I haven't seen this movie yet, and yet I know just what is going to happen before it does happen. I even know some of the words they are all going to say." Rick tells her.

"Sounds like the story of our life. I know we're together and I think I know that I love you, even if I don't understand why. … I don't mean it the way it sounds. It's just that I know I love you up here." Kate taps her head. "It's here that my mind is having trouble reconciling." Kate taps her chest over her heart.

"And don't go ballistic on me Rick. This entire day has been one surprise after another." Kate didn't want him to think the wrong thing just because she says the wrong thing.

"I take it that means I'm not going to get lucky tonight?" Rick teased, which earned him a swat to his chest.

"Pepper shouldn't go in there, 5 FBI guys aren't going to be enough." Kate speaks up after watching the movie for a while.

"Obadiah had built his own suit which is powerful but very bulky." Rick adds, and they watch it all play out.

"Just push the damn button Pepper." Kate tells the TV.

"And Tony admits to being Ironman." Rick offers up before they even go into the press conference.

The credits are playing. "A weird movie to go with a really weird day." Kate comments.

"How was your drive?" Rick asks grinning.

"It was, ...nice." Kate tells him trying to suppress a smile.

"Meaning you had a blast." Rick translates from Beckett into English.

"Maybe." Kate took her leg back and started to sit up. "I need to get some sleep, living way out here is going to take some getting used to." Kate stands and heads for the stairs letting Rick deal with the DVD.

Rick hurried and caught up to her as she started to enter one of the spare bedrooms. "You know you can sleep with me, and I don't mean it like that. I promise no funny business." Rick tells her.

Kate turns and strokes his cheek. "I know and maybe tomorrow after we talk some more. I know we've slept in the same bed before, I just don't feel it yet. And I don't want to screw this up babe. We'll get there. … It took time last time so it'll take time this time too." Kate reached up and kissed his cheek.

"Night Castle." Kate tells him and enters the spare bedroom.

"Till tomorrow Kate. I have to figure out where Alexis goes to school in the morning, so I should have breakfast waiting for you." Rick tells her.

Kate hadn't even considered that. Was it because in her mind Alexis had already graduated high school early? Damn, some mother she was. Just was she Alexis's mother? Alexis was calling her mom and Kate was reacting to it like she was, just why was Alexis calling her mother?

It was too late in the day to talk to her, she was already in her room likely asleep, so it would have to wait.

Kate didn't completely close her door as she went to bed, after finding her sleep clothes in the master bedroom closet.

Rick was groaning in his bed while slowly waking up. His still groggy mind wasn't yet processing the noise he was hearing. Someone however was shaking him awake, which got Rick to turn to look. "Alexis?" Rick thought it was her.

"Come on dad you need to wake up." Alexis tried another time since she had been at this for a couple of minutes already.

Rick blinked his eyes to clear them. "What are you doing up?" Rick was getting there.

"Mom is downstairs crying dad. … You need to get up." Alexis shoves him again.

Rick looked at Alexis. What the hell was Meredith doing downstairs crying when she didn't even know where they lived? It didn't make any sense.

"Come on dad!" This time Alexis grabbed his arm and started pulling, since she wanted him up and downstairs to fix mom.

Rick was finally up and being pushed by Alexis while Mellow followed behind the two of them.

Alexis pushed Rick into the family room where Rick could finally hear someone sniffling. It got Rick to walk on his own finally not noticing that Alexis stayed at the entrance to the room.

On the sofa he found Kate still in her sleep shirt and not much else lying on the sofa sobbing softly as she occasionally wiped the tears away.

Rick was down on the floor and looking at Kate. "What's wrong Kate?" It was only now that his foggy mind had caught up to Alexis calling Kate mom.

"Go away Castle." Kate whispered out.

"We both know that's not going to happen Kate." Rick reached out and started stroking the top of Kate's head and let her wipe away the tears.

"Come on sit up." Rick helped Kate into a sitting position so he could sit down next to her and wrap his arms around her and hold her tight.

Kate had curled her arms up between them and let him hold her while she softly cried. It allowed Rick to just sit there holding her while rubbing circles on her back.

When the cries finally started to slow down. "Talk to me Kate, what caused this? A nightmare?" Rick offered. Was she reliving a moment where she had been forced to kill someone in the line of duty?

Kate simply shook her head and remained silent. "Did you call your dad? Did you remember something?" Rick tried again, knowing he was working with nothing here.

"I'm sorry Rick, I'm so sorry." Kate offered while wiping away her tears.

"Sorry, sorry for what? You haven't done anything wrong." Rick couldn't think of anything she had done wrong. None of this made sense.

"I, (hicup), … lost our baby. (hicup) I know I did (hicup) and I'm sorry." Kate switched to sobbing into his bare shoulder.

This was where it hit him like one of those ACME safes that the coyote would try to drop on the road runner, or a ton of bricks that fell on Roger Rabbit.

Kate was pregnant, and not just a little pregnant but just weeks from giving birth, and then poof, she wasn't pregnant at all.

"Kate honey you didn't do anything wrong." Rick wrapped his arms around her tighter and kissed her head. "You weren't just a little pregnant Kate, you were just weeks from giving birth and then you were never pregnant at all. Don't you remember that part?" Rick started rocking her softly back and forth.

"Someone took our baby before it was even born. It wasn't anything you did Kate. None of this is your fault, please tell me you are listening." Rick needed her to see what she saw last time.

Kate slowly stopped sobbing into his chest. "You're not mad at me? You don't hate me?" Kate almost wanted him to hate her, their baby was gone. It was her responsibility to protect it and she hadn't.

"Of course I'm not mad at you or hate you. Something has changed Kate, I just don't know what it is yet, but we'll figure it out." Rick tells her.

"Mom?" Alexis asks softly suddenly showing up in front of Kate. Rick had forgotten about Alexis, and how she had found Kate down here in the first place.

Kate looked up and saw a young Alexis since her mind was somewhere in on of the countless loops that they had done. "Alexis, honey!" And Kate changed from hanging onto Rick and switched to taking Alexis into her arms and held her tight.

"I don't know if it was real or a dream mom?" Alexis had her own problem, just didn't know how to talk about it.

Rick put his arms around both of them. "Was it real or was it a dream?" Rick decided to add his voice. He could hear the sound of his daughter's voice and it sounded like she was hurting.

Kate turned her head to look at Rick while not letting go of Alexis. "I don't know babe, I just don't know."

It did however get Rick to smile wide, she had called him babe again. "Tell me, … us about your version of the dream." Rick asks of her.

Kate wiped away her tears and sniffled. "We did meet at a coffee shop. I was taking the captains test so I could make captain and Captain Montgomery was helping me study. He was also teaching me how to run an entire precinct instead of just the homicide floor as a Lieutenant. I passed the test and made captain and applied for Montgomery's position since he was retiring." Kate paused to think about it.

"I got the job and had to go to some seminar that was going to be in this hotel over in Jersey. … There were army units at the bridge, tanks and other vehicles and lots of guns. I saw you two at the hotel and you took me with you when everything went nuts.

You drove us out to a local airport and Alexis flew us out. Alexis even gave me lessons on flying." Kate laughed a huff of breath. "I even know how to fly a plane now." Kate chuckled.

"Alexis flew us to a pair of islands that you had bought and turned into a resort. You had sold everything and bought them and spent millions fixing the place up. You had killed Derek Storm because you had gotten bored of him." Kate paused again and watched what she had just said play across Rick's face, however he remained silent.

"You had this house, boats, weapons and lots of food. There was a huge cistern under the house, you made your own power, had tanks for gasoline and tanks for propane, and we lived there. … In our swimsuits since it was always so warm." Kate paused again.

"Keep going." Rick offered.

"We stayed there for months and I fell in love with both of you. I even ended up pregnant. Morning sickness, grew to the size of a house, my back and feet were hurting. My mood swings and late night cravings that most of which you somehow answered." This time Kate chuckled and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

"There was a virus that we were running from that started in South Korea and spread fast. Something about invisibility shots and then we flew home. … It's just that we never made it home, not really." Kate told them.

"We must have made it home. ... I mean here we are right? We know that we are a family, just having difficulty understanding how we did." Rick points out.

"Yeah, how do you know?" Kate looked at Rick.

"Because your dream is my dream, except I spent some of my time writing a book that you requested, a book that would explain your mother's murder." Rick offered.

"Nikki Heat." Alexis offered.