Uh… I know… I'M THE WORST! I didn't update fast and this chapter sucks! Not totally worth for your entire wait! GOMEN! I was trying my best to come up with an awesome flash back and this is what I have written while feeling guilty that it sucks! Please forgive me! you have most of the right to kill me!
Disclaimer: (T-rex): uh-uh-ah-ah-ah… uh-ah-uh-uh!
(pAIn)
We… Natsu and I… secretly dated. I was the one who insisted that it should be a secret since I wasn't ready for anyone to know yet… especially Mira and we both knew Mira if she ever finds out… It was about 3 months before the Edolas incident when we started. He was actually sweet but still new on this kind of things. It was really fun teaching him some romance but like always, he'd do everything Natsu-style.
But the actual truth is, it was just for fun. For some random dumb reason he asked me about dating and I ended up setting an example through dating him (I mean come on! It took me a whole month explaining all I could to him and he didn't understand a single word). But then, I found myself falling for him. When I told him about it, he kissed me and returned my feelings. This was the happiest thing that ever happened to me until, the Edolas incident happened. Everything became different.
After we returned to Earth land, he barely even looked at me. this was the first time I felt like I didn't exist to him. He even became very distant. So what was that 'I love you too' all about? Just a bluff?
One night, after the party, my questions were answered. They approached me that night and asked if we could talk privately… I knew where this was going.
"Lucy… I know that we've been a team for a long time… but…" Natsu muttered, hesitant on what he wanted to say.
Lisanna nudged him.
Natsu only looked and sighed "Well… I kinda just… wanted to break up…"
Yup… I was right. Though, I didn't reply.
He looked confused and asked Lisanna for help. The girl then spoke after wrapping her arms around the overly dense idiot's arm, to which I found really disgusting "Lucy-san… what my Natsu here is trying to ask if you could separate so that he'll be with me…"
Now that… was horrible. Even Natsu was wide-eyed when Lisanna said that. I scoffed inside me… who does she think she was?
I raised a brow at him.
He gulped the answered with his signature grin "yeah… what she said. Since Lisanna's back and all, I just wanted her to be my partner! You can understand right?"
And leave me behind? I was really just a stupid escape-goat? This is ridiculous…
"Come on Lucy! Natsu wants to be with me because you're weak and frail! Acting like you're a porcelain doll that always needs protection! Even he said it to me when we talked about being partners! He wasn't even drunk when he said it!" now that hit a nerve. She was smiling evilly.
I looked at Natsu, who was again, wide-eyed at what she blurted out "Is it true?" I tried to maintain a cold voice as I spoke.
He looked down "Yeah…"
I remained poker face "So… I was just her replacement… right?"
"Yes Lucy… you are…" Lisanna smiled oh so brightly that I wanted to oh so badly punch it out of her face.
I smiled as bitterly and sourly as I could at them "So let me get this straight Natsu. You told me that you love me after we went to Edolas. Then, Lisanna came back with us. Now that she's here, you want to break up with me?" I felt tears threaten to fall from my eyes as emotions busted out of me "And what else? Here you are standing! Slapping me in the face, admitting that I had been stupid enough to fall for you when all the reason that you felt same way is because of that bitch? Do you know how that fucking hurts you asshole?"
And that was it; I walked to him and raised my hand. But… I couldn't. My arm trembled and made its way to my mouth, stifling the hiccups.
She, in return, rose a brow at me "At least I'm strong enough to protect myself. Not like some porcelain dolls out there."
My heart clenched. "Why are you even asking me this dumb question? Rape her for all I care! You don't need any of my permission…"
I ran as far as I could away from them. Just remembering their faces sickens me. How could he?
But, I still couldn't keep myself away from the guild that I loved. So, I went on many missions trying to stay at the same time trying to avoid seeing the couple I hated so much. I even found this hate childish…
To them, I became nothing. To me, they became a nightmare.
I don't know how or why, but, my old team also had kicked me out without even noticing that they did. And just like Natsu, I didn't exist to them anymore.
_..._
What a very low reason to even try self-cutting… right? I sighed.
"Natsu… I love you…" unluckily for me, I was looking at them and oh god! I wanted to barf! They were kissing!
The rain poured down and thunder roared. I trembled once but was relieved. At least they stopped…
"Come on Lisanna… before you get sick…" the concern that filled his voice choked me.
(Again, unknown to Lucy who was still on the tree, Natsu looked back at the tree after they went… a little… troubled.)
I stayed there even though they had left, letting the cold rain mix with my warm tears as it slid down my cheeks. "Love? Huh?" what a word…
'That's right… you were just an escape goat… and a dumb one too…' this kept repeating in my mind over and over like a broken record. Always piercing through my heart and reminding me… 'You were just a replacement…'
I didn't know how long I stayed out there… the last thing I could remember was falling… and not caring if what happened if my head hit the ground… but one thing was for sure… it didn't.
I slowly opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was the ceiling of my room. I sat up and turned to see Zairen sleeping beside me still arms wrapped around mine. I smiled and shoved a little hair away from his adorable face.
"Lucy…" my head snapped at who said that
"Loke…"
"You're awake." he was carrying a basin of water from the bathroom. He went to me and removed the wet cloth on my head. And put it down the basin. After watching him do those, he faced me with those eyes that were the same when he found out about my wrists.
"Are you literally trying to kill yourself?" his voice as serious as it was during that time.
I looked down unable to answer.
From the kitchen, in came Capricorn holding a hot bowl of soup also wearing the disappointed face he had.
"I'm sorry…" that was all I could say. That was the only thing to say.
Both my spirits sat down beside my bed "Lucy." I was surprised to hear concern in Capricorn's words instead of disappointment.
Then I felt warm arms envelope me "Were not angry Lucy. What matters, is that you're safe..." and with those words, I understood and thanked them for being the best spirits.
Zairen woke up overjoyed and we ate the delicious soup Capricorn prepared.
But then, there was a knock on the door.
"Lucy Heartfilia! Open up!"
His voice…
(RegreT)
T-T
I know… I suck… unworthy of your time… but I would still like to thank you all for reading my crappy stories!
…I suck…
V
