Title: Who Killed Moff Tarkin?

Chapter: 3. Perverted Problems

Keywords: Mystery, murder, Tarkin, Luke, Vader

Rating: G

Genre: Adventure/Horror/Mystery

Timeline: Post ESB

Author: Wellingtonboots

Archive: Slytherin Serpent,

Status: Short Multi-chapter


AN: First update of the new semester, I've been so disorganised with my time lately that I haven't been able to do any writing at all. To all Illusionist Fans there is actually an extra chapter on my website ./starwars.


25th DAY OF THE FIFTH MONTH, 22.00 HOURS – PRINCESS LEIA'S CHAMBERS, PENTHOUSE, THE DIPLOMATIC COMPLEX, ANDAMAN

"I'm perplexed," said Leia

"Me too," groaned Han as he sipped some more of the foul smelling mixture he called "the best hangover cure since veermok dung".

"I'm scared," admitted Luke looking traumatised.

"Rrowwwww" replied Chewie and C3PO didn't bother to translate.

The shock of Luke's abduction had worn off and the aftershock of seeing Luke alive ten minutes later was also wearing off.

"I just don't get why that b-,"

"Han!"

"Okay, why does a guy like Darth Vader drag you into his private room to have a little chat and then release you? I mean it's you."

He emphasized his point by pointing accusingly at Luke huddled on the bed.

"Are you sure he didn't try to do anything?" asked Leia fretfully, "planted a listen device on you, inject you with stuff -,"

"-Touch you in your-,"

"Han! Shut up!"

"Fine, but I still think he's a Class A Pervert, with a capital P!"

"How did you reach that conclusion?" snapped Luke, feeling for the first time that his innocent reputation was on the line.

"Cos of the way he stalks you – yeah he stalks you, I see him watching you with those blank eye sockets of his during meetings...and God forbid if you're not there 'cos that just makes him grouchy."

"Han!"

"I think he's got an unhealthy attraction to you, kid, you know what I'm talking about?"

"No!"

"Really," snapped Leia who found imagining Darth Vader with a sexual appetite completely impossible, "I think you're the Class A Pervert."

"Look, guys, this isn't helping with solving the murder case," interrupted Luke.

"Kid, the murder's been solved already; they're just not letting you know the results."

"But Darth Vader said the body was fake," said Luke for the fourth time.

"It's Vader, kid," Han Solo sucked in another mouthful of his drink and pulled a sour expression. "He doesn't want you meddling around."

"No, he wanted to meddle around, believe me," insisted Luke, "all he did from the very beginning was ask me what we'd found, what we'd been doing, who we thought the killer was..."

"Well, there you have it; the Andamans haven't informed his Sithliness of their results either."

"I think," said Leia cautiously, "that whatever the results were, they were not worth publishing."

"Ahrowww?" asked Chewie curiously.

"Because, if they had found a...a...well, a plausible killer – a killer they could plausibly convict, it would greatly improve their public image amongst their guests."

"And you're saying that they found something completely out of this world? Something supernatural?" demanded Han as he knocked back the last of his disgusting drink.

"No," replied Leia firmly, "I think they found a real murderer but it was someone they wouldn't dare to convict because of the repercussions."

"Darth Vader," hissed Luke as his eyes glazed over with fear.

"Yep," agreed Han, "that solves the case. Tarkin, old bird, survived the Death Star but got transferred to some other secret project. He gets a little too much power and Vader decides to end this once and for all."

"You're forgetting something," said Leia scathingly, "why would Vader kill him here and dump him in a swimming pool where everyone could find the body?"

"Message, it sends out a loud clear message to anyone wanting to mess with his Sithliness."

"Please, Han, I doubt the Imperials need to be kept in line. I think there's a lot more here than we originally realised. We need to do a bit of investigating."

"Mistress Leia," said C3PO suddenly, "I have an alternative suggestion."

"Ah, shut up Goldrod!"

"No go ahead, 3PO!"

"Well, it seems to me that Mistress Leia's theory is absolutely correct but logically speaking, I do believe that someone in the Alliance delegation is the culprit. After all the Andamans did seem very keen to keep the Rebellion happy in the last few negotiations I attended. Perhaps all the investigations are just to appease the Imperials."

"Well said, you good for nothing piece of -,"

"Honestly, Han, 3PO has a point. I mean the first suspects on the list are the Alliance delegation. We have the motive!"

"Yes, but which one of those spineless delegates is going to strike out on a limb and murder a guy that's to all intent and purposes dead?" demanded Han. "I mean if the big brass knew that Tarkin was still alive, I think we'd be the first to hear about it."

"Perhaps someone ran into him and decided to kill him on the spur of the moment," suggested Luke innocently, to which Han made a rude hand gesture.

"Chewie, will you take him back to his room? He's not yet sober," said Leia blandly, "and we are not going to get anywhere with wild speculation. We need to gather hard evidence."

"Well," snapped Han as he rose unsteadily to his feet, "ring me when you've broken into Darth Vader's mind 'cos there's potentially a lot of things I wanna know – like if he plans to marry Luke!"

"Get out!"


26th DAY OF THE FIFTH MONTH, 08.00 HOURS – THE COMMUNAL ATRIUM, PENTHOUSE

The silence was suffocating but the serving droids were programmed without human sense and they continued to dish out food like mindless drones.

The large polished table that was bought in every morning for the communal breakfast was crowded with seated delegates.

Across from the Alliance's side of the table, sat Darth Vader surrounded by a platoon of bland looking diplomats and some of the 501st Legion.

No one was eating much, least of all Han who having appointed himself guardian of Luke's virtue had decided to keep a close (and hostile) eye on the Dark Lord of the Sith and everyone had notice that the Dark Lord's eyes rested solely on young Luke Skywalker.

Large bowls of native fruit were bought in with fresh sweet bread, salads and cold meats of unknown species. The droids, unimaginative in their programming, were hastily dishing out portions of food according to each person's dietary needs.

"It has come to our attention," said one of the oldest and most senior Imperial diplomats, "that the body of what we all presume to be Moff Tarkin was discovered last night in the communal swimming pool."

Several Alliance members visibly tensed as though getting ready for a physical confrontation but Luke knew exactly was coming next.

"We have great faith that the Andaman government will be able to solve this case and bring the perpetrators to justice. That said; I believe we should get back to the real task at hand."

There was a visible sigh of relief from both sides of the table and the tension abated somewhat. The murder was now somebody else's problem, unless the killer really was someone in the Alliance.

Luke found himself subtly surveying the team that the War Council had assembled for this diplomatic nightmare. Greein was back from his interrogating and looked the worse for wear. Four old gnarled diplomats huddled together at the end of that table in their own exclusive little clique. Wedge, Wes and Hobbie were happily savouring dubious looking pieces of meat, whilst Leia and Chewie were being more frugal in their approach to breakfast.

None of his friends would have the means or motive to remove Moff Tarkin. Leia had been with him all night; the pilots have been playing a conspicuous game of sabaac with Han and Chewie in the casino. That left Greein who had discovered the body and the four elderly diplomats who Luke had never talked to. From appearances they looked as if the exertions of eating breakfast could be fatal to their frail physique but Luke had seen the old men in action and they were tough – but not strong enough to overpower Moff Tarkin. Then there was Greein, a quite reserved person who remained studiously polite and yet determinately vague to everyone who approached him. According to Leia he liked music, ballet and fine art and from his physique he seemed to be type of man that could not do a push up to save the Rebellion. That covered all the bases from Luke's point of view.

The Imperials on the other hand had even more plausible alibis. A small task of retrieving footage off R2 confirmed that all the diplomats had been at the casino for the whole night. The three officers that had accompanied Darth Vader had been eating in the establishment next door during the time of the murder, which just left Lord Vader himself and an undeterminable number of stormtroopers left to be accounted for. Like Han said, Vader could easily be the chief culprit but Luke knew instinctively that this was wrong.

As Luke finished his musing and salad leaves, he found that breakfast was coming to a close and the next round of negotiations was about to begin.

Leia dressed in all her finery was carefully adjusting her elaborate hairstyle without the aid of a mirror. The rest of the guests were quickly dispersing to make last minute arrangements before the leaving for another morning's worth of work.

Han, who would usually be accompanying Leia and the other diplomats, was 'indisposed' and instead Wedge would be acting as her official body guard. Wes and Hobbie were going to watch their captain's moment of glory from the chamber balconies and Chewie was going just to keep an extra eye out for trouble.

Luke politely declined a chance involved in the whole fiasco more out of ulterior motive than good sense. He was going to do some much needed sleuthing.


26th DAY OF THE FIFTH MONTH, 10.00 HOURS – WATERLILY CASINO AND BAR, LEVEL 12

The famous Waterlily casino and bar catered for every background, or at least that was what the brochure claimed. Luke found it hard to imagine Han and Chewie enjoying the 'unimaginable delight of a Peruvian madbath with a negotiable number of escorts' but here were more conventional modes of entertainment on offer.

The bar was a great oval island in the middle of the vast marble hall. Behind the actual bench top and bar stools was an impressive collection of galactic liqueur spanning at least two storeys. Small floating droid units were used to retrieve items from the upper shelves, as well as to keep a watchful electronic eye on the clientele.

The hall was empty as expected by the human bar tender had already arrived to make arrangement for the night's activities. He looked older than one might have expected but still with an air of casual handsomeness that suggested not all his tips were solely due to his serving skills.

"Hello," said Luke solemnly as he settled down at the bar and placed his credit tab on the counter.

"The bar isn't open until 1800 hours," said the bar man amicably.

"I'm just here for the company," replied Luke with a wryly smile.

The bar tender simply raised his eyebrows and went back to polishing a spotless glass.

"My friends were all here last night, you might have seen them," said Luke after a moment of comfortable silence.

"They would be the card players in the casino," stated the bar tender quietly, "and the wookiee with the human friend, and," after a thoughtful pause he continued, "the ambassador."

That made Luke looked up with interest,

"The delegates were elsewhere last night," said Luke curiously.

"Well, someone came in here and introduced herself as an Alliance delegate. She didn't have a credit tab with her so I had to serve her on faith."

"Her?" asked Luke wondering all of a sudden when this investigation had spiralled out of his control.

"Yes, I took her at her word. There was no harm in handing over a simple Vespa."

"All the Alliance delegates are definitely male with the exception of princess Leia who was with me in the penthouse all last night."

The bar tender gave a nonchalant shrug as though such questions of identity were of no interest.

"What did she look like?" asked Luke hoping to regain some semblance of control.

"Tall, dark haired, human. It's honestly quite hard to remember when you have to serve hundreds of clients every night..."

Another pause, but a lingering one this time as words unsaid hung in the air between the two conservationists.

"Well, perhaps you could serve me some snacks while we sit and chat," said Luke calmly as he pushed his credit tab towards the bar tender.

A small silvery bowl of questionable content appeared from under the counter and his credit tab disappeared just as quickly, only to come back with another electronic mark on the back.

"So what made this woman so memorable?" asked Luke as he pulled out a fish shaped snack and munched it.

"Nothing, apart from the fact she had a painting tucked under her arm, and the fact that she ordered a Vespa," replied the bar tender as he carefully arranged several priceless bottles of blossom wine in a special display case.

"A painting?"

"Not a large painting, nor a well wrapped on at that. Even I could see some of the picture under the strobe lights."

"What was the picture?"

"A house, I think, one of those dainty rural paintings that are so fashionable on Andaman at the moment. Nice little pink house by a river with a boat and pier."

"Well you certainly saw a lot," commented Luke

"She laid the painting face up on the bench, everyone at the bar got a good look at the item. She said she got it from an auction at the art gallery on level 15."

"Did you get her name at all?" asked Luke as the nagging feeling that he was somehow being lead astray from his original intentions began to dawn on him.

"No, as I said she just wanted a Vespa and a seat. No harm in that. I could hardly refuse to serve an Alliance delegate whether or not they had credit tab. That would be a diplomatic disaster."

"Just a Vespa."

"Yep, cheap, non-alcholic, haven't had an order of that drink in all the time I've worked here. It's always something luxurious or potent, mostly both, so I was out of practise and she wasn't completely satisfied."

It seemed harmless enough for them to be chatting out this mysterious woman with her painting and simple tastes but Luke was sure that everything that transpired here would make its way to the Andaman security force.

"Did she complain at all, want another drink?"

"No, she needed to be on her way to something or other. It would have been about 2000 hours when she arrived, and she only stayed for one drink."

"Thanks, but I'll needed to know more about her appearance because she's definitely an imposer and -,"

"You'll be reporting this to the security force,"

"Yes,"

"Well, she was tall for a human female, Caucasian, long thin nose and no makeup, dark brown eyes, and neatly plucked eyebrows. She was wearing a dark blue evening dress with a bunch of rosebuds tied to one shoulder."

"Nothing else?"

The bar tender appeared to be searching his memory for a moment,

"Nope, can't be of much more use to you or the security team if they're listening, which they are. Perhaps she was simply a security operative in disguise, decided to get a free drink on the house."

Luke wasn't convinced but he had gained a new piece of information. It was now time to check R2's footage to see if he had managed to capture an image of this imposter.


26th DAY OF THE FIFTH MONTH, 12.00 HOURS – THE COMMUNAL ATRIUM, PENTHOUSE

Han was still glowering at Darth Vader from the safety of the balcony. Unfortunately the safety quickly dissipated when the said Sith decided to scale the stairs.

"Where is young Skywalker?"

Standing his ground against the fearsome giant, Han cocked his head to one side and assumed a bad attitude.

"What's it to you?"

Suddenly he was lifted into the air by an invisible force and dragged forwards until he was nose to helmet with the Sith Lord. Had he been a lesser man, thought Han, he might have lost control of something important, like his bowels.

"Captain Solo," rumbled the Dark Lord with a casualness that bordered on amusement, "it is of great importance to me."

Han opened his mouth to spit out a smart reply but gravity abruptly intervened and he dropped two feet onto his backside with a resounding thud.

"Leave him alone!"

Luke came charging out of his suite and placed his small frame squarely between Han and Darth Vader.

"Young Skywalker, I take it that you are well."

"I'm fine, well – I would be if you would just leave me and my friends alone. I'm sick of you harassing us! If you don't stop I'll complain to the Andaman government!"

Technically it was a good threat…if Leia had been delivering it. Unfortunately, Han knew that it would probably only serve to make Vader more interested in his quarry. After all, the Dark Lord looked like the kind of person who would get excited by a chase.

"I am not harassing you," stated Vader evenly as he advanced towards Luke. "I heard about your discovery."

For a moment Luke, in his naivety, actually looked shocked but he quickly recovered.

"Mind your own business," said Luke firmly, "unless you want to confess that the 'delegate' was actually an Imperial Spy."

"No, I merely came to say that no one matching the description works or is in any way associated with my command. Be sure to relay this to the Princess. I will not be so patient the next time she accuses me of trying to sabotage this diplomatic mission."

"What?" said Luke, looking far too clueless for Han's taste; he really needed to teach the boy to act.

"Kid, Leia's already heard all about the imposter from the security forces, not an unreasonable deduction," said Han eyeing Darth Vader with defiance.

"Your opinions do not concern me Captain Solo," said Vader menacingly,

"Look," Luke interrupted quickly, "I'll tell Leia what you said, now will you go away?"

"Very well, be careful young one,"

With those parting words that sent shivers down Han's spine, Vader stalked away like a mythical creature leaving Luke fuming with indignation.

"You know what kid," said Han jovially, "he definitely has the hots for you!"


AN: Right this is the first update in months, apologies to all Illusionist and Manipulator fans. I am writing, just really really slowly in between sweating over papers that actually need writing.

Please review... hope to get more chapters up soon.