Sorry about this chapter being almost nothing but Witt yammering at Zoro while Luffy is offscreen doing things.
"So, you see that big brother didn't do anything wrong to begin with! It was all that awful Helmeppo!" Rika explained.
My mind was on other matters. "Who the hell names their kid 'Helmeppo'? I mean seriously, who looks at that name and says to themselves, 'Yeah, I'll saddle my kid with that for their life.' I mean, wow, great parenting. Way to show that you give a fuck."
"So maybe Zoro isn't so bad a guy after all." Coby mumbled.
I looked at him sideways. "You know, one day you are going to suddenly become friends with someone who tried to kill you not a year before. And this whole warming up to the idea of someone who you don't know or trust thing is going to seem so slow and awkward in retrospect."
Coby at least had the decency to blush in embarrassment.
"Hey, who dares raise their head? I'll have my father execute you just like that Roronoa Zoro three days from now."
Oh great. It's Captain Morgan's douchebag kid. How old even is this asshole, this freshman of everything? I'm not really sure that I care.
I'm actually sorely tempted to snap his neck right now. This asshole has pushed all of my buttons today and, since I'm still a little miffed about us having to give up our cute little navigator, he had really only need push one to get me to this point of homicidal rage. Thankfully for our approval rating in this town and my continued good health, I'm not fast enough to even stand up in the time it took to think that, let alone fast enough to have done the dead at that speed.
"Three days? I thought you gave him thirty." Luffy asked.
Helmeppo made a face that I hoped would stick for the rest of his life. "I was only joking! Only an idiot would believe something like that!"
"So only an idiot would take scum like you at your word?" I mutter dangerously. I know that this kid gets some character development along the way, but somebody needs to punch the shit out of him right now and I wouldn't mind volunteering. Oh, who even cares, I'm taking my swing now.
Me and Luffy both manage to swing at the same moment, getting both sides of Helmchumpo's ugly face in a perfectly synchronized blow. I imagine that we're both wearing the same murderous expression too. The scumbag is on the ground, saying something that I suppose would piss me off if I could actually hear it, but all I'm hearing right now is a rush of blood in my ears and some far-off drumbeat that I suppose is my heart.
"Witt."
Luffy's voice cuts through the noise and I realize how quiet the street has become.
"We're gonna go get Zoro now. Whether he joins or not."
I smile for the first time in what seems like hours, but this is one that I wouldn't call 'happy' unless I'm happy to cause some suffering. "Hai, captain!"
I don't even notice that Helmshleppo is giving us death threats. Like he has any clout in this town besides what he borrowed from his father.
Coby, like most of the time, is losing his shit. "We are so fucked! If the lieutenant sends all the Marines down here, we're gonna die! We're gonna be executed!"
I point out the only flaw in his logic. "We are. You're good. Your only sin is association, and we'll deal with that before we leave."
"We'll deal with it when it happens. But first, gotta save Zoro." I'm getting to understand why Luffy's always the captain. Sure, he's not a genius and yeah, he's a total goof, but he has the vision and the will, and between the two of those, we have the way. And God forbid that you get in his way when there is something or, more often it seems, someone he wants to protect.
"You guys again? Where's the pinkette?"
"Since shit's about to go down, we advised that he stay back, but he'll probably show up in time to be a hostage." I admit, even as I'm tugging on Zoro's bindings, trying to puzzle them out before the Marines arrive. I'm shit at tying knots, but I'm great at picking them apart. The only question here is how much time I'll have to get him loose.
"Get me my swords and you woudn't have to worry about fucking around with this mess." Zoro growls. I'm a little happy that he's ready and able to struggle, cause that means that while he's down for the moment, he certainly isn't out.
"Captain's gonna have to deal with it. Douchebag Jr. has them in his room, right?" I remember seeing his pansy ass room, with the cutesy door sign declaring something silly, like his sexuality or something.
"Probably." He's flexing harder now, which helps me out by finding some slack. I wish I had brought a good penknife or something useful. I'll look into it in the future, I think.
"Captain! Look out for a pink room with flowers, kitten farts, and pastel shit on one of the upper floors! There are three swords; two burners and one quality blade. Grab 'em all!" I yell to Luffy, who's gearing up to Rocket himself up to the roof.
Zoro is watching me from under his bandana. "'Captain'? …You guys are pirates. The kind of people I hunt. Why are you helping me?"
"Well, personally, I was raised to take honor and the worth of one's word as being the be-all and end-all, so the way that that punk was bragging about backstabbing you on this bet pisses me off to no end. Also, you are like the epitome of what I was taught was the best in the world; honor, swords, pride and raw stubbornness, so you being executed for me is like someone bludgeoning a unicorn to death in front of small children." I shrug as I manage to undo one of the six knots from hell. "Professionally, the Captain would like to offer a position within the crew. Up to you of course, but since we're all leaving here either criminals or corpses, I would think that it would better to be on the run as part of a group rather than as a solo act. We don't have much interest in the rape, pillaging and burning lifestyle, so it'll be mostly pirate-on-pirate crime with a few run-ins with Marines for existing. Morally speaking, I think that we're a more comfortable choice than some of the Marine outposts. Also, you can get drunk whenever you want. Big plus there." I'm trying to be as honest as possible while still selling it. What I'm actually doing is blathering on about how weird we are and by 'we', I mean 'mostly me'.
Zoro's giving me a look. "Are you shitting me? If you're trying to trick me, let me tell you one thing; I have never done anything that I have regretted later, and I'm gonna keep it that way. I'm gonna last the month here."
That was when Luffy finally did the thing, simultaneously pissing off the base commandant and distracting all the available Marines, which worked just fine for me, since I'm not bulletproof like Captain Distraction.
"See! Now this is why you're cool and we'd work out just fine. Everyone we have so far has a pretty good moral compass. Of course, it's a grand total of two, but that's why we're scoping out good talent before hitting the Grand Line. If you were some kind of degenerate serial killer, the captain wouldn't have even considered you. But he has, and he seriously will not take no for an answer."
"He's going to kidnap me?" Zoro was rightfully incredulous. Someone kidnap him? Even I couldn't really think of someone that amazingly stupid.
The sound of a large mass of stone shattering didn't even bother me at this point, though Zoro had the decency to look panicked. I wonder absently how long it will take for shit like this to become commonplace for him.
"Naw. He'll just bother you for a while, then save your life or some shit and then you're indebted to him. By the time the debt is swept away, it's gotten to the point that you can't survive without him." I smiled as another knot came loose. Making good progress here, hopefully both arms will be free by the time the welcoming committee comes a knocking. "You think you could give me a hand here with your waist? This arm will be free in a minute or so."
"Witt-san!" I hear the pinkette screaming from the wall. Damn it. He's too much of a goody-two shoes for his own wellbeing.
"Coby! Fuck off before someone shoots you for talking to me! I don't wanna be responsible for destroying your dream before you even get started on it!"
"The Marines are gonna shoot you!" He screams, and I realize exactly what I should have been paying attention to instead of chatting up Zoro.
My world is moving in slow motion, even as the last knot on Zoro's arm comes free, I'm knocked off my feet and there is a gout of blood coming out of my shoulder. There really is only one understatement that I can use right now.
"Balls."
I'm quickly moving through some varied emotions. I've already blitzed past confusion, fear, and self-pity. The one that I'm roaring into now is just raw anger. I am going to pull the slug out of my shoulder, make that fucking Morgan eat it and then shove the rifle it came from up his ass. After I untie this swordsman. I still have orders to follow through on.
On my feet again, fumbling with the last two knots and trying not to react to the hole in my shoulder, I could swear that Zoro is watching me with a look akin to respect. I think it's just my imagination coupled with blood loss. "Look. These guys are going to kill you, in three days. Public execution. Ask anyone in town and they will confirm this as fact. My job is to get you untied and out of here alive. The captain is getting your Wado and those two other swords that will probably be broken within the year. I give you my word that I have not spoken a lie at any point in our conversation. And, unlike the backstabber, I would sooner throw myself upon a ragged blade than break my word."
"Stop right there!" Great, the welcoming committee has finally arrived to save the day. What timing. "Stop this at once! By order of the Lieutenant, you two are both to be executed at once!"
"Well, fuck me."
