Hate.
That's what I felt. I hated everything. I rubbed the bruise on my stomach in slow circles, deliberately making it hurt worse. It was about eight at night, a few hours since Sasuke lost his temper. I was locked inside the bathroom, voices bouncing around my mind as the figure in the mirror stared back at me judgmentally. It wasn't that bad. He didn't hit me every day, but it was often enough to have constant bruises to hide. He was careful, usually. "Stop being a martyr." He would say. "Stop trying to act like you're hurt. It's not even a hit." He would say. What was it, then? "People don't care about a couple of bruises, they think you're unhinged anyway."
He was always right. They were always right. Why did the world let him be right?
I walked back out, avoiding eye contact with Sasuke. I asked him what he wanted for dinner, picking up a few books I had knocked over earlier. He scoffed at me. "Order a pizza, I don't think I can stomach something you cooked tonight." He muttered. I was totally up for not cooking, I didn't like cooking. Or, maybe I didn't like what he said about it. I didn't have anyone teach me how to cook, so I learned on my own. "Can't cook or clean, what kind of wife would you make?" He said once, finding it amusing. It would be a joke, if he didn't genuinely get angry by the fact that I wasn't what he considered to be a real woman.
I had just gotten off the phone with the delivery place when Itachi walked in. He glanced at me, offering a hum in greeting before walking straight over to the back sliding door, and letting Yoru in. The poor thing bolted inside and came over to me, curling up. My eyes widened as Itachi shut the door, casually turning around as if it wasn't a big deal. It probably shouldn't have been. I brushed through her fur to get the snow off, murmuring apologetic words. She licked my cheek, I supposed she forgave me for leaving her in the snow.
"What are you doing? Put it back outside before it pisses on the carpet." Sasuke said, glaring at Yoru and then back at Itachi. The older Uchiha raised a brow. "She's staying in, it's falling below zero. She's trained, a night won't hurt." He said, sitting down. Sasuke cursed under his breath, going into our room. He didn't usually argue with Itachi, I don't think anyone would win against him anyway. He eventually just stopped talking.
I got up when the door rang, chuckling as Yoru immediately stood, as if waiting to see if who was on the other side of the door was dangerous. I handed the delivery man the money and took the pizza from him, thanking him. I set it on the table, sighing. Sasuke came into the kitchen while Itachi was still in the living room. "You should eat a salad. I'd like it if you were worth getting into bed with." He said, I bit my lip swallowing dryly. "Sorry I'm not a trophy girlfriend." I muttered. He shot me a look, but I left before he could say anything. I wasn't hungry after I dwelled on his words. I could definitely stand to lose some weight, he made it easier with the sharp words. Everyone needed encouragement, if someone didn't tell me I needed to drop a few pounds, I probably wouldn't.
I showered and put on some night clothes, lying down. I sniffed, realizing that was a sign I was about to cry. I buried my face into my pillow. I didn't want to do this, I didn't want to waste the energy. But it hurt to force them back. Hot liquid began sliding down my cheeks, my breathing coming in short gasps as I tried my best to keep them quiet. It didn't do any good to cry, but sometimes you just can't stop it. Sometimes you feel better. If you can stop thinking of things that only make you cry harder, at least.
I eventually fell into a quiet state, feeling tired and satisfied from releasing the pent up emotion I kept inside my box under lock and key. I sniffed, sighing softly and turning to lay on my stomach, pulling the blankets tightly around me. It'd been a couple of hours, it was probably around ten or eleven by now. I heard the door open and click shut again, not bothering to open my eyes. I heard something shuffle. He was probably going to shower. "Were you crying?" I heard him ask. I hadn't bothered to dry my face or wipe my eyes. I hesitated, but really what was the point in lying? "Yes."
"Why?" God, I hated that condescending, accusatory tone Sasuke took with me. "Because! I have a dozen reasons, we both know you don't care." I replied, opening my eyes and glaring up at him. His expression was cold. "How can anyone care when you have so many problems?" He said "problems" with a patronizing tone, how dare he always bring that up. "Why do you always have to throw that in my face? You know what, you're over half of my problems! Why don't you stop being such an arrogant prick and treat people like they're actually a hu-"
"Slap!"
I gasped when my head snapped to the side, a hot pain bursting over my cheek. He grabbed my jaw, pressing hard so I wouldn't pull back, lest I risk him dislocating it. "Don't talk to me like that. I'm getting sick of your attitude." He hissed, inches from my face. I swallowed, my eyes searching his face. This wasn't the person I knew. Wasn't the person I met.
Wasn't the person I love.
"Let go, you're hurting me." I said monotonously, hoping my eyes didn't convey the fear I felt boiling inside me. He made a disgusted sound, letting me go with a wave of his hand, which sent me roughly back onto the bed. I rubbed my chin as he went into the bathroom, starting the shower. I curled up on my side as I stared out of the window. Why did I always do something wrong? I never shut up and look where it got me. Way to go. Maybe you need to get hit, if it will teach you a lesson. I cringed, shaking my head. I don't need this to be made worse.
I heard him walk out but I didn't turn around. I didn't know if he was still angry or not, and honestly didn't feel like talking so it was best to ignore him. He got into bed and I felt him move, a shiver went through me when he wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed my back to his chest. This was supposed to be a comforting action, when your partner made you feel safe. I only felt threatened. Move, and I risk another fight. It wasn't worth it.
I shifted slightly to rest easier against him. I wouldn't sleep tonight, I was uncomfortable and so anxious I'd be likely to have a nightmare if I drifted off. My heart sank when I felt his lips brush over my neck, eliciting another shudder. His hand slid beneath my shirt and up my stomach.
But… But he always complained about my lack of attractiveness, why did he continue this?
It was his filthy way of apologizing. If we had sex, it meant we were okay. For a very short while. Can I tell you a really stupid secret? I didn't enjoy sex, I never had. I lost my virginity to Sasuke the seventh month of our relationship. It was stupid, but everyone always told me that even seven months was too long to keep someone waiting, and if I wanted to stay with him I needed to put something out for him. I had known the first couple of times weren't going to be great, but it never got better like my friends and the internet and every other lying piece of crap said it would. Because by the fourth time we had intercourse, things were already deteriorating in the relationship. He stopped caring about me, stopped asking how I felt.
He was too rough. Fast or hard or even violent. My hips would be bruised and my skin would be marred from his teeth or nails. Did people actually like this? It hurt, and I couldn't say no. I did a couple of times before I learned how stupid it was to tell him no. The fight that followed was not worth the pain. I just let him have what he wanted.
I hated being naked around him too, I felt disgusting. Unworthy, almost, and sometimes I could almost see in his eyes that he thought so too. He moved, pressing my face into the pillows as he pushed me onto my knees and got behind me. It'd been like that for a while.
He couldn't stand to even look me in the eyes.
AUTHORESS NOTE:
Since I've gotten troublesome reviews on other stories for this; things that aren't explained in this chapter, will be explained later.
I had a really rough day today, so this chapter was kind of violent. I think I'll try for something more uplifting next time, okay?
Sasuke! Kiara had a message for you! She said she'd kick your ass if you ever hit her danna!
Sasuke: I'm absolutely terrified.
Amaya: You should be. She's scareh when she's mad.
Sasuke: That's not even a word.
Amaya: You're not a word!
Sasuke: *Shakes his head and walks away.*
Another thing, I didn't detail the sex scene. I wasn't in the mood for it. (Don't go into shock over that.) There might be one between them later. If I think I can write in that mindset. I don't think I'll graphically write what is considered rape though, in this story. Simply because I don't want it to turn that dark. Dunno yet, if someone wants a scene between them detailed I might do it.
