Gibbs stood at the living room doorway staring at a scene he would rather have never seen. Since the front door is only steps to the living room neither CJ nor Steven had an opportunity to move let alone rearrange themselves.
Silence reigned.
No one even moved, not even breathing was heard for what seemed like a very long time. CJ's heart was beating so hard that the blood rushing through her ears was all she could hear. No thoughts were actually being processed, the adrenaline rush was too overwhelming that not even her normal fight or flight responses were kicking in. Steven didn't take his eyes off the man he had come to respect but generally fear. He on the other hand had many thoughts go through his mind; the most prevalent was "am I getting out of here alive?"
The stillness was broken when Gibbs finally spoke. His voice was even, measured and just loud enough to be heard. "Steven, it is time for you to go home now." As the last syllable was pronounced Gibbs turned on his heel, walked to the kitchen and began to brew a stiff cup of coffee. The nano second he was out of sight the teens bound into action. Collecting clothing, straightening hair and generally reorganizing their belongings and the room at large neither spoke. Steven grabbed his book bag and disappeared out the front door in a flash.
CJ only stood in the living room long enough to realize her surrogate uncle was not coming back. Running at full tilt to her room she threw herself on her bed and wept. The feelings of embarrassment, humiliation and anger swimming in the waves of nausea. CJ was still incapable of coherent thought and 15 minutes later she had worked herself into such a frenzy that she began to wretch. Running to the bathroom she narrowly missed physically bowling into Gibbs who had made his way up to check on her after having consumed some caffeine. Standing in the hallway he heard her empty the contents of her stomach before he retreated back to the kitchen to make a phone call.
CJ showered and brushed her teeth before returning to her room. There she moved her desk chair out into the open and began to spin. She needed time to collect her thoughts, process what was going to happen. One of the first thoughts that was able to be fully comprehended was "can you actually die of embarrassment?" because it sure felt like it. Her heart rate still hadn't returned to normal and her stomach still churned uncomfortably.
Gibbs on the other hand knew that from the moment he walked in he was NOT going to be the one to deal with this particular mess. He was not well enough equipped emotionally let alone he didn't think CJ would be able to mentally handle any conversation that would take place if he was on the other side.
"Hello" Ziva answered on the second ring.
"Ziva, you need to come home for CJ" Gibbs instructed.
"We are at a crime scene and we just started …" she began but was quickly cut off by Gibbs insistence that she needed to come home right now.
"Gibbs, What happened? Why can she not wait until tomorrow night after school. I am sure whatever it is will be the same tomorrow."
"No it won't, Ziva you need to be here NOW" his voice beginning to get louder with each command.
"Can you at least tell me what happened" Ziva wasn't worried about her daughter's safety as an angry Gibbs meant a problem with behavior he would have been much more caring if she had been injured.
He spent a few minutes describing the scene to which he was privy to that afternoon when he arrived. He explained CJ's reaction and that he didn't think she would eat or sleep until someone dealt with it and he didn't think he was the right one to solve this particular predicament.
Shaking her head in disbelief Ziva explained she would be home as soon as possible. Snapping her cell phone shut she marched over to Tony who was deep in conversation with Palmer over their current victim. Waiting until they were finished she gestured to Tony to join her in a more private location several feet away from the others. Without as much detail as Gibbs she explained the circumstances in which they now found themselves in and that she would be heading home to put CJ out of her misery.
Tony didn't really want to lose a pair of hands at the crime scene but was willing to forgo the help if it meant he didn't need to be the one dealing with the mess back home. Ziva suggested that once everything was put straight that she would call to see if she should return. With those decisions made Ziva got in the car and began the drive home. The drive wasn't that long but it was enough time for her to come to a conclusion about how best to handle CJ.
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Entering her own home Ziva found it to be deathly quiet. Gibbs was hanging out in the kitchen with his fourth cup of coffee and reading the paper. Without words they shared what thoughts and emotions they were mutually feeling. With only a slight hesitation Ziva ascended the staircase and stood outside her daughter's room. To knock or not to knock that is the question she thought. Deciding that she wouldn't be allowed entrance if she asked she went with the just plowing forward. Gently closing the door she stood observing her child curled up on her chair. CJ had her knees drawn up to her chest with her arms wrapped around her legs. Her head was lowered so that her forehead was resting on her knees. She looked so young Ziva thought, which put this afternoons actions seem all the more incongruent.
Ziva crouched down in front of the chair and tried to get CJ's attention by patting the side of her leg gently. A tearful "go away I don't want to talk to you" could be heard muffled through her arms. Pursing her lips and taking a deep breath Ziva backed up and sat on the edge of the bed. She had had missions that were easier than this. In a mission you became emotionally detached you followed orders you did what needed doing and when all was said and done you walked away at the end of the day. Having a child was so much harder Ziva laughed to herself. Your ties to this other being were both emotional and social. When you walked away at the end of the day what had happened still mattered. And to top it off what you said could affect them for the rest of their lives or at least that was what Ziva was feeling at that very moment.
"CJ…" she waited to see if there was going to be a response but there wasn't.
"CJ… Gibbs told me about this afternoon… I thought we should talk about it" her voice soft and soothing.
"I already told you I don't want to talk about it" CJ yelled through sobs.
"Ok… you do not have to say a word… but I want to talk about it… can you at least listen to what I have to say?" again she waited for a response but again there wasn't one.
"CJ I can understand how you must be feeling right now."
"No you don't" CJ yelled before Ziva was able to continue. Ignoring the outburst Ziva trucked on regardless.
"I do understand… what you were doing was something very private and highly emotionally charged… and it is not meant to have an audience…" Ziva took a moment to let what she was saying sink in. Her daughter's crying seemed to slow and she heard her inhale deeply.
"Feeling embarrassed or humiliated is understandable… but you will survive… I do not think anyone to date has ever actually perished from feeling the way you do right now…"
CJ couldn't help herself from smiling, not that Ziva saw the expression, but CJ started to relax just a little. Her mother had spoken to her one fear she could voice at that time without having to be told what it was. Ziva noted how the crying had ceased and waited another moment before continuing.
"CJ… there are decisions in life that cannot be undone… choices that lead you down a road you cannot turn back from… and many of those decisions have to do with physical intimacy… it is not just a physical thing… it is wrought with emotion and social consequences as well… they are not decisions to be made in the spurt of the moment."
"Spur, mom, spur of the moment" CJ corrected instinctively without realizing she was engaged in the conversation. Ziva's eyes twinkled with the knowledge that her words were not falling on deaf ears.
"Right, they are decisions you need to make intentionally. Physical intimacy that you are not emotionally or socially ready for comes at a great cost. You are only 15. You have many years … many years before you are fully grown and you do not need to rush things…" Ziva paused again, giving her conversation partner time to take in the meaning of her words.
"CJ I cannot make these decisions for you… I cannot tell you that you are ready or not ready … these are decisions you need to make for yourself… all I can do is tell you the likely outcomes of your decisions… and even that is person to person dependent… " waiting again before asking "Do you understand what I am trying to say?"
CJ just nodded, not even raising her head enough to look at her mother.
"Oh my little one, I do love you so much, I wish I could make things easier for you, but growing up is not easy and everyone must blaze their own trial." Ziva spoke in Hebrew as she did when using her daughter's pet name. Standing as she spoke she tapped CJ on the knee and when the teen looked up into her face for the first time that afternoon she smiled and signaled for her to stand. CJ got to her feet unsteadily, she had no feeling left in her legs she'd been curled in ball for so long. Once she was fully standing Ziva wrapped her in a tender motherly hug and stood for a long time until CJ finally returned the gesture of affection.
Finally releasing her grip Ziva walked to the door and was about to leave when CJ asked in a very quiet voice "aren't you going to punish me?" The very confused 15 year old stood in the middle of her room feeling uneasy as to what was going to happen next.
Leaning up against the door frame Ziva asked with a confused look of her own "What for?"
"For.. " CJ couldn't bring herself to describe what for and was thankful that her mother finished her sentence for her.
"For this afternoon you mean?"
Nodding CJ started to fidget with the oversized T-shirt she was wearing.
"Have you been listening to what I said? These are your choices… you need to make them for yourself… you did nothing wrong… there is nothing to punish you for… what you were doing was a normal, natural human behavior… but because we are human we also have the power to decide when and where… "
The two women then had an entire conversation of looks. Are you sure mom? Yes I am sure. You still love me right? I will always love you.
"CJ it may be very cliché but there is only ever one "your first time" make sure you do not regret it" Ziva turned and descended the stairs as soon as the last word was out of her mouth.
CJ stood in the middle of her room. Thoughts swirling only slightly out of control as she laid down on her bed to think about the conversation she had just listened to.
Ziva hadn't been gone long enough for them to be finished with crime scene and so returning to work she left Gibbs in the kitchen trying to figure out what to make for supper.
