I suck at updating, I know. Sorry… I just couldn't find a way to finish this chapter. Everything about it annoys me… oh well. Here's as close as I'm gonna get.
RACHEL'S POV
I tried to muffle my cries in my hands. They came out in quick, short gasps…
I was currently huddled behind Ross' parents. I could see Jack Geller try to look back at me in what he thought was subtle, but Judy kept pinching him. Ross, I could hear, wouldn't stop demanding where I was. I didn't dare look… if I lifted my head up, there's a chance he could find me.
Did I want him to find me?
Deep down, I knew I did. I wanted nothing more than to run into his arms, right here, right now.
I knew all this when he was up on the altar saying my name, I knew this when I was throwing up in the men's room …
It wasn't fair.
I also knew that he was only going after me only because of our history. When he spoke of Emily in the bathroom, I knew he regretted running for me. They loved each other.
I could hear him stepping closer: slowly, but steadily. I crouched lower and held my breath. His footsteps gave a haunted echo. I shivered.
I heard a faint murmur from beside me, "He's going to find Emily."
Emily.
How that name was going to haunt me.
I thought about what would happen if I had been the one getting married to Ross. I thought about how I would feel if my groom said the wrong name then ran after the wrong girl.
But he was mine first!
If it was even possible, I cried harder.
You're the one that broke up with him…
I kept chanting to myself that Emily was a good person.
I tried imagining how she must be feeling right now. Emily didn't do anything wrong… she was just a girl who fell in love with a guy - A guy who happened to have a psychotic ex-girlfriend.
But Emily's a witch! You saw how she acted earlier…
The footsteps were growing fainter. I struggled to stay crouched. My legs were starting to hurt.
After what seemed like eternity, I could hear the back door creak closed. I kept still for a couple more seconds before I dropped my hands from over my mouth and sucked in a loud, shaky breath.
I crawled out from behind the chairs and stumbled over to Monica, who had moved so she was right in front of me. Without speaking, I fell into her outstretched arms and buried my face into her shoulder.
My knees were going to buckle from underneath me, but luckily, Monica was abnormally strong. She didn't falter as I hung against her.
"I'm so sorry," she soothed, rubbing my back.
I tried to say something, but it came out in blubbers. My voice sounded foreign to my own ears.
"Eh…Em…" I tried another sentence, "He…he went…"
"I know, sweetie. I know." She murmured.
After a while, I calmed down enough to let out full sentences… or at least whole words.
"I…I shouldn't…"I breathed out harshly and wiped my eyes, "I'm… so stupid!"
"You're not stupid." Monica cooed.
I wiped my eyes and said nothing. I heard a faint popping sound from Joey's hand. Phoebe was still on the line.
"Yes, I am." I protested over the noise, "I'm a freaking idiot for deciding to fly out here."
"He said your name, Rach." Chandler murmured, taking a step closer.
I opened my mouth to start talking, though I didn't know exactly what I was going to say, but the popping got louder.
"Pheebs?" I called out instead.
"Yeah?"
"Are you making popcorn?"
There was silence for a moment.
"Possibly." Phoebe admitted after a second.
"Oh."
Monica bit her lip. I took a step back from her and looked around me. I was getting stared at with curious eyes from Ross' side, and angered eyes from Emily's. I stared back at them before sighing.
"Everything's screwed up now, isn't it?" I muttered to no-one in particular.
Monica tried to hug me again, but I just stepped away. "I'm going to go."
"Where?"
"Home. New York," I explained with a frustrated groan, "I don't even know why I came here. It's all so stupid. I'm stupid. This was all a big mistake."
"I told you!" Phoebe gloated.
I winced. Joey must have noticed this because he spoke up.
"But he went after you." He cried, "I mean, he said your name and went after you instead of Emily! That has to mean something."
"Joey, you don't understand." I said desperately, "You weren't there. I know he regrets going after me! He doesn't love me anymore. The only reason I came here was to give him an option. He chose Emily, and that's that."
"No, he went after you. He chose you."
I groaned again, "It doesn't matter. He's going off to Emily now… and I'm going home."
Joey opened his mouth to speak, but Chandler hit him on the back of the head.
"What was that for?!" Joey exclaimed, holding the back of his head in pain.
Chandler didn't speak. Nobody spoke. Everyone's eyes were glued to something behind me.
I turned around, and my eyes locked with his. Those sweet, puppy eyes…
Ross.
"Don't go." He spoke in an angelic, yet broken voice, "Or at least take me with you."
I opened my mouth to try to speak, but no words escaped. I was frozen.
"I love you, Rach." Ross stepped closer. My heart soared.
I love you too.
I willed my legs to move, but they didn't. Soon enough, Ross was standing right in front of me. He grabbed my hands, and I didn't have the strength to pull away. His fingers curled around mine.
It felt so right.
Somebody coughed from behind. I didn't look to see who did it, but it interrupted my thoughts.
"You love Emily." I murmured breathlessly. "You were getting married to her."
He didn't look away, he didn't even blink when he started strongly, "That doesn't change the fact that you're my lobster." Ross smiled softly, "Remember?"
I tried to smile back, and I squeezed his hand. People around us shot confused looks, but I didn't care. "Lobster or not, you have a broken fiancée somewhere, probably crying her eyes out at this ruined wedding. It's all my fault."
"No." Ross protested quickly, "If anything it's mine. I said your name."
"But I interrupted the ceremony." I mimicked.
"I said the wrong name!" He repeated, stronger this time.
I blew hair that was falling onto my face. I was certain everyone could hear my heart beating out of my chest. Ross gently lifted his hand to place it behind my ear. At the loss of the contact, I finally grew strength to let go of his hands completely.
This is wrong.
He looked sadly down at his, now empty, hands.
"Go find Emily." I told him with as strong a voice as I could. Even then, it was an octave higher than normal. "Sort things out with her."
What the hell am I doing?!
Ross gave me a desperate look, "What if I don't want to sort things out?"
"You're going to have to." My voice broke as I took a step away from him, "It's not fair to her."
He stepped closer to me again, "What about you?"
Be the higher person, Rachel.
I turned my whole body around, breaking eye contact for the first time since he entered the room, "I'll be on a plane to New York."
"Then so will I." He spoke confidently, stepping so that we faced each other again "I'm not letting you go again."
As much as it thrilled me when I heard those words, part of my brain kept reminding me of Emily. Granted, it was a very small part of my brain, but it was most rational. The other, bigger side of my head was screaming at me to shut up and just run away with him.
Everything was so twisted.
"Sort things out with Emily," I repeated slowly, then paused. "…I'll wait at my hotel. We'll talk after."
Ross stared at me with curious eyes, but didn't say anything.
"I'll wait for you." I repeated quietly, looking down.
I knew I couldn't look him in the eyes. I knew if I did, he would see straight through my lie.
We didn't say anything else. He simply nodded and kissed my cheek lightly. When he left the room again, he walked quickly and more confidently than before.
I lifted my hand to my cheek and touched where he had just kissed me. A mix of sadness and joy flooded instantly through my veins.
"Rachel-" Monica came over once Ross was definitely gone.
"Tell Ross that I'm sorry." I interrupted her as I dropped my hands and started turn to leave. Before I could take another step, she grabbed me.
"Where are you going?!"
"To the airport!" I tried pulling away from her death grip on my arm.
"Why?"
"Because that's where all the planes are." I spoke slowly, as if to a four year old.
"You can't do that to Ross!" Monica exclaimed, tightening her grip. I groaned out in pain.
"What do you expect me to do, then?" I demanded. "He's going to talk to Emily, apologize and everything's gonna work out for them. I'm just going to be crazy ex-girlfriend Rachel who ruined their wedding!"
"No he's not!" Joey cried, speaking up, "He's going to tell Emily it's over between them, and you're gonna be "crazy Ross and Rachel" again.
"I don't know what to do!" I emphasized each word. My head was spinning… "What the hell am I going to do?"
"What are you going to do?" Monica exclaimed, "What about Ross? If he does dump Emily for you, he's going to come back and expect you to keep your promise!"
"What are we, in first grade? Nobody keeps their promises anymore!" I exclaimed. "And you just said it. If he does. If he dumps Emily. He won't. He loves her, and she loves him back."
"He loves you!" Monica screamed.
I could swear the building shook. I was frozen, gaping at her for a moment, still adjusting to the sudden volume change.
She calmed down, "Can't you just accept the fact that he wants to be with you?"
"I can accept it when my conscience stops reminding me what I'd be doing to Emily!" I whispered. "God, I keep thinking how I would feel in her place…"
"Why didn't you think of that before you flew all the way here?"
"I was mental then!" I cried, throwing my hands up, "I don't know. All I knew then was that I loved Ross, and I needed to see him." My voice broke at my words.
Monica came and rubbed her hands on my shoulders, giving me an attempted massage, "Sweetie, you're going to have to talk to him about all this. Meet him at your hotel."
I stared at her for a couple moments, "You're not gonna back down, are you?"
Chandler and Joey shook their heads for her.
"You better be right about this, Mon." I whispered tiredly.
"When am I never right?"
I sighed and rubbed at my puffed out eyes, "First, I have to find a hotel to check into. I didn't plan this far ahead."
Monica smiled, "Good girl."
"Ross booked an extra room at our hotel," Chandler explained, "In case you decided to come."
I got the information and started to turn and leave through the hole again, but Monica pulled me back.
"Okay, this is starting to get annoying." I whined, pulling at my trapped arm.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"…to check in?"
"You're not running away again, missy." Monica pulled me closer to the doors, "Leave like a normal person."
"Fine." I rolled my eyes obviously. As I walked closer to the doors I paused. I took a couple steps back and ran at the doors.
After a couple minutes of muffled laughing, Joey came over and unlatched this bar that was over the handle, and then he pointed at the faded "Push" sign. I thanked him and went off down the street, towards the hotel. I checked in with the snobby English clerk lady and went upstairs.
As I entered into the room, I realized I was empty handed. I had left my carry-on in the taxi and my purse on a chair at the wedding… Freaking fan-taaastic.
I collapsed tiredly on the bed, and looked out the window. The clouds outside were graying – rain would probably come tonight.
I started to make a mental list of what I had left in my carry-on… the bag was on sale so itself wasn't as important…
"Hey! Wait up, Emily!"
I froze… wait up, Emily?
"Emily, seriously! You know I saw you… stop running!"
I sat up and listened closer. Ross had found her. I sighed sadly and moved towards the door, pressing my ear against the cold wall.
"Don't touch me, Ross!" She barked.
"Please, just listen?"
"NO!" She yelled. I winced at the volume of her voice. "Leave me the hell alone."
"EMILY!"
I cracked the door open slightly and tried to sneak a look at them. I could hear Emily stomping her way closer to my door, and Ross' rushed steps following after her.
"Stop following me, Ross!"
The pair was still slightly out of my sightline… I pushed the door open a bit more.
"Emily, STOP!"
The footsteps stopped coming closer… Ross had probably grabbed her arm.
"Listen, I'm sorry…"
"Do you love her?" She interrupted.
"Yes." He replied quietly but confidently.
I'm guessing that was the wrong answer, because the echo of a slap quickly flooded the hall. The noise caused me to jump and accidentally push against the almost-open door. I could feel myself falling, flailing my arms like a freak. As I crashed against the floor, I looked up and saw two sets of eyes staring down at me.
"Hey guys…" I smiled weakly, "How's it going?"
"You bitch."
And then she lunged at me.
lobstersforever:)
Did I mention I kinda really don't like this chapter? I'm SO sorry… its not the last one though (So everyone ignore what I said in earlier chapters, I'm still going!) Maybe I'll make the next one better…
Again, preview for reviewers (even though it might come a bit late – stinking exams)
xo HAZIEROX
