AN: So one emotional wake up call for Arya coming up - I hope this is sort of an accurate portrayal of what she might be feeling and worrying about.
This chapter was supposed be a few more scenes but ended up just being one because it was too long - and sorry if there is spelling mistakes, I was way tired when I wrote this.
Also just wanted to tell you all that reviewed - you rock :D
Part: 3 of 6 (Right now at least I think there will be six or seven chappies)
Hope you enjoy!
We will the rest of our lives - just not together.
We should not be sad, dearest. Saphira has promised she will make him return to us. Nomb told her, his confidence in that the other dragon would come through and bring Eragon back to them, not faltering for a second. Arya wasn't as sure as he was. She watched the ground below them rush past, she wondered if anyone would miss her if she spent the rest of her life in the air - there was no dragon egg to protect, and as a rider she no longer had the duties of an elf princess. Life in the sky was so much easier, something she had never understood before Nomb - even while flying with Eragon on Saphira.
Yes, but that does not make it so. It may take many years and even a promise does not make it true. She tried to make Nomb see that all through her life people had managed to promise her things and then found clever ways out of them.
When it is in the ancient language it does. Nomb faith in Saphira was unfaltering and Arya wished she could have such faith that she would see Eragon again. Still a promise in the ancient language meant there was hope of seeing him again.
That is true. I will cry no more tears, but try to rejoice at our victory over Galbatorix, even if I must do so without Eragon. She sighed and wondered how many more leagues they would be able to fly today. The wind from the sea was still blowing strong, despite that they were moving farther away from it by the second. Since Nomb's wings were not yet as strong as a grown dragon's they would not be able to go on for too long if the winds didn't subside.
Arya, came a cry in her mind that was definitively not Nomb. For a moment she was to surprised to do anything.
Eragon? She sent out the words while looking behind her. The sky was clear, behind her was just the land and the ocean. Where are you? She desperately wondered. Why wasn't he on the ship? Was Saphira already fulfilling her promise to Nomb? Eragon had just left and now he was returning - it made no sense.
Find a place to make camp, Eragon's voice was far too strong for someone so far away. But he always seemed to find some way of surprising her. I will reach you soon. She tried to reach out to him but found his mind blocked and the distance too great for her to be able to try to breach his mental barriers.
The sky had darkened with rain cloud by the few minutes it had taken Eragon reached her. Arya had not been able to see neither Eragon or Saphira until they were nearly right over her head; more magic she did not understand or had the power for. She wondered just when Eragon had become more powerful than her – then realized he probably had always been. They just hadn't see it.
"Arya." He said softly as he slid down from Saphira's back. She frowned at him, suspicious because she did not know why he was there, but still hopeful. Perhaps he had changed his mind and wished her to come with him. She felt his eyes trail over her body before their gazes locked. For a moment she watched him and he watched her. It felt like months since she had seen him not mere hours. It was strange how time seemed to be able to play tricks with her even though she by all right was was too old for time to really matter.
"Tell me…" he said taking several small steps towards her "… tell me why you told me that you want to find love? Tell me why you told Me." His voice was not harsh but it was not the usual tone he used with her. He took a few more steps closer, and put his hands on her shoulders.
"I told you because it was true – I -" she was tempted to push his hands away. She would have done so at one not to distant point in time, but the warmth of his skin seeping through her tunic to her skin, was somehow comforting.
"No. Why did you tell Me?" His words confused her and she stared up at his bright eyes.
"Who else would I tell?" She asked slowly, looking away. His hands dropped from her shoulders. She did not understand what he was asking. Was this why he had come back? To ask her about whether she would search for a mate once she had returned to Ellesméra? She felt her eyes grow hard. "Whoever I choose for myself will be none of your concern Eragon."
An emotion Arya could not quite interpret flashed across his face for a moment and she felt like she had been too harsh. Still he didn't step back but kept looking at her with that odd look in his eyes. Why did he care so much what she had told him about what she wanted for her life? He had already made clear he was leaving without her.
Why did you tell him dearest? You have not told even me of it. Nomb wondered, before sending her an image of a dead buck he had managed to bring down easily - all by himself. She cringed at the dead animal but tried to think why she had never spoken of Nomb about what she wanted after the war. The truth was she hadn't thought much about it at all.
I did not know it myself. It just came to mind and I spoke without thinking. She quickly told her dragon.
So tell him that dearest, came the response.
"I am sorry Eragon. That was cruel of me to say." She held out her palm with her gedwey ignasia on it. He held his out just like here only palm down above hers. "I am sorry. I will not speak to hurt you again. Vel eïnradhin iet ai Shur'tugal." Upon my word as a rider. Arya lowered her hand, her gedwey ignasia glowed faintly and she wondered if she had made a promise more binding than one made just in the ancient language.
"Then Arya, you must tell me the truth. If your promise is not to bring me more pain then you must tell all the truth, if just for a few moment here today. Tell the earth and the trees what is true. Do this for me." Eragon said, looking away from her.
"Eka wilae thorta allr du ilumëo" I will speak all the truth. Arya swore, for she no longer wished to hide anything from him. If there was any truth that could keep Eragon with her, or convince him she should travel with him across the sea, she would give it.
Instead of asking her questions he took a step forward and cupped her face. It took her a moment to realize what he was about to do and he gave her the chance to pull away. Yet she didn't. She would have if she had known he would truly kiss her, kiss her with all the passion he could muster. Kiss her in a way that forced her to against her better judgement, kiss him back. Then she realized just what she was doing and pushed him back with enough force to topple a horse. He didn't even stumble but moved away from her.
"That is the second time today we kissed in the way of lovers. Yet you claim you have no such feelings for me." He said before she could form a proper sentence. She could not believe what he had just done. But he had given her the chance to pull away. She had been the one to kiss him back - and she had been the one who had kissed his lips, no matter how innocently compared to this kiss, earlier in the forest. She resisted the urge to flee into the dark trees behind them, to hide from the sudden onslaught of emotions that made her reflect back on all the times she had spent with Eragon. Made her have to rethink what she truly had been feeling all those times.
"Eragon you -" Arya wasn't sure what she wished to say, she had thought there was no truth she could tell him that would make him stay. She had even wished for a truth that would keep them together. Maybe he had just given her one. She suddenly saw that Eragon had never dared to show her what he truly felt and how deeply he felt it, because he feared it would cost him her friendship. Yet she suddenly wished he had kissed her sooner, because with that kiss something she had never let herself truly acknowledged had been brought to the forefront of her brain. She cared for Eragon. Not as a friend but as something more. The realization made her temporally mute and he took the opportunity to speak.
"If you can truly see and feel that I am the one you want to be with, I simply ask you to come with me." She looked back up at him, the emotionless tone he used worried her. "But I do not wish for you to come and try to be with me because you simply do not want to lose me as a friend." He swallowed and his brown eyes suddenly seemed alive again.
"I do not believe you would do that." He smiled faintly. "If you come with me it will be because you know what you want. You have had time to figure it out, you must know in your heart what you truly want." Eragon took a deep breath and she stared into his eyes. She could not help but to want to raise her voice and tell him he was wrong. She hadn't had the time to figure it out.
"If you do not come with me I will try to forget all about you - and in time I might succeed. If you come with me I can not promise anything other than... that I will love you until the very last day I breathe." He might as well spoken in the ancient language because she could see in his eyes that he was completely honest. Yet..
Yet, his words filled her with terror. She had to step back because what he was asking for was something so little yet so much. He had not asked her to love him, not asked for her to take him as a mate. He had simply asked if she knew what she wanted. If she had found it in herself to let him love her and try to love him back. That had been the gist of it. He wondered if she had managed to figure out if there was a way she could let him in.
But she could not, even though the sudden realization that so much she had done with and for Eragon was more than any friend would do, she knew if she let go of the many other reasons she and Eragon could not be together...she got the the frighting idea that she might be happy with him. And happy for her never ended well, she had known that ever since her father's death. There was no happy ending for her out there, because in the end there would always be some new foo to fight, especially for two riders. Arya knew that no happiness she could find with Eragon, would last. That was the truth. And if she let her heart be broken one more time, there would be nothing in the world that could mend it. That was all that mattered.
"I cannot go with you." It was the complete truth, for she could not let him in. Caring about him was not a choice, but going with him was. Choosing him was something she could not do. As soon as she spoke Arya could see that her words had broken his heart, truly and fully this time. She looked away from his eyes that showed of a pain most did not, could not, show. She had seen it in her own eyes for a long time, but it wasn't there anymore. At least it hadn't been before today - now she was almost certain it had re-appeared.
Why had he not demanded of her to tell him her exact feelings for him? She suddenly wondered. He could have asked and she would have been bound to tell him of all that she worried and wanted. He would have known then. Maybe convinced her to go with him, convinced her to risk it. Yet he hadn't asked. He hadn't asked because maybe he didn't want to know? Maybe he subconsciously knew he would be was happier with the heart break, than with her. The though of something was often more tempting than the actual thing. Yet she did not think that was the case.
Maybe...maybe, he hadn't asked because he had known she would tell the truth. Perhaps he though the truth would change what he did - change how far he would go for them. Perhaps he wanted her to make the choice to go with him all by herself. He wanted it to be all her for she did not think he wanted to chase her any more. He wanted her to come to him just because he had asked. Because she wanted to.
"Nen ono weohnata, pömnuria Dröttningu." As you will, my princess. He nodded and bowed formally in the way of the elves. The formality of both the gesture and his words made her realize that this had been her last chance ever.
And she hadn't taken it.
Thanks for RxR!
