A/N: short chapter.. I've been sick lately. =(


chapter 3: James

On blistering days such as this one, when the temperature is pushing one hundred and it isn't even ten o'clock in the morning yet, I go see James. James is a friend of mine; his family actually bought the house I used to live in, from the people Charlie sold it to. James lives there now, with his mother, Victoria, and her "partner," Lauren. His mom and Lauren are always gone, so on especially hot days I make the short-but-stifling trip across town in my ancient old Ford Focus (which of course has no working AC) to hang out at his house.

Between the air-conditioning, the swimming pool they had put in out back, and the sweet lovin' I got from James, it was always well worth the trip.

I was especially excited today because yesterday was James' eighteenth birthday. So today we were going to celebrate. I stopped at Circle K to pick up some party favors.

I got us each a slushee, red for me, blue for him, and a pack of condoms. After a moment's hesitation, I went ahead and grabbed him a "men's" magazine, too. I mean, it was his birthday.

The guy behind the counter glared at me for a minute but didn't ask for my I.D. He probably knew I was only sixteen, too young to buy the porno, but he let it slide. I climbed back behind the wheel of my car, drinking my slushee and using James' as a cold compress against my hot forehead. I turned the key in the ignition, and sped the last couple of miles to James' place.

My old place.

It was rather strange to be back in that house. If I squinted, I could almost make out the ghosts of my broken family, eating at the breakfast nook, laughing in the family room, playing on the once-green lawn outside.

The lawn that was no longer there.

Victoria had torn out the grass and replaced it with tile. It looked nice, but I missed the vivid patches of green.

I pulled into James' driveway and shut off my car, trying to push away the haunting images of my past as I grabbed the condoms, magazine, and slushees and headed towards his door.

I didn't bother knocking; James always left the door open for me. I slipped soundlessly inside the house, sighing as the cool air assaulted my skin.

It was blissful.

Now, to find James, and possibly engage in another sort of bliss. I tip-toed back to his room, which thankfully had not been mine. (James had claimed the guest bedroom as his own, so as to be as far away from his mother and her lesbian lover as possible.) I paused in the hallway outside of his door, which was open just a crack, and peeked inside.

The sight that met my eyes was beautiful, as usual.

James was sprawled out on his bed, completely naked, sleeping soundlessly. He was laying on his stomach, and the long-ish blonde hair feathering out around his head made him look somewhat angelic. His ass was sticking into the air, and whole scene was more adorable than erotic. I stripped down to my panties and thin cotton undershirt, climbed into bed next to him, and then straddled his back. He peeked up at me in a way that made me wonder if he'd even been sleeping at all.

"Hey, beautiful," he said.

"Happy birthday, baby," I told him. He craned his neck up, and I bent down and met him halfway, for a kiss.

James and I weren't really together, but we weren't really not together, either. He was the closest thing I'd ever had to a boyfriend, and for now at least, I had no complaints. He was fun to be with, gorgeous, and a genuinely good person.

Plus, he had a pool.

From where I was perched on his back, I reached over to his bedside table to present him with his gifts.

"Bells, do you mind..? I kinda want to put on some shorts..." James trailed off.

Believe it or not, I had almost forgotten he was naked.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," I told him, laughing. He stood up with me still half-straddling his back and deposited me unceremoniously on his bed. I plopped down rather harder than he probably meant for me to, and nearly spilled his slushee. I readjusted myself on his bed, attempting to look somewhat ladylike b

crossing my legs at the ankle. James pulled on a pair of khaki shorts that hung low on his hips, and I noticed he didn't bother with boxers. He turned back towards me, a big grin on his face.

"So is that for me?" he asked, indicating the slurpee. I nodded and handed it to him, noticing how his smile grew wider. "The blue kind. Awesome. Thanks, Bells." His smile was so genuine, I was happy I had put it there. I handed him the rest of his "presents," and he just chuckled. He put the condoms on his bedside table, and tossed the magazine on the floor.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he smiled when he spoke my name, in a way that let me know he was just happy to say it. "What do I need with a magazine like that when I've got the most beautiful girl in the world, right here in my bedroom?" He looked me up and down. "And half-dressed, I might I add."

I shrugged. "I don't know, don't all guys like looking at those things?" I was secretly pleased he had no interest in it. James may not be my boyfriend, but that doesn't mean I don't care for him.

I care for him more than I would like to admit. More than I ever meant to allow myself to.

But I will never allow myself to love him.

I'd learned the hard way the kind of disappointment and pain that accompanies a love lost, and I never wanted to feel that way about James. The pain of loving him and losing him would be too great.

So I scoff when he says sweet things to me. I roll my eyes when things get too serious. I make sure that he knows all we can ever be is close friends.

And if I ever feel myself allowing him to get to close, well.. I just look around at where we are.

My old house.

The ghost of my mother helps to keep my feelings for James at bay.

I looked over at him and saw he had grabbed us a couple of towels, and some sunscreen.

"Wanna go for a swim?" he asked.

I smiled at him, took his hand wordlessly, and allowed him to lead me outside.