Chapter 3: Pinnacles, Pitfalls and Melody
Saturday, October 26, 2019
1:35 AM in the middle of the night.
For almost two hours, Luan was curled under the covers with Luna in her top bunk, holding her in an embrace as Luna quietly cried into Luan's shoulder, slowly but surely coming to terms with this most revealing revelation about herself; in the arms and support of her closest sister.
Luan did everything she could to stave off the eventual self hatred, the self loathing, the want Luna was feeling to move far, far away, or worst… do away with herself from this world, for having one of the most wicked, immoral feelings and desires societies for so long had forbad.
Luan fostered a golden nurturing wall to keep those out-loud thoughts and unbearably horrific musings from Luna's extremely vulnerable mind at bay. She reminded Luna what Lincoln would feel if she acted on any of these thoughts; move away, or worse… taking her own life; how he'd take it…how he'd conclude he was indirectly responsible for causing the emotional turmoil and relocation…or death, of his closest sister. Luan argued that he wouldn't be able to endure.
"What would Lincoln do if he thought he brought this on you, that he was responsible?" she asked Luna, permanently forcing the most extreme action in Luna's mixed-up mental arsenal out.
"That's how you'd be leaving him Luna. Don't you dare ever think that again! For Lincoln's sake!"
"I…I know. I know you're right. It's just…things like…"
"Luna?"
"I don't think I can look at Lincoln the same way ever again, and I don't think he could ever look at me the same way either, not since the theater. Thank god he doesn't know that I….I… this is it; it's never going back to the way things use to be."
Luna hiccupped into Luan's shoulder momentarily, before Luan cuffed Luan's face and brought her in.
"Life's like a never-ending stage Luna; there's always a new act…even if the players don't change."
Luna fumbled with her bed hair, twirling it in her index finger, before suddenly stopping, realizing the motion she was performing was too much like the earlier motions in the bathroom stall.
"What's gonna happen Luan? To me? To Lincoln? This is gonna be unbearably painful…not even counting how awkward and depressing things a gonna be from now on…I just know it."
"You got to stay strong…for me…for Lincoln of course, but most importantly, yourself."
"Easy for you to say; you don't know what I feel like right now. You're not me."
"Well I'm close. Look," Luan said, putting her foot next to hers. "We've got nearly identical feet, minus your slightly larger size and freckles. And we're almost on par with one another in terms of boob size, and we got killer body frames…we both love our crafts with a divine passion. And besides, like me, you're unbelievably likable Luna! And it doesn't hurt that we're both Dairyland girls through and through too!"
"You're not me, know why Luan? I've never disliked anyone as much as myself right now in my life. Might want to re-think about our similarities again sis, cause you're the least hateable person I know. Pretty sure you like yourself too."
Luan felt a warm charm take her over from the compliment…but felt it's laced hatred for its originator. And she felt kind of mixed on the very last sentence from Luna.
"Well…you not liking you now…you got to change that, at some point. This awful feeling you have that….I can't even begin to digest…you gotta own up to it. Make it your own."
"Christ…"Luna weakly uttered.
"This is you now Luna. You gotta rock on; you gotta drill hard down onto this new thing for Lincoln's sake, flow uninhibited and gush out a stream of self acceptan-"
Luna suddenly convulsed, throwing her hands over her mouth, jumping down and violently throwing up in Luan's lime-green trash can.
"Wait a minute? Did I just…the drill hard…for Linc…flow…gush…GOD DAMN IT! Poor choice of words again! Think Luan?!"
The shocked Luan just sat up on the bunk, watching Luna contort horrifically into the trash can, her legs and feet flailing like a test dummy in a car crash simulation; it looked as though her body was trying to rid itself something malodorously evil, a vile and putrid entity inside Luna's soul being exorcised out by her biology.
Luan jumped down and brought a towel out of their closet. Luna was still expectorating any remnant stomach acid or juices in her stomach that left a lemony taste. Luna gagged again, followed by another stream of acid that shot out like a fire hose, this part Luan now seeing in full force, causing her to grasp her stomach, cover her mouth and eyes and pretend she didn't see this.
Luan approached, hands over her mouth and nose; she could smell it from where she was at.
"H…here."
Luna twirled her tongue in a scrunched face like she had a high-grade warhead sour candy in her mouth, proceeding to spit out one last hucky gob. She got up slowly and rubbed her face with the towel, taking great care to get her tongue and cheek rubbed off with the corners of the towel. Luan then guided Luna back to her bottom bunk.
"You're gonna crash with me tonight, kay?"
"But we're already in the same room."
"I mean in my bed, with me."
"…mkay."
Luan then proceeded to carefully pick up her vomit-filled lime-green trash can and carry it to their window, putting the can down and opening the window. She threw the contents out. "Hey! Fly up, Chuck! Get it?" she punned, giggling to herself momentarily before seeing it splash surprisingly far out, mostly on the grass and tree, but some getting onto the family van way in the distant right.
"Oh crud," she mouthed, before leaning over to her shirt and shoes with the pink false flowers, one of the carry-overs of her original look. She took both and squirted them, each jetting a surprising, comical amount of water onto the van, washing off Luna's stomach acid and other digestive particulates, diluting it and making it flow with the already running rain waters down the driveway. There were hardly any solids on the grass or driveway pavement, given that Luna hadn't eaten anything of significance since earlier.
Luan used the remaining flower water to flush out her can to try and dilute the odor of acid, it marginally working. This landed square in the soak-filled grass down below. Hopefully it would dilute down to nothing in the morning, Luan hoped; it'd be weird if she saw Lana playing right there come sunrise, with all the mud bound to pool-up down there.
"Ha! Murphy's Law, smell my flower! Always got to have those gag-flowers for any occasion," Luan mused happily with a rare legitimate smile post Luna's inattentive confession, thinking how useful those water-filled faux flowers were, in any situation, comedy or otherwise. "Even though no one likes to smell them anymore…they're too wise to that act now…"
A light breeze from the cyclonic rainy activity shot Luan in the face with a big gob of rainwater, prompting her to shiver and quickly close the window and wipe her face.
"I guess Mother Nature returned the moneyshot…hahahaha."
Luan grabbed another towel along and the trash can, putting the towel on their dresser and the trash can adjacent to the bunk frame next to the cabinet. Luan jumped over Luna against the side next to the wall in case Luna would need to throw up again, and curled up against Luna in her bed.
"Feel a little better?"
Luna curled under Luan's sheets, inching closer to Luan's frame and trying to feel warm again, the vomiting episode cooling her down to the temperature of dry ice. She wrapped her arms around herself like a scared little girl, pulling her body closer into a half-ball.
"…I hate myself."
"No you don't. And no one else does."
"I'm a monster…a bloody wretched evil-"
Luan covered Luna's mouth, looking stern into Luna's eyes and shaking her head vigorously.
"How do you know? It's not like you're in my body, let alone know what it's like to be in love with your little bro."
"Well…like I mentioned earlier; my body is basically like yours, only a bit more amped up in the chest department and smaller than your derrière, and…-"
"Luan?" Luna asked, hearing Luan being a bit hesitant and trailing off.
"And…well, I love you sis. All of us do, especially Lincoln. The rocker girl I'm lying next to is still one of the coolest, nicest and rockin-est people I've ever known. This little extra…detail about yourself, it doesn't change who you are."
"This must be what a fish feels when it's gutted alive. At least it doesn't feel it for long."
"We all get that gut-busting, fishy feeling," Luan punned, turning to Luna and smiling sheepishly, eliciting a vey melancholy but visible smile from Luna.
"That was really, really morbid," Luna chuckled, a low grin creeping back from the face that's been suffering anguish for most of the night. Luna stretched her arms, cracking her joints and toes again.
"How do you do that?"
"Do what Luan?"
"Crack your toes? I see your arms and fingers, but-"
"Oh…here," Luna said passively, throwing her covers off and showing Luan how should could crack them at will.
"Dang…didn't know anyone could do that…at will."
"I'm just chock-full of messed up secrets apparently," Luna said, getting a slight giggle from Luan. Luna sighed heavily.
"Does god exist Luan?"
"W…what?"
"Does god exist? Does he have a sick sense of humor…and not the good kind of sick? Does he enjoy toying with our emotions, or manufactures them? Or does he really care about us, what we do? About our suffering? About anything?"
"That's uh…that's something I've never given a whole lot of thought about Luna. Supposedly we either have free will from him or it's all pre-determined. That's all I really caught on."
"Creator of the universe; all powerful, all perfect, all knowing, all wise; and if I'm supposedly a child of god, and I'm all…fucked up, what does that make him?"
Luan thought for a moment cautiously with an unemotional face.
"Well, for starters you're not effed up, and about god…gee, I uh-can't…I don't know."
"I don't know how a loving god could really love you if he made you like this. If there is no god, then that's even worse…cause that's just who I am. Me…this is…me."
Luna closed her eyes, breathing normally and trying to meditate, though the minor amount of existential anger she developed found its crack.
"Some "all benevolent" god…fucking prick," Luna harshly whispered, before staring up into the ceiling as though it was the starry sky, far far above the torrents of rainy clouds pouring down on the Loud house right now; she pulled out both arms and flipped off full force towards the ceiling.
"If you did this to me, bugger off into every black hole in the known universe you cucked, malevolent, screwed-up shitty mother fu-"
"-the universe can be funny Luna…or not very funny…cruel or indifferent, one of the two in this case. If there is a god, and I don't know if there is…probably not, then we need to find reasons for life, you know, instead of blaming."
"You mean the universe can be a real bitch, right?" Luna asked.
"I mean…it just is. That's just the way it is. Gotta find a way to deal with it some way or another. Mine's comedy."
"…I guess there probably is no god…which means…this really is me. I am who I am…Luna Loud…the rocker in the family…in love with her little brother."
"Luna…-"
"It can't get any more messed up than this…this is rock bottom, and not the good kind. Things have to go up; they gotta improve from here on out. Still…I wish I could change this."
"Some things you can change about yourself Luna…some things you can't. I…I don't think this is one of those things that can change."
"I'd change this in a heartbeat if I could; I'd give anything about myself to take this…this away."
"I don't think you would…not even your love of Rock."
Luna sat there, circulating the singularity of her soul, breathing in and out while letting the retaliatory demons take hold.
"Ye…yeah; even my Rock. Anything to keep Lincoln from this…keep him safe."
"That just tells me you legitimately would do anything for Lincoln; sacrificing your personhood, what makes you…you, just for the sake of him…that's true love."
"Whatever it is, it makes me royally fucked up either way we look at it."
"Not necessarily. It's just like an act; sometimes it's good to get thrown into a new act, without knowing what it is, what it's like, or knowing how it'll work out in the end. You learn something in the end though."
"Like how wrong my very existence just became?"
"No Luna…maybe that love…comes in different forms. You've been thrown into this act to explore this new stage, get a grip on how it feels and works."
"Life's like a big old stage for you, hu Luan?"
"…pretty much. All the world's a stage, and we're just the players. And it is a stage for you too little rocker girl."
Luna's eye's got extremely heavy, eyelids slowly closing in on themselves, a powerful deep sleep fast approaching the tortured young adult rocker that spent a good chunk of the night lamenting her…reality. Reality was thankfully going to take a back-burner to the realm of deep sleep, an arena Luna hoped wouldn't be plagued by these unparalleled current facts of reality. She reached her hand over to Luan's.
"I hope Lincoln's going to be okay."
"He's gonna be fine Luna. We gotta focus on you for the time being. One foot in front of the other as they say."
"Thank you Luan. You're the best sister anyone could ask for."
Luan with a warm smile held onto Luna's hand and said gingerly, "I got you sis…I'm here."
2:00 AM
Luna was finally taken over by deep sleep, slowly fading out ten minutes ago in Luan's bunk, Luan lying next to her the whole time. Luna's leg twitched for a moment, brushing against Luan's foot, causing a slight ticklish giggle from her before the weight of reality set in for her.
"Everything's gonna change now, and what can I do to help her? It's not like I can relate…like I got those kind of feelings…"
Luan sighed, rubbing her eyes, still some vestigial water seeping out. This was by all accounts, personally, one of the hardest things she's had to do, including all the comedy and prank work she's ever done, hecklers, family activity, squabbles and fights…everything included. Nothing came close to the enormity of the situation she found herself in now. And she was just the crying shoulder. What Luna was going through, one of the main victims of forbidden realities…how could she fathom that degree. Luan could slowly jostle with contemplating that she had a good grasp on the pure idea though.
"I mean…it's not that entirely unsurprising, in a way. Lincoln's one of the best guys around. He's got all our backs, and when you think he's topped himself…he does something, so nice and caring for you, it melts you. It's like, you gain more trust with him…like you connect with him more than just a sibling could…something spiritual…something-"
Just the idea of being able to jive with the mind set Luna had subconsciously for Lincoln, unintentionally cemented in Luan's brain, causing her to freak out and blush.
"I…I just used Luna's word…spiritual, didn't I…and how come I asked those questions in rapid succession…like I was in the ringer too? Like I knew what I was trying to get out of Luna? I was a little too quick in those questions."
She pushed this little thought towards the back, refocusing on her sister.
"Never mind that...I got it easy. I don't know how Luna's going to get through this though…I…I-"
She looked over to her older sister, her face now calm, the rare, relaxed and neutral face she was used to seeing, besides the constant head-pounding, rock-shock grunge face whenever she jammed on her guitar or guitars, blasting wave after wave of melody and notes from the instrument and her own spectacular singing…she wanted so badly to see this Luna come back. She took for granted the happy and chill Luna, now likely not returning for a long while, reduced down to a self-hating and self-depreciating musician.
"There's too many of those depressed suicidal music types. I'll get my sister back…I'll get things set and straight, for the sake of Luna…for Lincoln's sake…"
She looked at her comedy textbook, listing all the various puns, gags and jokes in her head…none seemed funny right now. She tried again, going through a larger bank at faster speed; nothing.
"For mine….for me…" she thought with slight guilt, saying these last words with a teary rippled-gurgle, water coming out of her eyes, before they involuntarily shut themselves on her. She rolled over and cuddled up with her tortured older sister, trying to feel like she could siphon some of the pain away.
"I'm sorry I can't take this painful struggle away Luna," Luan quietly whimpered, breaking down into sleepy tears momentarily before her exhausted sleepy mind recaptured and dulled down her mental state, "Luna…I'm truly sorry…I …can't relate…or…or…can…I?"
Like that, with the last conscious thought, the same kind of sweet relief of deep sleep overtaking Luna would give Luan time to recharge…to try and mull out and mend what seemed unmendable; Luna and Lincoln…maybe herself.
2:18 AM
In the Harry Potter-like cupboard space that was the only brother's room in the Loud house, Lincoln was in deep sleep, his head shaking, his mouth moving ever so subtly, like he was tasting something, even drinking. His legs quickly kicked, one now gyrating like a dog being scratched. Licking his lips, he unconsciously began uttering words.
"Tastes like…white…lindor truffles…coconut milk…vanilla…vanilla…"
His cranium began sweating heavily, face flushed red, his arm twitching away. He drooled like he never drooled before in his sleep, now his tongue popping out and trying to recover the liquids.
"Oooooo, oh L…Lu…Lun…..Lun..AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Lincoln's body shot up as he screamed out in pure horror, quickly muffling his terrified yell in the bed sheets. His eyes wide open, his whole body sweating, heart pounding away, he tried to readjust to the plane of this existence; awareness.
"WHAT….what did I just…?"
Lincoln curled in his covers, gripping his knees and inadvertently putting his face in his drool puddle in his pillow.
"Ehhh…geez, what the…?"
He threw the pillow off the bed, wiping his face corner with the bed sheets. For some reason, he couldn't get this taste that he had in his mouth out.
"I brushed my teeth after the shower…so what was I…?"
Lincoln then recalled the flavors he was thinking of subconsciously; coconut milk, vanilla and white lindor truffles."
"Why do I have those…flavors in my head…feels like they're in my mouth right now."
The dream he had suddenly shot him upright and erect, his heart stopping for nearly ten seconds. His body shook, his eyes teary and red, now realizing what he was just dreaming, to such detail and intimacy.
"I…I was dreaming…I was dreaming I was…tasting…Luna…d..ddd….down, there…and her…stream…"
He wrapped his arms around his head, petrified of this now alarming development in his nightmares…this one being the most intimate of all yet.
"Why?...why did I just…dream that?"
Lincoln involuntarily licked his lips again, still feeling the phantoms and ghosts of that odor and taste from Luna earlier waft around his oratory. A subtle aura of arousal got ignited within Lincoln, him not even being aware of it.
He played back several illicit parts of his involuntary dream; how him and his older sister were hanging out in a haunted mansion for Halloween, listening to Halloween-themed rock hits, talking about life, the Godzilla movie they went to re-see, then transhumanism came from nowhere…then things changed on a dime, out of the blue.
Lincoln couldn't get the reason things changed so drastically from point A to B, but B came at full astronomical force, almost gravitationally, as though it was a mutual feeling between him and her. Then the major actions, all leading and concluding to…the milky-pearl stream; this was the aspect, the major detail he seemed to be focusing all his energies on the most.
"Was, was I…trying to lick…drink that? Is that why I have the taste of vanilla stuck in my mouth?"
Lincoln shuttered, not wanting to think anymore about what he was doing in those last few seconds…what he was subconsciously engaged in within his dream world, apparently turned on by someone so close…his hormones at the very least going overdrive at the thought of this phenomenon he was so blindsided by, and now developing an unhealthy arousal in.
It wasn't just the idea of that womanly stream alone; the worst aspect of it all…it coming, literally, from her…the unwary victim of Lincoln's grossly illicit and hormonally stressed out physiology and psychology, his older sister Luna Loud.
"…I, I am so confused…I'm so screwed up," Lincoln croaked, "I…I. I need some air!"
Lincoln threw his covers off. As he was about to move, a sudden loss of blood flow in his lower extremities semi-paralyzed his leg movement. Everything from his toes to his lower thighs were asleep, or lacking a regular amount of blood. He tried to find the next bit of available, detectable sensation…and he found it.
"I can feel…where is-what is that?" He felt rubbing around his thigh interior, before the full hand-feeling motions suddenly alerted to what had took nearly all of his lower faculty blood; his groin area.
"…damn it," he weakly said, trying to get his hard on to stop, it still on full blast, covering a distance no less than half his thigh length, to Lincoln an extreme, comically long and unnecessary length for that organ. It poked right out of Lincoln's interior right side of his underwear, just barely visible from his shorts that were somewhat pulled back by the weight of his legs and midsection.
"It's never been that long before? Come on you stupid jerk! GO AWAY! STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT!"
Nothing happened besides a quick involuntary pulsation.
"STOP IT! I SWEAR I'LL GET RID OF YOU! STOP THINKING ABOUT LUNA EJACULA-AAAAHHAHAHHH!"
Lincoln's body shook uncontrollably, sending him arching his body and back backwards, him smashing the back of his head into his headboard, right in the same spot he struck his head back in the theaters.
"OW! OW GEEZ! HOLY FU….what just happened?"
Lincoln looked down towards his shorts. The pulsations were violent, but getting less frequent, his blood slowly returning feeling to his body. He now felt parts of his right knee, lower ankle and toes covered in a sticky substance.
"Did I just-that hard…that extreme?"
He saw that he was still dripping a puddle down by the opening of his shorts. Lincoln's face went red, flustered self embarrassment and shame now circulating his body.
"What's happening to me? Is this…what I'm really like on the inside? What I want? This is what I crave!?" he cried silently, tears forming in his eyes now, before slapping his face and drying them with his fists. He momentarily processed whether he was sleepy enough to go back to bed, hopefully nothing else of an extreme, imagined fantasy visiting him again. He wasn't feeling tired now, his adrenaline shot up too much.
"Crud…even if I wanted to sleep…I don't think I can trust myself from having another dream like that. That was…so much more intense and detailed than any of the other nightmares I've had of her or…the others."
His legs were his again, though the sticky adhesiveness was now regressively traveling backwards along his thigh with the inverse flow of blood back to the rest of his body.
"I can't go back to bed like this. I gotta get out for a while."
He slowly pulled himself out of bed, instantly heading to his door, glancing at his family picture from last year. He looked to his parents smiling, his dad first.
"You spoke to soon. I'm nothing to be proud about," Lincoln said harshly to himself and the photo, sighing heavily in the vein of Lucy. On the far right of the picture were him and Luna, her hugging him with her electric guitar with a big smile on her face giving a "sign of the horns" rock and heavy metal hand gesture. Lincoln stared at her the longest, before hanging his head down.
"I'm sorry…I can't…look at you…any of you…especially you Luna….not right now," he trembled, rotating the family picture the other way, the back now only visible.
As he locked the door and began to undress, first his shirt, then his shorts, his body movement caused a loose thick gob to drop down, sticking to his right foot, slowly dribbling down towards his corner toes.
"STILL GOING!? HOW MUCH MORE CAN IT-"
His question was answered when an even larger, more viscous gob dropped right into the middle of his most cherished Ace Savvy comic, the first one he ever got.
He was silent, utter self disgust and rage slowly filling him up. He felt his childhood, his innocence then, in one deathly splat, die right in front of him.
"OH YOU SON OF A B-" he shouted before punching himself extremely hard in the crotch, causing him to buckle inwards on himself. The pain hurt, but it wasn't the pain of that; he curled onto his floor, shaking while lightly crying, shoving his once favorite comic away, sullied and violated by his tabooed hormonal voracity.
"…I'm disgusting….I hate myself."
Lincoln took several deep breaths to try and regain his control, flipping on his stomach to do several dozen clap pushups to try and clear his mind. It kind of worked.
Getting up, trying to redirect his focus, he closed his eyes and took off his underwear, throwing it and his cloths in his laundry basket, taking great pains to grab another shirt and stack it on top of those. He threw on another shirt and pair of underwear and grabbed some shorts.
Leaving his room extremely carefully, he walked towards the end to the bathroom, his vision and hearing geared to their peak capacity, freaked out one of his sisters, especially Luna, would see him. It didn't help with her room being next to the bathroom, their bunk bed out of all the Loud sisters geographically situated the closest to it.
Inside he locked the door, turned on the hot water in the bath and put this right leg in, washing his foot, ankle and knee as best as he could to get the gluey sensations off.
"I gotta get out of the house for a little bit. Not long, but just long enough to get my head cleared up."
When he finished up, he pulled his shorts on and went back to his room, prodigiously locking it again. He then threw on top of his shorts a pair of dark-colored baggy military cargo pants his pop-pop gave him a year ago, should Lincoln ever want to join the service, hoping a vestige of pop-pop's long military service might help, though he really just wanted Lincoln to have some military styled pants like he had when he was Lincoln's age.
Lincoln looked around. He couldn't go through the vents like he was able to since his growth spurts; now being five foot six inches crawling in those confined quarters would not do well for his back, and he didn't want to make such a metal-banging commotion as to wake anyone up. He wasn't nearly as quite as Lucy could be.
He couldn't go through the front doors or any other doors or windows; the house alarm was on, installed by his parents and Lisa ever since the second Great Depression hit the nation in early 2018, which caused a huge spike in crime during the few months in and around the Detroit area, homes within the Royal Woods area being burglarized and robbed, even if not as routine or frequently as in the denser, more urbane part of the area. With the economy and jobs coming back to some semblance, slow and in trickles as they were, and even with less crime, Lincoln still feared the worst; he wouldn't leave the house if it meant taking down its defenses and alarms, no matter what psychological trauma was pounding away in his mind.
"Guess I gotta go through you again," he said, as if having a retuning conversation to his small bedroom window that flipped open and closed. Ever since he got taller, he had to adjust it to allow him to still occasionally slip in if he stayed out too late. He had to maximize the usable space of the small amount of the surrounding wall, a la help from Lana with the DIY details; he was lucky in catching her with a millworks, doors and windows bug for a while.
"It's a good thing I did this post-alarm install. Otherwise all that work would have been totally useless. It's gonna be a tight squeeze though, especially in these pants," Lincoln thought, looking down, noting that as somewhat cumbersome and baggy they were, they did have an extreme number of pockets on them, extremely useful for a guy like Lincoln. And they were a bit spacious and cozy too.
Looking around unconsciously, he noticed his pants from earlier; Luna's ruined headphones, irrepealably damaged from slipping into the toilet, sticking out of the damp toilet paper.
"God that sucks…Luna really like those too."
Lincoln suddenly got an idea. He jimmied through his soaked pants, ignoring the history and potential substances still on and around them and pulled his wallet out, stuffing it into his back pocket, locking it down with the effective but awkward military cargo pant buttons.
"I'll just get some air for a while…head to the corner store down the way, see if there's any comparable headphones…that'll take my mind off things for a bit, right?"
Unsure and uneasy but not finding any better solutions at hand in his mixed mindset, Lincoln slipped on a new pair of short socks and the new shoes he was saving; a better time than any to try them on, break them in at the least he thought. He then threw on his black leather hoodie Lucy got for him a birthday ago. It conformed to his profile, was darn-near water proof, and was extremely comfy for something so dark and gothic, and would keep him dry and mildly warm for his excursion.
He stayed absolutely quite, taking in his auditory environment, before concluding no activity around his room or in the far corner of the other sibling's rooms; his hearing at this point could even detect the rustling about of his parents downstairs.
He flipped open his modified circular window. Then another thought pummeled him.
"What if someone comes looking for me? What if Lana or Lola get a bad dream again?"
He'd probably have to turn them away anyhow due to his state, and he could potentially trust Lana in her finding out he took off for several hours…but Lola? She may not be a tattletale like she use to, but she could freak out and tell their folks, and then Lincoln would be in a world of trouble.
Still…he felt like he needed to take a chance, clear his head, organize, put into action his three personal P's; Patience, Perseverance and Problem Solving. He needed to be away to think a bit more logically. Also, he looked over to his violated comic and ruined shoes.
His heart broke looking at the first comic he ever got, now marred with not only the results of development, but a messed up tabooed arousal resulting in his development getting all over himself and his childhood hobby that he still carried on; comics.
"I loved that comic. It was the very first one I ever got…but…I ruined it. Even if I cleaned it…there's no way I can read it still in the condition it's in…read it like I use to."
He pulled a small black trash bag from his drawer and delicately threw it in there. Looking at his damp, odorous footwear from earlier that still reeked of memories, he sighed, also grabbing these and throwing them into the bag. He rubbed his left leg pocket, making sure a particularly useful, secret item his pop-pop gave him was still in there; it was. Then he tossed the bag outside the window.
He pulled himself out, just barely able to squeeze through, followed by pulling the bag out, grasping the sides of the roofing, his upper body now strong enough to perform such an action with enough certainty since those self defense martial arts lessons with Lynn.
"I really gotta give her props for those god-awful workouts; before that I couldn't break tissue paper," Lincoln tried joking to himself, getting a bit of humor out of his current secret break-out from the premises.
As he grappled the side roofing, using his new, rather slippery shoes for alignment against the side wall, he climbed down into the front patio, shimming along the steps, almost slipping due to a little river of rain coming at an angle from the crooked front entrance. His hand barely missed the doorbell; one of the few times he wished it never got properly repaired months ago.
He got his bag off the ground, looked back at the house with a small frown, and took off down the street, his left hand in his coat pocket, the other holding the bagged items swung over his right shoulder.
2:40 AM
Now in town in the middle of the night, street lights barely outlining the old art deco looks to accentuated angles and curves, he wandered around on autopilot. He passed up Flips Food and Fuel a while ago, closed down for the cool, rainy night.
He headed for the new corner food market store competing for Flip's crowd, doing surprisingly well, given this business's more customer friendly and hygienic practices. This place didn't exactly have a preference for re-labeling expired or gross items, the only thing it not being able to compete with was Flip's slushies, the infamous Flippies. Say what you want about Flip as an owner, boss and proprietor of the establishment, but no one locally could deny he made the best slushies around.
He walked to the 24/7 store, owned by an older gruff blue collar fella, a proud, kinda cool Trump supporter that always wore his red hat with the logo, "Make America Great Again." Lincoln thought he was cool, but seemed to put up blinders to the realities that they were all in, the state and the country anyways, and namely…what Trump promised and never followed through on. As much as he criticized how bad apologists for Democrats and Hillary Clinton supporters were, he became a non-introspective Trump apologist.
So many more places in Michigan closed down, and those that didn't, the corporate-sized places that threatened to leave, got huge corporate welfare benefits and kickbacks from the state, to the expense of the working fella like this guy, still ironically supporting politicians wanting to take his healthcare away. Lori constantly complained about this months ago, turning into a full-blown Sander-styled progressive years prior and keeping up pace with progressive politics. Only his parents seemed really interested in this stuff Lori went on about, a partial reason why she wanted to try her hand at Law School to try and do something productive with one of the now most hated careers around the rustbelt states, besides being a politician; Lincoln and the rest of the family just wanted to live their lives doing what they did and loved everyday.
Lincoln's white hair got soaked from opening the flimsy glass door, his hoodie jarred enough off his head to where the water on the top of the door came down in one micro waterfall onto his head and coursing down his chest and stomach. Lincoln's pupils dilated momentarily before his body acclimated the cold water, his interior shirt and torso now soggy, sweaty and wet.
He pulled the head part of his hoodie jacket off his head completely and shook his head like a dog, white hair nearly hitting his eyes, the water droplets spraying the green glass interior. Lincoln's hair was now a bit longer a la Leni pushing Lincoln to try a slightly new look; semi-longer white hair that was just a bit shaggier than he use to have, otherwise still in the same vein as it was three years ago.
The old guy saw Lincoln walking in, pulling the head part of his hoodie off as he was browsing the small store sporadically.
"A little late for ya, don't ya think kid?" the old guy said to Lincoln with a combo grin and growl. Lincoln tried pulling a Lily and dropped the tenor of his voice, coughing in the process.
"Just needed to get a bit of air and some hardware. Mind if I leave my bag here?"
"Go ahead, and…well, this ain't exactly a Lowes or Ace Hardware kid…what kind of hardware you lookin or?"
"Did I say hardware? I meant electronics."
"Oh….that, I got a little of…in the back by the beers."
"Cool. Thanks."
"Hey kid…ain't ya a little young to be out this late?"
"Kid? Me? Naaahhhhhh."
The old gruff blue collar rolled his eyes and gave a crooked smile to Lincoln.
"Sure….whatever ya say….I won't tell your folks. Just keep the hoodie off and make sure you pay. Nine irons are murder on a guy's cranium…get my meaning?"
"Ahh…yeah, I got the meaning."
"Good," he said, now giving an out-of-nowhere peace sign. "Now get looking and get home safe. Ain't too good out right now, and that ain't the weather I'm referring to."
"Alright, got it."
Lincoln headed for the back towards the small electronic section.
"I don't know…pizzas and candy are more of this place's gimmick. It probably won't have what I want."
Lincoln passed the huge coffee maker area for the morning workers heading into town. On display were several standard and specialty coffee types, along with all the cups, straws, napkins and additional creamers to the side. Some blue-colored creamer cups came to sight, prompting Lincoln's curiosity.
"French vanilla creamer," he said to himself silently, his memories from earlier…the tastes and flavors starting to involuntarily take over his mind again. He shook his head, walking faster now to the electronic section.
"Don't worry about it kid," the gruff man said over to Lincoln from the counter, putting down a saucy magazine, "those creamers are free if you need any, even if ya ain't buying any coffee; I ain't like Flip. I may not got the best slushies…but that's all poor Flip's got. HA!"
"Uhh, thanks."
Lincoln refocused back to the task at hand; browsing the small station of electronic items.
"Let's see…USB's…phone chargers…temporary cell phone minutes to buy…I'm not seeing them."
"Hey, watcha lookin for kid?"
"Do you sell any headphones?"Lincoln yelled back politely as possible.
"None out there," he replied, Lincoln's head dropping down for a moment in defeat.
"But…I can check my inventory in the back; wait here," he said, strolling in the back, holding the nine-iron in his hand like a baseball player, as though he was ready to hear the doorbell ring and come out swinging at people like they were golf balls.
Lincoln walked back towards the counter, waiting within the space to where the guy could see him standing, but far enough away so as not to make the guy think he was going to try and mess with the cash register.
"And…here….we…now….Hey, let's get the let up you contraception….stupid damn thing, open up you…open….open up I says….god damn it, will you open up you….stupid liberal technology…COME ON YOU SON OF A BLEEDING HEART LIMPDICK PUSSYWHILLOW MOTHER F…There we go!"
Lincoln was near rolling on the ground from cracking up over how much this guy was having trouble with whatever he was doing, including the laced profanity and the closeness his voice was to an adult cartoon character Lincoln heard from a show, a thieving robot that sounded like a drunk with sociopathic tendencies; it seemed to suite him perfectly.
"Alright kid. This is what I got for inventory…and don't ask me if I got anymore; this is it!" He sternly said, looking back towards the room he just came in.
"Cool. Thank you very much Mr…."
"Jagger…names Jagger, as in I'm a jag O'l Flip's sorry schemin' hide to the streets one day if he ain't gonna stop talking like he owns the business round here."
"Okay…Jagger. Thank you."
"Welcome kid. All cost twenty bucks, and just cause you're a kid, I ain't droppin the price."
"Understood Jagger."
Lincoln looked into the box the scruffy blue collar owner Jagger brought out; multiple boxed headphones in various bland black and white colors; styles similar to Luna's, but none visible in Luna's favorite color, purple…not withstanding any with skulls on them.
"Uh…Jagger? This is all you got for headphones, right?"
"Look kid…I may have gleefully voted Trump and red a few years ago and am an ass in general, but I ain't the type to skimp on my customers…that's all I got…unless?"
"Unless what Jagger?"
"Well…sometimes stuff gets lost in the little cubby back there in electronics, way behind. I'm too damn fat to fit back there, but you? Lean as a whistle. Take a look, otherwise…like I says, this is it."
"You think there's anything back there?"
"Tell ya what kid. You find something back there, and I'll knock off two-fifty."
"Alright. Keep the box up here just in case Jagger. I'll need to look again."
"Will do. Hurry it up too; I got's a pretty lady wantin some sweet talk," he said with a rather raunchy face towards his saucy magazine.
Lincoln walked back towards the electronic section; him and Flip may have become bitter business rivals with the economy, but they seemed like clones of one another; only difference was that Jagger didn't try to screw his customers over with rip offs. Jagger may be a conservative gruff, and…he's just a bit brash and harsh, but in an old-timey kind of way with a good heart.
Lincoln reached the spot Jagger was talking about; an extremely tight spot, even for the lean Lincoln. Lincoln took off his hoodie, actually somewhat thankful the water that dropped on his head and travelled down his body, gaving him some slippage capacity, decreasing his friction a tad.
Reaching in the tight space, he waved his hand around, unable to see anything but feeling around, hoping not to strike any cob webs, spiders or other unmentionables that got tumbled or found their way over the last few years since this market opened up.
"Ah man, I don't feel any….wait…wait I…I got something," Lincoln said excitedly, grasping at the corner sides of a plastic package, his fingers detecting it to be in the similar shape of the headphone packages in the box at the counter. With one powerful stretch that nearly took his arm out of its socket, Lincoln managed to pull it out. The package was dusty, so he grabbed his hoodie and wiped the front cover's dust off.
"No friggin way," Lincoln thought excitedly. Before him, still in a coating of dust but still safe and intact were headphones near identical to the ones accidently ruined earlier, with the main dark purple coloration Luna adored. Only difference was that they were Halloween themed, skulls all over the ear cover sections, more orange glistened in a pattern that melted Lincoln's aesthetic mind, and a blood red line that pierced the skulls like a flow of blood.
A gigantic smile etched itself on his face.
"I, I think I found what I was looking for," Lincoln called out softly.
"Good…come on over and pay. Kristen Carry ain't gonna look at herself!"
Lincoln brought the headphones, package still slightly dusty but cleanable. Then he wondered if they still worked.
"Uh, Jagger? Mind if I test them out? I just don't want to pay all that money and have them not working. I noticed your sign saying all sales final and no returns, so…"
"Errrhhh…why the hell not? It's not like I got anything else better to do," Jagger said, taking his personal hunting knife off his waist and pulling the packaging from Lincoln, cutting the sides open with surgical precision.
"Holy crud Jagger! Where'd you learn that?"
"Military and part time as a butcher. Plastic here's about a pork chop in durability."
"That's cool," Lincoln said as Jagger pulled the headphones out delicately and put them on the counter.
"AH Crud! I forgot my IPod!" Lincoln complained, now not able to be sure the headphones worked.
"Hold it…I got mine," Jagger said, pulling his from under the counter. Lincoln looked at him blankly.
"What? I may be a dumb blue collar ass, but I know a bit about your generation's tech!"
He plugged in the headphones in and gave the headphones to Lincoln to put on. For the price they were, they had an extreme number of accessories, and were really, really comfy, not hurting your ears at all. It was like a soft willowy cushion, pressed firmly but comfortably; that'd be especially useful if Luna was going to sleep with the headphones on like she typically did.
"Here kid,' Jagger said, scrolling through his songs playlist, "hope ya like Welcome to the Jungle by Guns and Roses."
He pressed play, and Lincoln began to listen…for several seconds. Then a minute and some-aught seconds passed before Jagger paused the song.
"That song'll put hair on your balls kid. So, how'd they work?"
"Wow Jagger…they might even be better than her old pair! They're perfect!"
"Her pair? Kid, you sneakin out of your house to buy your girlfriend some headphones? This time of night? That's actually…real ballsy of you…and sweet of course. A good piece of tail I gather?"
Lincoln shot red, blushed and feeling extremely awkward thanks to the grinning old blue collar guy who thought he had Lincoln figured out.
"Don't you forget to give her a good kiss…that'll get you to third base…then home run. HA!"
"Uhhh….this is… actually for one of my sisters Jagger."
"Oh….OOOOOOOOHHHHHH. Holy shit, I gotta watch my mouth. Fuck that's awkward."
"You're telling me Jagger…especially since that wasn't Welcome to the Jungle playing on your IPod," Lincoln replied back, still flushed as ever but now wanting to marginally get Jagger back for inadvertently throwing Lincoln into this psychological tailspin he was in.
"What are ya talkin about kid?"
"Take a listen," Lincoln said, handing over Jagger the headphones, pressing play on Jagger's play button for the song. Jagger's eyes went wide and white.
"Guns and Roses? I think more like Cool Kids by Echosmith, right Jagger?" Lincoln asked in a cocked grin, still flustered and red. Jagger looked down to Lincoln with a poker face secretly boiling over in embarrassed rage.
"Half off the headphones and a free big beverage for never ever telling another soul about this kid. Deal?"
"You drive a hard bargain, but, deal Jagger."
"Make it quick."
Lincoln walked back up to the drinks, searching for a soda or water. Looking around, he noticed the dairy section. He couldn't make up his mind.
"Mind if I pay first Dagger?"
"Shit…that's actually better," Jagger opinioned.
Lincoln walked back again to the counter, Jagger hurriedly stuffing his IPod into his pockets, his face pretending nothing happened. Jagger typed in some numbers and pressed several buttons on the screen.
"Okay kid. Gonna be $10.60 after tax."
Lincoln pulled out his wallet and scrounged in the money pocket.
"Ohh…dang…dang…dang it. I thought I had more."
"Problem kid?"
"Thought I had more Jagger. Could I just skip the free drink and get the headphones for...seven dollars and….thirty-seven cents?"
"I ain't a charity kid. I knocked the deal down to your favor already, plus I can't change what I entered in this stupid frickin register."
"Okay…hold on…" Lincoln asked, struggling through his multiple pant pockets on his dark cargo military pants.
"Got it yet kid?"
"I think…I…uh…it's no use…I don't got the-"
"Hey kid, did ya check that corner of your wallet?"
Lincoln saw Jagger pointing to a small section of his wallet he never really used. There was a tiny bit of green poking out.
Lincoln carefully slipped the corner of the green paper out.
"What is-? Whoah….the five dollars?" Lincoln said in amazement.
"Five dollars ain't nothing special-"
"It's the five my dad gave me earlier when we went to the theaters…he said he was proud of me…before…-"
"Before what kid?"
"….never mind. I guess I didn't realize I put in that part. Here, this should cover it, and keep the change Jagger."
"Overly generous of you kid. Now get your other trash bag and scram! Get goin home and safe. Rains takin a break outside right now so you shouldn't be getting anymore soaked assuming you ain't gonna screw around out there."
"What about my drink?"
"I didn't forget that," Jagger said, obviously forgetting, "…make it quick! I told ya-"he paused, waving his dirty mag at Lincoln, wanting him to get the hell out now.
Lincoln ran back to the electronics to scarf his hoodie up he almost left over there and then to the drinks.
"…and beer ain't covered on that freebie boy!"
Lincoln smiled as he again scanned the drinks selection, internally laughing at Jagger's add-on. Not really in the mood for soda, or even a Dr. Pibb, he looked around in sections he didn't typically get a drink in. Suddenly, back in the dairy section, he saw the milks. His eyes and body seemed to be drawn to the fourteen ounce bottles of protein milk beverages, processing the various flavors until he saw…it. He licked his lips in guilt.
"Vanilla," he said, transfixed in a burdensome memory only less than an hour ago. He wanted to get away from the idea or sensations of coconut, white chocolate truffles or vanilla, but in his complete reckless drive, stumbled into the only place around in his air-seeking venture that would actually contain the three flavor sensations he tried ignoring.
"I, I shouldn't…it'll remind me too much…"he paused, thinking and thinking.
"Why the hell are these flavors driving me up the wall," he said harshly to himself quietly.
"KID! YA DONE YET!?"
Lincoln heard, but was trapped in his mental wiring going haywire over the most mundane yet complicated choice. His brain, his reasoning, his compass on morality was telling him no and to go the hell the other direction…but his evolutionary subconscious, taste buds and teenage-fueled, hormonally biased groin were screaming for the vanilla milk protein beverage.
Lincoln shuttered, wrapping his left arm around himself as his right arm took control, now under orders by what turned out to be the side his body that was quelling his rationale side, purging his sense of right and wrong. He grabbed the vanilla milk bottle.
"I'm gonna regret this…I just know it."
Upon pulling out the bottle, another slid forward in its place, taking Lincoln by surprise and causing him to sweat heavier, get red again before he realized he asked Jagger if he could trade out the one big drink deal for two small vanilla milks. Lincoln mentally cursed himself for not catching this giant slip up; one bottle was bad enough, but two?
"Sure kid…more soda or me! No one ever really drinks that crap!"
As Lincoln carried the two bottles towards Jagger, he stopped on a dime, looking at the creamers in the coffee section again…now squared up with the French vanilla creamers. His throat convulsed, feeling his body get the shakes and quivers, almost as though his body was ripping itself under hormonal steroid-like stimulations. Red and sweating again, he had a terrifying thought.
"Is…is this what Luna feels? During those…urges?"
Lincoln, without thinking, suddenly placed the two bottles down harshly and grabbed two giant handfuls of the French vanilla creamers, each about an ounce shot.
"Holy Hell Kid! You takin all those? Well…ain't nobody likes those flavors anyways. Go on ahead."
In a fit of drug-like hand motion voracity, Lincoln grabbed another handful, stuffing nearly all the creamers into his hoodie pockets, the loose going into his military cargo pant pockets. He grabbed his two vanilla milk bottles and headed to show Jagger the two bottles, to which he marked down and placed in a bag with the new headphones, double-bagging in plastic and tying up so as not to get wet.
"That's how ya do it right; two plastic bags…frickin environmental Ya-hoos taking away my plastic! Alright kid. Get home and enjoy giving those to your girlfriend…SHIT FUCK! I mean….sister."
"Uhm, alright. Thanks Jagger."
"Anytime…ideally between seven AM and ten PM for your kind. No mark downs after this."
"Got it. Thanks Jagger. Stay safe."
"You too kid. Stay under the street lights."
Lincoln exited the store, looking back at the gruff old blue collar worker now smiling and messing with his dirty magazine, mumbling to himself.
3:15 AM
Lincoln walked around nearly the entire neighborhood of Royal Woods, the rains gone to nothing but a light drizzle like that water spray on vegetables in supermarket produce sections. He walked past Clyde's old house, letting in the memories of him and Clyde playing and messing around, how fortunate the new family living there had such a cool house. Then past his old elementary school, thinking back how flustered and dumb he use to get when his substitute teacher Ms. DiMartino would talk to him. Why couldn't she be giving him these feelings and thoughts right now he yelled internally at himself. He'd be ecstatic if Ronnie Anne still made him feel like butterflies were in his stomach; alas no.
Backtracking through town again, he passed the local diner, seeing through the window the booth Luna once told him she thought she met a disguised rock star, the rocktacular Mick Swagger and got a pep talk on family bands and the point of the music contest they went for; having fun. It was the one he kicked her out of years ago for her selfish behavior, then was welcomed back in for apologizing to the whole family, including letting their father back in with the cowbell. Ever since, Lincoln couldn't recall a single time she was ever selfish or thoughtless…at least to him, especially since the Christmas they helped Mr. Grouse get a bus ticket to his extended large family.
"That was one wicked cool song she wrote up too," he thought, smiling at this memory of singing the holiday song she wrote up, how fun it was to sing with her and the family…especially her.
"Why do I keep thinking…especially her?"
He circled through the dark dimly lit city, seeing an occasional car pass him by. Over in the distance by the pond he saw Mr. Grouse going night fishing. Lincoln laughed in his hand, thinking Mr. Grouse was just joking about that.
"Guess there is such a thing," he thought to himself, watching Mr. Grouse so calmly and patiently stare at the water, humming a little tune…an all too familiar one.
"Hey…wait a minute…that sounds like…is it?"
It was. Several seconds in and Lincoln was hearing Mr. Grouse hum the song Luna wrote and their and the McBride family sang to him.
"It still is pretty catchy to this day…even after all this time. It was really hard to beat that one for the last two Christmases…another one is only down the road too."
Lincoln travelled further into town, before arriving in the park, heading towards the tree surrounded by several large bushes blocking a large amount of the trunk, still green. A grass spot that was on a slight inclined curve situated under a really dense part of the tree, which kept the rains from falling into and around this spot, so it was still dry and open, a perfect place for Lincoln to take a break.
Getting off his feet and laying in a pretzel shape, placing his trash bag to one side, his other bag full of free and discounted stuff, he opened the latter up and dumped all the French vanilla creamers in it…there had to be at least fifty or more in there. He took a moment to relax and think still, letting the sounds of the rains settle his nerves.
"So…these thoughts…they probably come from me seeing Luna…like that. If that was it, then that'd be the end of it. It was all a big, awkward…milky misunderstanding. But…why is the idea of Luna…doing that, of all things, so alluring to me?"
Lincoln tried something. He closed his eyes and tried to play the dream in his head, but instead of Luna, putting Ms. DiMartino in place, constructing and editing her voice inside his head and him doing those actions on her. He thought it was cool to be able to construct that…but in an awesome and terrifying letdown, he didn't get aroused at all by her.
"Crud…she would have been a shoe in for that."
Lincoln tried other fantasies with Ms. DiMartino…to no avail.
"Okay…Ms. DiMartino doesn't work, not like the way she use to anyways….how about Ronnie Anne?"
Lincoln felt slightly guilty in using Ronnie Anne as a stand in for testing the degree of his arousal for the female phenomenon of "milk spillage," but the circumstances were dire and troubling, and the latter possibility was far more potentially damaging to Lincoln's grip with morality and proper relationships than with his now platonic relationship with her.
He put Ronnie Anne in place…at first working a bit. He felt a hint of stimulation, but it could have been the residual affection he still held for her after their break up. It may have helped that Ronnie Anne was in Lincoln's age group, though he wasn't certain. In imagining her discharging a stream…Luna kept popping up to replaced Ronnie Anne, much to Lincoln's horror and surprise.
"Oh man! This is not good. I can't…this can't be!"
Lincoln recalled his three P's. Patience unfortunately caused him back in the shower to contemplate with great diligence and mental backtracking to the now unfortunate nagging thought that Luna may have called his name out…well before he barged in. This was another can of worms that was not certain, and a thought he wasn't wanting to totally deal with right now, preferring to focus on his own demons.
Perseverance.
"Yeah…I persevered into that rattling thought back in the shower; I prodded with perseverance a little too much, and broke out of my house during dark…perseverance…yeah right."
Lincoln came to the last P; Problem Solving.
"In order for me to solve a problem, I gotta attack it like this; it needs to be identified, articulated, and determined why it exists."
Lincoln bit his lip, trying to face and identify what his reason for everything post 2:18 AM has been all about…including some feelings he's had since the incident. He had to come to terms with, at the very least, an admission.
"Okay …Luna doing that in the bathroom-"
Lincoln paused, pinching his nose bridge with his fingers, slowly letting them cover his eyes as he prepared speaking the words.
"-what Luna did in there, and for some reason, only her doing it of all the women I've been attracted to…I get really….really, aroused by that. So…that's out there now. That's my mind frame right now."
Then he considered….a simpler way of putting it.
"In simple terms…I'm attracted to Luna. Her doing that…and only Luna, to my knowledge, doing that, turns me on…really on. Hey…wait a minute! I didn't really consider all those other illicit things…activities in my dream besides the milk splurge," he thought, going back in his head and remembering those fuzzy but still crystal clear pieces of the mental puzzle.
"And…." Lincoln felt his groin area sapping his supply of blood again.
"No….damn it no…it's not just her ejaculating….it's…anything risqué with her and on up. Even the idea of being huddled next to her is now crippling me."
Lincoln sighed, now ready to spell it out.
"Alright…I get sexually aroused by my older sister. Damn! That's beyond the most messed up thing ever in the history of humanity! And it's not even just her ejaculating anymore. That was the climax of the dream…but all that extra stuff leading up to it, the foreplay…even before that, just hanging out with her and having fun…is that my fix?"
Lincoln thought about how accurate the dream was to what they really did in real life…how happy it made him, just to be able to spend time with Luna, who was now in his eyes the last few months becoming his closest sibling of all.
"Maybe….over time I got a little too close without noticing…and me stumbling on her…did something…released something in my mind or heart that I hadn't really given thought or attention to."
He really did spend an enormous amount of time with her, relative to the other siblings; it seemed to be out of all his activities with his other sisters, his go-to activity, Luna filling the gap of time and investment that was left by Ronnie Anne and Clyde.
"She's not just some substitute to my time I'm inserting psychologically…just cause I'm lonely, right?"
Lonely…ten sisters, his platonic friendship with Ronnie Anne and a gaggle of other guys he hung out with at school…and he was lonely? He may not be the most popular kid, but he was far from not having any friends. But…they weren't good friends…Ronnie Anne was a best friend…but best, best friends…that seemed more like Luna, well beyond familial ties that could connect on a deeper level. With Ronnie Anne gone out of that equation, maybe, he thought, that he placed those lonely sentiments on Luna to fill that gap. Even his wingman Clyde, he connected with, but his lacking current residency severely limited the degree of their friendship they originally had.
"Or maybe," he contemplated, "Luna just makes me happy …really happy…really, really happy. Like being around her is usually like the best thing about my day. Maybe it doesn't even really relate to Ronnie Anne breaking up with me, or Clyde moving away. It's not something I've given entire thought to, but whenever she's in the picture, it just seems…I dunno…right? Perfect? Those British accents, the music she plays…her voice…my goodness that voice; rock or not her voice is awesome. All's right with the world when I'm with her…she rocks my world…literally and figuratively…it's a gut feeling that doesn't make sense, but then again, this entire situation doesn't make sense."
Lincoln then recalled a quote he read in his English class Literature textbook. Each chapter had a quote on a particular lesson on story mechanics and the characters involved in the many short stories they read and wrote essays on. This quote was a passing glance, and he could only paraphrase its rough sentiment, but it caught his eye. He recited the broad sentiment back to himself.
"It doesn't have to make sense, so long as it makes sense to you. It's a many splendid thing, this thing we humans call… Lo-"
Lincoln heeled his tongue, road blocking the last word's planetary-sized philosophical and psychological implications in Lincoln's head, let alone letting it pass his mind. He quickly tried pushing the full notion and paraphrased quote out of his head entirely.
"WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING!? LINCOLN YOU WARPED MESSED-UP JACKASS! DON'T EVEN DARE THINK THAT! DON'T PUT LUNA ON THE RINGER LIKE THIS!"
Lincoln quickly got up and grabbed his old, damp and memory-laden shoes, quickly running them over to a trash container by the bathrooms and throwing them in with excessive thrust.
He walked back with a manic expression, now frantically and frenetically trying to find other reasons and justifications.
"It's….you know? ….probably just a case of me being a really horny teenage boy with a messed-up, rapid onset fetish for girls splashing like that. Luna was the vehicle…so I'm just inadvertently channeling this interest through my only sample of the phenomenon…her. It's just like I might have thought in the shower. It's messed up as all hell, yeah…really really messed up, but not as messed up as that other possibility," he hurriedly thought, trying to construct this possibility, as bad as it was, as the most probable, knowing the other option he was beginning to drift towards was leading him to a whole other world of confusion and uncomfortablness.
Lincoln, with intent to distract himself, then pulled his pocket knife out and dug a small hole on the top of the incline, not more than a hand's with wide and half his hand's depth. He found some still dry sticks and threw them in there. Then he rummaged through his multiple pockets, pulling out the secret product pop-pop gave him; an old school lighter. He proceeded to light the twigs on fire, making a small bonfire out on the small hill, it casting a minute amount of illumination compared to the saturated dark landscapes of wet, cold surfaces.
Lincoln twiddled his fingers for a moment, before reaching the corners of his first Ace Savvy comic. He breathed heavy as he was about to do something he thought he'd never do to a comic.
"I'm…I'm sorry bud. I never wanted you to go out like this."
His eyes burned to the sequence of dropping his comic into the flames, seeing it catch fire, flame and turn to ashes within thirty seconds. His childhood, now in cinders.
"That…sucked. At least the memories are still there…and with the shoes in the trash, maybe this can in some way symbolically shut or destroy this bad fantasy stuff I got in my head right now."
As Lincoln sat hard onto the ground, a huge number of snaps and pops came from under his body and side.
"What did I just sit on!?"
He got up fast, now seeing nearly half of the French vanilla creamers, more than fifty like he thought earlier, and the two protein milk beverages all broken open and in one collective surge stream down the incline in the opposite direction. The smell instantly struck Lincoln like a punch to the face, the milky pearl flow getting him aroused out of nowhere so badly and voraciously; Luna immediately popped into mind. His imagination, without his control, chained to his hormonal seismicity, went straight to the bathroom sequence again, but with a slight variation.
As Luna was in the stall climaxing and releasing, Lincoln, instead of walking backwards, walked forwards fast, dropping to his knees by her boots and opened his mouth for the pearl stream emanating from Luna, letting it coat him, his upper body and his face while licking his lips the entire time.
Before he knew it, he had his cargo military pants down off his waist, him now on his knees doing the same thing Luna was doing in the stall. Towards his end, his mind got a temporary glimpse of what his biology was attempting to pursue; his mind lost, now his unbridled subconscious taking over, making one major variation from his original encounter with Luna. He leaned over to her as she leaned into his face, conjoining their lips in an ungodly fit of tug and war, pressing against each other's bodies in a makeout that would shudder even the most virile of the love gods. Both red, panting and sweating with smiles locked to one another, Luna whispered.
"Wow you got covered Lincoln. That just makes it hotter…Love you bro."
"Luna, Luna…I lov-"
Lincoln felt his body buckle in on itself again, his body rocked to the core even worse than back in his bed earlier. All control of his body lost for nearly ten seconds, totally helpless right now in his state of tension-releasing ecstasy. He looked down, now seeing the fruits of what his uncontrolled, unmitigated fantasy with the new twists did all over to the grass that still had the French vanilla creamers and protein milk flowing down. He was in utter shock for what he just did right out of nowhere; no contemplation…his body and mind just gravitated towards this sensual conclusion without proper rationale.
Looking around at the scene, he felt like he just murdered his reality, ruined his life…ruined his family's life, but most of all…ruined Luna's life.
"WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING!?"Lincoln wailed in a teary roar to the sky, his tortured scream echoing across the neighborhood sky above. Petrified and mortified that he just for all intense purposes, even if on autopilot, pleasured himself to his sister…what's more, pleasured himself to being more than intimate. Not just making love, but making out in hot, sticky fashion, him in his mind completely drenched, just like hundreds of blades of grass on the ground right now.
His body and legs shook, ankles buckled, him sobbing into his hoodie as he pulled his military pants up. The venture out of the house didn't bring any long term relief. Far from it, it just caused him to bust at a fantasy of him being splurged all over by his sister, but with Lincoln now going the next mile and welcoming it, even blowing harder than ever before when his sister told him that she loved him, in not in a familial or sibling way….and what Lincoln feared the most and hesitated before he creamed himself…what he was about to say in response to this illicit hallucination.
"Dreams…fantasies…either subconscious or conscious…no divides anywhere, anymore. I can't believe this. Why me!?"
Lincoln finally got the strength to control his legs from shaking too violently, ill-footed on the inclined hill now.
Weary, exhausted, terrified and silently crying to himself for the ultimate shame on Earth, he cleaned up the site, kicked the fire out, spreading the ashes of his comic book all over the place, and walked home with the most depressed motions possible.
3:40 AM
"As horrible and disgusting…and forbidden as it is…I…I gotta face the fact…but how long have I really felt this for Luna?"He asked himself, now seeing his home down the street, back in his neighborhood. It was surprising there was little to no nighttime activity going on for Saturday's extreme morning.
His head pulsed, his thoughts still organizing, one reared up.
"I know now….oh god….I'm making myself sick," Lincoln croaked before his stomach took his body down and caused him to spill his guts all over the sidewalk, two houses down before his own house. He punched the sidewalk in self-loathing rage, bloodying his knuckles and nearly breaking his fists. The rains heaved on him now heavier than before; a small trickle of blood from his knuckles wiggled down to the pavement. The sound of him puking must have alerted the neighbors because the lights from two houses down turned on; they may have heard him violently gob out throwing up.
Lincoln quickly shambled towards his house, hiding behind the family van while noticing the smell of acidic vomit permeated not only from and on his mouth, but a lot of the area pavement around him for some reason, especially by the left back corner taillight of the family van. Choosing to ignore it, he slowly climbed up the front porch, and mustered up any available strength yet not focused on his brain to help himself drop down immediately above from the roofing, instantly grabbing onto his small window sill. In one mighty pull he squeezed himself into the small window space, throwing the bag holding Luna's headphones into the corner and shimming onto his bed, breathing heavy and trying to regain his lungs.
His white hair, hoodie, shirt, military cargo pants and shorts were soaking wet, the damp clothing sticking to his still panting hot body. Soaked from head to toe, his new shoes were saturated to completion, his socks spongy and abrasive. His mind was so lost that he didn't notice leaving the park that halfway to his house, a downpour kicked in. He was so exhausted that he almost immediately began shutting his eyes. But…not before his mind did some last minute processing and formulated hated, shameful conclusions of the complicated biochemical system that was Lincoln Loud.
"I tried denying it…I…my interest with Luna shot well beyond just her ejaculations…it's…also her now. Strange though how I feel like I can't bust hard unless Luna busts really hard first, like I can't really get aroused unless she's already done her thing…that my tick I suppose…not as a sexual lightening rod, but as one of the closest people I have in my life…her personality; her, just as she is…her."
Lincoln quickly and with great invested effort locked his window to not look like it was accessible to leave again. He walked parallel to his bed, and collapsed into it, pulling the blankets under him over his body, making a taco shape out of his bed sheets. Not even bothering to take his clothes, shoes or socks off, almost on a dime he sank into the throws of preliminary deep inattentive sleep.
"The bathroom deal is just icing on the cake. This has been a long time coming, but…I…I-"
One final thought passed Lincoln's mind as he rapidly powered off.
"I…I give in….I think…I think I'm in love with Luna. But…what about her? Back in the bathroom… did she really say my n-"
And like that, Lincoln was out.
10:37 AM
Curled up in the bottom bunk, snuggled and warm in the same kind of covers in her top bunk only yellow, Luna slowly came back from being in deep sleep. Eyes still gridlocked, her conscious was becoming much more responsive to the spooky quiet all around, the lack of any Loud activity. Feeling shot through her nerves again, the taste of vomit and acid still detectable in her mouth and on her tongue. Coughing momentarily, it didn't get rid of the odor, winching her nose at the now rancid odor she'd get rid of when she would brush her teeth.
She rubbed her sandy eyes with balled-up fists, brushing her face with her left hand and scratching her nose and pierced ears. As she charged up, she gave pause, letting her mind load up what was already determined to be forbidden fact.
"Do I still-?" She thought in mid pause, hoping last night was just one of the worst nightmares of her life. Playing everything from when Lincoln was ricocheted off Luan's bosom to the biggest self-realization in her life up to now in one long worst-hits memory playback.
"Dude…. fuck! Blimey you're still fucked up. You're still in love with…him," she bemoaned to herself as she popped herself in the forehead, not realizing how weak she still felt…emotionally drained.
Already aware of her entire existence brought down a peg, the day of post-revelation was going to be a long one. Looking around, mind now on a heightened pitch but her eyes still groggy, she was facing the wall. She slowly flipped over, eyes closed mid-motion as she stretcher her sore, locked muscles, cracking every stress point in a cat-like flexing from her jaw, neck, back, arms, all the way down to her hips, coccyx, and still going south. She was all jangled up.
"My frickin back man…this is so not jive! I…hey….Luan?" Luna asked while she twisted her spine out of whack, now seeing she was the only one in the bedroom, Luan not cuddled with her in bed. She looked over to their drawer; one of Luan's red clown noses that doubled as their form of secret communication by holding small sticky note messages was placed with a dunce hat on top of it…Luan's way of signaling to pick up ASAP.
Luna slowly got up and stood out of Luan's bunk, her feet and toes cracking from the pressure against the locked tendons, her arm joints snapping as she yawned loudly, wiping a bit of drool off her chin onto her wrinkled purple nightshirt with the skull on it. Midway to the desk she purposely curled her toes to give them a really good crack, the kind Luan would have freaked out at. A mirror on the wall revealed the sight; a Luna Loud with dark circled red eyes, face still a bit colorless, her pronounced frame still there but less healthy…more sucked in than tone. As she stared into the mirror, Luna noticed it didn't wobble like usual.
"As a matter of fact…I don't hear anybody…what's going on?"
Luna noticed that it was unusually quite in the house right now; arguments, pranks, yelling, crying, running, usually something was going on at all times with the other siblings. She grabbed the small red clown nose and pulled the small sticky note, jammed with extreme, pristinely small cursive handwriting; Luan was gifted with handwriting skills better than the whole family, save possibly for Leni, who could write with better precision in terms of style, but Luan having a vastly better command of spelling and grammar.
"What's going on Luan?" Luna asked herself loudly as she opened up the small 2x2 letter.
"Hi sis! Family went to mall around 9. Thought you'd want to sleep in after last night. Told them you were still not feeling well and needed rest. I nose you'd might need it still…get it? Ha Ha Ha Ha."
"Wow…she even put the ha ha's in this one," Luna said with a warm smile, thinking how quirky she could be.
"I love our communication system, you nose what I'm saying? Get it? Ha Ha Ha!"
"Goofball."
"So, Lincoln's gone with us too."
Luna's stomach fluttered for a moment, her not getting why that caused a strange reaction in there...until it became too obvious.
"He seems…a bit out of it right now, like he didn't get a lot of sleep-"
Luna got to here before she stopped; now feeling directly responsible from Luan's noted observation post-theater debacle, their brother seemed to have been affected to some degree.
"Oh no…I…I did I really mess Lincoln up….BLOODY FUCKING HELL! I KNEW I FUCKED UP!"Luna yelled out harshly at herself, having no reservations of censoring herself since no one was home. The angry cry-out got choked towards the end before she roared:
"FUCK! FUCK!FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!"
Luna collapsed to her knees, feeling her raging tears approach again, fuming at herself now that Luan gave some word of Lincoln's turn. She sniffed and grabbed the note and read it from the beginning sentence, waiting to take the full story.
""He seems…a bit out of it right now, like he didn't get a lot of sleep. But don't freak out. I'm sure it's nothing; you might want to consider keeping clear of Lincoln for a tiny bit, till I can see what's up and we can get this whole situation under control love-bug."
"I'm gonna have to," Luna sniffled, feeling angst and depression at the thought of having to avoid Lincoln for an unspecified period of time, at least until Luan could better ascertain the situation. The more she thought about it though, the more reasonable it seemed, temporarily speaking. She was still unsure how she'd act around him…let alone control these urges that bobbled up. Then a terrifying thought crossed her mind.
"W…what if I can't control myself around Lincoln? What if I…?"
She shook her head vigorously; she may have realized the hots she had for her brother were more beyond than just sexual…now emotional, but she couldn't easily conceptualize forcing herself on Lincoln, and now that she was an adult….that'd be considered rape.
"I couldn't do that to him…I know it…I hope-"
Luna lamented the thought of assaulting her brother in such an evil manner, casting a new light of shame on her thoughts. She'd have to bottle them up and keep guard at all times with him around her. She brought her eyes back to the letter.
"I recommend you jam on your music for a while…might make you feel better, especially that non-rock music, Ms. John Williams."
Luna gasped, stopping her tears and realizing Luan was well aware of Luna's secret penchant for mock-conducting orchestrated rock music, moody folk violin music and just conducting in general. Like rocking out, it allowed her to physically vent, depending on the kind of music she chose.
"Damn it…how'd she find out?" Luna asked, now smiling, thinking how puny and unimportant this secret seemed when scaled into comparison to the goliath she now carried. She continued on the letter.
"Also, decided to reduce number of cameras and frequency of taking footage inside the house, just in case…don't want secrets to nose their way out…get it?"
"NO WAY! She never tampers with her equipment, not for anyone…she really does care about me," Luna said, tears of heart warmth from her younger sibling's actions and work, all for Luna's security. Luan's camera and footage operations hadn't stopped, even after Lincoln's debacle with them years prior.
"Well actually…that's probably how she found out. Strange I didn't consider that before. But…if she had them going on prior to this morning…oh shit…oh shit shit shit shit shit. SHIT!"
Luan's cameras most likely recorded everything from last night. Luna's heart stopped all at once, now kicking herself in the ass for not thinking about that at all at any point. She shook, knowing documented footage was somewhere in the confines of the house held her dirty little secret. She returned to the note.
"If you're wondering, I destroyed all the footage from our room last night. Good thing we don't have thin walls anymore ever since Lisa modified them. Ain't nobody gonna nose in our business…get it?"
"OH MY GOD! YOU ROCK LUAN! HELL YEAH!" Luna shouted in her roaring, rocking way she hadn't since yesterday, feeling a giant bit of relief stream back into her stabilizing mind. She rolled her head and did the "sign of the horns" hand gesture, proceeding to punch the air like Lincoln would.
"Call or text if you need anything. We won't be home till about 1, so kill time…mull things over. Left over sausage, bacon and half a box of Lucky Charms and quart of milk still downstairs in the kitchen. Love you sis. I'm pulling for you. Remember, we're all in this together."
With a small smile on her face, she ripped the sticky note to shreds and threw them in the trash can. She rubbed her thighs, then her scalp, feeling her bed hair pushed to an angle.
"I need a shower, and some new threads."
Luna felt that since everyone, including Lincoln were at the mall, she could be less concerned about her physique being shown in its full natural state.
"It's safe now. He's at the mall, so…"
She ripped her purple night shirt, small shorts and panties off, now in the full moon of nude. Even in her stressed, recovering state, Luna still had a drop-dead rocker physique, toned abs and the bounciest buffer-butt, second place with Luan in breast size, an articulated, elegant grace about her that glowed with her musical interests. It was like her body conformed to all the rock music she's listened to since puberty and then onwards.
She grabbed a purple towel with a trademark skull on it, then tepidly opened her door to look out towards the hallway scene.
All the doors were closed except Lana and Lola's, the prior's pets needing to go downstairs to eat and drink. They congregated in Lana's bed; Charles the dog, Cliff the cat, Geo the hamster, Walt the canary, Izzy the lizard, Hops the frog and El Diable the snake. These animals seemed now to each other best friends, usually within one another's presence at all times. As soon as Luna took a step, they all ran out of Lana and Lola's room, surprising Luna momentarily until they dove for the stairs at a good collective pace.
"Hmmm….musta been thirsty or something."
As she walked towards the door, a very subtle motion from the corner of her left eye near the twin's room caught her attention. Turning around quickly, she saw a huge tarantula crawling very slowly on the ground. For some reason…Luna liked it.
"Oh my god, you are just too cute!" Luna smiled, carefully walking over to it. At its speed, she'd be done with her shower before it got to the stairs.
"You must be a new one. Well…I'm the rocker," she paused, before continuing, "the rocker….with a dirty giant secret. I won't say now, but suffice it to say, it's Earth-shattering."
Its eyes looked curious in Luna's direction, scanning the naked eighteen year old rocker girl with the towel around her shoulders. It lifted a leg up haphazardly, as though it waived at her.
"And hi to you too little dude. You're cool. I'd let you crash we me, but I think you might freak my other sister out. She ain't into spooky-cool. Lucy over there," Luna pointed, towards Lynn and Lucy's bedroom, "-now she likes pure spooky. You'd fit in."
The Tarantula, bigger than her palm width, walked delicately around Luna, tickling her toes with its prickles and brushing against her ankle as though it was rubbing itself on her like a dog.
"Teeehee…you're a ticklish little thing, aren't you little spiky dude."
Charles suddenly came back up the stairs, running over to Luna for a quick pet from her, before dropping onto his stomach, letting the Tarantula climb onto his back, rotating to face Luna. As Charles started for the stairs, it seemed to wiggle its left leg at Luna, like it was waving bye. Luna gave a small wave herself, before both were now out of sight.
"Dude…that was weird…but cool. Since when did Lana get such a cool pet like that?"
She got into the bathroom and prepped the shower, running her hands through her slightly longer than usual hair was styled, but still the shortest in the house, Lincoln's notwithstanding.
"Whoah…I hope Leni doesn't see that. Even after that girl Tarantula…what'd Lincoln name it….Frank? No, that was before Lisa told us it was a girl….AH, this is gonna drive me up the wall! Well, since the girl Tarantula gave birth to all those baby spiders…she's still got that gnarly case of Arachnophobia…wicked," she said with a good-natured evil grin, now wanting to see her reaction to this even bigger sized spider.
She jarred the window open slightly, letting the steam flow out. Luna looked outside and saw that it was another cloudy, rainy day in the neighborhood.
"Well…can't jam in the garage today, not with the huge leak in the roof and that open spot; probably would short out my equipment. Guess I'll jam it full blast in my room today…no one's home, so…"
Luna hopped into the shower, feeling all her tense muscles and concerns wither away with the continuous striking of the steamy hot, liberating waters of the shower stream down her body.
"Ooohh that feels good. I really needed this. And I never did clean up after that," she said, taking a whiff of her body odor.
"Damn…I smell like vanilla ice cream with acid…uhh, but my BO in my armpits is whacked out…stress BO; must have got some throw up on me last night with that acid smell. But wait…vanilla? Really" She thought curiously. As she ironically washed her hair with her vanilla bean shampoo and conditioner, she wondered why her body smelled like that, before the reason crept up.
"Maybe…maybe that's what mine smells…and I guess tastes like. Might be from all those pineapple vanilla shakes I've been drinking from Leni. Those thinks are rocking good."
About to wash her body off with a vanilla-scented bat of soap, she coursed her fingers around her inner thigh, wondering if any residual odors or tastes were left over from the night. She placed her fingers in her mouth and tasted.
"Oh blimey! Still there, and I do taste like vanilla…really sweet vanilla…that's so bitchin!"
Her nerves must have had a bit of delay, cause when she brushed down there, her spine nerve shuttered….pleasurably.
"Geez…it was just a brush. Come on you god damn libido! Leave me alone for a bit!"
She began trying to focus on washing her body, then as she approached her derriere, her nerves and body shook again, as though she was prepping for a docking party, casuing her to bend over with her back arched.
"GOD DAMN IT BODY! NOT NOW! I'M TRYING TO FUCKING RELAX!"
She tried and tried ignoring…to no avail. This wasn't going to pass anytime soon. She tried blaring several rock hits in her head…they had the opposite reaction. She was now in the throes of being sucked into her urge again. Suddenly her mind locked onto Lincoln.
"NO! NOT NOW!"
She slapped herself silly several times, leaving several red hand marks across her face, before she tried punching her groin; nothing happened. Her mind was slowly being taken over by her primitive biological imperatives.
"Damn…bloody hell," she weakly uttered out, now not restricting herself anymore, slowly starting before her pace quickened, now permitting her perverse focus on Lincoln to take full effect. It was just like in the bathroom stall, except she had her hitch…her brother, now certain to be the one she enjoyed the most…doing things to her, letting the fantasies she had yesterday fully absorb her. It was only another minute until she screech loudly and burst like a milky dam all over the shower, spraying the bathtub faucet and handles, even getting the wall coated.
"OOOOOOOHHHHHHH ROCK ON BLOODY FUCKING DAY! YEAH! Fuck yeah…..I….I needed that….I…feel…good. I…feel…so….guilty though," Luna panted, the mixed emotions of happiness and shame colliding like an unstoppable force meeting and immovable object. Her face kept bounding from a huge pleasured grin to a mortified face. She looked at the wake of her discharge, flowing between and around her feet, going down the drain. The shower was still rather coated though. The whole bathroom now smelled like vanilla and sex.
"Dude…how come I…cum so much every time now…I've never did it like that before, ever," she thought, now curious as to what caused her like that.
"It…it might be because of Lincoln…Jesus that's unbelievably messed up."
She pointed the shower head and angled it to spray the hot water all over the surfaces she coated. It took a good two minutes to burn off the residuals before everything looked in better shape.
"Well, I think I should be good for a while today hopefully. I need to lift my spirits and do some playing."
Luna spent another three minutes letting the still hot water, now slowly decreasing in temperature, to wash her off completely in platonic ecstasy. She got out and dried off, pulling a Lana move and shaking her head like a dog, then like a rocker, back and forth, getting her hair to the form she likes without having to comb. One of the perks of having an only slightly longer version of her pixie cut was that, with hair shorter than anyone else's in the family besides Lincoln, you'd never had to worry about brushing too much.
Dried off and feeling a bit better, she walked back to her room butt-naked and locked the door, enjoying this rare time of solitude and musical introspection; it was rare for the 2nd elder of the siblings to get this kind of time.
11:05 AM
Luna put on her D-bra, then a purple shirt with the arms and shoulder parts ripped off, a semi-tank top, with seven skulls with fire in their eye sockets spewing notes representing a multitude of rocks hits from the Beatles, Mick Swagger, Pink Floyd, Verve, Black Sabbath Led Zepplin and AC/DC.
Slipping on dark purple panties, she then pulled on a light purple plaid Scottish kilt, wrapping around this her trademark grey belt she still fit in. It was a little short, but still comfortable and non-confining against her really pronounced bouncy-cheeked bum. She especially liked that it didn't ride up on her, as her cheeks had a nasty habit of ripping nearly all clothing if she bent over or squatted down...including her most prized purple skirt from years earlier that ripped in one embarrassing rock stage event from doing the splits, her ass and thighs splitting them in an impossible four-way rip, all because her butt was hit by a late surge of puberty. Luckily Luan, Lori and Lincoln ran interference in distracting the crowd with a big fake fight between themselves, Leni joining in and throwing her shakes all over the place, causing an all-out fighting primal brawl in the crowd, allowing an out-of-place Lucy to sneak through the giant crowd of violence and give Luna a new skirt.
"I didn't listen…Lucy tried warning me as nicely as she could about my booty…and I nearly blew it. Good thing my family's got my back," Luna smiled, thinking how this gigantic misdirection allowed her to come back on stage stronger than ever and retake the crowd's attention, cooling the artificially generated tensions and redirecting everyone to a rocking time!
Even in stretchy pants she had to watch out, but this was mostly when she tried the splits in an unconscious rocker move to a rad rock tune. She still kept her Mick Swagger slacks, ripped around the cheeks the one time she did the splits. They cost a ton, and she's been putting off giving them to Leni to tailor to her much more plentiful posterior.
Luna decided against wearing any socks or boots since she'd be in her room; barefoot was a new style she was beginning to jive with, guessing this was why Leni always wore sandals, even in the rainy cold weather like yesterday.
"Wonder why her feet never get cold," she passively thought, putting new skull earrings on and applying her purple facial cream to try and rid any residual stress in her skin. One quick plaster and rub down, then a towel to wipe the cream off allowed the freckled face some reassurance that her appearance was still in good shape, even if it on shaky foundations.
She prepped her Sterrett amplifier and plugged in her electric guitar, putting the volume to full max. One added benefit from Lisa's modifications was that the room now acted like an amphitheater, making the reverb and acoustics damn near like an actual rock concert. Luna melted in her boots the first time she jammed, and no one would be excessively bothered by the extreme volume due to the new engineering of the room.
She pulled her IPod and microphone out and plugged it into the Sterrett as well. Now, she just had to find a song to play. Moments ago ready to play something…now she was dumbfounded as to what she wanted to jam to.
"What the hell is this? Come on Luna? Think! I got two hours, and I ain't gonna waist them!"
Player's block. She thought and thought about all the songs she knew that would lift her spirits, but none seemed enjoyable right now. Any song that was upbeat, happy…it didn't give her the feeling of being happy. She sat on Luan's bunk, still unfolded. She took a second to old it back up for her while thinking about what she wanted to play.
"Well…music is emotional for me. I can't force the music out. It's gotta come out, like I want it. But what's my music now? What do I jive with? What am I feeling?"
Luna thought, over the last week how everything seemed right with the world, any rock song would have done. Now…an angst feeling pulled her mood into dark, brooding lyrics and melodies…the ones she didn't typically visit in her music, but they were there. Her mind began thinking of several rock songs…and orchestral ones that seemed to perfectly embody the turmoil she was in ever since she self realized her passions, and not the musical ones either.
"The beats…how I feel…like I'm broken."
The word broken set her off, as she contemplated about the future, especially with Lincoln. She very well couldn't pursue anything with Lincoln beyond the sister-brother bond they shared, strong as it was. The family wouldn't have it; her parents would not only not have it, but they'd disown her, hate her, relegate and bar her from ever being near Lincoln or the family ever again. She got lucky with Luan being an awesome sister in comforting her and holding this dark secret like a delicate but volatile poisonous creature. She'd be the freak of the house though, the sister with an incestuously-obsessed state of mind for the only boy sibling in the house.
"Dude…stop thinking about it," Luna cried out, not wanting to face the realities, as harsh as they may seem, but her rationale, almost as strong as her libido, took full swing in postulating all that could happen.
Her other sisters would arguably not have anything to do with her; ostracized from the family even if her parents did nothing to block her out, perhaps help her by sending her to counseling or a mental ward. Worst of all…what about Lincoln? If Luna was to tell Lincoln, be honest with him like she always was, never not on the level with him…how'd he react? It made Luna shiver cold, her admission to herself was one thing, even to Luan by comparison bearable…but Lincoln? He was already arguably messed up by accidently catching her crank it in the bathroom stall of a theater. It was suppose to be Lincoln's movie night for the family, and she single-handedly made it one of the most uncomfortable experiences of his life. After all this, everything she unintentionally pulled, if she did get the nerve to tell him her truth…her feelings…her passion…it might all crumble away from under her rocker feet.
"Wow…when ya really think about it…this sucks. This sucks…everything sucks."
The wall of reality erected four sides all around Luna and closed in, just before they metaphysically crushed her. This was it. Nothing intimate beyond a hug or a platonic-type kiss that may never ever come from her again to his cheek or forehead, all out of fear that she may take it further without her even knowing. Lost in the endless oblivion of never going to be able to tell Lincoln that she loved him…loved him more than just a brother, more than a confidant, a fellow rocker…she'd never have that. She'd be cursed with this ugly character flaw for the rest of her life, and she'd have to carry that burden with only her and Luan knowing…but for all intensive purposes…Luna was now alone in the universe, commandeered to an isolated wasteland of loneliness, one-sided love never to be rewarded or appreciated how deep it ran and sensual it was…a regular boulevard of broken dreams, so to speak.
Luna cried out in agony, roaring and crying in saddened rage about how this was all true. This was the state of affairs…self realization seemed puny compared to how unwanted and tossable her feelings, and the lack of being able to act on them for all of her time on Earth, became.
"You're never going to know Lincoln," she whispered heavily in a tired, teary choke, "I'm never going to be able to tell you…that I love you…I…I know what I want to play now."
She felt the music she now wanted to hear course through her veins. She scrolled through her instrumentals section, finding the first one and putting it on pause before re-checking her settings on the Sterrett.
"All of them…Let's do this. Let's rock," she said with utter reserved anger and sadness, feeling almost relieved to be thrown into this depressing mood of tragic, melancholy music. She felt raw and alive, like the music she was about to jam to, not just this song, but everything now on her platter was grit for her mental mill, accentuating her inner eternal turmoil till the ends of time.
"Boulevard of Broken Dreams…let's go."
And like that, the Sterrett amplifier boomed the beginning instrumentals of the song. These instrumentals on her IPod lacked the vocal parts beyond accompaniment. Some of them she also pitched an extra note, feeling like this very minor pitch change one note up made the songs a bit more…grand, epic.
She strummed her electric guitar and started singing in her magnificently huge rocker voice, but her tenor rippled and roared in obvious sadness. Her precision and ear for matching the rhythm and pace juxtaposition to her anguish. The song blared the room in sound waves that gave Luna purpose; music. Music was her gateway from reality, her ticket to dealing with it, and her stimulus for continuing on with this now horrid existence that she now called her life.
With the concluding of the song, she went on a bender of others.
Vocals and electric guitar for all the following; Demons from Imagine Dragons; Across the Universe from the Beatles now switching to a classic guitar; Somewhere Only We Know from Keane, back to electric guitar and singing parts; Evanescence's Bring me to Life; 3 Doors Down's Kryptonite and Here Without You; Guns N Rose's Don't Cry; Soul Asylum's Runaway Train, this one really causing Luna to cry out the lyrics; Maroon 5's She Will Be Loved; Kansas' Dust in the Wind; Linkin Park's Numb; Nickelback's Someday; The Calling's Wherever You Will Go; Verve's Bitter Sweet Symphony; Snuff's Slipknot.
The next set of songs on Luna's roster were purely instrumental rock-based. She put her electric guitar away and went vocal, starting with Disturbed's version of The Sounds of Silence, singing her heart out in closed, teary eyes, letting the melody and mayhem in her psyche take her.
Her fix for sad and melancholy rock quenched, her mind and arms seemed to want to drift to her temporary orchestral gateway. Her eyes red, her mind and body shaking from the adrenaline and drowning ecstasy of sad songs, she found in her playlist several back-to-back sad orchestral ones. The first was the City of Prague Philharmonic's version of Keane's Somewhere Only We Know. As she mocked conduct, not even singing or playing guitar, it still stung, but in a good way, her body now flowing like a water bender on that kids show she saw a long time ago. It was like music bending, tugging the air in representation of a huge symphony in front of her. As this song ended, the next choices became much more esoteric.
Next came her go-to tracks composed by James Newton Howard, The Village's moody violin score really hitting what Luna jived, along with his track Harvey Two Face from the batman movies, the last two minutes really bringing out the tragedy of the character she could relate to. Her left arm seemed to control the brass sections, her right arm control the tempo, strings and percussion. At the conclusion of the song, she paused her IPod randomly, feeling like her soul was better rejuvenated, though not quite there yet.
"Everything has been so spectacular so far…but I…I feel like there's this one song out there, rock or orchestral, that fits perfectly with what I feel, how I feel…maybe…"she paused, thinking back to the time Lincoln screwed around with her IPod two years back. He asked her if she could lend it to him to hold a couple of songs he was trying to put on his own IPod, mostly a collection of giant monster Japanese music cues, most old, but some new.
She went into the folders and found it, still there in the backdrop of the hundreds of rock songs, English mostly, but a good chunk American, Canadian and Australian, way in the back. It was titled "Linc's Temp."
Scrolling through and listening, the three that were left, were cues from the Japanese Godzilla movie that Lincoln saw with Lynn and Lana, Luna joining in because she had nothing better to do that day.
"I think that one was called…First Godzilla? Shinzilla? Something Shin and Godzilla. Suppose to have been a creepier take on it. I just remember a lot of talking, but Lincoln loved it. There was however-"
Luna thought, trying to replay a scene that really caught her attention, the night scene were this Godzilla lay waste to Tokyo. It glowed purple, something Luna found infinitely more awesome about the film at the time, and that its atomic breath turned to be a purple laser that came out of its back and snake-like mouth. But that wasn't the hitch for Luna.
"The music in that scene; I remember it. How…beautiful…sad it was. I felt for it…how tragic it must have been. The music was operatic, the only time I've ever liked grand operatic tragedy like that. It was for…a fearful, tragic, lost… monster."
Luna saw a song at the bottom listing, the last one, called, "Who Will Know Tragedy." She played it for several seconds, until her stomach bulged inwards on itself; it was the music from that scene. She gave a sad smile in surprise.
"In a lot of ways…I'm like that Godzilla thing… a fearful…tragic…lost… monster, looking for hope."
No longer any tears available to shed, she prepped her IPod again for the final song she'd listen to today, wanting now to get this morbid sadness out of her system and try and move on, but not before embracing what she felt was her song…the song that perfectly encapsulated what she felt; not able to be with Lincoln in the way she loved him as, more than as her brother, a monster cursed with this longing forever and ever. The music would release and resolve her, allow her to finally be able to accept this tragic reality…and make the best of it.
She pressed play, letting her left arm mock-control the woodwinds for the first twenty-six seconds until the song's choral lyrics came to dominate, horrifyingly tragic in every respect Luna could sadly rock with. Both her arms now bended like they never did before, following and flowing with the motions, the music painting a picture of pure emotional turmoil that engulfed Luna. She didn't cry though…she felt…content, knowing a musical cue could stand in for her state.
At the two minute and eleven second mark, the brass and full strings kicked in, taking over the choir's roll, Luna's arms instinctively taking over their respective parts, until the climactic pinnacle arrived, followed by the triplet dropping of the trumpets and strings all but gave Luna some semblance of closer. The song slowly closed out while Luna followed on, now seeing the light at the end of the last seconds of the piece. Then her IPod switched to standby mode.
Luna stood there in her room. She just stood. She felt…almost like her old self again. Somewhat sad, but…accepting and content. A small smile crept up on her face, before her stomach roared at her, almost sounding like Pink Floyd. This made her laugh without concern. She checked the time.
12:38 PM
"Man am I ever starving dude. I got to get some grub. Fancy me some of that left over breakfast Luan said is waiting for me."
Luna walked out of her bedroom, unlocking her door only to see that it was already unlocked, and very slightly jarred open.
"Huh…thought I locked it up. Ah well," she thought, a slight pip back in her step. From the corner of her eyes she saw a shape lying against the hallway wall to the right of her; it was Lincoln, his back semi-placed against the wall, arms poking to the side, his head facing down between his knees.
"LINCOLN!? Oh gee dude, it's only you bro. You scared me a sec like Lucy…Hey…Lincoln…Lincoln bro, what's up?" Luna asked, somewhat startled by Lincoln just being there out of nowhere. He stayed there curled up, his hands and arms partly shaking. Luna was now growing concerned about his lack of response. He wasn't looking up, still in the same position, virtually motionless save for the sporadic shaking going on.
"Lincoln, what's up? Is everybody still out at the mall?"
Lincoln lowly nodded within his knees in confirmation, Luna still unable to see his face fully. She was getting extremely concerned; distress wrapping around her mind, but not for her…this was much more alarming. Something was up with Lincoln, hoping it wasn't relating to her. She crouched down on her knees next to him, putting her hand on his left shoulder.
"Lincoln bro…come on…what's up?" she asked delicately and with nurture in her voice. He still shook, not responding.
"Lincoln, please! Bro!?"
Lincoln slowly looked up, his face in complete tears, looking as though he just murdered reality as they knew it.
"Oh fuck….no…no!" Luna dreaded internally.
Luna's heart broke seeing him like this, causing her to almost break down herself.
"Bro…what's wrong?"
Lincoln, still shaking and tears streaming down his freckled face, gave a whimpered choked response.
"L…Luna….the music you were playing…listening to….I…I….I messed you up…I messed you up bad….I messed everything up between us Luna…I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so….sorry Luna!"
With that, Lincoln utterly and completely broke down into his clothed knees, a flabbergasted and shocked Luna seeing her little brother doing this; it sent ungodly ripples into her spine, lamenting now like a perpetual rainstorm for her secret love. She bent down, now herself crying, hugging onto him in a tight embrace as he shook.
"I got you bro. I'm here."
