A huge 'thank you' to all of you who reviewed this story! I am really glad you like it so much.
And special thanks to settees-under-siege who told me to just follow my instincts with this chapter, which is just what I did. That advice was a great help!
To all of you in the US: Happy Downton Day!
Kat
Robert
He regrets what he said to his mother before he has closed the door to the library, he very briefly considers turning back and apologizing for it, but just like him, his mother is not very good at talking about such things and he is sure that she knows that he is sorry. It is a family trait that he shares with his mother, sister and eldest daughter. They can all hurt each other very much, but they always know that things are not meant the way they are said. Maybe Cora did not really mean what she said, although if that was the case, he'd expect an apology from her. She is his wife, the one person in the world who is closer to him than anyone else and she had no right to hurt him the way she did over the past few weeks, but especially not to hurt him as much as she did over the course of the past few days.
When he enters his room, he hears the noise coming from his wife's room. He can hear her talk and give instructions to her lady's maid about what to pack. It seems as if she was packing everything. But that is what he wants, he wants to let her go because he is sure that she doesn't love him anymore. He is not sure whether he still loves her.
Once her lady's maid has left, he knocks on her door and when he sees her stone cold face, her emotionless eyes looking back at him, he knows that he doesn't love his wife anymore. Or maybe he still loves the woman she once was but not the woman she is now.
"What do you want?" she barks at him and he has a good mind to shut the door in her face but he decided on one last act of kindness, because while he regrets what he said to his mother, he also believes that there was some truth in it.
"I wanted to tell you that I am letting you go. I won't fight a divorce if you want to get one. I won't let you end up penniless. And I'll tell the girls and Tom to visit you in New York. And to bring their children along. But that is all."
She looks at him and he thinks that there is a glimmer of sadness in her eyes, but only for a second.
"Well, thank you for that. I'll probably ask my brother's lawyer to deal with the divorce proceedings."
Although that is what he expected, it still feels as if a knife had been stabbed into his heart and turned around several times. There is nothing he can say, so he only nods and turns around and once he has shut the door behind, he slides down to the ground and remains sitting on the floor for hours, staring into space without seeing or thinking anything.
Cora
She keeps staring at the door without seeing anything. She had hoped that Robert would try to stop her. By telling her that he still loved her, by telling her that he would pay more attention to her. She would have stayed. She would have fallen into his arms and stayed. She even would have stayed had he yelled at her for being unfair, for her behavior being unacceptable. He even might have had a point, maybe it would have been better to tell him about the invitation to New York in private, where he might have reacted differently.
But this she cannot bear. His easy manner of telling her that he wouldn't mind a divorce showed her that the reason he did not pay any attention to her, that he disregarded her was that he did not love her anymore. And she is almost sure that she does not love him anymore either. Or maybe she still loves the man he once was but not the man that he is now.
So she really leaves the next day and she meets Simon Bricker at a hotel in London. He greets her by kissing her on the cheek, in almost the same manner that Robert used to do until a few weeks ago and it sends a shiver down her spine.
"Cora," he says and it makes her feel slightly uncomfortable. But if she wants this to work, if she wants to rid herself of Robert, then she has to let this happen.
"Yes," she says and smiles. He smiles back at her, a genuine smile that shows how happy he is to see her and it seems to make it all so much easier.
"I am glad you came." She only nods, she can't say anything, although she begins to think that she is glad too. "Let me take you out tonight," he says and because she hasn't heard those words in months, she says "That would be very nice."
She gets changed, but when Baxter suggests a dark red dress, she asks for a different one. The dark red dress is Robert's favorite and she does not want to wear it for Mr. Bricker. It doesn't make any sense to her, but Baxter only says "very well my lady," in any case. She never asks any questions and right now that is exactly what she needs. Baxter has already told her that she will stay in New York with her only for a short while and then return to England, but she did not comment on it. She supposes her lady's maid hopes that she will return to England as well, but she doubts that she ever will very much.
Simon Bricker pays her more attention that night than Robert did in the last two months put together. He lets her lead their conversation, he compliments her, he lets her chose where they go, what they do and when they return to the hotel. He suggests taking her dancing but she refuses. She would like to go dancing of course, but she'd bring quite a scandal down on the family if she was seen going dancing with anyone but Robert and it is less than a week until they will be on their way to New York, where those things won't matter anymore. He nods in understanding when she explains this to him and says "Of course you don't want to subject your daughters to a scandal. And I admire you for it."
She very briefly thinks that he probably would only admire her half as much if he knew that she wants to protect Robert from the scandal just as much as their daughters, but she doesn't mention this as she doesn't really understand this feeling herself.
When they are back at the hotel, Simon accompanies her to her room and when they are at the door, he tries to kiss her.
"No," she says. "We could be seen."
"Then let me come into your room. No one would know. Our rooms have connecting doors, I'll come to you in a moment."
"No," she says again. "I'm sorry, but no." She is sure he does not only want to kiss her and she isn't ready for him to kiss her, much less for doing the other things that are clearly on his mind.
He nods and walks towards his room. On a whim she very swiftly walks to the door connecting their rooms and locks it. She is not sure whether he heard the lock click, but she is inexplicably afraid of him not granting her the wish of being left alone.
Simon doesn't mention the locked door the next day, so she supposes that he either didn't try to open the door or accepted her locking it. He shows her around another museum and compliments her on everything she says. He smiles at her continuously and tells her how beautiful she is. She hasn't felt this appreciated in months.
The spend the next three days in much the same fashion and on the evening before they are to leave for Liverpool where they will spend one night and then go on the ship to New York, she is sure about having made the right decision.
That night, before Simon and she go out, Rosamund is suddenly in front of her door and demands entrance. She lets her in because she still does not want to engulf the family in scandal and patiently listens to her sister-in-law talking about not giving up and giving Robert some credit but at the end of Rosamund's rather long speech, all she has to say is "I've made my decision and I will not reverse it. I've played the role of the Countess of Grantham and the loving wife long enough."
Rosamund looks at her as if she couldn't believe what she heard and then says "But you never played a role. You are the Countess of Grantham and you certainly are a loving wife. You can't tell me that you don't love Robert anymore. I refuse to believe it."
She asked Rosamund to leave after that and her sister-in-law did just that but not without mumbling "you are making the biggest mistake of your life right now".
The next day, when she and Simon are in the taxi that takes them to the train station from where they will go to Liverpool, they drive past Grantham House and it gives her a slight a pang that she knows that she will never enter it again. Robert and she spent so many happy days there. But that time is in the past. If it had been Robert instead of Rosamund at her door last night, she might have changed her mind, but Robert didn't even try to contact her. She is sure he is glad to be rid of her, to finally be free of that marriage of convenience.
When they get to Liverpool, Simon again asks her if he could share her room at night and she again refuses. She just isn't ready for another man to share her bed, not yet. "Maybe on the ship," she says and when she sees his crestfallen face she adds "but definitely in New York".
