Chapter 3 - Looking at Butts

Mood lighting, soft music, everybody dressed up and happy to relax. Decorations, buffet with cake, McCoy standing behind the bar. Since the objects of the celebration were ten unseen babies far away on a different planet, nobody had to be the centre of attention. Lily-Lee walked up to the bar and jumped up to sit on it.

"Lovely evening, doc. You're busy already."

"I sure am, this is everybody's first stop. What can I get you?"

"I'm thinking about celebrations back home. Can you make me a drink that tastes like berries that have gone bad? Gone so bad that they're very, very good?"

"Anything for you, little lady. How about cranberry juice, vodka and a large dollop of mashed plums. Mix in a small glass, enthraxic citrus peel on the edge, best eaten with a spoon. Try it!"

The room was crowded with people standing and sitting. Captain Kirk was sitting in a low armchair with the hairy little creature on the wide armrest.

"I'm not saying that clothes are a bad idea. I love all new ideas! I'm just saying that it stops you humans from honing your talent for recognition. I read in an article that an earth chimpanzee can recognise any member of the flock by just the butt."

"What, don't you think I could do that?"

"I don't think you could even tell the female officers butts apart."

"Of course I could."

"No, you couldn't."

"Are you questioning my qualifications as a captain? I say I can!"

"Bet you can't."

"Bet I can!"

Chekov had been listening to this highly interesting debate, and came to the natural conclusion that it was time to share it with the rest of the room. He stood up and shouted at the top of his voice.

"WE HAVE A WAGER!"

Everybody was cheerfully cooperative. All preparations ran as smoothly as if they had been a part of basic training. The retractable divider wall in the next room closed both down from the ceiling and up from the floor, so it was a simple matter to press the stop-button at the right moment to leave a wide slit in the middle. More than ten ladies volunteered, and the light was changed to green to obscure any skin tone differences. Because yes – of course the butts were nude. It hadn't been a part of the wager, but somehow everybody just assumed they should be.

Spock was on the bridge. He noticed that nothing required attention at the moment and decided to fulfil his promise to the captain as soon as possible. To delay it meant to risk having to break a promise if he were to be too busy to leave the bridge later. When he came down to the rec room, it was empty except for McCoy, who was attempting something complicated involving open fire at the bar.

"Good to see you, Spock! Do you want to try some of this? Of course you will not, you're on duty, but I thought I'd ask anyway."

"Good evening, doctor. The decorations look very festive, especially the aquarium over on the buffet table. Where are the guests?"

"In the next room, settling a wager."

"Why are you not attending?"

"I've seen it all before. But you go ahead."

The next room was filled with green light and laughter. Lily-Lee was chiding captain Kirk.

"That's only a 60% score, captain. Told you so!"

"Spock! Your sense of timing is impeccable as always. Help me out here!"

"Help you in what way, captain?"

"Tell me who these butts belong to."

"Certainly. From left to right; Yeoman Teresa Ross, Lieutenant Angela Martine, Yeoman Tonia Barrows, Lieutenant Carolyn Palamas, Ensign Jana Haines, Yeoman Mears, Lieutenant Palmer, Lieutenant Rahda, Doctor Ann Mulhall, Lieutenant Areel Shaw, and Yeoman Doris Atkins.

"And we have a WINNER! Lily-Lee blew paper serpentine ringlets over Spock and the onlookers applauded and cheered.

"What was the purpose of this highly unusual contest?"

"To see who could recognise butts as well as a chimpanzee can. And you won!"

"I see. If you'll excuse me, I will now return to the bridge."

The crowd returned to the rec room, Lily-Lee being carried on Kirks shoulders as the reward for winning the bet. She had to duck as they passed through the doors.

"I won, I won, I told you you couldn't. Put me down on the bar so I can have another plum sludge."

"A plum sludge for the lady and a gin and tonic for me, Bones." Kirk smoothed down his hair and accepted McCoy's own invention instead of a G&T. "Well, I don't think you would have done better."

"Maybe not, but I'm new here."

"I don't think the other women could do it either."

"I bet they could."

"I bet they can't!"

"WE HAVE ANOTHER WAGER!"

"Jesus, Chekov, you'll make me spill my drink."