The Merry Women of Konoha


Part III


Sakura paced the floor of her apartment restlessly, waiting impatiently for Ino to arrive. She already had one perpetually tardy person in her life – she really didn't need another. If her friend didn't arrive soon she wouldn't be able to come in for fear of being caught by Jiraiya. While that in itself – his seeing her – wouldn't be that horrible, it would mean they couldn't follow through with their plan.

Finally she heard a knock at the window and scowled as Ino let herself in. "About time," she scolded dourly. "Why are you so late anyhow?"

"I was…busy," Ino said simply, and if Sakura wasn't mistaken, she could've sworn she saw just the lightest dusting of pink across her friends cheeks.

She narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean, busy?"

"Oh, come on forehead. I know you haven't had a boyfriend in a while but you should still be able to figure it out."

Sakura flushed. Hearing about Ino's exploits didn't bother her, she almost expected it at this point, but she preferred not to think about Shikamaru in that light – she did have to work with him on a semi-regular basis after all. Thankfully Ino had caught on to that fact and didn't push the details on her. The information of just what had made Ino late, almost compromising their plan in the process, didn't put her in any better of a mood though.

"Much longer and I would've had to go with Plan B," she said snappishly.

Ino raised her eyebrows. "Plan B?"

"Yeah." Sakura demonstrated by thumping her fist into her palm.

Ino rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. I'm sure you could've come up with something a bit more inventive and useful than that, something that wouldn't throw the rest of the plan."

"What, besides posing for his sketches?"

The blonde snorted. "We both know you'd have been able to think up something else. Maybe not as brilliant as anything I'd come up with on the fly." She smirked at her friend, tapping her on the forehead. "But we know the reason this is so enormous is simply because it's covering that big brain of yours, so I'm sure you'd have used it eventually."

Sakura was caught between frowning and blushing, and fought not to fidget. "Maybe, but it wouldn't be as satisfying."

"As landing a punch on a sannin or a pervert? Seems you certainly get enough of the latter with Naruto hanging around," she ribbed.

The comment made Sakura smile as she realized maybe a part of it was shinobi ego, not just female sensibilities. "All right, all right," she conceded. "I guess it's a bit of both then. Nothing wrong with that, is there?"

"Nothing at all," Ino agreed before her tone turned haughty. "Just so long as you don't do anything to mess up the plan. I promise you, when it all pans out you'll have more satisfaction than a measly punch could accomplish."

Sakura couldn't help but let her mind flash to Kakashi and Ino's insinuations from earlier, and she wondered if her friend really was right or if she was kicking her own feet out from under herself.

"Now," Ino interrupted her reverie, "do you know which of your neighbors is home and what their schedules are?"

Sakura nodded. She'd had to do a bit more tailing and peeping than she was comfortable with and never had she wished more to have the talent of an Aburame. To just be able to place a bug on each of them to track their movements would have been pure bliss.

She'd actually considered asking Shino if he'd lend her a hand, but she didn't know him well enough to make such a request anything but awkward. Even if he agreed, she just would've felt like she was using him. Instead she decided she'd just try to seek him out more often – not for the purpose of using him in the future with a clear conscience, but because it had saddened her to realize how little she truly knew him – especially with them running in something of the same circles considering he'd been Hinata's teammate.

As it was though she'd found out all the information she needed through good old fashioned leg work and snooping. Really, all they needed was someone who was home alone that Ino could perform her mind jutsu on in order to interrupt her and Jiraiya again.

"There's Hatsume, next door here," she thrust her thumb toward her south wall, "but she's a cantankerous old woman. If she has any inkling of what's going on or what you've done to her we'll never hear the end of it. I'd probably end up having to move," she mumbled.

There wasn't a high percentage of shinobi in the building – something she figured was due to its proximity to the hospital. Most nin, like Kakashi, tried to stay as far away from the hospital as they could when not required to be there. Kakashi was bad enough though that he even complained about her apartment whenever he was over, claiming that the proximity was bad enough to make her place smell of antiseptic.

Sakura just shook her head at his antics, but even she likely would've tried to live somewhere out of the shadow of her workplace were it not for the fact that, given her position with Tsunade, she was called upon at all odd hours of both day and night. When she was dead tired she appreciated that her bed was closer rather than farther.

That meant, however, that most of the building's tenants were civilians, and elderly ones at that, who appreciated the security they felt from being so near the hospital. Civilians didn't always detect jutsu in the same way a shinobi would, hence why it was possible they might be able to find someone who wouldn't notice the mind-transference at all. The optimal option would be to find someone asleep so that whatever the individual did remember could be passed off as a dream.

Sakura rattled off a few more options to Ino, trying to limit them to the ones closest to her apartment as distance factored in for where Ino could leave her body and how long she could hold the transfer.

"The last option is probably the best one."

"Why didn't you start off with this one then?" Ino asked waspishly.

"Because if anything goes wrong I want you to know who else is available."

Ino muttered under her breath, unable to fault Sakura's logic but unwilling to concede to it. "So?" she prompted. "Who is it?"

"Sumi. She's seventy-two years old, three doors down on the floor below us, and is a notorious gossip."

"Seems like you've said that about all the women in your building over the age of fifty," Ino observed, amused.

"Yeah, well, it's true," Sakura huffed. "You should know."

Ino just smiled. "A woman never reveals her sources."

"Anyhow," Sakura continued, "she almost always takes a nap midday, so she should be perfect."

Ino nodded. "And if she finds out?"

Sakura had thought of that too. "She's one of the nicest women in the building. Always brings me up sweets when she's made too many. She's also always seemed very protective of me, actually," she related fondly. "She's continually warning me of the dangers of perverts, of men in general actually, and I remember one time she ripped into Naruto for saying something 'vulgar and inappropriate around a lady'," she quoted, mimicking Sumi's high, offended voice.

Ino raised a brow in question and Sakura made an irritated sound in the back of her throat. "Me, pig, she was talking about me."

"Ah," Ino said with an impish smile.

She'd also considered just asking Sumi if she'd cooperate with them – after all, it was for the purpose of teaching humility to one heck of a pervert – but Ino had cautioned her against doing so. People tended to be strangely restrained about giving access to the unfettered privacy of their minds. And while Ino was both an information gatherer and a gossip, she and her family had a strict code of honor about not prying into anyone's personal affairs for anything other than village safety, mission work, or interrogation.

Not that that prevented Ino from threatening friends and rivals alike when they wouldn't give her a piece of information she wanted. After all, most of them were unaware that she wouldn't follow through – Ino wasn't exactly typically known for bluffing.

But for this reason Ino had expressed doubt that anyone, sympathizer or not, would allow her to invade their mind, and after recalling her own experience of being on the receiving end of that particular jutsu, Sakura couldn't blame them. Everyone had secrets, and they just wouldn't know whether they could trust Ino to show restraint.

As with many things, however, this was one of those instances where it was better to ask forgiveness than permission. Once the individual on the receiving end of the transfer was released, he or she would be perfectly aware of what parts of their mind had been accessed.

Hopefully Sumi would be asleep anyhow, so it wouldn't matter.

Ino nodded her head. "That sounds like my target then."

Sakura glanced at

Sakura glanced at the clock – it was already 11:45. "Oh no, it's late!" They didn't know if he would arrive early, excited about the prospect of a new research subject, so they'd planned to have Ino out of there by 11:30. "Hurry up and go hide in your spot."

The blonde paused just inside the window. "Remember, if things go off track: brains, not brawn."

"Sheesh!" Sakura cried. "You're acting like I'm Naruto. I'm not that bad." Ino didn't respond, just winked, and then she was gone. Instantly Sakura started pacing again, too much nervous energy trapped up inside to stay still.

She walked to one end of her small living room, paused for a moment while tapping her foot, then spun and marched back the other way, staring at the clock. She repeated the process over and over, grinding her teeth as noon came and went.

Apparently getting dumped in the landfill must've hurt Jiraiya's pride more than they'd anticipated if he was purposefully making her wait.

Sure enough, at 12:22 a knock sounded at her door and she opened it to find Jiraiya, his supposed humility as transparent as his infamous jutsu, standing on the other side.

"Sorry I'm late. Got a little lost trying to find which apartment was yours."

Sakura bit her tongue on a retort, instead pasting on a smile and gesturing him inside. Honestly, the man was a sannin and could find his way around a toad's belly, and he expected her to believe he had trouble reading the numbers on the apartment doors? At least Kakashi was generally inventive with his excuses. "Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you arrived."

"Why thank you," he beamed, seeming genuinely gratified.

"I'm so sorry about what happened at the hospital," she rushed to assure him. "I had no idea Kakashi would be arriving, let alone helping out like that. I'd figured they all would have left quickly and I could've gotten you out of there. I'd never intended for you to wind up at the landfill." That last part at least was true; they'd intended to leave the threat of Shizune's imminent arrival lingering for quite a while, leaving the old author to muck about in the trash bin for a good long while before assuring him the coast was clear and letting him out, by which time Sakura, of course, would be needed back at her normal post.

Still, she couldn't regret how things turned out – aside from not getting to see his face as he was unceremoniously dropped into the dump. Oh, that would have been good. A true grin crossed her face at the thought and Jiraiya took it as her pleasure at his presence.

"Nonsense my dear, all water under the bridge. If we focus exclusively on the past we get swept away in the tide of resentment or stagnate in our convictions, so it's always good to pay attention to the present and the new day."

As always, he could speak little bits of wisdom when he so chose, but Sakura braced herself for the shift to not-so-subtle double entendre that was sure to follow. When it didn't come she was pleasantly surprised and released her tension on a sigh. "Would you care for some tea?" she asked, leading him into the kitchen.

"You don't have anything stronger?"

She snorted. "Working around Tsunade all the time I've learned to eschew drink for the most part." She would've sworn she saw him twitch slightly at the name of her mentor and made a mental note to pay more attention to the subject.

"In that case, some tea would be lovely."

She poured him a glass and handed it to him and she just kept from snatching her hand away when his covered hers in the transfer. She'd thought the mention of Tsunade had slowed him down for a minute, but maybe she was wrong. Or, worse, maybe she was right and this was him when he wasn't trying. For all she knew, putting the moves on a woman was probably second nature to him at the point; he might not even know when he was doing it.

"So what's a pretty little thing like you doing cooped up at the hospital all the time? Don't you like the fresh air?"

Sakura fervently hoped that was a genuine question and not a probe as to why he hadn't caught her at any of the open-air bath houses recently. Before she could answer, though, a knock came at the door. She groaned aloud, mostly for show. "What is it this time?"

Going to the door she looked through the peephole, then made shushing gestures at her companion. "Just a minute!" she called. Hurrying back over to Jiraiya she gave him a few harried instructions in terse, whispered words. "It's Sumi, one of my neighbors. She has one of the biggest mouths in all of Konoha and if she finds you here it'll only be a matter of hours before everyone else knows about it too."

"Why don't you just send her away?" he asked, obviously put out.

She sighed. "She's an old lady, somewhat lonely, and I can't just send her away like that. I only need to let her inside for a little while, just to show that I'm not disregarding her totally, but then I can send her off. She normally doesn't talk for too long. The problem is she can't see you here!"

Jiraiya put down his cup, a bit disgruntled. "Shall I leave then?"

Grabbing at his sleeve, she implored him with her eyes. "No, don't. I'd still like to talk. Just let me send her away. Can't you just do something, like a henge? Yeah, that's it!" she said, snapping her fingers. "Just turn yourself into Naruto for a little while. She's used to seeing him hanging around my place, and since you're around him nearly as much as I am you'll be able to mimic his mannerisms."

"Well, I don't know…" he hedged.

"Please?"

He still debated it for a moment, but when he finally agreed Sakura felt powerfully victorious. "All right then," she said, shuffling back over to the door. "Let me know when you're all set." Turning her back to him she let her enjoyment slip over her face. Jiraiya was in for something of a boring awakening when 'Sumi' would refuse to leave, instead pouring out all her complaints and aches and troubles to her young friend, Sakura seemingly unable to turn the old woman away.

"Set," a new voice said behind her and she spun to see a perfect replica of her teammate, even so far that his chakra now bore more resemblance to Naruto than to himself.

"Wow," she whispered in genuine admiration. She had to catch herself back from asking if he could teach her how to perform such close chakra mimicry, knowing he'd likely take it as an invitation to something altogether different. Still, it was nice to see, every now and again, why he really was so revered in the shinobi world.

She opened the door, letting her friend in, catching the old woman's eye as the Ino inside her winked. All was going according to plan.

Half an hour later she knew Jiraiya to be bored to tears. He was no longer looking at either of them, instead focusing on the pattern on her teacup. She smirked, wondering just how much longer he'd hold up. Nothing, after all, was as long-lasting as Ino's mouth. She was thrown into a state of confusion, though, when there was yet another knock at her door. She shot a glance to Ino/Sumi but she just shrugged, as unaware of what was going on as Sakura.

Slowly she stood and walked to the door, hoping to be able to send the intruder away without too much of a bother, but as soon as the handle clicked her neighbor Hatsume barged right in. "What's that? What's this all about? You young 'uns are making such noise!"

Sakura stared blankly at her, dumbfounded. It was Ino who responded first. "Young ones? Why thank you so much, I do appreciate a good compliment."

Hatsume sniffed. "And him," she said, pointing at Naruto, "what's he doing here? He got here awfully fast."

Jiraiya was on his feet in an instant, sensing the danger level rising.

"What are you talking about?" Sakura asked placidly.

"I mean, I just saw that young hooligan at the ramen vendor with his girlfriend on my way back home."

Sakura's eyes narrowed. Oh yes, she knew what was going on now, but she wasn't going to say a word…yet.

Jiraiya, however, only cared for what the cantankerous old woman had just divulged. "Girlfriend? Naru- I mean, I have a girlfriend?"

Hatsume just stared at him like he'd gone daft. "Of course you do, unless you just broke up with her while you were having lunch. Such an ungentlemanly place to do it, but your generation doesn't seem to care much about codes of conduct anymore. Why just the other day-"

Jiraiya cut off her tirade with a question of her own. "Her name? I mean, you must have recognized her, right?" Then, realizing how silly that question must have sounded when he himself was supposed to be dating her, he added, "No one was supposed to know about us yet so I just want to know if you're on the right track and we've been outed."

Sakura inhaled sharply at how close he'd just hit to her situation. Did he have any idea?

Hatsume narrowed her eyes but answered all the same. "Hinata."

Jiraiya's eyes widened. "The Hyuuga girl? You mean the one with the…" He trailed off, obviously deciding that gesturing with his hands cupped out in front of him was a much better mode of conveying his sentiment.

Both women were staring at Sakura now, and she stalked up to him, glaring at him all the way, but when she was right up in his face she shot him a wink, hoping he'd understand her actions. "You pervert!" she screeched, and from the widening of his eyes she was sure he was aware of exactly what was going to happen next. Pulling back her arm she let her fist fly, feeling a satisfactory thud as her hand connected, sending the Naruto look-alike smashing out of her window and spiraling down to the ground below. The three women peered over the edges of the broken glass to see the damage

'Naruto' seemed to literally bounce off the ground below and then he took of at a run down the street, cursing as he went.

Sakura couldn't help but dissolve into laughter.

Hatsume gave her an odd look but Sakura ignored it as she turned to Sumi. "Thank you for coming over," she told her. "It's been a delightful visit, but I dare say you must be tired now after your long day. Why don't you go home and take a rest?"

Sumi nodded gratefully and Sakura realized how tired she must really be. Walking her to the door she locked it after her, turning back to face the only remaining occupant in her apartment.

"You can drop the disguise now," she said dryly.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, dear," the old woman replied, pretending at offense.

"Oh please," Sakura scoffed. "You might fool everyone else, you might even be able to suppress your chakra enough to be unreadable, but I can tell it's you. I'll always be able to tell it's you, so just drop it already. Unless you've just always had the secret desire to be an old woman…"

With a put-upon sigh, the figure in front of her rippled in her vision briefly before reforming into the person she was expecting to see. "Nice to see you're male again, Kakashi," she said snarkily.

He shot her a warning look but she just laughed. "Now what are you doing here? And why did you disguise yourself as my neighbor? You know you can drop in at any time."

"And would I really have been welcome just then?"

She glared at him, daring him to suggest what she thought he was hinting at. "And why would you be?" she asked, playing dumb. "You know you're welcome to drop by any time."

"It seemed like you weren't terribly thrilled at the idea of another guest."

"Why Kakashi, I had no idea you were so enamored of the idea of listening to my old neighbors complaining about their corns. I'll be sure to issue you an invitation next time."

"I see Naruto seemed rather excited about it," he said dryly.

"Why did you come in disguise?" she asked, unwilling to let him do all the questioning and push her into a corner. If he was going to be accusatory she wasn't going to make it easy for him.

"I like to brush up on my henge from time to time. It had been a while and I wondered if I could fool you with someone you knew. Apparently I can't."

"No, you can't," she repeated firmly, but she was done playing around now.

"You knew, didn't you."

Kakashi considered prevaricating but knew it was past time for that. "That your 'Naruto' was actually Jiraiya?" He nodded.

"Sure, he hadn't bothered to make his disguise foolproof since he was just entertaining an old civilian woman, but you knew. My question is – how long did you know?"

Kakashi continued to gaze intently at her, his eyes boring into her, and she caved, figuring she'd made him worry long enough. "You are aware this was all a set up, right?"

"By who, you or him?"

"By us, of course, trying to teach the old pervert a lesson. He seems unwilling to comprehend the fact that not everyone in the whole of Fire country is angling to be his 'inspiration'."

Sakura backtracked suddenly, her eyes narrowing. "What do you mean, us or him? You really thought that either of us would go along with his ruse? That I would?"

He didn't answer, further incriminating him. "Damn it, Kakashi, answer me!" she demanded, smacking him on the arm hard enough for his stance to falter.

At that point he knew he was in trouble – damned if he did, damned if he didn't – so he may as well tell her the truth so she wouldn't keep pushing for more. "He is, ah, experienced," he said, scratching at his cheek. "I didn't know if you might be interested in learning things that probably only he could teach you."

She glared, fire flaring in her eyes. "You really think I would betray you like that?"

Slowly he shook his head. "I'm sure you'd tell me before doing anything of consequence, but I didn't like the idea that you might even be curious, and exploring other…options before finalizing your opinion."

Sakura advanced toward him, her brow furrowed in irritation, and she poked him in the chest. "You stupid, stupid man. I've been around Naruto for most of my life and I think we both know well enough that I don't like perverts."

He caught her finger in his hand. "You put up with me," he said quietly, and she saw how he could make the jump, how he would consider that if she was fine with his antics that it wouldn't be a stretch to deal with Jiraiya's.

She wrested herself away from him, breaking his grip. "You're different."

"How so?" he asked, suddenly curious.

"You're harmless."

He shrugged. "So is Jiraiya."

Sakura shook her head emphatically. "No, he's a nuisance. You keep it to your reading; you don't peep or skulk about or harass every woman you see."

"Nope," he said smiling, "just one."

She sighed heavily. "You know what I mean. If you can't even tell the difference between you two, then I fail to see how I'll convince you that I like you, not overly-cocky, ego-strutting maniacs like him."

She looked up to see Kakashi smiling at her softly. "What?" she asked, getting her back up immediately.

"That's the first time you've said that."

"S-said what?"

"That you like me."

She blushed a brilliant scarlet. "I let you know that before – otherwise we wouldn't even be having this conversation."

His eye crinkled in that tell-tale way of his, something she secretly adored, and his hand landed on her cheek, thumb brushing her skin softly. "Not in so many words, you haven't."

"W-well I do, all right?" she said, her embarrassment making her snappish.

"All right." She wouldn't look him in the eye still, and he suddenly found the sight of her discomfiture captivating. "You're adorable," he laughed.

Her head snapped up as she stared at him, horrified. "You better not do anything demeaning like ruffling my hair now."

"No such thing," he whispered as he leaned down and surprised her with a kiss. It was only the second time either of them had attempted the gesture and Kakashi couldn't help but relish the way he could feel her skin heating up beneath his hand, the way her hands found their way to his vest, his hair. It was still new to them, fresh, and just as the feelings between them were tentative so was this physical affirmation of it, but the way she pressed her lips back against his and her hand trembled ever so slightly against his scalp, he knew he had nothing to worry about.

She was good and truly his. Sure, the reverse was true as well, but that had been the case for longer than she was aware of, and he wasn't about to let her in on that little tidbit yet.


Jiraiya continued his run down the road, still disguised as Naruto, unimpeded until he was stopped by some kid. He wouldn't have bothered to stop but for two things: one, the kid was fast, dogged, and obnoxious. Second, he seemed to have some sort of hero-worship going on for his student and that made him instantaneously curious.

He searched his memory for any recollection of who the kid was, as he did seem vaguely familiar, but his mind wasn't nearly as adept at keeping track of males.

"Naruto. Naruto!" the boy was calling, a pair of well-worn goggles flopping from around his belt loop.

"What'dya want kid?" he asked, not knowing what else to call him. "I'm kinda in a rush."

"Oh, alright then, I won't take long. I'm sure you must have something important to do if you're running off so fast. I just wanted to show you my newest variation!"

"Variation on what?" He cast a quick, furtive glance over his shoulder to make sure no one else had been following him down the road.

The boy tilted his head and looked at him as if worried he was coming down with something. "Your sexy-no-jutsu, of course."

Suddenly it clicked. This was Naruto's tag-along, Sarutobi's grandson. Well, this should be interesting. "So, what you got?"

Konohamaru did a few hand signs and next thing he knew, Jiraiya was waking up in the dirt, the kid hanging over him worriedly. "Are you okay Naruto?"

Well, at least he knew his jutsu had held. "What…happened?"

"You passed out. Blood loss." He held up the handkerchief he'd used to staunch the flow under the sannin's nose. "Oh man, this is so good. If it can make you keel over like this I can't wait to see what it does to Ebisu!"

Konohamaru was already half way down the street when Jiraiya finally regained his feet and called after him, "Wait!" but it was too late, he was gone. Well, damn. He couldn't remember a thing about what the kid had done that was exciting enough to make him spurt off. That was just rotten luck. Obviously the kid had talent though. He'd have to make sure to track him down later, maybe take a more active interest when he and Naruto got together. If this was what they spent their time doing he'd be more than willing to tag along and offer…pointers.

Picking up the bloodied handkerchief he wiped at the wet stickiness he could still feel across the bottom half of his face and slowly made his way home, all variety of new ideas forming in his mind.