My chest hurts.
I take that back.
Everything hurts.
Slowly crawling, making my way towards the hover pad just ahead.
Clutching my chest with one hand. Supporting my weight with the other.
Right knee.
Left knee.
Readjust.
Repeat.
The air coldly stings my lungs with each inhalation.
I close my eyes and Sally's there.
She's there, and she's suddenly torn away.
Scream as I open my eyes. I'm on the hover pad, shaking and trembling in the fetal position.
My head is fuzzy. Hard to think. I hear knocking on the door.
Hyperventilating.
Reach for the buttons and turn it on. Lights flash and things beep. A voice calls out to me from behind. Tells me to freeze, or something. Push another button and hope to god something happens, and it does. The pad shoots forward and crashes into the window.
My hands clutch the sides for support as glass rains down on me. Gunshots fired.
Bullets bounce off the metal surface, sending me off track.
Close my eyes.
I see myself. As if I'm outside of my own body.
I see myself dead. Completely destroyed, and thrown to the side, like trash. Rotting. Maggots eating away at my decaying carcass. I'm laying next to a skeleton, completely decomposed. This one's been dead for much longer than I.
On my side. facing the ancient pile of bones before me.
The insects have eaten a void into my chest.
You can take that however you want. I'm done thinking.
My face pressed against the metal surface.
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
Open my eyes to sky. Early morning gray sky.
Lifting my head slightly, I can see trees coming at my at a rapid pace.
Turbulence.
The pad starts jerking and rocking sporadically.
My weight begins to shift.
Close my eyes and pray for the best.
Impact.
The hover pad is torn from underneath me.
Second impact.
I can't see anything.
But I can hear everything…
Robotnik's laughter echoes through my skull and Sally calls out to me. She cries for my help, but I'm lost in a sea of darkness. I can't see a thing, but I hear it all. Hyperventilating. My breath loud and fast. She's crying, and he's laughing harder. My head is splitting. Gunfire. Spinning. Lose balance and fall backwards. Land on my back, my head bouncing off a hard surface. Expel toxins from my nose and mouth. My eyes burn. Lids coarse and dry. Blinking is like rubbing sandpaper against the naked eye.
Manage to pull myself to my feet. The color of this place has gone from none to all. Surrounded by white, so bright it forces my eyes close agonizingly. Try to open them, but I can only squint. I see a figure in the distance, and I start stiffly walking towards it. Attempt to hail, but my voice fails me. My eyes slowly open to reveal myself walking towards me.
Only difference is, I don't look like me. I look to dead to look like me. My face is destroyed. I'm bleeding all over the place. I look to be in an extraordinarily bad condition.
Can't stand to see me like this.
I throw my hands around my neck, and attempt to put me out of my misery. I fight back, punching me in the face, and pressing my thumb against my eye, pushing down with as much force as I can muster while being strangled and wrestled to the ground. My knee meets my stomach, and I feel like throwing up. My eye caves in and so does my windpipe and I start bashing my bloody, already disfigured face into the ground again and again and again and again and TAKE THAT MOTHER FUCKER and I don't even know why I'm doing this to myself, but I know one thing and one thing for sure right now and that is that I fucking hate me, and I hate me with every fiber in my being. I've stopped moving, but no, no that isn't enough I don't want to fucking look at me anymore, so I grab a rock the size of my fist and SMASH it against my face and it CRACKS as it caves in, my own blood spattering against my face as my face flattens against the hard white surface into a red, gray and pink stained blue pile of self destruction and all I can think, the only thing that runs through my mind is HAHAHAHAHAHADIEMOTHERFUCKER!!
Light.
My eye is wide open.
How long have I been awake?
Not long.
The light reflecting off the walls around me is still too bright.
Squint.
It's hard to keep them open, but I manage.
There's a steady beeping sound coming from behind me that I'm just now noticing.
Pain slowly creeps in from the back of my head, increasing with each obnoxious beep. An overhead vent kicks on, sending a cool breeze right at my face.
Eye wide open. Drying out. Itchy, irritated ball rolling around in dry sockets. Examine my surroundings.
I'm in my hut.
The right half of my face is covered. Some sort of bandage.
Every muscle, every bone aches. Trying to sit up is agony.
Fall back.
Hyperventilating.
Close my eye.
Hold my breath.
Try again.
This time, it's successful.
Breathing loudly and somewhat obnoxiously, I look for the source of the sound.
The alarm clock. It's eight in the morning. Turn it off and cradle my head.
For the first time in many years, I don't know what the fuck to do.
Staring at myself in the mirror.
Not sure how I could explain the feelings here.
I feel like a toy that's been broken, and poorly patched up and fixed. Now I'm fragile. Feels like I could break at any minute. I don't know.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
Haven't removed the bandages yet, to see the damage. Especially the facial one. Haven't even touched it. I'm not near brave enough for that.
I need to sit down.
A knock on the door.
Without response, it opens.
"SONIC!"
As soon as Tails sees me sitting on the edge of my bed, he rushes over and gives me the most painful hug I've ever experienced in my entire life.
"Hey" I respond weakly.
"I'm so glad you're okay!" He sniffles and squeezes me a bit tighter. He has no idea the kind of suffering he's putting me through.
His voice sounds like he's on the verge of crying.
"How long have I been out?"
He lets go.
"Two days" he says, wiping his eyes.
Two days? No shit?
"Where is everyone?"
His smile fades. His tone dies down a bit.
"Bunnie is with Antoine. He's real sick."
"And everyone else?"
"Sally and Rotor were never found. Everyone else abandoned Knothole yesterday. In search of a new colony."
"Oh… I see."
"Are you okay?"
"No. No, I don't think so."
Tails shoots me a worried glance and hugs me again. Cringe, and try my best to hug him back.
Knock on the door, and there's no answer.
"Hello?"
Press my ear against the door to hear a faint sobbing through the barrier. The crying gets louder. Knock again. The crying turns into hysteric screaming.
"Bunnie?"
I found her with his dead body in her arms.
His dead body covered in blisters.
Covered in blood.
I found her kissing his lifeless body.
Her mouth dripping with blood.
His blood.
We buried him in the morning.
We held a ceremony in honor of everyone who died.
I'd just as soon not talk about it.
I can feel myself slipping already.
A knock on my door.
The door opens revealing Bunnie, and here I was expecting Tails.
"We have to talk."
"What is it?"
"It's Tails. You'd better come see him."
"Sonic?"
"Yeah?"
He coughs loudly into his blanket. Wipes his mouth with his fur.
"Am I going to die?"
His eyes, welling with tears. What do you say to that?
"No. Not anytime soon, little guy."
"You're lying."
His lip starts quivering. He's too smart for his own good.
"If you're so sure, why would you even ask?"
"I guess I wanted to hear you lie to me."
Make eye contact through blurred vision.
"Get some sleep, kiddo. Everything's going to be okay."
"You want to what?!"
"Keep your voice down."
"What in god's name are you saying?"
"Look at it, Bunnie. Do you want him suffering through what Antoine had to suffer through? He's a child for god's sake!"
"But we can't just kill him! Who are we to play god?"
"God's already played his part in this, Bunnie. I just want to end his pain."
And she stares at my for the longest time, not saying a word.
The light switch clicks and the room is lit.
He reacts immediately, rubbing his eyes and sitting up.
My hands hide behind my back.
"Hey Sonic. Hey aunt Bunnie. What are you doing in here?"
"Hey darlin'"
"We came here because" pause "we have a cure."
"A cure?"
"Yeah. But it's a needle and I didn't want to alarm you. If I give you this shot, you're going to be okay. Do you trust me?"
He stares at me blankly. I don't know what to make of it. My heart is pounding and I'm trying my hardest not to cry. I can't cry.
"Yes" he says with no emotion after moments of silence. "Of course I do."
"H-hold out your arm."
My trembling hand lifts the syringe up to my face as I uncap and test the needle by squirting out some of the clear fluid. He holds out his arm and Bunnie turns away.
"I love you, Tails"
"I love you too, Aunt Bunnie"
Pinch the skin on his arm, and stick the needle in.
Push down on the plunger.
Release.
"It burns"
"It'll all be over in a sec, champ. Just hold in there. Everything's going to be fine."
He lazily looks up at me before his eyes roll into the back of his head and his lids slowly shut. He doesn't say a word.
He just sighs. It's as if the life inside of him was taken away with his breath.
Drop the needle and clutch my chest. We stand in silence for a few moments.
"Let's get out of here"
"I've lost everyone"
She sighs.
"You still have me"
Wrapping my arms around her quivering form, pulling her into a tight embrace. Her soaked face rests on my shoulder, stifling her crying. Her arms slowly snake their way around my back and she squeezes me gently. I don't know what to say. Don't know how to react. I just hold her.
"I'm so sorry" she says. "For everything"
"Don't be."
"I loved him, you know?" Her words broken by sobs and hiccoughs. "I still do"
"I know"
"He didn't care that I couldn't have sex with him. He didn't care about that."
I don't know what to say. At a loss for words. She lifts her head up and sniffles. My shoulder damp with tears, spit and snot.
"He cared about me. No one's ever really cared about me that way, you know? I couldn't even fucking understand him half the time and for some reason he still cared. And Tails. He was so young. Oh, my stars."
Reach out. Use my glove to wipe her face clean. She sniffles again and casts her gaze downward. The index and middle finger on my clean hand hooks her chin, and directs her gaze back at me. We make eye contact. Her eyes sparkling blue with tears. Shimmering in the faint candlelight.
Lean forward and plant my lips onto hers. She pulls back, surprised. She eyes me hesitantly. I feel like a fool.
"I'm sorry. I'd better go."
Get up to leave. Her hand catches my own.
"Stay"
Trying to sleep next to someone who's comprised of seventy percent metal is absolutely impossible and more uncomfortable than you could possibly imagine. Especially when she wants to cuddle. You have no idea what this is like, and I don't have the means to explain it. I'm running on almost no sleep whatsoever. Every time you find yourself drifting off, she fidgets and spasms. A metallic elbow to the chest is all it takes to force you to snap back into grim, uncomfortable reality.
I would go as far as to call it a crucible. A test of my faith.
My throat is coarse. I begin hacking and coughing intensely. Cover my mouth with my gloved hands. After a few minutes, it subsides.
Remove my hands to suck in unfiltered air that stings my throat and lungs.
The white palms of my gloves are covered in… blood.
Oh god. Oh god, no.
Oh fuck
"Oh god" she whines through her real hand. Her eyes tearing up. Her metal fist clenched. She's trembling all over. "Not you, too."
I don't say a word. Only stare.
Only wonder why she hasn't gotten it yet.
"I can't handle this. I have to leave."
She turns to leave, and time stops. A mental image of her kissing Antoine's bloody mouth over and over again, while hysterically crying through red smeared lips. And those same lips, cleaned and coated in lipstick, she kisses Tails at the funeral. Those same lipstick coated lips meeting mine as we embrace.
My fists tighten.
"You"
She stops and turns around.
"What?"
"Come here."
"I can't. I'm sorry."
The door opens and shuts behind her and I am left alone here, sitting in this desolate, empty place. The sounds of her metallic footsteps thudding away. With little effort, I snatch the pocket knife off the nightstand and leap to my feet. Make my way towards the door while wedging my thumb underneath the peg, slightly lifting the blade up and out of the handle. Flick my wrist and the blade flies out and clicks into place. Fully extended. My hand reaches for the doorknob and opens it hard, the knob slamming against the wall, creating a perfectly round hole in the wall behind the open door. Walk through the doorway, and leave the door open. I see her off in the distance, slowly skulking away. No. Not this time. Gripping the handle so hard that the belt clip is cutting into my hand, I march towards her. Getting closer and closer and closer and she doesn't even notice me until it's too late, just enough to get out my name before I pounce on her fleshy torso, baring the knife against her face. She starts shrieking madly as the blade slices its way down her cheek and into her neck one, two, three, four, five, six, seven times. A gory spray splashes me in the face as I saw the small pocket knife against her rough, snapping and cracking cartilage. She's stopped crying, and my voice replaces her. I'm screaming and screaming and screaming as my voice box tears and I start coughing and hacking up blood all over my hands and her face and it's getting hard to think I can't think my head really hurts it feels like it's splitting. Before I know it, her head is no longer connected to her body. I pick it up and cradle it, being unable to prevent myself from weeping. I cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry like a little fucking girl because I have nothing left there's nothing left for me I might as well have never been born I'm completely fucking useless and I'm dying I'm dying and I FUCKING DESERVE IT I deserve every moment of suffering I endure from here on out because I'm a worthless piece of shit and I hate hate hate hate hate hate myself I don't want to exist anymore.
"I want you to know that I'm really sorry about that."
Sorry about what?
"Oh, you know. Beheading you and all."
Oh, please, sugar. I didn't need that old body anyway. Ya'll did what ya'll had to. Ya'll give me a kiss now, okay?
Grab her by the ears and bring her up to eye level. Lick my lips.
"I knew you would understand."
Cradled in my arm, I pat her with my right hand and tell her it will be okay. I just have to set you down in the grass, okay? I'll be back in a minute. Ya'll hurry back, okay? I'll miss you. I promise her I will and I set her down on the blanket I set out for her by the ring pool. I grab the bag and open it, searching for the materials I set aside. Find the book of matches and the bottle of kerosene. Leave the rest of the supplies and seal the bag. Make my way back towards Knothole. Once inside the limits, I make my way through to the other side and start with Sally's hut. I'll work my way back towards Bunnie and exit stage left. Then we can go off and start our life together and forget all this nonsense and everything will be perfect, you'll see. Everything will be perfect.
Perfect.
The blazing fire glows brightly, lighting up the evening. Heat bouncing off my back as I make my way back over to my precious love and kneel. Pick her up and hold her in my arms, pressing her face against my chest. What are you doing? We have to move on, I tell her. We have to start over. Why did you set Knothole on fire? I had to, baby. Some things are better forgotten, you know? But I don't want to forget them. I know. Me neither. But it's best to forget what happened to them. What happened to them? I… can't remember. The place seems to be burning down though, so we had better get out of here. The fire is pretty. Isn't it? I pick up the bag and throw it over my shoulder. A violent cough and liquid runs down my chin. The back of my glove wipes away blood. Wipe it on my shirt. Are ya'll okay? I'm fine. Let's go.
Set up the metal cot on the forest floor and set Bunnie on the end of it. This looks like a good place to set up camp. Place the bag underneath the cot and sit down at the edge of it. Fish the air freshener out of the bag, and spray down Bunnie. She's starting to stink. Set the spray down and pull out the shabby sheet I brought along. I should have grabbed a pillow, but it didn't come to mind. Can we start a fire? I don't have the materials, I tell her. Because you wasted them on Knothole. I don't want to talk about it. You can't just shut me out, Sonic. I don't want to, but you're leaving me no choice. This is your fault, Sonic. Why are you turning on me? All your fault. You did it. Shut up. You! It was you! SHUT UP! You killed Sally! You couldn't even save the one you loved! STOP! Then you come running to me because you have no one left, you come to me for comfort because you're fucking pathetic and you can't hack it on your own! SHUT THE FUCK UP! You're fucking pathetic! You're a coward! A traitor! SHUT UP! SHUT UPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!I pick Bunnie up and I slam her head into the bar over and over again while screaming at her, telling her to stop and her voice rises above my own, Robotnik laughing at me in the distance. Sally screaming. I throw the broken head as far as I can and I'm crying again as I dig into her brain and stuff handfuls of it into my mouth, chewing down on raw brain matter, crunching particles of skull and stringy strands of hair and I'm coughing again, coughing my own blood out and I'm crying, I'm crying so hard and I just want to sleep somebody kill me
night; cold.
day; cool.
me; tired.
packed up kinda
put whats left of bunnie in my bag
picked up the cot.
moving on
found a shack
metal
use for shelter
use for sleep
tired.
so tired.
lightning strikes, flashing through my window and sally is here and ive been waiting for her this whole time and im so glad shes finally here im so excited and i cant seem to find the words and she just gestures for me to follow her so i get up, and its hard but i manage to get up so i can follow her and she phases through the door and i have to stumble over and open it. the lightning strikes and there she is, off in the distance in a white dress, and its dark again and i cant see her anymore. thunder sounds almost immediately. run out into the rain, straight forward in her general direction and the lightning strikes and there she is without a face and my heart is racing and the rain is pelting down upon me, causing my fur to mat together and fall out and my skin starts to melt off with it. my insides fall to the dirt. try to catch them, and they all slip through my bone fingers and splatter in the dirt. stained immediately. fall to my knees before me. face-plant into the pile and
