Werewolves on the Moon or Lupus Lunar

[Marauder's era]


"What happens if you put a Werewolf on the moon?" was the first thing out of Sirius' mouth that morning, once he'd eaten enough food and drank enough coffee (illegally gotten through consorting with the house-elves) to wake up.

Remus choked on the muffin he'd been eating.

James lifted his head, squinting tiredly at Sirius. "He'd explode and die because there's no oxygen on the moon," he said dryly.

Sirius gaped at him. "We never said we'd send him up without a suit, you absolute monster," he managed to say, voice hoarse.

Remus gave up on trying to eat, glancing around nervously to see if anyone was hearing this. Except for Peter, who looked like he didn't know if he was going to laugh or join Sirius in gaping at James, no one seemed to be paying the four any attention. Most of them looked as dead on their feet as James did, given how it was Monday morning, and the first day of classes after Winter Break. Remus didn't blame anyone for wanting to continue sleeping in.

"And how would we be getting this suit thing then?" James asked, plunking his elbow on the table and dropping his head into his hand. With his other hand, he absently shoveled a forkful of food into his mouth.

"We'll lift it off whatever muggle company is making them," Sirius said simply, as if he wasn't considering theft and other illegal activities. "We'd have to Confund or Obliviate them after, but we know those spells and I think we could manage it."

"Pads, unless your future goal is to join the rest of your family in jail, I don't think that's a good idea," James muttered.

"None of this is a good idea," Remus finally managed to say, voice somewhat strangled. Sirius just beamed at him, throwing an arm over his shoulder.

"Ah Moony, don't be such a downer. It's not like we'd actually be able to get to the moon to put you there. This is all theoretical."

"You should still stop saying these things," Remus hissed, glancing around the hall again. Across from them, Peter shrugged.

"You have to admit that nobody ever listens to us," he pointed out. "Unless we're huddled together, discussing our new prank, they think we're harmless or insane."

"That's not helping," Remus protested weakly, though he knew the blond was right. They were suspicious when they planned in the Great Hall. Every other time, the topics Sirius and James brought up were so ludicrous that no one ever took them seriously when they overheard.

Still. Remus liked to have his furry little problem brought up as little as possible.