chapter 3
I wake to sweaty palms and a pang of guilt in my chest. I am lying in the chair in the mirrored room. When I tilt my head back, I see Tori behind me. She pinches her lips together and removes electrodes from our heads. I wait for her to say something about the test—that it's over, or that I did well, although how could I do poorly on a test like this?—but she says nothing, just pulls the wires from my forehead. I sit forward and wipe my palms off on my slacks. I had to have done something wrong, even if it only happened in my mind.
"It's not possible to fail the aptitude test," says Caleb, rolling his eyes at his sister. "Like you wouldn't think the same thing," Tris snaps back. Caleb opens and closes his mouth. "That's what I thought," says Tris.
Is that strange look on Tori's face because she doesn't know how to tell me what a terrible person I am?
"You were right Zeke," says Uriah, "she's a ray of sunshine. But she's not near as sunshiney as Lynn." Lynn just gives him a death glare that would make Eric scream like a baby. "I'll just keep reading then," says Uriah hastily.
I wish she would just come out with it. "That," she says, "was perplexing. Excuse me, I'll be right back." Perplexing? I bring my knees to my chest and bury my face in them. I wish I felt like crying, because the tears might bring me a sense of release, but I don't. How can you fail a test you aren't allowed to prepare for?
As the moments pass, I get more nervous. I have to wipe my hands off every few seconds as the sweat collects- or maybe I just do it because it helps me feel calmer. What if they tell me I'm not cut out for any faction? I would have to live on the streets with the factionless. I can't do that. To live factionless is not only to live in poverty and discomfort; it is to live divorced from society, separated from the most important thing in life: community.
I raise my eyebrows at her. "You think the factionless don't have their own community of sorts?" "Yes I do," she says, "But, this is what I thought in the past. Obviously my thoughts about different things will change."
My mother told me once that we can't survive alone, and even if we could, we wouldn't want to. Without a faction we have no purpose and no reason to live. I shake my head. I can't think like this. I have to stay calm.
Finally the door opens, and Tori walks back in. I grip the arms of the chair. "Sorry to worry you," Tori says. She stands by my feet with her hands in her pockets. She looks tense and pale.
"Beatrice, you test results were inconclusive," she says.
"What?" says Caleb, "I didn't think that was possible!" "It's not supposed to be," I say, "Did you also notice she knew she was in a simulation?" "That's what divergence is isn't it?" says Caleb. "Basically," I say.
"Typically each stage eliminates one or more of the factions, but in your case, only two have been ruled out."
I stare at her. "Two?" I ask. My throat is so tight it's hard to talk. "If you had shown an automatic distaste for the knife and selected the cheese, would have lead you to a different scenario that confirmed your aptitude for Amity. That didn't happen, which is why Amity is out." Tori scratches the back of her neck. "Normally, the simulation progresses in a linear fashion, isolating one faction by ruling out the rest. The choices you made didn't even allow Candor, the next possibility, to be ruled out, so I had to alter the simulation to put you on the bus. And there your insistence upon dishonesty ruled out Candor." She half smiles. "Don't worry about that. Only the Candor tell the truth in that one."
One of the knots in my chest loosens. Maybe I'm not an awful person.
"Ray of sunshine," mumbles Zeke.
"I suppose that's not entirely true. People who tell the truth are the Candor… and the Abnegation," she says, "Which gives us a problem."
My mouth falls open. "On the one hand, you threw yourself on the dog rather than let it attack the little girl, which is an Abnegation-oriented response… but on the other, when the told you the truth would save him, you still refused to tell it. Not an Abnegation-oriented response." She sighs. "Not running from the dog suggests Dauntless, but so does taking the knife which you didn't do."
She clears her throat and continues. "Your intelligent response to the dog indicates a strong alignment with the Erudite. I have no idea what to make of your indecision in stage one, but-"
"I do," says Caleb, "It means she's too stubborn for her own good." "Agreed." everyone says.
"Wait," I interrupt her. "So you have no idea what my aptitude is?" "Yes and no. My conclusion," she explains, "is that you display equal aptitude for Abnegation, Dauntless, and Erudite.
"I didn't know it was possible to get three," says Uriah. I forgot he was divergent as well. "But you knew it was possible to get two?" asks Lynn suspiciously. "I didn't get more than one aptitude during the test," he says, "But, it did show up in stage two. Four explained a bit about it to me," Will's head turns to me. "Wait," he says, "how did you know about divergence?" I roll my eyes at him. For a former Erudite, he's not always that smart. "How do you think?" Caleb's eyes flash in understanding. "You're divergent too," says Caleb. He knows he's right, so I don't say anything.
People who get this kind of result are…" She looks over her shoulder like she expects someone to appear behind her. "... are called… Divergent." She says the last word so quietly that I almost don't hear it, and her tense, worried look returns. She walks around the side of the chair and leans in close to me.
"Beatrice," she says, "under no circumstances should you share that information with anyone. This is very important."
"Yet here you are sharing that info with nine people," says Lynn dryly. "Why did Tori say that?" asks Caleb. "If certain people had found out about Tris's divergence," I say, "She probably would have been killed." Caleb's eyes go wide. "Would they have killed you or Uriah if they had found about you guys as well?" asks Zeke. I nod my head. "However," I say, "Tris was in more danger because her divergence is stronger than mine or Uriah's." Caleb puts his head in his hands. Apparently, the knowledge his sister was in serious danger of being murdered is too much for him to handle.
"We aren't supposed to share our results." I nod. "I know that." "No." Tori kneels down next to the chair and places her arms on the armrest. Our faces are inches apart. "This is different. I don't mean you shouldn't share them now; I mean you shouldn't share them with anyone, ever, no matter what happens. Divergence is extremely dangerous. You understand?"
I don't understand- how could inconclusive test results be dangerous?- but I still nod. I don't want to share my test results with anyone anyway.
"Okay." I peel my hands from the arms of the chair and stand. I feel unsteady. "I suggest," Tori says, "that you go home. You have a lot of thinking to do, and waiting with the others may not benefit you."
"I have to tell my brother where I'm going." "I'll let him know."
"So that's why you left," says Caleb, "I was worried." "You were?" asks Tris. He nods. "Aww," says Christina. "Such a beautiful brother- sister relationship," says Zeke. His eyes well up with fake tears. "Not as beautiful as our brotherly relationship though Uri." Uriah nods his head. "True, but to be fair, what relationship can compare Zekey?"
I touch my forehead and stare at the floor as I walk out of the room. I can't bear to look her in the eye. I can't bear to think about the Choosing Ceremony tomorrow. It's my choice now, no matter what the test says. Abnegation. Dauntless. Erudite. Divergent.
"Dun Dun Dunnnnn!" yells Uriah. Lynn throws a pillow at him. "Shut up and read!" she snaps angrily.
I decide not to take the bus. If I get home early, my father will notice when he checks the house log at the end of the day, and I'll have to explain what happened. Instead I walk. I'll have to intercept Caleb before he can tell anything to our parents, but Caleb can keep a secret. I walk in the middle of the road. The buses tend to hug the curb, so it's safer here. Sometimes, on the streets near my house, I can see places where the yellow lines used to be. We have no use for them now that there are so few cars. We don't need stoplights either, but in some places they dangle precariously over the road like they might crash down any minute.
Renovation moves slowly through the city, which is a patchwork of new, clean buildings and old, crumbling ones. Most of the new buildings are next to the marsh, which used to be a lake a long time ago. The Abnegation volunteer agency my mother works for is responsible for most of those renovations.
When I look at the Abnegation lifestyle as an outsider, I think it's beautiful. When I watch my family move in harmony; when we go to dinner parties and everyone cleans together afterward without having to be asked; when I see Caleb help stranger carry their groceries, I fall in love with this life all over again. It's only when I try to live it myself that I have trouble. It never feels genuine.
Caleb sighs. "It never felt genuine for me either," he says.
But choosing a different means I forsake my family. Permanently.
Just past the Abnegation sector of the city is the stretch of building skeletons and broken sidewalks I now walk through. There are places where the road has completely collapsed, revealing sewer systems and empty subways I have to be careful to avoid, and places that stink so powerfully of sewage and trash that I have to plug my nose.
This is where the factionless live. Because the failed to complete into whatever faction they chose, they live in poverty, doing the work no one else wants to do. They are janitors and construction worker and trash collectors; they make fabric and operate trains and drive buses. In return for their work they get food and clothing, but, as my mother says, not enough of either.
I see a factionless man standing on the corner up ahead. He wears ragged brown clothing and skin sags from his jaws. He stares at me, and I stare back at him, unable to look away.
It's impolite to stare," says Zeke. "It's impolite to break into people's apartments," Tris shoots back.
"Excuse me," he says. His voice is raspy. "Do you have something I can eat?" I feel a lump in my throat. A stern voice in my head says, Duck your head and keep walking. No. I shake my head. I should not be afraid of this man. He needs help and I am supposed to help him. "Um… yes," I say. I reach into my bag. My father tells me to keep food in my bag at all times for exactly this reason. I offer the man a small bag of dried apple slices. He reaches for them, but instead of taking the bag, his hand closes around my wrist. He smiles at me. He has a gap in his front teeth. "My, don't you have pretty eyes," he says. "It's a shame that the rest of you is so plain."
I take a deep breath and let it out through clenched teeth. It's taking quite a bit of my self control to not go out and find this guy. Tris grabs my left hand with her left and squeezes it reassuringly.
My heart pounds. I tug my hand back, but his grip tightens. I smell something arcid and unpleasant on his breath. "You look a little young to be walking around by yourself, dear," he says. I stop tugging and stand up straighter.
"Here comes the stubbornness," mumbles Caleb. Tris just glares at her brother.
I know I look young; I don't need to be reminded. "I'm older than I look," I retort, "I'm sixteen." His lips spread wide, revealing a gray molar with a dark pit in the side. I can't tell he's smiling or grimacing. "Then isn't today a special day for you? The day before you choose?" "Let go of me," I say. I hear ringing in my ears. My voice sounds clear and stern- not what I expected to hear. I feel like it doesn't belong to me.
I am ready. I know what to do. I picture myself bringing my elbow back and hitting him. I see the bag of apples flying away from me. I hear my running footsteps. I am prepared to act. But then he releases my wrist, takes the apples, and says, "Choose wisely, little girl."
"Done," says Uriah. He doesn't sound as chipper as he did when he started this chapter. "Why didn't you tell me about this?" asks Caleb. Tris looks at her brother. "I had other things on my mind," she says shrugging, "I had honestly forgotten all about it."
"Who wants to read next?" asks Uriah. "I will," says Caleb firmly, "Something tells me that the further we get into this book, the worse it's going to be." Caleb gets up and takes the book from Uriah. He turns to the correct page while walking back to his seat. "Chapter 4…"
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT
