A/N: Hello everyone! I just wanted to give a head's up that there is a rape scene in this part of the story and more self-loathing. But aside from those two awful awful things, please try and enjoy.
You wake up terrified, your nightmare seeming too real. You wince at the pain in your arm and look down to see the blood soaked bandage covering the length of your forearm. You roll over putting your arm out to wrap it around your lovers body but the other side of the bed is empty; cold. You now know why your heart was breaking and why your dream felt so real; it was. How could you be so dumb to think Regina would come back for you? Nobody ever stayed in your life, you should have known Regina wouldn't be any different. You start pounding your fist on your exposed thigh saying, "Stupid" with every whack. You curl up into yourself and start crying uncontrollably, holding your chest, trying to prevent the pieces of your shattered heart from scattering too far.
You're standing in the kitchen, just about to put coffee on when you hear three quick thuds followed by sobbing. You quickly run to the bedroom, where you find Emma curled into the tiniest ball possible in the middle of the bed sobbing uncontrollably. You run to the bed and throw your arms around your distraught lover and panic stricken say, "Baby what's wrong?"
Emma starts crying harder and tries pounding her fists on her head. Between sobs she chokes out, "Stop...this...isn't...real. She...left...you!"
You grab Emma's wrists before she can make contact with her head and roll her over, so that you're facing her. "Emma, baby, look at me."
You struggle between dreamland and reality. If you open your eyes it will only lead to more heartache because you know, deep down, Regina has left. The bed was empty when you woke up. You calm yourself down a little and take a couple more deep breaths before giving into the temptation. When you open your eyes, the most beautiful set of caramel eyes are staring back at you, worry and fear showing through them easily.
"Baby what's wrong? Why were you crying? And did I hear you hitting something?" Regina asks.
Realizing you weren't dreaming after all; you scramble up into tender arms-almost knocking both of you off of the bed-out of desperation to touch her, feel her. You hold onto her for dear life, grasping onto anything you can hold, Regina's thin tank top being the recipient of your clawing fingers. She takes your face in her hands and lifts your head up so she can look into your glassy emerald green eyes. Regina lifts her eyebrows, silently questioning you.
"I-I thought you, you left again," You rush out. "I woke up and you weren't here and I thought you coming back was just a dream. And my heart broke all over again and..." you look shamefully down at your legs, which already display three large welts from the pounding a few minutes earlier.
You look into your lover's eyes with as much love and reassurance as you can muster. "Emma Swan, I told you I'm not going to leave you. Not now. Not in the middle of the night. Not ever."
You look into the hazel eyes staring back at you and see she isn't lying. She isn't just trying to comfort you, she actually means it.
"I wanted to start the coffee and I was going to attempt to surprise you with breakfast in bed, but I can see my plan for romance failed," Regina says.
"I-I'm sorry," You sputter softly.
"Don't be sorry baby. I shouldn't have left you in bed alone. Especially after the emotional day yesterday. Forgive me?" she pleads with puppy dog eyes while pushing stray blonde hairs behind your ear.
"Always," you promise. You lace your fingers through the brunette's hair and pull her into a slow, deep passionate kiss.
You wrap your arms around the blonde's slim waist and pull her in closer to savor the kiss. You break away for a moment as you tenderly kiss a pale forehead. You tap the blonde on the end of her nose and grab her hand pulling her up out of bed, "Come on, let's get to that breakfast I was planning."
"Hold on," you say looking down at your arm, "I have to take care of this first."
"I'll help you," Regina offers tenderly.
She leads you to the bathroom and you repeat the process you had performed the day before, except this time it wasn't silent.
"How old were you?"
"How old was I when what?" You ask, concern pulling at the corners of your mouth.
"When you first...cut," Regina questions timidly.
You have never gone into detail about your old ways but you had told Regina you had problems. You don't like talking about it, like anybody else with the same problem. Talking about it leads to shame and regret and self-loathing, you don't want to feel any of those things, but you also know you'd have to tell Regina eventually. You look into her eyes; there is no judgment in them anywhere, just compassion. You nod your head and take a deep breath, holding Regina's hands in your own for comfort and support, you start your story.
"I was fourteen. I had just moved into a new foster home and started at a new high school. I had no friends and nobody I could talk to, about anything. My foster mom and siblings called me Casper. I was flat-chested and awkward looking. Puberty hadn't hit yet and I felt every bit alone and lost as I looked.
I had tried out for the school basketball team; I was fast and somewhat coordinated so I thought I'd give it a try. After my tryout, I was changing in the locker room and I had heard the other girls saying how I'd be lucky if the coach let me be the towel girl. I held in my tears until I got home and was safely locked in the bathroom. There was a pounding at the door and I heard, "Hurry up Casper!" I told my foster brother to give me a minute and he pounded on the door even harder. I opened the door and looked him in the eye and said, "I said wait!" When I tried to close the door in his face, he slammed his hand on it and forced his way in, locking the door behind him. I had tried to reach around him for the handle but he was bigger, stronger, and older than I was. I wasn't winning this fight.-"
You take a deep breath before going on and Regina grabs your hand that had slipped away somehow and says, "You don't have to finish if you don't want to." You look at her with tears in your eyes and say "I've never told anyone this story before and I can't... I can't hold it in anymore." You look at a teary eyed Regina and nod your head before continuing, confirming your lover's unspoken fear of what was coming next.
"-Ronnie stood between me and the door and looked me up and down. He took one step towards me and I took one step back, feeling the tub at my heels. Quick as lightning Ronnie grabbed me by my hair and shoved my face against the wall. I tried pushing back but I didn't move him an inch. He kicked my feet open and I started screaming and trying to beg my way out of the impending situation. Ronnie grabbed a washcloth from the towel rack and shoved it in my mouth. He leaned in close and whispered in my ear, "This will end a lot quicker if you quit fighting." He reached around to the front of my jeans and undid the button and pulled the jeans down to my knees. He undid his own pants and thrust himself inside of me. (Silent tears running down her cheeks as he kept thrusting, harder and harder.) I was sure I would have bruises somewhere when this was all done.
Ronnie finally finished with one last grunt and leaned in close to whisper, "See? I told you it would be quick if you didn't fight. That wasn't so bad now, was it?" He walked to the door and turned around, I was still frozen against the wall. "Now clean yourself up you filthy whore." He unlocked the door and walked out. I lunged at the handle and locked it. I quickly regretted the fast movement but was thankful I was alone with the door locked again. I, slowly, walked to the bathtub and turned the hot water on, only the hot water. I let the tub fill up and slowly lowered myself in. It burned every inch of my skin but I didn't care, as long as I felt anything but the pain inside my core. I grabbed the razor that was sitting on the soap dish and started dismantling it. I finally got one of the blades loose and threw the broken device in the trash can. I looked at the little piece of metal in my hand and started crying again. I lifted my left arm out of the water and brought the razor up to my pale skin. I pushed down until I saw a little drop of blood and slowly dragged the tip of the razor across my arm, until a thin red line appeared. Through gritted teeth I did it again and twice more after that. My arm was now a solid shade of red and I dipped it into the hot water to wash the blood away. I cleaned the rest of myself off and submerged myself, hoping the tears would stop. I lifted my head back up, got out of the tub and dried off. I wrapped my arm with gauze my foster mom kept around for emergencies, got dressed and went to my room. I silently packed a bag and snuck out in the middle of the night while everybody was sleeping. I made my way to a bus stop and cried for the things I'd lost that night. Not only would I be scarred for life from Ronnie and the fresh cuts on my arm but he had taken something much more special to me than clear, unscarred skin; he had taken my virginity too."
You look up to see tears flowing freely from the hazel eyes you love so much.
You brush the tears away and wrap your arms around Emma.
"I am so sorry, Emma. I had no idea." You didn't know what else to say. What else could you say in a moment like this?
