AN: Sorry this is a tad late guys, this week has been full of curve balls for me.

Also...sorry for my terrible characterization of Izzy, Jace and Simon. There's a reason they aren't in many of my stories...


"Izzy?" I whispered, looking around me. I wasn't sure why I was whispering, this was the middle of Central Park after all. I didn't exactly have to hide or anything.

"Simon." I heard her off to my left a little and walked until I found her sitting, knees clutched to her chest in a small hallow created by the roots of a tree.

"Iz," Before I could even sit all the way down she'd launched herself into my arms and buried her head in my shoulder. "Iz, tell me what happened. Did…did you figure something out about Alec?"

Three days ago Clary and I had been sitting on her bed reading our new mangas while Luke and Jocelyn made anniversary plans in the living-room. We were laughing over a mistake the artist had made, one of the girls had six fingers in a panel of the manga, when Luke had come in. His face was grim and his cell was clutched in his hand.

"I just got a call from the pack. Somethings happened to Alec. The details are still sketchy, but…it sounds like he's been killed." He'd told us.

Clary had paled so much I was afraid she was going to pass out, but she recovered quickly and demanded to know everything else Luke had been told. All he'd known was that a member of his pack had heard that Alec, Isabelle, Jace and Magnus had been attacked by a horde of demons near Magnus's flat and that Alec had been nowhere to be found when more shadowhunters had shown up. All the demons were gone, as was Alec, and Jace had been madly scratching runes into the ground and screaming that Alec couldn't be gone. Clary had jumped up at that and scribbled the rune for a portal on her wall, vanishing to the institute. I'd stood there with Luke, neither of us knowing what to do.

Things had been crazy ever since. It was eventually found out that Alec had most likely been sucked into the demon realm, something you apparently never came back from. I hadn't heard from Izzy until a day later when she had tumbled into my apartment, make-up smearing her face and alcohol staining her breath. I'd held her until we both fell asleep and she'd been gone in the morning, a note saying she needed to be with her family. Then earlier today she'd called, asking me to meet her in Central Park. And I'd come, without a second thought.

"Did they find something out?" I asked again, gently stroking her hair.

"No." She said shakily, "I just…I just needed to get out of the Institute. There's so many people and they're all asking the same questions over and over and over and I can't even think anymore."

"I'm sorry, Iz. You're always welcome at my place, alright?" What else could I offer? I couldn't exactly go stay with her, given that I would probably burst into flame or something the second I stepped into the institute.

"Both my brothers are gone. And it's my fault." She whispered.

"Izzy, it is not your fault that Alec or Max is gone. You did everything you could to protect both of them."

"It's still my fault for not being good enough. I should've trained harder, I should've…should've stuck closer to them," She rattled off more and more reasons after that, and I let her. I figured it was better to let her get it all out and then try and get her to refute it all herself. I didn't think it would sink in if I kept saying it wasn't her fault, but if I got her to talk herself into it it might stick better. I hoped.

—~—

I let my head thunk against the wall of the shower as I slid down, clutching my arm. Clutching my parabati rune there. It had been burning ever since Alec had vanished. Sometimes it was worse than others, like now. Now it felt like the rune had been written with demon poison. I wasn't sure if meant he was still alive though, the fact that I was feeling the pain, who knew how the connection worked when each half of the pair was in a different dimension?

"Jace? Are you okay? I hear something thunk…" Clary asked from the other side of the door to the bathroom.

"Ye-yeah." I took a steadying breath, "I just dropped the shampoo bottle."

"…Okay." I heard her soft footsteps pad away, probably to my bed or the window seat.

Clary was the only thing holding me together right now, but I didn't know how to explain what I was feeling. The parabati connection was something she didn't understand. She didn't know what it was like to feel the pain of another person that way, and there was no way to explain it to her so that she would.

Suddenly the pain flared up in my arm again, so much that I gasped and clutched it tighter. The edges had steadily been turning a bright, angry, red over the past three days. I made a point of wearing long sleeves to cover it so I wouldn't be asked another round of questions. I was sick of all the damn questions. I had lost my brother, my parabati, why couldn't they all leave me the hell alone?

—~—

I curled up tighter on my couch, trying not to notice that I wasn't lying against Alec's chest like I always did now. It was cozy there, I fit quite well. But Alec wasn't here anymore. Hadn't been for three days now. Three days, eight hours, and around twenty minutes. And it was my fault, in a myriad of ways. If I'd been paying better attention he wouldn't have had to push me out of the way, if I'd gotten up faster I could've grabbed him, if, if, if.

"To many fucking ifs." I growled, chucking a pillow at the wall that nearly hit the Chairmen on his way over the arm chair. I was met with a very undignified hiss and a fluffed tail as he darted out the door.

As soon as Alec had vanished all hell had broken loose. Jace had shouted his name and dove for the spot where he'd been in an apparent attempt to grab him even though he was already gone. Izzy had done nearly the same, but stopped herself short before she smacked into Jace. Jace had started ranting to himself after that, scratching runes into the ground that he apparently thought would help. Izzy just stood there staring at the spot. I didn't do much different. I was frozen, my hand still slightly stretched out, staring at the cracked pavement. How long it all lasted I wasn't sure, but eventually two other shadowhunters from another part of the city had shown up. Apparently they'd heard about the demons and had come to check it out. What they must've thought when they saw us, a warlock in sparkling pink pants and a blue blazer with his hand stretched to open air, a blonde angel boy scratching runes into the ground so hard his hands were bleeding from dragging against the pavement, and a girl in a skimpy black dress and leather boots, her golden whip hanging limply at her side as she silently cried. They had apparently called Maryse and Robert though, because they showed up next. When they asked what had happened, Izzy had just kept repeating "He's gone. Alec's gone." Jace and I hadn't said anything, even when asked directly. I didn't know what to say, and I think Jace was just to panicked to think straight. For once, I couldn't blame him.

After that my memory was a little vague. Somehow we'd all ended up at the Institute, and the Silent Brothers were there. They talked to me, but I couldn't remember if I'd responded. The clearest memory of those few hours was looking down at my hands, I'd picked up everything Alec had dropped earlier when he was digging out his sensor. His keys, all the little coins, even the slip of paper. It had been compulsive, but I was glad I had. Somehow those little things seemed important now. They were the last pieces I had of him now that he was gone. And I was sure he was gone. You didn't get sucked into the demon realm and live. I'd tried not to let myself think that that was what happened at first, but I wasn't very good at lying to myself about things I knew were true just because I didn't like them.

Another compulsion had struck me then. I wanted to know what was on that little piece of paper. I had set the keys and coins down in my lap, then carefully uncrumpled the little white sheet. The first thing I noticed was that it was a receipt. The second: it was a receipt for an engagement ring. An engagement ring. Alec had bought an engagement ring two days ago.

"When were you going to ask me?" I whispered, staring at a picture of him on my phone. "When?"


AN: Thanks for reading. Review please? I've had a terrible week and reviews would be awesome...