The rest of the story won't jump ahead as much as the previous chapter and this one do… Fair warning: some unhappy news ahead involving the health of a reoccurring character. This is by far the least fluffy of the chapters, so far…
Thank you so much for reading and for the kind and lovely reviews. They are greatly appreciated.
"…one fell off and bumped his head! No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"
Emily and Sharon moved as quietly as they could, although it was highly unlikely their approach from the guestroom/nursery at the far end of the Flynn residence would be detected given the happy barking of three dogs, the giggling of a sixteen-month-old Annie Grace, and the singing of a sixty-six-year-old Andy echoing through the family room and kitchen.
The Raydor girls staying overnight given Emily's early flight time, the women had been unpacking the baby's things in preparation for her month-long stay with her grandparents.
They had just reached the arched entry that separated the kitchen and the family room when they heard the curly auburn-haired, green-eyed beauty say, "Again? Again, Gandy?" as she happily bucked against Andy's hip.
"Okay, my lovebug! One more time." He took a deep breath before he started bouncing her around the kitchen. "Five little monkeys jumping on the bed…"
Three little monkeys still jumping on the bed, Andy was almost completely out of breath when he noticed they were being watched. "Oh, thank goodness. Someone please finish this crazy song or I'm gonna keel over, or worse, my marinara is going to burn."
Emily quickly made her way across the room, smiling brightly with her arms open. "Come here, pickle! Let's take the doggies outside and let Gandy catch his breath. Come on girls! Ruby, Sunny, Bluebell, come on!"
Annie Grace now transferred to her mother, she looked over Emily's shoulder, her pudgy little hand pressed to her mouth and then swept out toward Andy and then Sharon as she blew them kisses before calling out, " Bye bye! Lah you, Gandy. Lah you, Nana."
"Love you, sweet girl!" Andy called out as he watched mother, daughter, and the three dogs disappear into the family room before turning his attention to the bubbling pot.
"She just got here and you're already out of breath." Sharon sidled up next to him, running her hand up and down his back. "Pace yourself, Gandy. We've got four weeks of singing and bouncing and swimming and playing ahead of us."
"I know. I'm just a sucker for green-eyed girls." Leaning over he pursed his lips for a kiss which his wife quickly supplied. "Not to mention that little giggle! It's addictive. I just love it."
"I know. Our precious girl."
"That she is." He moved his marinara from its hot burner to the cool one next to it. "Give me fifteen minutes to get the noodles done and we're good to go."
Wanting to make Emily's last dinner special before she left for the start of her company's tour, Sharon decided to set the table on the patio so the quartet could enjoy the pretty May evening weather.
"Ooh, alfresco. Fancy," Emily called out as she closed the gate that kept the baby in with the dogs, so she could take the few steps away from the side yard that would allow her to see Sharon. "I think it's warm enough that I will just strip Miss Thing here down to her diaper. We can just hose the little spaghetti monster down afterwards."
Sharon laughed as she began laying down the plates. "Good plan. The girls will happily clean up whatever ends up on the ground around the highchair. Andy doesn't like them to have people food, but a few loose noodles won't hurt." The last plate down, she turned and leaned on the table, slightly hesitant to bring up the subject of Emily's leaving. "What time do you need to be at the airport, honey?"
"Seven, but I'm going to Uber, Mom. There's no need for you or Andy to get up."
Sharon made her way from the patio insisting, "I don't mind, sweetie. You know I'm an early riser."
"Then we can share a cup of coffee before my Uber gets here."
"Em-"
"Mom, just..." she glanced over her shoulder, a teary smile forming as she watched Annie Grace wrap her arms around Ruby's neck and coo, "Lah you, Booby. You goo girr, Booby."
"Oh, honey," Her own eyes filling with sympathetic tears as she watched her daughter struggle, Sharon quickly moved to Emily's side and pulled her into her arms. "Shhh…oh, sweetheart."
"How am I going to do this, Mom? I miss her already."
Sharon remembered her own struggle with simply dropping her own babies at the church daycare; she couldn't imagine how Emily must feel knowing that she wouldn't be able to hold her child for two weeks and then for only a couple of days before leaving for another two weeks.
"We'll Skype or Facetime whenever you want, honey. I'll have my phone and Ipad with me no matter where we are and we will stop whatever we are doing so you can see her, okay? And I'll want to see your sweet face, too. I've gotten pretty used to having you around. I'm going to miss you so much."
"Me, too."
"Nana! Mama! Hold you? Hold you, Mama?" Eat? Eat Gandy sketti?" Annie Grace had her face pressed against the bars, her chubby little arms held above her head.
Emily looked away from her daughter, wiping her nose and eyes quickly as the little girl called out to them.
"Here, pooh bear, Nana will get you," Sharon forced a smile onto her face as she let go of Emily and stepped into the side yard. "Oh, my beautiful girl, are you hungry? Nana's hungry. Gandy has made us some yummy sketti! But first, let's go wipe all the puppy dog off you." Lifting the toddler into her arms, she placed a kiss on the side of her curly head. "Ewww! You smell like a puppy dog, baby."
Giggling, the little one mimicked her grandmother's high-pitched "Eww!" before reaching a hand out towards her mother. "Hode hands, Mama."
Fresh tears filled Emily's eyes as her daughter parroted the directive she herself so often issued. "Okay, pickle, let's hold hands." Leaning over she kissed the baby's cheek, a teary chuckle escaping as she added, "Nana's right. You do smell like a puppy dog."
"Hey, babe. Em get off alright?"
Slipping out of her robe, she quickly apologized, "Oh, sorry. I was trying not to wake you." Climbing back into bed, she quickly moved to the middle and wrapped herself around her husband's warm body. "She did. There were tears, but luckily Annie Grace didn't wake which helped."
"I would have taken her to the airport."
She eased herself onto his body, her thighs straddling one of his as she kissed his chin and whispered, "I know. I tried to get her to let one of us drive her, but I think she wanted to avoid a teary goodbye at the terminal."
He began running a hand up and down her back as he asked, "How do you think the lovebug's going to take it when she wakes up and Emily's gone?"
Sharon rested her cheek against his chest. "Not sure. She's been fine when she's stayed with us before without Em, but I think she's going to start asking for her mama when she gets sleepy, maybe not tonight, but tomorrow or Monday. I thought we might distract her today with a walk down to Bella's for breakfast," she offered, knowing the promise of the diner's veggie breakfast burrito would please him. "We could take the dogs and sit on their patio. That girl loves her some Bella's pancakes."
"Sounds great, and then we're going to the zoo, right?"
The excitement in Andy's voice made her laugh. "Yes, and then I am taking both my kids to the zoo."
"Oh goody!" he reached down and patted her bottom, her position against his bladder something he could no longer ignore. "As much as I love being under you first thing in the morning, I am afraid my bladder doesn't."
Sharon rolled off his body but reached out and pinched his bottom as he rose from the bed.
"Hey! Careful with the merchandise, lady."
"Mmmm…hurry back. We should have at least another hour in bed if Missy Prissy stays on her schedule."
He was back in less than two minutes and stopping at the end of the bed was delighted to find his wife had used the time to pull her nightgown over her head, their duvet covering her chest enough to reveal a few inches of cleavage.
"I take it you aren't interested in spending the next hour sleeping?"
Sitting up, she let the blanket slip so that her breasts were barely covered. "Nope. Now, hurry up and get naked."
"You know, you're kinda bossy."
"Yeah? Well, you're kinda wasting time."
Slipping his boxers down around his ankles, he pulled his gray t-shirt over his head before suddenly pulling up the blankets at the end of the bed and crawling up the length of her body, drawing giggles from her as he playfully growled on his way.
"Quiet, you goofball! What's gotten into you?"
Kissing each of her breasts, he looked up long enough to explain, "I'm just happy. I am on top of my very gorgeous and very naked wife and I get to spend the day with her and my other favorite person on the planet. What can I say? It's a good day to be Andy Flynn."
"You know? You're very sexy when you say sweet things like that."
Winking at her, he then slipped beneath the covers and soon had her legs resting over his shoulders, his smile brushing her inner thigh as she began panting his name.
"What does the monkey say?" Sharon smiled up at her granddaughter who began making "ooh-ooh eeh-eeh" noises from where she was perched on Andy's shoulders.
"Clever, clever girl. And what does the lion say?"
"Rowwwwrrrrr!"
"Ooh! That's might lion!" Andy gently tugged on the baby's ankles, Giving his wife a wink before asking, "What does the Gandy say?"
A bright smile forming, Annie Grace patted the white hair in front of her. "Lah you, lahbug."
"Aww, yes. The Gandy does say, 'Love you, lovebug." Sharon tickled the baby's back as she leaned up and kissed Andy's cheek.
A mischievous grin on his face, Andy tilted his head and asked, "You know what the Nana says, lovebug? She says, 'No! No! No! Rules! Rules! Rules!"
"Uh!" Sharon gave his side a playful pinch as they approached the penguin exhibit. "That is not what the Nana says!" Turning her attention up to a grinning Annie Grace, she asked, "Tell Gandy what the Nana really says, baby."
"Lah you, anjah baby!"
Sharon stuck her tongue out at her husband before lifting her arms up to the toddler. "That's right. Come to Nana, angel baby, and we'll see if we can get a little closer to get a better look at these funny little guys over here."
Now free of his precious cargo, Andy stayed by the stroller, smiling as he watched his beautiful girls, Sharon in a navy blue knit jump suit, her lovely legs on display in shorts, and Annie Grace in a navy and white polka-dot bubble suit, make their way through a small crowd; grandmother animatedly talking to the wide-eyed, brightly smiling baby as she pointed out various tuxedoed birds among the rocks and in the moat of water in front of them.
"You're one lucky bastard, Andy Flynn," he whispered to himself, grinning happily until he noticed a mother and father in their late twenties or early thirties standing several feet away with their son of around six and a slightly older daughter who were pushing and hitting one another as the father stared at his phone and the mother tried in vain to separate the two until she ultimately grabbed each of her children by an arm and dragged them in the opposite direction while the father slowly trailed behind, his eyes never leaving the screen of his Iphone. Watching until the family disappeared, Andy felt an uncomfortable pang in the pit of his stomach and his happy mood shifted to one of melancholy.
"We're getting hungry. How about you?"
His gaze still on the direction in which the woman had taken her children, it wasn't until Sharon reached out and squeezed his hand that he realized she and Annie Grace had returned from the penguins.
"Honey?"
"Oh, hey. Sorry."
She shifted the toddler to her left hip so she could lift her right hand to cup his cheek. "You feel alright?"
"Yeah, just…yeah. I'm fine."
A gentle smile on her lips, she held his gaze for a moment before pulling back her hand. "We're hungry. You want to go get something to eat?"
Tickling under Annie Grace's chin, he agreed, "Yeah. Sounds good."
Helping her get the toddler situated in the stroller, he then moved behind to push, but was stopped as she placed her hand on his arm. "You really okay? Want to talk about it?"
"Maybe later." He forced a smile to appease her, although he was quite certain she knew it wasn't genuine. Thankfully, Sharon didn't press, and they were soon headed towards the food section of the park.
Louie: "Okay, Annie-bananie, say habeas corpus."
Annie Grace: "Hay-bus cor-bus."
Andy: "Say jurisdiction."
Annie Grace: "Jurisdishun"
Louie: "Say miranda rights."
Annie Grace: "Uhranna rice."
Andy: "Say freeze dirtbag!"
Annie Grace: "Free dirrbag!"
"Andrew Flynn and Louis Provenza!"
Sharon was in full Darth Raydor mode, hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed as she stood at the edge of the swimming pool, her sudden appearance startling both men who stood waist deep in the pushing a floaty-supported Annie Grace back and forth in the water as they amused themselves by having the toddler repeat multi-syllable words and phrases.
"Would someone care to explain why my precious grandbaby is shouting the word dirtbag at the top of her little lungs?"
Louie looked back and forth between his friend and former boss before pinching his nose and disappearing beneath the water.
Annie Grace patted her little hands on the water as she called out, "Where go, Lou-Lou?" as Andy shook his head and muttered, "Oh, sure. Desert me in my time of need, Provenza."
"Hi, Nana!"
Sharon gave the baby a sweet smile, "Hi, angel baby," before turning her attention back to Andy and a newly emerged Provenza. "I'm waiting, gentleman."
"It was all in good fun, babe. I promise she won't remember any of these words."
She cocked an eyebrow and gave them a doubtful look. "Yes, well, I will remind you of that promise when she calls some other kid at the park a scumbag. Now, please bring me my water baby so I can get her changed for dinner. I set the skewers by the grill when you want to start cooking."
Andy made motorboat sounds as he pushed a giggling Annie Grace to the side of the pool where her grandmother waited with her favorite ducky towel.
Gently pulling the toddler out of the floaty's seat before wrapping her up in the yellow hooded terrycloth, Sharon cooed, "Here we go, my little ducky. Let's go take a quick bath and put on your pj's with Auntie P while Lou-Lou and Gandy cook us some yummy dinner."
Climbing out of the pool, Andy tossed Louie a towel as they watched Sharon and the baby disappear into the house.
"She's like a damn ninja. I never heard her coming and how did she hear that? I swear she's got bat ears. You're married to a bat-eared ninja." Provenza muttered as he pulled his t-shirt over his head.
"I told you to keep your voice down! Voices carry across water!"
"I wasn't talking any louder than you were and they may carry across water but not through heavy wooden walls and doors!"
"Look, whatever. Just mind your p's and q's or she won't let us take Annie Grace to the ball game on Tuesday."
Louie followed Andy towards the grill. "We have to take her! I bought her a little Dodger cap and jersey! We are going, Flynn!"
"We are! I'm just saying we can't get in any more trouble."
Pulling back the foil from the cookie sheet of skewered vegetables, chicken, and shrimp, Louie continued to mutter under his breath, "Only one Dodger dog….no nachos…don't forget the sunscreen…"
Carrying in a freshly bathed Annie Grace, Sharon had a ladybug printed onesie thrown over her shoulder and a fresh diaper tucked under her arm while she carried a bottle of Noodle and Boo lotion in her free hand as she entered the family room to find Patrice chuckling at the baby monitor on the table.
"What are they talking about now?"
"You know our husbands, the great intellectuals. They are debating who they'd rather be stuck on a deserted island with, Tao or Julio." Patrice twisted the volume nob down so that the men's raised voices were no longer filling the room.
Giggling, Sharon situated herself on the couch before quickly diapering her granddaughter. "Poor Julio or Tao to be stuck with either one of them."
"Right? Sticking that baby monitor in that planter was genius."
"Well, having set next to Buzz in Electronics for years, I picked up a trick or two."
"I wish you could have heard them after you and this sweet pea went back for your bath," Patrice lowered herself next to the other side of Annie Grace. "My husband thinks you are a bat-eared ninja since you caught them playing their little word game and they're worried that you won't let them take her to the Dodger game if they get in any more trouble tonight."
Sharon snorted as she gently laid the baby on the couch in front of her for diapering. "A bat-eared ninja. That's a new one, Louie! Oh, your Gandy and Lou-Lou are so silly, aren't they, pooh bear?" she sang in a light voice as she tickled the little one's chubby tummy.
Annie Grace giggled, "Tilly Lou-Lou!"
Patrice leaned over and kissed the toddler on the forehead. "He is so silly. Here, let me help." She held her hand out for the lotion which Sharon happily handed over. "You sure you're good with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum having her all afternoon? I worry about leaving my purse with Louie when I'm in a dressing room."
Chuckling, Sharon shrugged. "I think it'll be okay. They know the rules. All three of them have to wear sunscreen and re-apply every two innings and they are limited to one Dodger dog apiece and only one bag of cotton candy for the group. No nachos because neither of them need that much sodium, and everyone drinks plenty of water, and I made sure the seats are in a fly-ball safe area, and they aren't allowed to swear or argue and no bad-mouthing the other team."
"And they happily agreed to all that?" Patrice asked as she rubbed lotion along Annie Grace's left arm and hand.
"Mmm…I wouldn't say they were happy about it. There was a bit of grumbling and sighing…"
"A bit?"
Sharon laughed, "Oh, they were big babies about the whole thing, but when they come home from the game without stomach aches and sunburned necks, I think they'll thank me."
"I admire your optimism, Sharon. I'm seeing Keisha Tuesday, so I know why I wasn't invited to the game, but why aren't you going? I know you love baseball." Patrice sat the little one up so Sharon could pull the onesie over her head.
"Ah, well, a certain ex-husband of mine has requested to meet me for lunch while he is in town this week and setting it up for while Andy and Annie Grace are otherwise occupied seemed to be a good plan."
"I see…"
"And I am sure you are wondering why he isn't seeing Annie Grace, and that is a complicated subject, but suffice to say, he assumes that she," Sharon leaned forward and kissed the top of the baby's head, "is with Emily on tour."
Patrice nodded. "Gotcha."
"And given the fact that he has seen has only seen her twice since she was born, the last time being more than six months ago, I don't feel the need to correct his assumption. She doesn't know him from Adam, and I don't want to confuse her, and you know how much she adores Andy. I don't think Jack would handle it well if he came to the house and had to witness it firsthand."
Pulling Annie Grace into her lap, Patrice cuddled her to her. "It's none of my business, and I don't know Jack, but I just have to say that I cannot understand how anyone with children as great as yours and a sweetie pie like this for a granddaughter could stay away from them like he has."
Sharon reached over and took her granddaughter's hand, kissing her pudgy fingers before admitting, "You and me both, Patrice. You and me both."
"She okay?"
Two days having passed since the trip to the zoo and dinner with the Provenza's, it was the first time since their granddaughter had started staying with them that she had woken in the night calling for her mother. Andy had volunteered to get up and within fifteen minutes he had the baby calmed down and back to sleep with little fuss.
He flipped off his bedside lamp before sliding under the covers and immediately spooning his wife's warm body. "She's good. I think she woke up because she got cold. She'd kicked her covers off and was wet so I changed her before we rocked."
"I heard you singing my song to her." She hummed a little bit of Billy Joel's "She's Got a Way" before he began softly singing in her ear, "…she lifts me up when I'm feeling down…inspires me without a sound…she touches me…I get turned around…"
"She's the only other girl you're allowed to sing that to, you know?"
"Oh, I know." He kissed her neck and pulled her closer to him.
A few quiet moments passed before Sharon softly asked, "The other day at the zoo, something was bothering you. What was it?"
Oh, nothing worth bothering you about."
"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"
Andy sighed deeply before admitting, "Leave it to me to find a way to screw up a perfect day."
"What do you mean? You didn't screw it up. It was a great day."
"No, yeah, I know, but in my head. I saw this family and the mother was struggling with her kids and the dad was just totally zoned out, you know, and I was thinking about how much I was like that guy when my kids were young. Sandra did all the parenting and I just…zoned out. I missed so much with Nic and Pete when they were as little as lovebug is. I mean, after the divorce I took them to the zoo a few times, and Disneyland, and Knott's Berry Farm, but they weren't babies anymore. Watching Annie Grace light up and squeal and clap, it's just…God, it's just magical. I love every minute we spend with her and I wouldn't trade this time for the world, but I can't help feel a little sad and angry with myself for missing those moments with my own kids."
"Oh, honey." She turned over and wrapped herself around him. "I get it, but you've worked really hard and you've made your amends. Please don't beat yourself up about it. Your relationships with both of your kids are in a pretty good place, right? Pete's met you the last three Fridays at the batting cages and Nic and her family are over here all the time. Think about now, sweetheart. Focus on the present, not the past."
He only sighed in response which prompted her to ask, "You didn't get to go to a meeting last week, did you? Isn't there a meeting at the church tomorrow at ten? You'd have time to go before the game. I can get Miss Priss dressed and ready and you'd be back in plenty of time to put on your game gear."
"Yeah, yeah. That's a good idea. Thank you." He gave her a lingering kiss before she turned over so they could slip back into their normal spooning sleeping positions.
"Should be good timing. I'm going to try to get our baby to have a restful morning so she won't be too grumpy at the game and I think Em has her lunch break at eleven so hopefully we canl Skype with her then. I don't know if it is as helpful to Emily, but Annie Grace getting to actually see and talk to her a couple of times a day is such a blessing. Three days in and tonight's the first time she's cried for her."
"Technology is an amazing thing."
"And yet Jack hasn't managed to find a spare five minutes over the last few months to check on his daughter or granddaughter."
Andy pulled her tighter to him as he felt her body tense. "I know. I don't get it, either, honey, but you can't let it get to you."
"I'm dreading tomorrow. What could he possibly want?"
"Money?"
Sharon shook her head. "He knows I'm a dry well in that respect when it comes to him."
"Maybe his luck has changed and he wants to gloat. That's usually the only time he bothers to show his face, you know, when he thinks his ship's come in."
"Mmm…and then it inevitably hits an iceberg," Sharon whispered with a sigh.
"What time are you meeting?"
"Not until 2:30 which is ridiculous. Who eats lunch at 2:30?"
He tried to soothe her with a kiss to her shoulder. "I'm sorry, babe. You know you don't have to go."
"No, I think it is better if I do. Depending on what he wants, he might show up here if I cancel and I don't want to take that chance. I'll just bite the bullet. It'll be an hour at the most and then I can look forward to spending the evening with my sweet husband and our angel baby."
"Kisses and cuddles," he whispered into her ear before giving her shoulder one last kiss. "We'll both give you lots of kisses and cuddles."
"Ah, there she is. As lovely as ever. Hello, Shar-ron."
Jack stood up from his seat, ever the gentleman as his ex-wife approached the corner of the bar and grill's patio in which they had been sat.
"Hello, Jack."
"Glad you could make it. Of course, your schedule is probably a little more flexible now that it's not all murder scenes and interrogation rooms at all hours of the day."
"Hasn't been for a few years" Settling into her seat, she took a good look at him, dismayed at what she observed. There wasn't detectable alcohol on his breath or odor of it emanating from his pores, but she was fairly certain he had been drinking recently given the dark bursts of broken blood vessels across his nose and cheeks. The sparkle in his eyes was gone, replaced by a dullness which matched his pallor. He also seemed smaller somehow, although she couldn't put her finger on exactly why. His belly was as bloated as she had seen it in the last few years, but his frame seemed to have shrunk. For some reason she couldn't get the word "diminished" out of her head.
A waiter promptly arrived to take their drink order and had taken less than five steps from the table before Sharon asked, "So, what is it, Jack? Why did you want to meet?"
"Wow. What, no small talk? Jeeze, Sharon, what happened to a little chit chat between friends?"
She had promised herself that no matter what version of Jack showed up for this lunch, she would not deviate from being anything less than civil so rather than pointing out that they were very much not friends, she simply nodded. "Fine. About what would you like to chit chat?"
He leaned back in the chair, his fingers nervously tapping on the table as he studied her. "Well, I don't know, just general stuff, I guess. Tell me about retired life. I heard a crazy rumor that you have dogs."
She had it on good authority that the man hadn't contacted either of his children in more than four months and hadn't seen his granddaughter since before her first birthday. The fact that he was asking about her dogs and not Ricky, Emily, or Annie Grace lit a fire in her belly, but she was determined not to lose her cool in a public setting so she simply affixed a small smile on her face and answered, "Life is very good, thank you, and yes, we do. Three dogs. They just turned two years old last month."
"I never thought I'd see the day that Miss Perfection got a dog, much less three! All that poop and hair and mess…"
"They don't shed and we have a nice big back yard for them to run around. They are good, sweet girls."
"Oh, well, good, good…and Mr. Flynn? Retirement treating him well?"
She nodded. "Very. He's active with the local Boy's Club and he's going to help with one of his daughter's step-son's little league team next summer."
"Ah, well, who'd have thunk it? The great lothario has become Mr. All-American family man. You really turned him around, Shar-ron."
"I can't take any credit for the man he is, I just benefit from his hard work and commitment to being the best version of himself he can be for his family and friends."
Jack clutched his chest over his heart, "Woh. Point, aim, and shoot. Both barrels."
"I'm just stating a fact, Jack. How you decide to take it is entirely up to you."
He opened his mouth to argue, but the waiter made a timely appearance with their drinks and took their orders. Watching the young man move to another table, Jack's voice was low as he leaned towards her. "I don't want to fight, sweetheart."
"Please don't call me that." Sharon's request wasn't rude, but definitely pointed.
He lifted his hand in surrender. "Fine, fine. I don't want to fight, Sharon."
"Then what do you want?" She sipped her water as she watched him sink back into his chair. "Are you looking for a loan? Bookies after you? You need someone to cosign for an apartment? Did your car get repos-?"
"I'm sick."
The words he uttered were so soft she almost missed them.
"What? What do you mean sick? What kind of sick?"
"Pancreatic cancer."
Her mouth hung open, caught completely off-guard by his news. "Jack, oh my God! Did they catch it early? What is your prognosis?"
"No. It was not caught early, and my prognosis is very much not good, my dear. Not. Good. Stage IV. They've given me three to six months. No treatment. I mean, I could do chemo, but that would probably only give me a few extra months during which I would feel like hell. I know I've spent the majority of my life drugging my body in some form or another, but I'm gonna pass on those particular poisons."
"What about surgery or radiation? Are there any drug trials? Anything besides the chemo?"
"No, no surgery or radiation. It's spread. My spleen, stomach, lymph nodes, blood vessels. It's pretty much everywhere, but it really doesn't matter. I've already decided where and when it ends."
Her concern was elevated by the ominous tone of his voice. "What do you mean?"
"Ah, well, that, my lovely Sharon O'Dwyer-Raydor-Flynn, is one of the reasons I solicited your presence here this fine afternoon. I'd like to offer you the opportunity to do something you've been dreaming of doing for years."
Her stomach flipped over as she asked, "And what might that be?"
"Watch me die."
"Go, go, go!" Annie Grace Raydor was clapping her hands, her little voice mimicking the words of her grandfather as he, Louie, and the rest of their section were on their feet following a baseline hit by Cody Bellinger that was going to result in loaded bases for the Dodgers.
"That away, boy-oh!" Louie yelled as they settled back into their seats. "Give me five, Annie-bananie!" He lifted his hand which the toddler quickly patted with her own.
"I think you're our good luck charm, lovebug. Gandy and Lou-Lou are going to bring you to the ballgame more often!" Andy kissed his granddaughter's chubby cheek and suddenly remembered he'd missed their last sunscreen application. "Nana will have my guts for garters if you come home with so much as a freckle." He pulled the baby's little blue Dodger cap off as he nudged Louie's arm. "Will you dig that sun lotion out of the baby bag?"
"Excuse, me, sir?"
Andy looked up to find a pretty blonde wearing a polo with the Dodger's emblem on the chest and a badge identifying her as "Cassie S. Media Operations" smiling down at him. "Yes?"
"Is this your granddaughter?"
He nodded, turning the little one so she was looking at the young woman instead of Louie. "Yeah, this is Annie Grace."
"Hi, sweetheart!"
Annie Grace smiled and waved her little hand, although she quickly had a bout of shyness and leaned her head against Andy's shoulder.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but one of our spotters noticed how cute she looks in her little hat and jersey. We'd like to show Annie, well, and you, too, on the jumbotron and on the tv broadcast, and the announcers will say something about how cute she is. Would that be okay?"
Andy glanced over at Provenza who gave him a shrug and said, "What's the harm?"
"Yeah, okay. Sure."
"Great!" The blonde pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and asked, "How do you spell her name?"
"Watch you die? What are you…? You know there is no way I could take part in...Jesus, Jack!"
" Calm down, calm down! I'm not asking you to shoot me or anything, Sharon. Come on. My cancer's in my abdomen, not my brain."
The waiter's arrival with their food offered them a moment to gather themselves. Waiting until the young man was out of earshot, Sharon quietly offered, "There are places you can go, Jack, where they can keep you comfortable. There's palliative care and hospice. I could talk to Father Stan. I'm sure the church…"
"I am not spending my last weeks on this earth in the company of nuns, for God's sake. I'm just asking you to be there. I'd rather not be alone when it happens."
She took a deep breath but knew there was no other answer she could given than, "Of course I'll be there if you want me there, Jack, and Ricky and Emily. We'll all visit you and I'm sure the hospice people-"
Jack pushed himself up in the chair, raising his hands in front of him as he shook his head. "No, no. I'm trying to tell you I'm not doing that. I'm not dying some emaciated skeleton in a diaper surrounded by strangers who are checking off a list of when my various organs begin to shut down."
"Jack…"
"Look, you don't have to be there if you don't want to. I can just call, or hell, I'll text you, whatever, to let you know that it's happening. It'd be enough just to have someone find me in a timely fashion and I'd like that someone to be you, if you'll agree to it."
"Find you? What are you talking about?"
He pushed his untouched club sandwich towards the middle of the table so he could rest his elbows in its place, his chin resting on his hands. "I'm going to go gently into that good night, mi amour. I've amassed a tidy collection of painkillers. I've got a mortar and pestle. A few twists of my wrist and then I mix the powder into a batch of pudding or ice cream and…voila! Say goodnight, Gracie."
Sharon's throat grew tight as she listened to him ever-so calmly spell out his plan. "Jack, please, please don't do this. There has to be another way. Please let me help you find an alternative to this…madness."
He reached out and gently cupped her cheek, "Honey, you've been helping me out my whole adult life. For once, I'm taking responsibility for it. That's what you've always wanted me to do, right?"
Although soft, there was intensity in her voice as she took his hand from her cheek and held it in both of hers. "This is not taking responsibility. This is…"
"What is it?"
"It's self-destruction."
"I'm just expediting what nature already has planned for me. Surely you don't want me to suffer, do you?"
Sharon felt a tear escape the corner of her eye as she twisted away from him, determined not to let him see her cry. "No, of course I don't."
"Look, I don't know how you couldn't hate me after everything I have or haven't done and all the times I let you down and took advantage of your goodness, because you are good Sharon. You are the best person I've ever known, and I have no right to ask, but I'm scared, even if this is on my own terms, I'm terrified and I really don't want to be alone at the end."
There was no keeping her own tears at bay watching him now openly weeping in front of her. "Just…Oh, God…Just let me think about it, okay?"
"Thank you, thank you," he pulled her hand to his lips for a kiss.
A few quiet moments passed as they wiped their eyes and noses, grateful that the waiter wasn't overly attentive and, therefore, granting them some much needed privacy.
Clearing her throat, Sharon suddenly remembered he had said there was more than one reason he wanted to meet with her. "There was something else you wanted to talk about."
He cleared his throat, shifting in his chair as he tried to regain his composure. "Oh, yeah, right. Well, Emily's baby. I'd like to see her. I'd like to spend time with her while I can, and I don't know how receptive Emily will be to that, but I thought maybe if I show up at one of her shows on this tour, she'd let me spend an afternoon with the kid. I figured you know her schedule and could maybe put in a good word with our daughter now that you know what I'm up against time-wise, and, Sharon, look, I know you're not going to like this, but I don't want to tell the kids about the cancer."
"Jack…"
"I know, I know, but hear me out. I want to see them, you know…" his tears began to flow again. "…see them one last time, but I'd like our visits to be as positive and happy as possible. I'm never going to be able to make up for all the things I missed and all the time I've wasted, but I'd like to try to make their last memories of their dad ones that involve a little laughter and some smiles, not tears and frowns."
"You have to tell them, Jack. They need to know."
The corners of his mouth turned up and she saw a brief spark in his eyes as he said, "Remember that Christmas when, I think Emily was seven and Ricky was five, and we were having a good year, a really good year. Remember?"
Unsure of where he was going, she gave a short nod.
"We were in the house on Mulberry and it was Christmas Eve and, oh hell, it had to have been like three in the morning or something insane like that and I was putting together that bike for Ricky and you were working on that huge Barbie house thing for Em, and all of sudden we heard the stairs creaking and when we turned around there they stood on the stairs staring at us with these awful looks, like we had committed the most awful betrayal."
Nodding, Sharon couldn't help but smile at the memory. "Yes, Oh God. I remember just wanting to dig a hole and climb into it, but you, smooth operator you, you jumped up and said…"
"I said, "Holy cow, you guys just missed him!" and I froze and looked up towards the ceiling and said, 'Wait, do you hear that?"
Sharon giggled, and then mimicked his voice. "I think those are the reindeers' hooves on the roof!' And then you ran to the fireplace and stuck your head in and started shouting, 'Come back! Come back, Santa! Ricky and Emily are here!' And I thought there was no way in the world they were going to buy it, but before I knew it, they were crowding in with you at the fireplace shouting 'Come back! Come back, Santa! Come Back!'
"And you, my little partner in crime, you managed to scarf down two cookies and drink half the glass of milk they'd put out for him to further our cause."
Sharon wrinkled her nose. "That milk was room temperature. Ugghhh…"
"And I told them this whole story about Santa running behind because Rudolph had a cold so his nose wasn't glowing as brightly to light the way so we had told him we would help him out and put your toys together to save him time."
Sharon sat up straight as she suddenly remembered, "But Emily asked why the elves hadn't put their toys together at the North Pole and you said the elves were striking for fairer wages and you started spouting legal mumbo jumbo which they, for some crazy reason, believed."
"And because of that ruse, we didn't have to admit the truth, and they got, what? Three? Four more years of believing?"
"They were little children then, Jack, and your Cancer isn't the same as finding out that there isn't a Santa Claus."
He sighed, leaning back into his chair, watching her for a minute. "You don't get it."
"What? What don't I get?"
"I'm the kid standing on the stair. If I tell them I'm dying and they are," he sighed, before letting the painful word slip from his lips. "…indifferent to it, it would break my heart, and deep down I know they have every right not to grieve…"
They were both in tears again as Sharon moved her chair closer to him. "Your children…our children, are not going to be indifferent to losing you, Jack. We didn't raise them…"
He reached out and took her hand, "We didn't raise them. You raised them."
"You're right. I did raise them which is why I know that neither of them is unfeeling or uncaring. They love you. God, help them, but they do and they will grieve your loss."
Jack turned away, hastily wiping his face as the waiter appeared with fresh drinks which he wisely deposited quickly in front of his obviously emotional patrons before disappearing inside the restaurant.
Nearly a minute passed where neither of them said anything until Jack plainly stated, "I'm not going to tell them, Sharon. Whether you agree or disagree, I'm not. I'm sure its selfish, but I don't want to do it. I want to take the image of my kids smiling with me when I fall asleep for the last time. Please let me have that."
She held his gaze for a moment before finally nodding. "I'm not sure if it is the right choice but I'll honor your wishes, Jack, but if something happens and you change your mind and decide to tell them, I'd like to be there when you do."
"I won't, but okay, yeah, okay. Thank you." He picked up his glass took a sip before asking, "So, what about the baby?"
"Ah, well, I don't know." While she found herself feeling sorry for his current plight, Sharon's convictions regarding Annie Grace held firm. The baby didn't know Jack from any other sixty-five year old man on the street, and it was ultimately Emily's call when it came to her daughter's interaction with her father, besides, she didn't want Jack to resent Andy and the place he held in the little girl's heart. Deciding ambiguity her best choice of response, she managed, "Emily's terribly busy on her tour, but she'll be back in LA in four weeks. Why don't you just wait until she gets back into town?"
Jack was listening to her, but something across the patio caught his attention and a sly smile filled his face as he slowly answered, "Yeah, I guess I could do that, or you could just let me spend some time with the kid this week."
"What?" His attention still on the other end of the patio, she whipped her head around to see what was so captivating and immediately understood his comment as her eyes landed on a large plasma screen on which her granddaughter, husband, and Louie Provenza were waving and smiling above a banner reading: Dodger Doll of the Day: Annie Grace Raydor.
