Title: Battle: Steve

Summary: Steve knew it was irrational to hope that the Avengers could put aside their differences with Loki and work together as a team, but he had thought that Clint would be the one with a grudge against the trickster. Why Tony was glaring at the mischief-maker as though he wanted nothing more than to strangle him was beyond the Captain. Steve/Tony, Loki/Steve, Loki/Steve/Tony.

Disclaimer: I own my deranged mind.

Warnings: Oh, let's see... Blood, gore, violence, graphic sex, yaoi, swears, alcohol use, crude gestures and jokes, poor grammar/spelling, etc.


"You do realize," Tony began as everyone continued to watch him, Steve's eyes baring down at him and making the brunette want nothing more than to crawl into a hole in the ground - hell, even the cave that he crawled out of - and die a painful death. "That Natalie Rushman, Natasha Romanoff, Black Widow, whatever name she's using for the time being, can kill anyone one of us with our own balls in ten different ways?"

"Fifty-seven," Clint chimed in with a cheerful grin, "but, really, who's counting?"

"And she's the most empowered woman I've met besides Pepper!" Tony concluded, glaring when the Russian's sharp gaze turned to him impassively. "She doesn't need or even want my apology! She swears more than any of us men and in way more creative ways and languages!"

"Be that as it may," Natasha said as she looked the genius up and down, "our fearless and timeless leader wants you to apologize to me and Loki has already done so. Now, it's your turn. You don't want to upset Captain America, right?"

Tony groaned before rubbing at his face with his hands. This was utterly ridiculous but he could tell by the stern look in the blonde's eyes that he meant every word that he said. "Tony," Steve began, unfolding his arms from their place in front of his chest. "May I have a word with you outside?"

"What?" Legitimately, the playboy began to panic. It was one thing to upset the blonde, it was quite another to piss him off to the point that he was going to be having a one-on-one talk with the star-spangled man with a plan; was a whole different ballgame. The blonde super soldier was known for being predictable and unpredictable all at the same time. He was predictably unpredictable and unpredictably predictable. That was something that could frustrate him all day long. Just when he would think that he had the guy figured out, he would say something irrational - like, "I'm sorry for what I said when I first met you" - and leave the engineer struggling to make his world make even a little sense. The guy was a fucking train wreck when it came to talking to women, yet he was defending the toughest one out of all of the menstruation nation's population. He was a man who stood by his convictions, but was willing to admit that he was wrong and judged him too rashly. He was a man who fought against the evils in the world, but was willing to take in a murdering psychopath with daddy issues that far beat out his own just to help Crazy Eyes become a better man. He was a leader who was willing to let anyone who thought that they could do better replace him if they so much as said the word.

A man who only asked for a chance to defend, and possibly die for, his country and ended up in a shit-storm he would probably never understand.

"No, no, no!" Tony called out, waving his hands before looking at Natasha pleadingly. "I'm sorry for saying a swear you say at least ten times before you even get a cup of coffee in the morning! We good? I'd like to think that we're good. Sit back down, Spangles, we're all good here. All friends. No need for talks in the back alley." Just by the look that overcame the blonde's face, the sheer and utter distraught hopelessness that took control of his features, he knew that he had managed to say something wrong. Something that pushed the wrong buttons for the guy and while he could not understand what it was that he said to have gotten such a reaction, the last of the Stark bloodline was more than willing to apologize publicly, in front of the entire population if that was what it took, just to wipe that look off of Steve's face.

"Apology accepted," Natasha said, effectively ending the whole ordeal. Tony was going to make sure that he did not curse too harshly in front of the fairer, and deadlier, of the sexes until the blonde had gotten it though his old-fashioned head that the woman was perfectly fine around cursing. There was no way in hell that he was going to risk having another one of these "sit around in a circle and share our feelings about cussing in front of dames" powwow. Once was far more than he needed to deal with in his lifetime.

"I think that it is time that we retire for the evening," Loki said as he placed his thin and pale hand on the super soldier's shoulder, his claw-like hand gently squeezing at the hard muscle underneath. Tony did not miss the way that the sharp green eyes turned on him for the briefest of seconds before focusing back on the blonde soldier. And, honestly, it made his stomach churn and he wanted nothing more than to aim his repulsors at the lanky prick and blast him out of the shawarma shop. But Thor would not like that and while he could handle the electricity, a hammer to the face was a real bitch.

A sharp nod came from Steve before the super soldier rose from his seat, pulling some crisp bills out of seemingly nowhere; he was definitely going to ask the Supernanny if he added any secret pockets that he did not yet know of because, seriously, his hand did not even go near his belt and he sure as fuck did not hear any of the pockets opening with a soft click or the telltale sound of Velcro being unhooked. The blonde set the bills cleanly down on the table, enough to cover half of the bill and, seriously, he was going to have a word with the spangled superhero about inflation rates.

He almost called out Thor's adopted brother for not doing what the Captain wanted as well, he was pretty sure that he saw the super soldier looking over at Thor when he barked at them both to apologize and he sure as hell did not do anything to upset the overgrown Asgardian puppy of a prince. When he opened his mouth to do it, though, Loki had reached down with his other hand and patted the blonde warrior's shoulder inconspicuously, making Thor look up at him with a beaming smile that could possibly blind weaker men. The trickster's lips quirked up slightly as Captain America bid everyone a nice evening, and, come on, there was a huge difference between telling everyone that you would see them later and actually hoping that their evenings were pleasant. It was simply mindboggling the way the guy practically breathed world peace and innocent puppies wanting nothing more than to be loved. Frankly, he did not feel comfortable leaving world's only super soldier in close contact with the antler-ish-horn-wearing whack-job that was more commonly known as the God of Mischief.

But Tony resolved to hold onto his opinions to himself...mostly because Thor was around. He was definitely going to bitch to Bruce about it once they returned to the Tower.


Loki winced slightly at the bright harshness that glared down at him in the form of a dying star. It was ironic to him that death was the center of their realm and that they refused to see it. Turning his attention back to the blonde that was standing in front of him and looking at the dejected street as if its crumbling asphalt was his greatest love and was dying on front of him. "Do lead on, Captain," the demigod said as he watched the blonde super soldier carefully.

"Oh, sure," Steve nodded, before smiling tersely. "Are you any good with riding a motorcycle?"

"I would rather teleport," the dark-haired offered as his green eyes flicked across the street. He could see many damaged car and was used to some of the more obvious forms of transportation that cluttered the city. He had heard tales of the dirty trains that were located both above and below the ground and he was not fond of experiencing either one of them firsthand. Public cars were less dirty but still left much to be desired. Personal cars came in many shapes and forms but none seemed less stable than the aforementioned type that the soldier seemed to prefer.

"Are...are you even supposed to do that kind of...uh, magic?" The way that Steve seemed to had difficulty pronouncing the word made it appear that he was uncomfortable around sorcery and was probably still unbelieving about his powers even though he had witnessed it firsthand and seen the kind of destruction that the brunette could unleash upon the city.

"Close your eyes and think of where your dwelling resides," the God of Mischief said, plainly ignoring the comment about feeling like Dorothy. He had no idea who this maiden was and had no desire to meet her if the wry and pained grin was anything to go by. But, the soldier did as he was told and Loki pressed his hand to the taller man's forehead before the world around him distorted and faded to black. In a sudden rush, all of the color bled back into their surroundings and the demigod found himself standing in a room that was not dirty, but faded. The walls were bare of any pictures and the furniture looked as though it had been in the house since it was built. Wallpaper peeled and yellowed with time, revealing the dingy plaster beneath and the Asgardian had the feeling that the simplest of spells could send the whole vicinity tumbling down on top of them.

"Uh, wow," Steve breathed as blue eyes looked around his apartment.

"Have you finished unpacking?" Loki asked; he was not in the least bit interested in the soldier's belongings but it seemed like a good way to break the stilted air around them.

"Oh, yeah, a while ago actually." The silence was stifling and Loki was tempted to don his helmet once more and bash his head into the wall just for something interesting to happen. ...Then again, he could always send a clone over to Stark's ever so humble abode and torment him until he lost his thin grasp on his moral compass and decided that he would rather enslave mankind rather than avenge it. But that would probably be looked down upon by Odin and he was quite fond of his magic. "...Are you hungry?" A dark eyebrow rose as the demigod looked up at the soldier. He had heard tales about the soldier's increased metabolism and knew that it could rival even Thor's if the gossip held true.

"Did you not just eat, Man out of Time?" the demigod teased, grinning at the way that the mortal's face flushed a delicate shade of pink.

"Well, yeah, but I'm always hungry," the blonde sounded a bit embarrassed by this and that was completely unacceptable. He was in his own home and should be allowed to eat as much as he pleased without worrying. Thor often ate as much as he wanted back on Asgard and he made sure that he was so full he would have to sleep for quite a while. It seemed unfair that one of such stature in current times as well as the older stories could not freely do so when out of the public ire.

"You starve yourself?" Loki had not meant for his tone to be as harsh as it was, judging by the Captain's flinch.

"What? No, no. I just... Oh, jeez. Do you...I don't mean to be rude or unassuming, but how much do you know about our history?"

The soldier sounded quite shy and embarrassed about having to ask a God such as himself about something so trivial but the trickster could not help but be amused by it. It was not every day that someone of the soldier's size had to question his own importance. "I know about your frail body before becoming a hero."

"What? No, not- That's not what I meant!" the mortal sounded even more embarrassed and his ears turned a bright pink as well. Loki found it to be quite amusing and wondered if that was why his uniform covered a good portion of his face. It the Captain's enemies could see how easy it was to rile him up, they would do their best to use it to their advantage in the middle of a battle and strike when the soldier was off guard. It was not something that the brunette was thinking about lightly and it caused his stomach to churn about the idea of the genuinely kind blonde lying on the cold and unfeeling asphalt, his life bleeding out of his cooling body. "I meant that I grew up in the Depression. We, well, I grew up and was used to not eating much it at all." Loki nodded, understanding more about the time than the blonde knew that he did. Unbeknownst to the soldier, he had often frequented Midgard in his time and had seen the horrors of the simple planet. Contrary to what Thor would believe, he did not choose this realm to rule because of his adopted brother, because Odin's golden son had grown weak for the mortals that he had met here. He had chosen this simple world because he, himself, the God of Mischief, had fallen for the people that he had encountered during his visits. If he managed to get pregnant while under the guise of a woman every few centuries while on this pitiful existence of a realm, then so be it. "And I saw that you didn't eat much when around the others..." This snapped the demigod out of his thoughts and he stared at the simple human that held a large part in disrupting his rule of these primitive people. "Thor easily ate seven times what you did."

"Thor is a brute," Loki cut in, unable to disagree with the fact that the son of Odin could stuff his face with more food than most Asgardians needed to eat.

"He's your family," Steve said as he frowned. It brought up odd feelings in the demigod's stomach and he knew that he wanted nothing more than to wipe that displeased look off of the mortal's face.

"Have you not heard?" There was forced glee and mischief in his voice, his eyes imploringly wide with an innocence that he no longer held; the god thought it best to put up a front if it would help him to persuade the blonde to change the topic at hand. "I am adopted."

"So?" Well now, that was different. Surely the mortal understood that he was not truly Thor's brother and that he could openly mock the warrior as much as he pleased. "Family isn't just by blood, you know. You grew up together, right?" Loki nodded, unsure of why the mortal was suddenly so brave and willing to talk to him. "And I'm sure that you trusted him as much as he trusts you. It doesn't matter if you have different parents, you're still brothers and I'm sure Thor would like nothing more than for you to stop acting like a jerk."

"A jerk?" Loki repeated, a slow smirk uncurling upon his face.

"Yeah. You were acting like a jerk."

The god was unsure about whether or not the human actually had no self-worth, no preservation skills, or if he really was stupid enough to challenge a god such as himself for the sheer sake of defending what was deemed right in his world. It was truly frustrating. He could not figure out where he stood with the mortal but he knew that the one they referred to as Stark; the one whose Tower he had taken over; had taken a shine to the blonde soldier. It was painfully obvious and he was not above exploiting that for his own amusement. Granted, saving the human was not a part of that. He could reason that he was doing it purely out of fear of letting his powers. Odin would not be proud of him if he had let one of the greatest warriors of Midgard get crushed by a building. If that was a lie, he was not going to admit it even to himself.

"Then I shall have to fix that," the brunette muttered softly, making the blonde smile triumphantly. He could feel a fluttering in the pit of his stomach and gestured to the soldier's attire. "Back to your earlier question, I could do with some dessert. After you have changed, of course."

Steve nodded, "Make yourself comfortable." He walked away and Loki looked around the sparsely decorated room. He could see the kitchen plainly for his position in the living room and Steve had hurried into the room on his left, marking that room as his bedroom. There was a door to his right and that could be anything from a bathroom to a guest bedroom. He was not yet willing to intrude upon his host's generosity, but he was certain that the soldier would be giving him a tour of his living quarters soon enough. Far sooner than the demigod could have imagined, the blonde returned wearing a white shirt that fit snugly against his skin and a pair of pants that almost forced him to cringe. They looked the least bit comfortable and while just about anything could go with white, the pair of pants seemed to be doing everything in their power not to match. "Phil brought me grocery shopping yesterday. He picked out a few boxes of cake and said that if I follow the directions, it should be just fine."

"Then we shall have cake," Loki agreed before waving his hand towards the kitchen.

"...Did you bring any spare clothes?" Again, the soldier's face had taken on the color of vibrant pink, making the trickster grin. "I mean, mine won't exactly fit you, but they'll do if I have to take you shopping."

"I am fine," he replied, his clothing shimmering and simplifying almost instantaneously. The design was similar to Steve's but much darker in color, the shades matching his usual palette for garments. "Now, how does one go about making a cake from a box?"

"...I'm not all that sure," Steve said, scratching idly at the top of his head before walking in the kitchen, the Asgardian close on his heels as he rummaged through the kitchen, grabbing everything that he deemed useful. Honestly, it all looked worthless to Loki; flour, sugar, eggs, oil bars of chocolate, long, black beans, a bright orange box, a small can of white powder, multiple spoons as bound together... The blonde rummaged through his cabinets before he triumphantly help out a red box to Loki, letting the other man examine it. "Cake in a box."

"It hardly sounds appetizing."

"Looks can be deceiving."

That was all that was said as the blonde put back some of the ingredients as he read the box until he was only let with eggs and oil. It seemed like more would be needed to actually make a cake that was fit for sustenance but he was willing to trust that the brunette was not going to attempt to kill him with some pastry.

"It's chocolate," Steve said as he looked over the box, smiling brightly as his large hands held the red box out towards him. He seemed oddly at ease with housing a god against his will, a man that probably would, and definitely could, kill him without difficulty in his sleep. Loki opened his mouth to reply because, really, chocolate cake from a box? That do not sound in the least bit tempting. There was a loud knocking from the door, startling them both and silencing the mischief-maker before he could voice his opinions about the box of confectionary.

"I will get it," Loki called out with a wave of his hand as he walked out of the kitchen. It was not his home and he should not care who was at the door but he simply had to get away from the startlingly blue eyes that stared at him as though he could be the salvation that the world needed if only he could straighten his act together. Opening the door quickly, he found himself staring at his adopted brother, the muscular Asgardian looking eager to see him and pleased that he had opened the door.

"Brother!" Thor called out, wrapping his brother into a tight hug that the thinner man was sure he could have done without, "I swear I shall do my best to convince Miss Jane to allow you to move into closer quarters with us!" The blonde smiled brightly and the trickster could barely keep himself from rolling his eyes.

"I am quite fine residing with the Captain of this realm," Loki dismissed as he waved his hand. "He shall do quite nicely, Thor. Now, go worry yourself over your maiden as we are going to..." Green eyes flicked over to Steve, who was standing in the doorway that separated the kitchen from the sparse living room and smiled a sheepish little smile while he held up a bright red box with a dark-looking confection on the front. "...Bake a cake."

"Then I shall assist!" Thor bellowed before pushing Loki out of the way and stepping into the small apartment that had no chance of withstanding the God of Thunder's voice, let alone his antics. "Tell me, Man of the America, are they any good as thy wondrous Pop-Tarts?"

"Uhh...I've never had one," Steve said before patting the demigod's shoulder. "You can let me know." Just like that, the demigod's face turned to one of pure horror.

"I know you can hear me, Heimdall," Loki hissed as he looked up at the sky expectantly, not moving from his position by the open door. "Take Thor and send him back to that wretched desert he so loves this instant!"

"Come, Captain! I shall bestow the confectionous deserts upon you and you shall marvel at all that this realm has to offer!" Thor's voice boomed, making Loki cringe at the ruined opportunity in front of him while his adopted brother rummaged around for hideously packaged desserts to snack on before the horrid cake from a box was begun and completed.

"Please?"


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