The Third Doctor
Snapping off his sonic screwdriver, the third Doctor stood at his full height, a look of clear disdain creasing his brow. "Claims? What claims do you mean?"
The first Doctor adopted his patronising smile, the look that suggested absolutely anyone should be able to guess what he was thinking, with the sole exception of the man he was talking to. "Well, that you can reverse the polarity of a neutron flow. Something you are particularly fond of saying".
The third Doctor exhaled impatiently. "Is that all?"
"Hardly. What about deliberately trying to give the impression that you have somehow mastered the art of Venusian Aikido? It may have impressed the lovely Jo Grant, but to someone who knows there is no such thing…"
"Look! In the course of working with human, those such as us, who have travelled in the forth dimension, sometimes need to simplify what we say to grant them understanding!"
"Grant them understanding?! This of course coming from the Doctor who couldn't pilot the TARDIS?"
"You know full well that the Timelords deliberately took that ability away from me! My first memory was recovering from the trauma of what was, in effect, my own execution. Something you never had to deal with, but had no small part in causing when you ran off. And besides, I learnt how to fly it again. Something you never had to do".
The first Doctor's expression grew even more smug. "And in the meantime, you spent all your time on a primitive mud ball, trying to impress the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce with elementary Gallifreyan science".
"No, I worked with UNIT to defend the earth from all manner of deadly dangers. I saved the world more times that you ever did!"
"Yes, from creatures you probably attracted".
The third Doctor looked disgusted. "What did you say?"
"Creatures that you attracted. It was hardly coincidence, don't you think, that so many creatures came to imperil the earth while you were on it? The Sontarans, the Autons. And of course the biggest threat of all: the Master. A rogue Timelord I had always kept one step ahead of. But now he knew you were stuck on one planet, he couldn't resist. You knew he wouldn't!"
"As I said before, the Timelords had stranded me on earth and removed the secret of the TARDIS from my mind. And besides, I always managed to keep the Master at bay".
"There again, that absurd arrogance. You know the Master was always your superior. He scored higher than you at every test in the Academy".
"No, my dear man, he scored higher than you. Two regenerations on and I beat him at every turn, and with far more primitive technology".
The first Doctor gave a mirthless laugh.
"What?!" asked the third Doctor.
"Primitive technology. Now why don't we talk about that".
The third Doctor rubbed his hands together. "Yes, let's".
"All right then. Tell me about Bessie".
The third Doctor abruptly stopped rubbing his hands and turned a shade redder. "What about Bessie?"
"Well, she was you trusted little yellow car, was she not? Did you not take go on little drives with her through the English countryside looking rather foolish?"
"Are you suggesting she made me look ridiculous?"
"Why no, my dear boy, you managed that all on your own! She just made you look more ridiculous!"
"Well what about the TARDIS itself? It was hardly a hip disco piece, now, was it?"
"My dear boy, I have no idea what you are talking about. Suffice it to say that the TARDIS looked as it did to blend in. Bessie had the opposite effect on you. And then jumping out of helicopters, piloting primitive hover cars. You weren't merely using primitive technology. You were glorifying every second of it! You were trying to look like that Jimmy Bond!"
A hint of a grin returned to the third Doctor's face. "Something I did rather well, I thought".
"Well there we go again. Misplaced pride. Of course you looked good next to a human! You are from a superior species".
The third Doctor folded his arms. "Do you really think we're superior?"
"Why yes, of course, I'm rather flabbergasted you asked me that question! We were travelling through the cosmos when they were still savages living in caves!"
"You mean like that 'savage' you tried to kill?"
The first Doctor grunted. "Is everyone going to mention that?"
"Well let's just say if you presume to judge us, can't we all judge you? After all it was your running from Gallifrey that caused the Timelords to chase us in the first place. And at every turn, you had to prove to them just how superior you were!"
"Well I am superior".
"Intellectually, perhaps. But there are other ways and means to evaluate people. Humans may be primitive, but the human heart has just as great a capacity for good as those of any Gallifreyan. Maybe more".
"And if that is all you can say, your argument fails right there. It is in intellectual excellence that races must be measured. It is the only metric that truly counts".
The third Doctor laughed quietly. This only proved to annoy his predecessor. "What's so funny".
"Well it just occurred to me that if that's the only metric that matters, you have to admit that the Master is superior to you".
A look of abject rage filled the first Doctor's face. "Fish fingers and custard!"
The third Doctor moved to point at him only to silently disappear. He was replaced by a seemingly younger man with a mop of curly brown hair partially hidden by a wide brimmed hat. He wore a light beige coat, and had a scarf so long around his neck that one end dragged along the floor. He looked toward his predecessor and spoke with a deep booming voice. "Ah, hello. And I suppose I am to be next then". As he spoke he raised a small paper bag. "But first, would you like a jelly baby?"
With a speed that belied his age, the first Doctor raised his cane, knocking the bag out of the other man's hand. Lots of tiny sweets fell to the floor. The first Doctor grinned at the other man who frankly looked shocked. "Well that's just wonderful. I knew my cane would come in handy".
